early-beginnings

“Christ, if there’s anything I hate, it’s being interviewed. They always ask the same dumb things, and I never know what to say. ‘How did you happen to become an actor?’ for instance. There’s one for you. How the hell do I know? Back there in Milwaukee, I don’t remember ever seeing an actor and I certainly never thought about it when I was in the Navy. In fact, when I was in the Navy I thought I wanted to be a sailor. And maybe if the family hadn’t been so dead set on me finishing high school, I would’ve stayed in the Navy, but when I got out, I did go back to high school and then—I don’t know—automatically I suppose, college. I must have been a real pain in the ass—arguing all the time with everybody—because one of the professors there finally sucked me into being on the debating team. From there I suppose it was only a short hop to the drama club. Then, well, you know how it is. Everybody starts to tell you how good you are and then you start to believe it. Even so, nothing would’ve happened probably if our debating team hadn’t been invited to debate up at Bowdoin College in Maine, and on the way we had to stop off at New York for a day. And I went over to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts—I’d seen about it somewhere—and auditioned for Franklin Sargent. They must have been pretty short of men because he offered me a scholarship. When I got out of college, I went to New York and took him up on it. Pat was there, too. Pat O’Brien. We’d known each other as kids. We had a room together somewhere in the West Fifties. We were in the same class. Neither one of us very impressive. I don’t know why. We sure tried.”

-Spencer Tracy

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“Stars” live on GTFU Radio, LA (07.23.07)

Beginnings: From Religion to Spiritual Autonomy

I was walking the Christian path seriously from around 7th grade to 10th grade. By serious, I mean, it was a huge part of my life, was actively pursuing it and had a deep hunger for it.
I began to realize my sexuality sophomore year. This is where the departure began. It was a messy one. With me going back and forth from gay to straight, nonchristian  to christian. I was confused and at odds with myself. I had a lot of guilt. That and my parents didn’t make any of it easy on me.
Junior and senior year, I accepted my homosexuality and moved away from the church and religion. I remember thinking to myself, I’m going to have to come back and deal with this- sort these things out. But at that time I was more concerned with living my life, working, getting a car, saving to move out and partying. I would think some times, “What if I was dying in an amnulence?” I’d pray for salvation so I’ll go to heaven- just in case. Better safe than sorry. That instilled Hell-fear can be a bitch to shake.
During this time I was hurting underneath. I had pain, self hate and turmoil inside. I would wish i could throw everything away and start fresh, in regards to myself, my life, my experiences. But I was moving so fast I never really noticed or delt with it. It all went ignored. The nights I’d fall into that black abyss, I can’t explain how awful I felt. My mind would rob me of sleep. Then the next day I’d feel better, go on to work, go on to see friends. Drinking and smoking were masking those problems. I wasn’t doing it consciously, but it was still a distraction, an escape. After a while it became how I self medicated. The need to deal with those feelings became greater as time went on, but I never talked about it with others. I would write stuff down occasionally, journal here and there, never really getting into it.
 I’m not good at opening up to others. I had this idea in my head that what everyone else was dealing with was bigger, more real or more valid than some thorny, mixed up feelings and self esteem issues I was experiencing.
The first night I was really able to write out some of my experiences and emotions, soberly, which I believe was important, was when mom was in the hospital after she broke her ankle (2013). I had a clear, crisp moment of realization that I do not believe in Christ. That, that religion was not for me. I didn’t feel those strings or attachments to it. Then I was just floating with no beliefs or understandings or thoughts on religion, spirituality or the world. I just didn’t know and things stayed that way for a while.
Until that following Fall when my curiosity in witchcraft started to bud and I jumped down that rabbit hole. I wasn’t too focused or concerned about beliefs or spirituality. I planned on addressing it later on, but the Universe had other plans. Maybe it was that book ‘Beyond Religion’, but my first year in exploration and study went right to spirituality, beliefs and self development. I’m just now refocusing on getting back to witchcraft.
The transition from religion to personal spirituality  was gradual. It happened organically, with out any effort, consciously. Partly because I didn’t have any knowledge on different spiritualities. I grew up in an over protective, sheltered, controlled home. Even self knowledge was something I always hungered for. Looking back on it, that’s why I always had a fascination with Astrology. I was just not aware of that because I didn’t know that was a thing.
Maybe growing up religious is one of the reasons spirituality is important to me. I want to say that it’s a universal quality/need in humans. But I also know some people never have those desires or explorations. We all walk different paths.
Whatever it was, this has been a road I was on from way back. I couldn’t have continued without this journey taking place, because it is a part of me. Just like any other interest or passion. It’s in my make-up and it feels so damn good to be where I am today!!

What’s Next?

Good question!

As I am completely finished with the original anime of Sailor Moon, I’m looking to the bright horizons of other things the franchise has to offer. Since I am acquainted with exactly none of those things, I look to your advisement on what to watch, read, or absorb through osmosis. Only rule is it has to be fun to blog about. (Though this is a democracy, I still maintain full executive power over what enters my visual cortex.)

Without further boringness, here’s what I have planned:

  • Sailor Moon: Another Story game (which I started a while ago and simply forgot to finish)
  • Manga and Codename Sailor V (how should this be accomplished? scans? hard copy translations with mediocre phone camera? text only reactions? combination of all three?)

I don’t anticipate either of those will take me an extraordinarily long time. After those are done, I plan to just do some of whatever strikes me at the moment rather than commit to an order. None of these seem like they would be more valuable to watch first, but if you think that some of these are better with a specific order, please let me know! “By request” means someone has to point me to a specific episode that they want me to watch because I am incredibly indecisive and unlikely to make such choices on my own. Items in the metaphorical pool of random selection include:

  • Re-watching some of the episodes with disappointingly short or boring liveblogs (by request)

  • Dubbed episodes (old or new) (by request)
  • Musicals (old or new)
  • PGSM
  • Crystal
  • Utena, Madoka, or Other Anime

I think that’s it! My fate is in your hands.

free download link NEW EP: SHAQISDOPE – EARLY BEGINNINGS: THE SHAQUILLE BAPTISTE STORY

Toronto’s ShaqIsDope drops off his latest EP, filled with all the emotions that embody a Canadian winter. Shaq jumps from showcasing extreme vulnerability to supreme confidence from track to track, giving his “story” a well-rounded feel. Check it out below.

http://respect-mag.com/new-ep-shaqisdope-early-beginnings-the-shaquille-baptiste-story/

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Alci - Early Beginnings Part 1 - Naked Sucker (Robsoul)

Wake up my Prince - Michael and Niall

Michael was almost bouncing off of the castle walls with excitement as he walked up to Nialls bedroom quarters. He opened the door quietly, knowing better than to burst in and wake him up. The tray with his morning tea and such on it was left on his bedside table before Michael’s eyes landed on Niall’s sleeping body.

It always amazed Michael, just how perfect he was. He guessed he really should have expected it from a Prince but still, he looked almost angelic as he was lying there on his back with his messy bedhead hair spread all over the pillows. A mischievous smile snuck it’s way onto the dirty blonde boys lips and he walked back to the door, pushing it closed and making sure nobody else was coming.

That’s when the early morning fun could begin. He made his way back over to Niall as quietly as he could and bit his lower lip as he pushed the covers that had really barely been covering the sleeping boy anyways, away. Michael smiled seeing this was one of the nights that Niall had slept in his underwear, Michael loved the hotter weather. At first, Michael hadn’t been like this at all, he had only done what Niall had wanted him to do, but as the two of them grew older he had realised it was okay for him to touch Niall to, and he did, a lot.

Michael started by placing gentle kisses on Niall’s chest before peppering a trail down his stomach and between his hips. He was careful to be gentle and slow. He didnt want Niall to wake up before his surprise. Michael froze up a little as Niall stirred to get comfortable but hearing soft snores leave his lips he got back to what he had been doing and he ever so carefully tucked his fingers into the waistband before pulling them down enough to reveal what had been hiding underneath.

Michael almost licked his lips, ready to taste him again. Michael was unashamedly a cockslut for Niall, not that he could tell anybody that. He sighed gently in content before pumping his cock with his hand to get him ready for him.

askprinceniall

Blast from the past...

Today, I decided to re-read my beginnings from a year ago, CrossFit, and Paleo diet to motivate me a bit.  My head is in the right place right now, but my heart is still easy to influence in making the wrong food choices these days…  So I decided to share it again with you guys… whoever reads this blog.  I remember how empowered I felt after my On-Ramp week (not to mention how sore!)  Would I do certain things differently?  Yes, absolutely.  But I have no regrets.

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I jumped…

and did not hurt myself.  I finally did it.  After lurking on their website for about 3 years, I finally decided to join Catalyst Fitness.  It was a very intimidating, humbling, and exciting thing for me.  I went for a visit, and met with Mel, one of the personal trainers.  She is simply awesome, and so nice, and funny!  I believe CrossFit is what I need, I need the support of a group, of someone pushing me in order to go beyond my limits, to achieve something I have never done.  

Here is a little background on myself.  

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Picture This...

Coming home to a dark and quiet apartment complex. You step inside after a day of working at a job you love. *Kick your shoes off at the door* Your pet of choice comes to the door to show love and ask for food. You make the both of you food to nourish your bodies. After settling in, you light your candles/incense. You start running the bath with eucalyptus oils. *Throw on some Nina Simone* Maybe even bring some wine with you to the tub. After the bath, you rub moisturizer into your skin and start to unwind on the couch with a book and soft blanket of your choice. After relaxing you go to bed early to begin again…..

It's official

Project FC3S will begin early December. Gonna put up an obnoxious wing and everything. Time to start reading up on rotaries.