aro-ace here, i kind of want someone to be with and be around and just someone i can always rely on like a QP and im getting to the point where i think i want a family but i HATE the feeling of SOMEONE ELSE having ROMANTIC love for me it makes me feel SO GROSS but i also dont think queer plutonics happen ealisy or is likely to get that in a way that i could have someone to live with and ahve a family its really depresing
It’s okay, anon; it’ll be okay. Do you like friendly encouraging hugs? If so, here’s the hug I’m giving you right now, and the hug I hope your future QP gives you whenever you need it:
It is hard. I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you: there are, statistically, more people out there who want a romantic partnership. It will be harder to find someone who feels the way you do. But! It is not impossible! These relationships happen, they really do. Many people before you have found a committed partner and formed a family without romance, and many people after you will do the same; and you know what? I bet you will too.
You might just get lucky. Based on what a lot of followers have told us, asexual and aromantic people tend to be drawn to other aces and aros, even without knowing their orientation. So you could find someone ~the old-fashioned way~ just as you go through life. Also, do yourself a favor and never assume that someone wouldn’t be interested in a queerplatonic relationship with you just because it’s a less common form of relationship. If you feel that you have a solid bond, and it’s reciprocated, talk to them about it.
If you want to tackle this more head-on, I’ve got a few online resources you could try out. First off, I’m going to suggest you listen to the podcast linked here (at least the first half) and read the commentary. This is geared toward a romantic audience, but the general advice is still sound–it has good tips on how to take an organized, effective approach to finding The One without getting disheartened or bogged down.
To find people…okay this got longer than expected, so we’re gonna do a list. I feel like someone answered a question recently with these resources but now I can’t find it, so we’ll just do it again!
- OkCupid: you can select asexuality as an orientation now and block certain orientations from seeing your profile
- AVEN: check for meetups in your area or use the chat feature
- This Spreadsheet: lots of aces on tumblr
- Acebook: I haven’t used this but have heard it exists
- Facebook: search for ace groups
- Meetup.com: search for ace events. Better if you’re in a bigger urban area
- Skittlr: LGBT+ and MOGAI-only social media platform
- Acemeetup.tumblr: more aces on tumblr
- These Sites: tbqh I don’t know much about these
Whew. I hope you find something in there that works for you, anon. Sorry I don’t have any aromantic-specific resources for you–followers, if you know any, please add them in a reply or reblog!