Orospu çocuğu bir blogger; @siyahatlisipaydi

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THIS WEEK (everything that happened last week, intensified)

WATCHING: The Big Bang Theory Season 5. Oh. I’m more specific now. It’s the only way to make me feel I didn’t procrastinate for the week. Apparently, I’m starting to love this series. Though I still hate the idea of watching a TV show that has not yet ended. For Pete’s sake, I didn’t realize they’re still working on season 9 before I watched season 1 and I hate that. *frowns* Nevertheless, I’m still looking forward to watch the show. Although honestly, I think the circle of friends of Kurt and Kripke would be more interesting (removing Stewart from the scene) than Sheldon and Leonard’s.

LISTENING: to the sound of goodbye. I’m trying to look for indicators that people are going to leave using my sense of hearing. I know that’s stupid, but hey, that’s what I do. I have nothing to listen to anyway. Not that I’m not interested in listening to a new album but I just couldn’t find one that might appeal to me.

READING: Elite (edited by Hau, et.al.). This book kind of tires the hell out of me. I know for sure this is about rich people being bad people, but I didn’t expect they’re going to be losers. I assume they would be triumphant, considering they have a lot of money to spend making other people’s lives miserable, but hell no, they’re stupid. I haven’t still read all the stories, though, so I’m hoping they could be better.

WRITING: in my daily planner-turned-journal again. I need to start writing every single day to stop my mind from deteriorating. I’m still working on How Love Kills and I wish I could finish it sooner, but I had a lot of work to do. I’m starting to think that my job is hindering me from growing.

DOING: all sorts of things to be an ideal person, which is a stupid thing to do but I’m just trying. Fuck what people think. I’m not trying to be their ideal person. I’m trying to be my ideal person. I deactivated my facebook profile because it doesn’t do anything good to me, except the fact that my friends can send me files in an instant. I don’t know. I hate a lot of things in FB. I peek every once in a while, but I know I’ll soon get used to not having one.

FEELING: better. I’m alone, yes. Lonely, not much. I want to go outside but I have to spend my money wiser. Besides, I don’t want to talk to people who don’t want to talk about the big things. I need people who can get me thinking about the important things, not make me questioning my worth.

WAITING: for a miracle, for a publishing company to contact me and ask me to write for them, or a contest and a folio/anthology/litmag I’d be interested to be part of. I’m waiting for my time to shine. (still not wishing to 11:11)

THINKING: of better routine, wiser learning strategies, and easy and legal ways to earn more money. I don’t want to be a slave of my libido forever so I might as well start working now for a better future.

PLANNING: to buy a drawer and a cabinet to organize my things (now that I have school supplies all over my bookshelves and I have my printer working again), paint, whiteboard, poetry magnets, a new camera lens, a film camera, a typewriter, car, house and lot (DUDE, CALM DOWN, WILL YOU?!). lol I’m just thinking forward. Now, I’m thinking I should jog on weekends and buy newspaper every morning, and have a part-time job I actually want to do, and start submitting my works again in exchange of a few bucks. I have to remember that I’m in the bottom of the social class hierarchy so I have to work hard. There’s no other way to look at it.