dysfunctional families

The deal with Oasis and their “What’s the Story (Morning Glory)” as an album: It’s about working class kids dealing with the sickness and dysfunction in their families. Nirvana’s Nevermind is a shockingly good parallel. Both those records are equal in the horror of what these smart, empathetic, sly, shy kids are forced to deal with.

s/o to all y’all with dysfunctional ass families !

s/o to y’all who grew up in emotionally and physically abusive homes.

s/o to y’all who feel forever fucked up from your childhood.

s/o to y’all with parents who measure your worth/give warmth based on your success, productivity, and/or religion.

s/o to y’all that’ve been told to “just pray” or “give it to god” when trying to reach out about your mental health issues.

s/o to all y’all with parents that would rather walk away/ be emotionally avoidant than recognize mental illness.

s/o to all y’all who are financially dependent on parents who use money to manipulate you but feel too mentally unstable to support yourself.

s/o to y’all with parents you have no real relationship with.

s/o to y’all who don’t have a safe home to return to.

Estranged Family: Is there Ever an Excuse for Burning the Bridge?

Estranged Family: Is there Ever an Excuse for Burning the Bridge?

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“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Reinhold Niebuhr

You might recognize the above serenity prayer by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, and although it was adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous in 1941, it might have been used as early as 1934. Though, the three-line stanza is a modified…

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I just know I can’t be the only one on tumblr who gets kind of sad at those “dad joke” memes that get reblogged dozens of times a day where the posts are basically all “dads are all corny and slightly over protective and lovingly aodrkable am i right?”

Because no. Mine wasn’t. Reflecting on my dad doesn’t end with my smiling whimsically at his bad puns and the goofy ways he had of showing he loved me.

So to everyone else out there feeling the same - just know you aren’t alone. My dad sucked too.

a personal mix of sorts, about my dysfunctional and abusive childhood. [EDIT - CHANGED AND REMOVED TRACKS]

track list:

1. emilie autumn / i want my innocence back

2. metric / youth without youth

3. smashing satellites / waterfall

4. melanie martinez / dollhouse

5. muse / dead inside

6. mother mother / happy

7. the cranberries / fee fi fo

8. nine inch nails / the day the world went away

9. of monsters and men / organs

10. the fray / little house

11. metric / blindness

12. three days grace / just like you

13. shinedown / burning bright

listen here

artist

“I’m a probate lawyer. I represent people who contest their parents’ wills. I want to write a book about all the things I’ve seen. It’s not quite The Soprano’s, but it’s close. My colleague likes to say that contested wills are the final battleground of a dysfunctional family. Everything from childhood gets brought to the surface. You’d be amazed how long people can hold grudges. And probate court is their last chance to get revenge for ‘Mom loving you more.’ The crazy thing is how many clients would rather be right than be happy. It’s almost always smartest to settle. It costs both sides more to fight it out than to make a deal. Yet people still choose to spend all their time and money, just to get a judgment from the court that will prove they’re right one final time.”

Saying NO to a Narcissistic Parent or In-Laws

Here is a list of ways to say NO…

No.

No, thank you.

No, I really cannot do that.

No, I do not want to do that.

No, I am not interested in that.

No, I cannot find time in my schedule to do that.

No, I am just too overloaded right now, to do that.

No, I am not interested in doing that.  

No, you go ahead without me.

No, please ask someone else.

No, I do not have to think about it.  I would rather tell you NO right now.

I said no. Please respect my answer

If you have a history with this person that tells you that they will counter any reasons you give them for saying No, then you can try something like this..

“In the past my giving reasons for my No, seems to have just been an opening for someone to tell me the reasons are not good enough or to dispute my reasons in some way. So this time I am going to say simply No without going over my reasons with you. “

I watch a TV show on CBS called, “Mom.” It’s about a mother and daughter who are alcoholics and the struggles and adventures they have while trying to stay sober. I’ve loved it from the beginning because it’s so funny, so honest, and so touching. Now I love it even more because this season, one of the main characters is dating a man in a wheelchair and they touch on all the subjects all of us are always being asked about and the ones we often discuss. They show disability in a honest, funny way without being condescending. They show that disabled people aren’t angels, that they can do everything everyone else does, and they show the real stuff that goes on in a relationship when one person is able bodied and one isnt. This show talks about everything that matters most to me, and if you aren’t watching it already, I highly recommend you do!

Originally posted by lauraroslins

Kylo Ren: A family's legacy of abuse and/or mental illness.

[This is transcribed from a series of tweets I did earlier today.]

WARNING! SPOILERS for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Trigger Warning: Discussion of mental illness, abuse, and dysfunctional families.

I was thinking today about how Kylo Ren is a great metaphor for what it’s like growing up with a family legacy of abuse and/or mental illness and how the expectation and fear of familial incrimination that you could become THAT relative, the abuser or the one who couldn’t function. 

That specter, especially if it’s intertwined with abuse, poisons families and kids. If you’re already struggling with your own mental illness that specter can make it even more difficult if not impossible to stay afloat. Because your struggle can resemble THAT relative, trigger family members and bring up memories no one wants to face. 

Sometimes people would rather just write you off than deal with you and all that baggage they thought they packed away.  

Sometimes the people who write you off are your own family, even your parents. When the people who are supposed to love and protect you the most give up, it’s hard to find the will fight on your own. It feels like it’s took late. That you’ll never find hope. 

There’s more than one way to fall, sometimes the people you love and trust the most are the ones pushing off the ledge. Even the most loving parents can be abusive, often without even realizing it, because fear is powerful and dysfunction replicates itself.

As an adult I can see now how often my own struggle with mental illness triggered family members’ trauma. As a child, all I saw was rejection and loathing. 

When everyone expects the worst of you, why not give it to them?

There is a strange sort of freedom in being the dick, in being the basket case, especially when everyone is already punishes you for it anyway.

PS If you assume the only reason a woman would like Kylo Ren is because we want to fuck him, you’re not only wrong you’re perpetuating sexism. 

You need to unpack why you assume women cannot personally identify with violence, rage, and emotional turmoil. Figure out why you assume women only view men as romantic or sexual objects. 

To say nothing of how these assumptions have shades of victim blaming. Implying that women like abusers, thus we want to be abused. WRONG! 

So few people understand that part of the popularity of the Beauty and the Beast trope is the idea that someone will love you even if you’re broken or a monster. That WOMEN identify with that aspect of the romantic fantasy. 

Being loved despite being ugly, loud, and a complete fucking mess is a powerful fantasy for many women, especially those of us who battle mental illness. Who’ve always feared that we are or will become a monster, THAT monster who haunts our families. 

Think real hard about how trying to save women from these “monstrous men” might actually be teaching them to hate themselves for identifying with them.

Anonymous asked: Gamzee what would you do if your dad swung by for a visit?

TC: … 

TC: ha.

TC: i prolly wouldn’t even be recognizing that fucker, anon, it’s been a long ass time since we up and spoke.

TC: but i ain’t any kind of sad over that.

TC: it’s being for the best really.

TC: what gets me all twisted up inside is that he’s all to being here in his own way

TC: even if i don’t want him to be.

TC: its fuckin strange to be honest

TC: how you can be cutting somebody loose out of your life that way

TC: but he still MOTHER FUCKING HURTS YOU.

TC: … i’m gonna go find karkat.

Family Problems

I have been recently implying that Mycroft is a pretty bad guy: two-faced, controlling, murderous. But I think Moftiss have also been showing us Mycroft’s humanity.

For example: The British Government has family problems.

The VERY first time we see the Holmes brothers together; before we even KNOW they are brothers; Mycroft uses Mummy as the reason to stop fighting. Sherlock escalates immediately, and suddenly they’re children again, pointing fingers. “It wasn’t ME that upset her, Mycroft.”

I did a little internet skimming on dysfunctional families. (TMI, but I recognize my own family in some of this!). Telltale signs:
+. Chronic misbehavior of one or both parents (often repeating or reacting to their own parents’ misbehavior);
+. Accommodation by children and spouse;
+. Agreement by all that everything is perfectly normal.

Children adopt (or are assigned) roles in the family panto, including:
+. The Good Child/ Caretaker. (This is Mycroft, obviously).
+. The Problem Child/ Scapegoat. (Oh Sherlock, always so willful).

In TEH, we get quite a show at Christmas dinner. The Holmes family in their natural habitat, so to speak.
+. Mycroft whines about being bored.
+. Mycroft complains that Mummy doesn’t appreciate him; e.g., potatoes on his laptop.
+. Mummy announces the party is all about Sherlock (hm, not about Christmas?)
+. Mycroft baits Mummy (“Am I happy too? I haven’t checked.”)
+. Mummy bickers back at Mycroft, calls him by his baby name.
+. Mycroft snarks about Sherlock’s “friends”.
+. Sherlock keeps a low profile, stops Billy from upsetting Mummy.
+. Mummy mutters incomplete threats at whoever put a bullet in Sherlock, her golden child…

Hang on.

This Christmas picture doesn’t synch up with the story we’ve been watching. At Christmas, the Holmes family are all acting as if:

+. The Good Child/ Caretaker = Sherlock; 👼🏻🏆
and
+. The Problem Child/ Scapegoat = Mycroft. 😈 👀

**********
What?!?
**********

This isn’t where I thought I was going. But it matches a crazy interpretation I wrote up just a bit ago, in my TAB shifted roles series. Link below. What if Mycroft is the brilliant, willful “problem child” of this dysfunctional family? And Sherlock is the “good one”, the overachieving child who feels responsible to keep his older brother out of trouble?

What if the watcher is really the watched?

**********
Thanks to Ariane DeVere for the transcripts!

Link TAB Shifted Role post, On the Train.
https://longsnowsmoon5.tumblr.com/post/146990171651/tab-shifted-roles-13-drug-addict

flippingallmyshit asked: Rose, your mother has mentioned "company". Are your parents divorced, then? You never talk about your father.

TT: I never talk about him because from my point of view, there isn’t much to say.

TT: However, my mother has a different story for her every mood.

TT: Was I the product of a one-night stand? Or the cause of a dramatic broken engagement? Did dear anonymous daddums keel over dead shortly after the honeymoon, or did he run away with his secretary? Or was he just as anonymous to Mother as he is to me, being a faceless donator of sperm?

TT: Which is true? Any of them? Who knows. It is a mystery.

TT: I’d just go ahead and claim immaculate conception, as people’s reactions would be priceless, but I honestly do hope half of my genetics differ from Mother’s.

to be free...

There are days where you wish you could just be free. To say what you feel, to be who you truly are, to stop pretending to be who everyone else wants you to be. But then you realize that your family won’t accept you for who you truly are. Because when you let a piece of yourself sliver in front of them they look at you like you are crazy. After living in your parents and friends image for so many years, no one will ever accept you for who you truly are. I can not wait for the day when I can be who I want to be. I want to change my name to something I like, to choose a future that I want regardless of what others say, to wear the clothes I want, to dye my hair the color of my choice, to do something spontaneous, and to stop having to pretend to be perfect. I want to scream in the air, I want to cuss up a storm, I want to be…. imperfect. 

But in the words of John Green “I am a paper girl in a paper town”

4

1. I really wish Doug would have pushed harder or just showed up at the club anyway.

2. Does anyone else wonder if when TJ says “No one really gives a shit” - is he trying to say no one gives a shit if they show up, or that not a single one of them actually gives a shit so they shouldn’t bother?

Thoughts?

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