dynamite sticks

1. Wake up early and make a list for the day. You have so much you want to accomplish and you tend to shoot towards the stars only to forget which one you wanted and fall back down with only stardust to show for it.
2. Go for a run at night. I know you have a special relationship with the dark, you hate how it stops you from seeing what’s in front of you, but then again it’s the thrill of unknown that makes you pick up your stride and push harder.

3. Pick up a book. Finish it. I know it’s hard, the characters are always doing so much more than you and that makes you restless, you want to experience life like them. You crave experiences. But finishing anything is an experience in itself too.

4. Clean your goddamn room. Right now. We both know clarity is something you have been lacking lately. Take a day to organize all the thoughts that burst and streak like July fireworks in your head into sticks of dynamite you can use to set the world ablaze. Folding a couple pairs of socks wouldn’t hurt either.

5. Lastly and most importantly, love yourself; no one else is going to do it as hard as you do.

—  Tayo Omisore

By popular demand, my Junkrat fansong! recorded just as I was loosing my voice, so it’s pretty unpolished but then again, so is Junkrat. Just a cutesy little song on ukulele about mass destruction, like you do. Download at soundcloud source. <3

~

5…
Strap live grenades to your arms and legs
or what of ‘em is left!
4…
make sure you aim for whatever you came for
and bury the rest!
3…
find a friend, or pay someone to pretend
who is worse than all your enemies combined!
2…
play nice, take my advice
and you’re gonna have a real good time!

1…

BOOM! kapow! Bam! Wham! Blazzow!
Slam, crash, smash, bash, sizzle and pop!
Crack and hiss! Zap, smack and Twist!
Who cares if you miss? Make a big noise
Give 'em the BOOM! (x2)

5…
Light the wick of the dynamite stick
at both ends, friend, and take aim!
4…
break open the door, tear apart the floorboards
and set 'em aflame!
3…
Take everything that you see, it’s all free
whether or not it’s nailed down!
2…
its true, kid it’s all you,
hit the road and blow this town!

1…

BOOM! kapow! Bam! Wham! Blazzow!
Slam, crash, smash, bash, sizzle and pop!
Crack and hiss! Zap, smack and Twist!
Who cares if you miss? Make a big noise
Give 'em the BOOM! (x2)

Give 'em the BOOM! (x2)
Ahhhh!!!

We come from the scorched and dying earth
dig through trash and fight off rats to find our fortune
it’s a shame that life is pain and living hurts
but if you set yourself on fire, then you can do the scorching!

BOOM! kapow! Bam! Wham! Blazzow!
Slam, crash, smash, bash, sizzle and pop!
Crack and hiss! Zap, smack and Twist!
Who cares if you miss? Make a big noise

(54321)
Give 'em the-

BOOM! kapow! Bam! Wham! Blazzow!
Slam, crash, smash, bash, sizzle and pop!
Crack and hiss! Zap, smack and Twist!
Who cares if you miss? Make a big noise!
Who cares if you miss? Make a big noise!
Who cares if you miss? Make a big noise!

Give 'em the BOOM!

~

Made with SoundCloud
  • Soldier-76: Looks like we’ve hit a little roadblock! (Looks at Junkrat) Jamison, what do you think?
  • Junkrat: (Holding a stick of dynamite) I could un-roadblock that if I had about 200 of these. Only problem is, I only got about 10. Plus, y'know, five of my own, couple o’ cherry bombs... Road flare... Hey, too bad we don’t have some nitro glycerin, eh Lúcio?
  • Lúcio: (Glares)
  • Submitted by Hoodie2Shoes

ugh, just kissed a beautiful woman only to find out that she was actually a stick of dynamite in a dress and a wig. in retrospect, the bombs for eyes were a really nice touch and would have fooled anyone.

The Lego Batman Movie Sentence Starters

“DC. The house that Batman built.”
“Get yourself ready for some…reading.”
“Batman is very wise.”
“Yeah, I’ve got an extra ab.”
“We are transporting 11 million sticks of dynamite, 17,000 pounds of C4, about 150 little cute little classic bomb-type bombs, and two best friends, and request permission to fly over the most crime-ridden city in the world!”
“I’m a loser at home, and I’m a loser at work.”
“You should be terrified.”
“All the C-grade villains have broken into the energy plant!”
“Dear gosh, you destroyed the ___! You have thought of everything!”
“I just wrote a song about how I’m gonna kick all of your butts.”
“Get it together, guys, you’re making me look bad in front of Batman!”
“Save the city or catch your greatest enemy.”
“You think you’re my greatest enemy?”
“I like to fight around.”
“I’m okay with you fighting other people.”
“Remember, kids: If you wanna be like Batman, take care of your abs.”
“Were you looking at the old family pictures again?”
“I don’t talk about feelings.”
“Your greatest fear is being a part of a family again.”
“Tuxedo dress up party!”
“How am I supposed to get ___’s respect when I’m working with these human farts?”
“I’m just so jazzed to meet you!”
“I hate everything you just said.”
“You won’t get to fight any of this anymore.”
“Riddle me this: …what just happened?”
“There are no more vigilantes allowed.”
“You need to take responsibility for your life.”
“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Hello secret camera!”
“You’ve been watching too many Lifetime movies and drinking chardonnay.”
“Chance of failure is 110%.”
“Sometimes to right a wrong, you have to wrong right.”
“How dare you tell me how to parent my kid I just met.”
“Life doesn’t give you seatbelts!”
“I’m trying to give you a big old hug.”
“What’s the vigilante position on cookies?”
“It’s weirder if it’s not your son…”
“Somebody get this man some pants.”
“You can’t be a hero if you only care about yourself.”
“I got thrown in this heckhole on purpose!”
“I’m gonna go start looting.”
“Ask your nerd friends.”
“Who’s the greatest villain of them all now?!”
“I’m rubbing my butt all over your stuff.”
“Rename this the buttmobile.”
“Do you ever get scared?”
“This is not a family trip.”
“It’s 100% lava.”
“Why did you build this thing only one seat?”
“Last I checked I only had one butt.”
“For a loner, you sure like movies about relationships.”
“Good news, our bathroom problem is solved.”
“We are just one big happy f…raternity of people.”
“I don’t need friends.”
“I swear I’m a good guy.”
“I was trying to protect them…”
“Are they really the ones you’re protecting?”
“Don’t do what I would do!”
“You’ve gotta let me go down there and save them!”
“I don’t even know why you bothered coming back.”
“…I was afraid.”
“I was afraid of feeling the pain you feel when you lose someone close to you.”
“Saving this city is too big a job for one person.”
“Who’s laying down those funky beats?”
“Okay, ___. Bring the pain.”
“As I predicted, we’re doomed!”
“You had me at shut up.”
“How are your abs, bro?”
“Sometimes losing people is part of life, but that doesn’t mean you stop letting them in.”
“This is my family. But it’s your family too.”
“Do you have a knife? Because someone needs to cut the tension between us.”

  • Kirishima: Gran Torino, you’re obscenely old, right?
  • Gran Torino: Why, yes!
  • Kirishima: Do you know any super-ancient-lost-to-the-ages, archaic, olden-times hero swears?
  • Gran Torino: Well, there is one…
  • Kaminari: I want to hear it!
  • Gran Torino: The Elder Swear. You must never repeat it to anyone!
  • Ashido: We won’t, sir!
  • Gran Torino: Here it is… Your Mother is a *****ing !@#$%^&*Lorem Ipsum!@#$%^&!@#$%# Admite` Barium !@@#$$%$%%$ Tragula !@$%$%^##$#@ Hippopotamus @@!#%!$^& Republican @@#@#$@#%!^$%^&$%$#%#$ and Horikoshi @!#@$!%#$%#@%$ With a Bucket of! @#!$!$%#$^%$%#%$^ In a Castle Far Away Where No One Can Here You !@$%$^%&^&%^& Soup %$^$%&%^&^#$#@#@ With a Bucket of!#@!#@$!#@$#%#@ All Might @#@!$#@%#$^%#^# and A Stick of Dynamite @#$!$% Magical @!$%!^$^$%^ Alakazam!
  • Kaminari: Wow…
  • Gran Torino: Now you know. You must never, ever repeat it, okay?
  • Kirishima: We promise, sir.
  • [later]
  • Kirishima, Kaminari, and Ashido to Iida: Your Mother is a *****ing !@#$%^&*Lorem Ipsum!@#$%^&!@#$%# Admite` Barium !@@#$$%$%%$ Tragula !@$%$%^##$#@ Hippopotamus @@!#%!$^&

anonymous asked:

If you're doing requests how about paladins whose s/o isn;t a paladin so they are basically the one for odd jobs around the castle and usually Coran's assistant and one day Coran was experimenting and it accidentally get's on s/o's hair causing it to grow and grow and GROW. Like, Rapunzel style

Omg, yes! I love scientific mishaps! This is kinda long bc I don’t know how to chill so it’s all under the cut!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What's the best dirty limerick you've ever heard?

Oh God, there’s so many. I have a book of like 1000 dirty limericks from 1700-1900 and they’re pretty much all great. My favorites that I have memorized are these:

Poor nymphomaniacal Alice
used a dynamite stick as a phallus.
They found her vagina
in North Carolina
and her asshole at Buckingham Palace.

There once was a buggar from Como,
who suddenly cried, “Ecce Homo!”
He chased the man down
to the center of town
and gobbled him off in the Duomo. 

A Explosive Final Blow

Context: Slightly Steampunk twist on the usual D&D world. The party is facing off against a skeletal Priest in the middle of a castle of a town that’s been taken over by ice and Blights. The fight is not going well, as the boss just downed our Cleric and Bard/Rogue. My Dragonborn Ranger has had some dynamite sticks and hadn’t yet had a good opportunity to use them. What follows was also not a good opportunity, but it’s what happened(slightly condensed).

Me, OOC, after being asked what I’m doing: OK, I already know I’m gonna get screamed at for this, but if someone’s Unconscious and takes damage, all that does is make them fail one of their Death Saving throws, right?

DM, knowing what I have and knowing what I’m thinking: I mean, yeah, but… If you’re thinking what I think you are, there’s gonna be some other penalties…

Me, considering amidst other discussion: Ok…. I take two sticks of dynamite, light them, and throw them at the feet of the big bone guy. But, like, on the other side of him from {our Cleric and Bard/Rogue}.

DM: Ok, roll a couple Dex Checks to throw them…

Me: (Rolls) Oh. Shit, that’s a nat 1. (Rolls Again) And another nat 1.

Entire Party, including DM to a certain extent: (Loses Their Shit)

Long story short, the Cleric was saved due to some Divine Intervention from her deity, but the Bard Rogue lost both legs up to over halfway up the thigh and an eye.

Plus side, we got back home and after a month’s rest(wherein my Ranger promptly vanished into the surrounding city due to yet another heap of guilt), and the Bard/Rogue got a pair of cybernetic legs and an eye, so overall, we came out with a profit…