dusty tomorrows

I’ve been feeling restless the last few weeks so I thought that maybe I’ve reached the stage where I can do a bit of exercise and it won’t send me into another full-blown relapse, so long as I’m very careful about it.

My parents have been taking the doggus out for a walk every other day. Problem is, she drags like hell and nobody has bothered her to actually train her out of this. (We’re all ADHD as hell and are generally pretty bad when it comes to training our animals. I was the only one who trained our old dog to sit and stay and so on, too.) She drags so hard that she’ll yank me off my feet – and she weighs half as much as our dog who passed away six years ago, who dragged like hell but I could still handle.

So I figured, oh what the hell, may as well knock out two birds with one stone and train the dog.

Thankfully, she is a very smart dog! She dragged me about 30-40 metres down the road yesterday before she started realising what I was doing, and toned the dragging down quite a bit. I only took her about 200 metres up the road before I started getting pinged by my body it was time to stop, but we made a ton of progress for such a short outing.

Today she was much better right out of the gate. I went about half of the distance today to be on the safe side with my illness, but the dog was much better behaved overall.

If you give her an inch, she takes a mile – if I’m so much as the tiniest bit slack on enforcing the training, she goes back to pulling, but so long as I’m vigilant and patient, she gets the hang of things very quickly. 

Now it’s just a matter of getting it to be enough of a habit she forgets to push her luck. The test will be if she gets walked by someone else, will she immediately go back to dragging them or will my training stick?

For now, my parents are all “:D” because they’ve gotten tired of walking her (because, like I said, they won’t train her), and now they’re reassured I won’t blow my body up again doing this they’re like “Oh man we better let you do all the dog walking, so that we don’t give her mixed messages!”

“Well, if you like, I can show you how I do it – “

“Hahaha nope that won’t be necessary don’t worry about it we’re sure you’ve got it handled :D”


Not to toot my own horn too hard, but this piece has been a helluva ride. Finishing tomorrow and it’ll be like the last pages of an amazing book. As much as I’m ready to call it done, I kind of wish it didn’t stop.

The next piece I paint will be after I move to Texas. I’ll have my studio up and running again in the second week of June.

It’s going to take me 8 hour days leading right up until gen con to pull the concept off + I’ll have to ship it overnight to get it to the convention. It’s going to be a wild couple of months. Glad to have you folks along for the ride.


10x22 “The Prisoner”
“The mark on my arm means I can’t die. I’m not bargaining. You flatline me, I will come back, but I’ll come back with black eyes and then you’ll all die.”

God, I loved these shots and all those shifting perspectives in this scene. 

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Tomorrow is Dusty's hatch day

And I feel terrible. My landlord opened up a hell hole apparently and my house is crawling with the ants now. I had to literally tiptoe around them and pray to god they did fly near me or on me. They were on the walls. On the stairs. On the floor. In the bathroom, the bedrooms. EVERYWHERE. I had a fucking panic attack and just said I’m out. I’m not waiting until Sunday, I took the animals and myself to my dads place early. So now poor Dusty is stuck in our small ass travel cage for his birbday 😭 I’m just glad we’re all okay now. And Jesus I wouldn’t know what to do if I didn’t have my babies to comfort me.


Supernatural Rewatch
Season 7 → 7x12 “Time after Time after Time"

Bonus gifset, because I ended up giffing more shots than I needed for my set, but I didn’t want to let them catch dust in my gif folder. So have this gifset that nobody asked for. :)  But really, this episode is just too glorious in terms of overall look and Dean outfit and just about everything.


Supernatural Parody Gag Reel (x)
Tim Omundson vs. Phone Call


10x16 “Paint It Black”

“Obscuri Funesti Dies” - The Picture of Isabella from Tivoli:
A Deeper Look into Her and the Winchesters’ Story

[[I am going to pre-face this by saying that I haven’t read any longer meta on the episode yet, so if some aspects or maybe all of the things I need to write a litle bit more about have already been talked about in one way or another I am really sorry for being late with it, but it took me an attempted re-watch to realize just how many more layers there are to this episode than I had caught on first run through. So without further ado: Buckle up, this might turn out becoming a long and crazy ride. I promise I’ll try to make it as short as possible and as structured and easy to follow as well.]]

This latest SPN episode has been filled with such a huge amount of intertexts and referenes as little other SPN episode before - and SPN is using a lot on a daily basis - so I think 10x16 in my opinion has been exceptionally heavy in that regard. It might have looked like a fairly standard story on the surface, but if you peel back layer after layer you’ll see it’s anything but - or at least I hope I am not the only feeling this way. :)

I’d like to start into this anaysis/examination of the episode by taking a look at the title of this post, because it is a good summary for what served as the spark for all the thoughts and ideas that came after.

“Obscuri funesti dies” is what Sister Matthias reads out loud before she starts reading further in Isabella’s journal. If my latin doesn’t fail me completely it should loosely translate as “The darkest day / The day of grieving” and it serves as a perfect connection to the episode title “Paint It Black”, which is a song by “The Rolling Stones”, which has been understood in music scholars as a song about a man, who has lost all his hope and faith as well as a song about a funeral. Both readings share a similar end notion: the protagonist of the song wants to paint everything black and by that projects his inner darkness and fragmentation brought on by grief, despair and depression onto the outside world.

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10x18 “Book of the Damned”
Jacob Styne and the Family Crest

You know, even though this guy and his “family” was bad news, I can’t deny that cinematography wise they did some really pretty stuff with him here. And the family crest - which reminds me a bit of the crest from the “Thule” - sure features something we saw Jacob framed with here in a very beautiful way as well… He wasn’t the only one with wings though… And no, I’m not talking about Cas here.

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4x08 “Wishful Thinking”
“Okay. Fine. Then look me in the eye and tell me you don’t remember a thing from your time down under.”

“I don’t remember”, Dean says. But he may as well could have told the truth, because it’s all the little tell-tale-signs that give it away anyway. And Sam knows how to read them, Dean’s expressions, the set to his shoulders, the look in his eyes, but most of all in this episode he notices, because of Dean’s drinking. I love this episode to pieces - as I love all Edlund episodes, because on the forefront they may seem silly, but it’s in the details where they punch you in the gut and leave you gasping for air - because there so much to unravel about Dean and his time in hell and some of his core problems throughout the episode. And with this lead-in-scene with Sam and Dean at the table and Sam coaxing Dean into opening up, you immediately know this episode will be amazing due to the sheer amount of beauty and tragedy packed into the first 2 minutes.

Because look at this camera work, look at the set up. There are Sam and Dean, facing each other, on opposing sides of the table. One would think this is the normal way of sitting with someone at the table and it is, but if you read up on this and know a little bit from body language and subconscious tells then you may know that this way of sitting is very confrontational, which is exactly what this is. Compare this with moments like this one. Commonly this is a much more liked way of sitting and it gives off an entirely different vibe of closeness. The way they sit here highlights and almost demands for this type of reaction from Dean. But hold on this is not all, it gets better, meaning worse.

It’s this exact confrontational conversation and way of them facing one another that makes the way this moment is shot even better, because it is lead into with a close up of Dean’s neatly lined up multiple shot glasses and with that not only making it unmistakably clear that something is neon bright not right with Dean, but these shot glasses literally form a wall, a barrier between Sam and Dean. It’s like a safety blanket for Dean - a false one of course - only capable to go through the day and this conversation when the edges are a little less sharp. Furthermore this division between them further emphasizes how they are not on the same page, which of course is what while the season unfolds becomes more and more obvious.

In conclusion: I will forever worship at the altar that is Ben Edund’s writing. And I will also forever miss him on the show. ;____;

10 Days until Season 10
"10 Most Memorable Moments of Season 9" → Dean (10/10)
Day 1: 9x23 "Do You Believe in Miracles"

You are on the finish line. Your whole life flashing before your eyes. In bright warm colours. Your mom’s there cutting the crust off your sandwich, ruffling through your hair, you and Sammy lighting fireworks on the 4th of July, the moment you found Cas in purgatory. All of the moments wash over you and you welcome them with arms wide open, hold them close, breath them in. They make you feel warm, make you feel safe, make you feel… Home. Somewhere off in the distance someone is talking. You can’t make out the words and you don’t really care about figuring them out. You feel good, feel welcome, feel like you finally belong. You sink in deeper. You are almost there. So close. You’ve been longing for it for a long time. The voice gets louder while your body grows colder. You realize your heart has stopped beating. It doesn’t freak you out. Maybe this is how it was meant to be all along. You can feel the shift, it’s pulling you under, the pictures of your mother, your brother and your best friend vanish into thin air, dissolve alongside with you. A weight is lifted off your shoulders, now it rests in your hand. But it doesn’t feel smothering, doesn’t feel limiting, but liberating. No, this isn’t death. It’s life. So you open your eyes. If only you knew earlier that it’s so much easier to navigate your way through the darkness when your eyes match the colour of the night: black…


04x20 “The Rapture”
11x09 “Oh Brother Where Art Thou”

Maybe… It’s All Inside Your Head

I know this is probably going to be hated, but to make this clear right from the get go this right here has nothing to do with comparing Dean’s relationship to Cas with the one he has with Amara or with shipping, but is solely something I find interesting, becaue it may reveal a lot about how ~well Amara knows Dean. And I just wanted to put this somewhere before going to sleep, so I don’t lose the thought.

I just had to think about the setting of the talk between Dean and Amara in 11x09 again, because I think they left it beautifully open for headcanon whether or not what happened between Dean and Amara was real and whether she truly had beamed Dean someplace or if all of this only happened within Dean’s head, because it reminded me heavily of the time when Castiel dream visited Dean.

He found Dean in a sort of “happy place”, somehwere near the water, someplace calm, peaceful. I just find it very interesting that - no matter if real or not - Amara decided to talk with Dean in this kind of setting. To me it says a lot about how well aware she is of how to nudge Dean into the right direction for her own purposes.

Her entire talk about the end of rules and prayers and pain and only bliss also proves that she knows how to pitch her “universe” to Dean as he has always been opposed to destinies, prophecies and faith and has suffered through his fair share of pain and got so vulnerable and addicted to exatly this bliss when holding the blade.

To me it may actually be yet another hint at how much she may have dug around in Dean’s head to know this aside from what their bond made her ~know about him (so this being another subtle nod to her manipulation and mind control over Dean).

In this regard the whole situation also parallels Castiel’s S8 arc with Naomi even more since we had tons of shots - much like with Dean in this episode - where Cas was physically still in the same place but mentally somewhere elese completely and controlled by Naomi.

This also ties in nicely to how Cas in 4x20 “The Rapture” tells Dean they’d have to go someplace more private since someone could be listening, to which Dean jokingly says: “More private? We are in my head” to which Cas just deadpans “Exactly.” Meaning Dean is not alone in his head, but vulnerable.

Amara can listen in on prayers as we know and we know that Dean only prays to Castiel really, so I guess it’s not a stretch to assume she listened in on those too. Could also be why and how the angels found Dean and Amara. Maybe they’ve been listening in too.

In any case I feel like this whole scene remained wonderfully ambiguos in terms of “real” or “real, but only inside Dean’s head”. I guess we’ll see how it goes, but so far if I would have to make a wild guess, while 10x22 “The Prisoner” seemed like a comparable reverse crypt scene, I think it wasn’t the real dea yet. The way things look at the moment and how dark I think the may still get, it would make sense if we got it this season, because what we have imo is the absolute turnaround to Naomi rescuing Cas from purgatory.


11x06 “Our Little World”
“You said you were close. Dean how did she get away?”

Oh Dean… Just be honest with them. They suspect something already, maybe even know the answer: Cause you couldn’t. And even if ou couldn’t say more than that. Just that you couldn’t would be better than deflecting. End of story? It rather feels like the beginning of one… And Cas’ little headmotion and slight squiny eyes  I just love both and I actually have to somewhat smile to myself about Sam, because even though he’s exchanging conspiring looks with Cas here, somehow I just can’t not headcanon him looking back and forth between Dean and Cas and thinking “No, no, no please don’t fight”, “Okay you won’t stop, uhmm, I’ll just disapppeeeeeaaaar somewhere now, byeee”.

10x10 "The Hunter Games"

“You’re insane! You want me to procure the most dangerous weapon on the planet for Dean Winchester, the man, who goes mental every time he touches it.”

How much can change in a year. Just a couple of months back Crowley couldn’t wait for Dean to “touch that precious”, to get his hands on the First Blade, to kill Abaddon and howl with him at the moon. Now, he doesn’t even want Dean anywhere close to the blade in fear of what Dean could do to him. And he was the one to ask Dean to hunt with him, to get Dean to take on the mark, to pick up the First Blade. And while Crowley always has ulterior motives, thinks of his own advantages, there is still something there. He has a soft spot for Dean, misses him even one could say. “Crazy ones are good for a fling, but they aren’t relationship material. It’s not me, it’s you.” Those were the last words Crowley said to Dean. And while he’d most probably never admit it out loud, when that phone rang and Dean asked him to meet, he just up and left. It almost makes me feel sad for Crowley. He just wants to be loved, but no matter if it was Cas or Dean or his mother. He just can’t find the real kind…