duran is a bad influence

  • lyraeon: Ok so
  • lyraeon: Do you feel up to discussing this chapter because it needs a jump start
  • Swirly!: sure go ahead
  • lyraeon: (several bullet points are mentioned that are irrelevant to this snippet) Drunken Uno game of yet undetermined detail
  • Swirly!: okay where the fuck did the uno game come from cause I'm at least 30% sure there's a story behind this
  • lyraeon: You wanna know the story?
  • lyraeon: A few years back I wrote a Barry/Dawn first time fic
  • lyraeon: 25k words
  • lyraeon: There was about half a page about an uno game because of an in joke I wanted to work into a story about Barry pronouncing words wrong
  • lyraeon: Duran criticized the fuck out of my ability to somehow include an uno game in a smutfic
  • lyraeon: Since then he's occasionally joked that if X story gets any longer it'll need uno foreplay
  • lyraeon: And in turn I've worked uno into more and more stories as a joke
  • lyraeon: So I told him a month ago, fuck, I need a breather chapter before I reach the sex, what do
  • lyraeon: And he says uno
  • lyraeon: And I go
  • lyraeon: Yes of course
  • lyraeon: And he's all GOD DAMN'T LYRA I WASN'T SERIOUS
  • lyraeon: which deevolves into him being angry I'd have an uno chapter theoretically not end in at least some form of R rated BS
  • Swirly!: christ
  • Swirly!: I admire your dedication if nothing else
  • lyraeon: I am literally just setting up the drunkest Uno game ever right now becuause I'm trash
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: You are.
  • lyraeon: lol
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: You absolutely are.
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: Please tell me the Uno is a prelude to sex.
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: PLEASE
  • lyraeon: [couple] are definitely trying to fuck befor ethey get interrupted
  • lyraeon: but are also definitely also too drunk to remember how zippers work
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: Damn it.
  • lyraeon: lol
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: No Lyra I don't care if there's just like someone getting fingered for half a paragraph.
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: SOMETHING adult rated has to follow the Uno game.
  • lyraeon: hahahaha
  • lyraeon: okay, fine
  • lyraeon: I'll figure something out
  • Nidoran Duran: Come on Lyraaaa
  • Nidoran Duran: I want to tell you my ideeaaaaaaa
  • lyraeon: moo?
  • Nidoran Duran: Okay good.
  • Nidoran Duran: So.
  • Nidoran Duran: In the future we have cloning technology and that technology goes into making slaves because sci-fi morality and shit.
  • Nidoran Duran: This is all very high concept.
  • Nidoran Duran: And they begin splicing in certain traits from animals to make slaves predisposed toward certain roles.
  • Nidoran Duran: Like traits from predatory species to create gladiators.
  • Nidoran Duran: And inevitably also sex slaves.
  • Nidoran Duran: And it follows scientists observing animal mating habits to try and find the best possible species with which to splice human DNA to create the best possible sex people.
  • Nidoran Duran: Which turn out to inexplicably be dinosaurs because shut up plot convenience.
  • Nidoran Duran: And they call these new clones.
  • Nidoran Duran: Get this.
  • Nidoran Duran: PLEASURE DACTYLS
  • Nidoran Duran: Oh wait did I say "brilliant idea this afternoon"?
  • Nidoran Duran: I meant "terrible pun while I was mashing potatoes".
  • lyraeon: I am going to shoot you one of these days.
  • Nidoran Duran: <>
  • lyraeon: your cute little ASCII diamonds won't save you forever.

Progress on “Icing on the Cake”, that fucking sommeliershipping foodsex you guys drove me to write.

It’s not porn yet, sorry. We all know how I am about actually getting around to the porn. Just be happy I got out as much tonight as I did.

But I will fucking get this done because I’m not going to have lost 7 followers over nothing ffs

-

The clatter of the spoon hitting the floor went unnoticed, the slight splatter it left equally ignored. Maybe one of them made a mental note to clean it up later, but if either of them had, it was Cilan.

Burgundy was too busy fighting every bit of instinct that told her to reach back and slap him, or to start chewing him out for intruding while she was trying to cook. It was her natural reaction to him paying attention to her, even weeks into the relationship that she herself had initiated. Why it was her reaction was another story altogether, one she hadn’t even begun to ponder; just something about him being nice to her, let alone him touching her, sent her into a rage of insecurity.

She was gritting her teeth even now, as his hands slid across her stomach, the sensations obvious even through the extra layer of the apron as he inched his way up her body. His body was pressed to her back, something about him seeming warmer still than the oven preheating in front of her. His lips were pressed to her temple, close enough to her ear that she could feel and hear each slow breath against her skin and could trace the way it followed the gentle rise of his chest against her shoulders.

Keep reading

(2:22:30 AM) Duran: He’s leaning on a chair, Lyra.
(2:22:34 AM) Duran: It’s not. It’s not canon.
(2:22:37 AM) Duran: He’s leaning on a chair.
(2:22:39 AM) Lyraeon: IT IS DAMN’T
(2:22:40 AM) Lyraeon: SHUT UP
(2:22:42 AM) Lyraeon: LET ME BE
(2:22:45 AM) Lyraeon: CRY CRY CRY
(2:22:52 AM) Duran: That’s like.
(2:23:06 AM) Duran: “Laura was drunk and sat in your lap for an hour asking you to see Avengers with her, you’re canon”
(2:23:26 AM) Duran: Damn it.
(2:23:33 AM) Duran: You need, like.
(2:23:34 AM) Duran: Tea.
(2:23:35 AM) Duran: Calming tea.

We’re such good friends

  • lyraeon: I'm basically just trying to decide if I want to try for an hour or nap for an hour before work
  • Nidoran Duran: Try to write something stupid and insane to help vent.
  • Nidoran Duran: Write Golden Girls fanfic where Betty White's character turns out to be a deadly assassin.
  • Nidoran Duran: Call it Every Rose Has Its Thorn.
  • lyraeon: how long have you been holding onto that one
  • Nidoran Duran: For like three days now.

At some point I reaized the best way to deal with Duran was just to intentionally take everything he says 100% seriously without even flinching because it pisses him off

unfortunately, I’ve now desensitized him to that so I’m having to take it further and further steps

So now

[1:18:02 AM] lyraeon: why do I even try to be funny at you
[1:18:16 AM] Stone Cold Jane Austen: I’m turning your shit around on you.
[1:18:52 AM] lyraeon: we’re becoming a fucking oroborus with this shit man
[1:18:59 AM] Stone Cold Jane Austen: We are.
[1:19:05 AM] Stone Cold Jane Austen: It’s dangerous.
[1:19:11 AM] Stone Cold Jane Austen: Too many layers of irony now.
[1:19:27 AM] lyraeon: give me back my fucking hamburger
[1:20:38 AM] Stone Cold Jane Austen: I was thinking more like
[1:20:38 AM] Stone Cold Jane Austen: http://nidoranduran.tumblr.com/post/132054479868/aberrantkenosis

  • lyraeon: .......
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: What happen?
  • lyraeon: the pit lets you search for OT3/4s now too
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: Oh, yeah.
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: Fuck, you've been off the site that long?
  • lyraeon: 5. there are 5 fics.
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: You can now search four characters and up to two ships.
  • lyraeon: two in spanish.
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: ...
  • Stone Cold Jane Austen: Muy condolences.
  • Nidoran Duran: Just so you know, before Lin settled on the FE fic she wanted me to write COOLK1DS being literally cool.
  • Nidoran Duran: As in, having sex in a freezer.
  • Lyraeon: pfffffffffffffffft
  • Nidoran Duran: And I might still do it.
  • Lyraeon: you need to, even just as a joke fic
  • Nidoran Duran: Yes.
  • Lyraeon: coolk1ds AU where they work at mcdonalds and have sex in the walkin after they close
  • Lyraeon: ...WAIT IS THAT WHY SHE ASKED ME THE OTHER DAY
  • Lyraeon: WHAT THE ENGLISH WORD FOR WALK-IN FRIDGE/FREEZER WAS
  • Nidoran Duran: Pfft.
  • Lyraeon: OH MY GOD
  • Nidoran Duran: This is great.