Helloooo. 1. Do you run the ScientificPokedex blog? and 2. Do you think there could be an actual scientific explanation for Zoroark's illusion ability?
Hellooo! Number 1, No I do not run the @scientificpokedex blog but they do an amazing job, big props to them!
Number 2. Hmm that’s tricky, so we want a real life example of an animal convincing another animal that it is something it’s not, so not clever camouflage and accurate visual mimicry, as with a stick insect for example, but rather where one animal has been tricked, it is under the illusion that another animal is something it is blatantly not. Well then, we need to talk about
alrighty, so pheromones are defined as a chemical secreted by an organism that triggers a social/behavioural response in another organism, usually of the same species. They are used everywhere in nature, from tiny single celled prokaryotes up to big lumbering mammals such as ourselves. Uses of pheromones include territory marking, avoidance of inbreeding with close relatives, alarm signals, and advertising sexual availability and fertility. Specialised pheromones called ‘necromones’, released by the decomposing bodies of certain animals, repel living animals of the same species so that they don’t go near the bodies and potentially catch the disease that killed the dead dude.
Those are just a few of the uses nifty chemicals, but as usual insects one up other animal groups in the diversity of ways in which they use them. The highly sophisticated and complex societies of eusocial hymenoptera (bees, ants, and wasps) are only possible through the use of pheromones, for example from coordinating colony activities e.g. defending the colony from predators, to exchanging information, allocating tasks to different castes, social policing, regulating reproduction, and the use of trail pheromones, e.g. when ants lay a path of pheromones towards a food source, and then lay over a repellant pheromone over that trail, cancelling the message once the food source is gone.
Because these social insects are so reliant on pheromones, they are ripe for abuse from other animals who can exploit their chemical society, and this is how I am going to lead it back to Zoroark.
Meet Phengaris alcon, or the Alcon Large Blue butterfly
Yes a very pretty looking butterfly, but don’t let appearances fool you. It’s caterpillars hatch on leaves like regular caterpillars, and stay there for a few weeks, munching away and growing, but after a certain point, they just drop off the leaves and onto the ground. There they release a pheromone which smells exactly like the pheromone released by the larvae of certain ant species. When these ants come across the caterpillars, they are fooled into thinking that these caterpillars are indeed their own larvae, despite being a different colour and much bigger than the ant larvae, i.e. they look completely different.
The ants bring the caterpillars back to their nest, where they clean, feed, look after and protect the caterpillars, sometimes even at the expense of their own larvae when food is short. The caterpillars feed and grow in a safe environment, eventually metamorphosing into a chrysalis, then into an adult butterfly, where they then crawl out of the nest scot-free and begin life in the skies, having had a great start in life all down to some smelly trickery and illusion.
(see below, Phenagris chrysalises next to ant larvae, with the ants none the wiser!)
Other Phenagris species will mimic the Queen ant rather than the larvae, and thus get a more royal treatment (though the true queen is never convinced so this is a more risky strategy), or some instead of just getting fed by the ants like a cuckoo will ravage and eat all the ant larvae when it gets in the nest, without retribution by the ants.
(this video is fantastic and shows the whole lifecycle, plus a bonus pheromone related plot twist near the end!)
Basically using pheromones in this manner is a way of mimicking something you’re not despite looking nothing like your subject. The ants are under the complete illusion that these huge caterpillars are their own tiny young, despite input from other senses. So… what I am saying is that perhaps Zorua and Zoruark are very proficient chemical mimics and can emit strong pheromones that convince you that you are seeing a different pokémon than what’s standing in front of you. Maybe that, mixed with a hallucinogenic compound, neurotoxin, or other mind altering druggy substance (heck even laughing gas lol) to make you more suggestive. I dunno, it’s a huge stretch, but it’s an excuse to talk about Phenagris lol
You love him, you do, but there are times you just want to hit him with the pillow, repeatedly.
You sigh as you wake up to the sound of Shawn’s shoes tapping the flooring, his heavy footsteps inching closer and closer to the bedroom. You rub your eyes. stretching out under the covers as Shawn glances over at you, giving you a kind smile. his eyes glistening with the dim ray of sunshine beaming through the crack in the curtains.
He shrugs his athletic jacket off his shoulders, throwing it over the bed as he takes in a breath, still a bit sweaty from his morning workout. “Hey, how are you?” He questions, wandering around the bed to reach you, leaning down and kissing your forehead.
“Hi, better if you’d be quiet in the mornings.” You mumble lamentably, glancing over to see the time reading nine-fifteen.
You are not like Shawn, you are not a morning person when it comes to your days off or the weekends. You much prefer to snuggle up under the covers until at least eleven, leaving your body to feel well refreshed.
“I am sorry, I thought you were asleep when I left.” He apologises, stepping towards the wardrobe for a clean pair of clothes.
You roll your eyes behind his back, letting out a heavy sigh as he turns around,
“Is something wrong?” He questions, narrowing his eyes onto you, doing his best to read your body language as you push the covers off of your body with force.
“Yes, I just wanted to fucking sleep, but you and your big ass feet had to stomp around the damn house.” You huff, crossing your arms over your chest, watching as he furrows his eyebrows, completely, and utterly confused.
He nods, licking his lips slightly before raising a brow, “Is it that time of the month?” He queries, his question seeming to annoy you even further.
Of course, he always asks about your period the minute you become grumpy or pissed off with him.
You throw you hands up in the air with a heavy huff, “You literally ask me that whenever I’m mad at you!”
What about...Prompto and s/o are expecting (planned or accidental). Let's say they find out it's a boy, but Prompto seems nervous or changes the subject every time choosing a name comes up. S/o finally shakes it out of him, turns out he wants to name it after Noct but was nervous that s/o might hate the name (assume this is during 10-year-darkness or post-game?) (......I may or may not have just read the pregnancy scare one and am 100% sure Prompto would name a son after his best/first friend).
Here it is! Sequel to the pregnancy scare one shot from a while back. I guess this is technically part two? Either way, hope you enjoy. This is under 1500 words so I’m gonna classify it as a drabble. Hooray for Prompto fluff!
You rose to your feet, exhaling loudly as your hands came to support your lower back. You were six months pregnant, and you felt like you were going to burst. How were you going to survive three more months of this?
You waddled your way into the kitchen to hunt for a snack. It was midday, the sun shone through the curtains into the dining area. Prompto was out and work, helping rebuild the Citadel after the light was restored to the kingdom.
After your first pregnancy scare so many years ago, the two of you wanted to make sure that you were ready before you decided to try for real. A few years back, while Noctis was still in the Crystal and darkness swallowed Eos, Prompto asked you to marry him. The ceremony was small, only a few friends present, but for what it was, it was perfect.
You knew that Prompto wanted kids right away, but you told him that you didn’t feel safe having a child while it was still so dangerous to just be outside. You’d lost so many people to the daemons lurking outside of Lestallum that you were scared to raise a child in that environment. Prompto agreed, and you decided to wait.
But nothing was ever foolproof, and sometimes the two of you were careless. There was one night where Prompto had returned from a rather harrowing battle coming back from Hammerhead. He was trying to help Cindy by gathering some materials for her, and got caught on his own between two Iron Giants. He had to use up all the potions he had on hand, and almost needed a phoenix down, but he made it out alive.
When he got home, he burst through the door and immediately latched his lips onto yours. He took you hard on the couch, the first flat surface he could find. He needed to make sure he was really still there, that he wasn’t just dead and dreaming. He devoured you until you were a screaming mess under his mouth with your legs over his shoulders, and then he took you to the bedroom where he had you begging for mercy under his hurried, rough movements. He hadn’t had the foresight to put on a condom, and spilled his seed inside of you twice, not that you minded in your haze of lust.
But about three weeks later, just as Prompto told you that he got a call from Talcott that Noctis had woken up and was out the door, you bit your tongue and decided not to tell Prompto about the positive pregnancy test at the bottom of the garbage pail.
You didn’t know if he was going to come back. You cried after the door shut behind him, not sure if you’d made the right decision in keeping it a secret. But you knew that if you told him about the pregnancy, he would stay with you. And Noctis needed him. The world needed him.
So you waited. You sat by the window, a hand over your stomach, and waited and waited and waited. Eventually, you fell asleep, your head against the cool glass, your breath creating small areas of fog with every exhale. And then suddenly…
You felt warm.
Your eyes shot open and you saw the sun rising up over the horizon. You covered your mouth with your hands and rubbed your eyes, pinching yourself a few times to make sure it wasn’t a dream.
A little while later, the front door opened and Prompto walked in, his shoulders slumped and his uniform covered in blood, but he was there. You ran to him and he collapsed in your arms, still in grief over the loss of his best friend. You stroked his hair and kissed his temple, letting him know that it was okay.
“Prompto,” you said shakily as he looked up at you with his big, blue eyes.
He sniffled, regarding you curiously. He didn’t say anything, but waited for you to speak.
Finally, you told him. “I’m pregnant.”
His arms tightened around you and he started crying again. Though this time, the tears were for a different reason.
That was six months ago. You couldn’t believe how drastically things could change, how good life could be and how nice it was for it all to just be…normal.
It was a few hours later that Prompto came home. He hung up his Crownsguard coat at the door and came over to kiss you, his hands coming up to cup your face as his lips lingered on yours. Then he leaned down and lifted your shirt to press a kiss to your stomach.
“Hey, little Chocobean,” he smiled, rubbing his hands along your swollen belly. “I can’t wait to meet you.”
You smiled and took Prompto’s hand. “Can we talk for a second, Prom?”
He nodded, and you led him over to the living room and sat with him on the couch.
“You know,” you stated, your hands coming to rest on your stomach. “We still haven’t picked a name yet.”
You could have sworn that Prompto’s face paled a little. His words came out in a rush. “Do we have to decide on that already? I mean, we just finished up the nursery, and I really think that there are some other things we need first, like I don’t know if the Chocobo plushie I got the other day is big enough, or what if the baby prefers Moogles, we haven’t planned for that—”
“Prompto,” you stopped him, bringing up a hand to his freckled cheek. Your eyes traced the constellations on his face, your fingers smoothing out the worry lines that were starting to form on his skin. “What’s the matter?”
“Dunno what you’re talking about,” he mumbled, though he leaned into your touch.
He looked away for just a second, but then nervously met your eyes. “It’s stupid.”
You took both his hands and placed them on your belly. “Prompto Argentum. This is your son. I know you’re nervous and that you’re scared. Hell, I am, too. But we can’t keep referring to the baby as Chocobean all the time, unless that’s the name you want to give him. This baby is real and he needs a name. And you’re his father, I’d like your opinion on what we should call him.”
Prompto sighed, rubbing small circles against your skin through your shirt. He looked down at his hands. “You’ll hate it.”
You tilted your head to the side. “How could I hate it?”
“I…” he paused, his hands stilling. “I want to name him Noctis.”
You couldn’t help but smile. “You want to name him Noctis?”
“It’s stupid, just forget it—”
“Prompto.” The sternness of your voice made him look up.
“You have the scary mom voice down pat, you know that?”
You laughed, shaking your head. “I think Noctis is a fine name for our son.”
Prompto’s eyes lit up, and he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “You mean it?”
“Of course,” you leaned forward and pressed your forehead against his. “He saved us, Prompto. He saved the world. And he was your best friend. Why wouldn’t I want to name our son after one of the most important people in our lives?”
You felt wetness on your face, and realized after a beat that Prompto was crying. You kissed his tears away, and he brought his arms to wrap around you tightly.
“Noctis Solis Argentum,” you decided. “That’s our son’s name.”
The baby kicked, and Prompto laughed in amazement. “I think he agrees.”
You pulled your husband in for a kiss, and he melted into your touch. You closed your eyes and revelled in the warmth of his arms. You couldn’t wait for Baby Noctis to join your happy family.
Summary ~ Faking a relationship, turned into something you hadn’t expected
Words ~ 1020
Request ~ No
I sat on my couch waiting for my roommate/best friend to get home from work. I heard the door open and I looked over to see Spencer. He slammed the door dropping his coat and bag on the floor before walking straight into his room and shutting the door hard. I was shocked I looked between his door and the front door, trying to figure out what just happened. I got off the couch walking over to his coat I hung it up and walked over to his door. “Spence” I said opening the door I saw his laying face first on his bed. I sat down on the bed rubbing his back asking him what was wrong. “Work” He said rolling over. “What happened?” I asked. “The guys don’t take me seriously. They think I am just a brain, Morgan doesn’t talk to me about normal guy things, and when I try and join in with the conversation they just laugh and say ‘You wouldn’t understand kid’ The girls treat me like an innocent teen that knows nothing. I am just sick of it, I know just as much about girls as the other guys do” He rubbed his hands over his face annoyed. “Aw sweetie, did you say anything to them?” “That would make me look like a dork” He sighed, I pulled him into a hug rocking him side to side. We pulled away and I gave him a sympathy smile. He looked at me shocked and then looked me up and down. “Wait you are a girl” He said. “Are you only realizing this now?” I laughed. “Help me” He groaned. “What do you want me to do?” “Okay this is going to sound crazy but what if you came to work tomorrow and 'surprised’ me and pretended to be my girlfriend, then the guys would see that I know about girls” he said hopefully. “I dunno Spence that sounds kind of risky, what if they realise I am just a friend?” “But they won’t, you will show up with lunch for both of us, I will hug you kiss you on the cheek, we will talk like normal because we practically talk like a married couple already. Then you will say goodbye” I looked at the hope in his eyes. “What do you want for lunch?” I smiled The next day I got up and spent extra long making sure I looked good. I wanted to really impress Spencer’s friends. I was kind of excited about pretending to be Spencer’s girlfriend. I like the idea of him calling me his. I put on my outfit checking myself in the mirror. I went to the office asking at reception what floor Spencer Reid was on. I got a lot of looks as I walked down the halls looking for the right place. I saw him standing beside a tall guy and a skinny blonde girl. “Babe” I said walking up to him. He turned around smiling and brought me in for a hug. “I didn’t know you were coming today” He smiled. “Surprise. I brought lunch” I said holding up a bag. “Thanks hun” He said intertwining our fingers. “You look gorgeous as always” “Well I have to compete with you” “There is no competition, do you want to eat at my desk?” He asked. “Sounds fun” I smiled. “Hold on Reid, are you not going to introduce us?” The guy asked. “Hey, I’m Y/N” “Nice to meet you I’m Morgan this is JJ” “Lovely to meet you” “So how come Reid has never told us about you?” “We don’t like to mix business and pleasure” I said winking at Spencer. “Oh my God” He laughed. “And there is a lot of pleasure?” Morgan said sarcastically. “Well lets just say that the case isn’t the only thing that keeps him up at night” I laughed. “Okay that is enough, lets go eat” Spence said pushing me away chuckling. “Nice talking to you” I said over my shoulder. We sat down at his desk and laughed slightly. “Wow you are really good at this” Spencer said. “Yeah, well you weren’t so bad yourself. We ate our lunch and chatted like we normally do, then we said goodbye. “I’ll see you tonight babe” I said wrapping my arm around him. “Yes you will” He said before pulling out of the hug. He looked behind me briefly and then back at me. Suddenly his lips were on mine and his hand was on my cheek. I loved the kiss, I had imagined it before but it was nothing like this. I savoured the feeling and the taste until be pulled away. “Bye babe” He said smiling. I smiled back turning around and walking out. I walked home in a daze of happiness, confusion and sadness. Why did he kiss me? Was it just the act? Does he like me? I sat at home once again waiting for him to get home, I wanted to play it casual and act like nothing had happened but I knew that I would burst if I didn’t ask him. He walked in the door hanging up his coat and looking over at me. “Hey” He smiled. “Hi” He kicked off his shoes and sitting down beside me. He took the remote searching through the channels and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. “You are staring” He said his eyes never leaving the TV. “Why did you kiss me?” I blurted out. “I thought it would help with the act” He said looking at me. “Oh so it was just for the act?” I questioned. There was a long silence as he stared at me, I could see the debating in his eyes before he broke the silence. “No” He leaned closer and pressed his lips to mine. “I like you” He said between kisses. “I like you too” I smiled into the kiss. He broke the kiss abruptly. “Really?” He said shocked. “Of coarse, even when you had weird long hair” I laughed. “Shut up” He groaned leaning back down.
Every now and then I get comments on my posts that are so…I dunno what the word is, but it’s just a trip when it’s a post where I am talking about my time as an erotica editor and my own writing, and the person is like “okay but you should be careful what you write or you could end up with a Reputation” and it’s like sweety, I’m banking on it lmao
hey y’all this is based off of @wolf1ez‘s wonderful amazing widowtracer band au, let’s be legends, which you can find here!!! it’s awesome read it! also side note: in case you’re confused, the introduction and some other parts in this au are written as quotes from magazines/websites.
billboard: rising latin pop star sombra has just released the debut album ladykiller, which has been at #1 for three days, and shows no sign of dropping. the album features a wide range of styles, from the enrique iglesias-esque ballad de amante to the upbeat la chica (de mis sueños). sombra, who is openly gay, is donating half of the profits made off of ladykiller to the trevor project. related: check out our pride playlist, featuring tracks like satya vaswani’s girls and amelie by tracer of phracer!
hollywire: you all might have heard of sombra, whose debut single inamorata shot to #1 internationally and propelled her to overnight fame. well, good news: the bilingual singer has dropped a new album, ladykiller! i love every track on here, though i’ve gotta say: la cama de amor is a personal favourite. there’s nothing like that song to get you in the mood for some romping, if you know what i mean. and whether it’s in english or in spanish, we can only say one thing: spi-icy!
‘hey, asshole,’ gabe says. ‘billboard wants you to do a collaboration on a track for pride month.’
sombra looks up at him from her chair, spinning idly. ‘sure. who’s it with?’
gabe unmutes his phone, listens for a few moments, mutes it again. ‘satya vaswani. the one who did girls.’
‘tell ‘em yes.’
gabe raises an eyebrow. ‘not even gonna think about it?’
‘nah. give the guys the go ahead.’
gabe nods, then disappears again, talking in his business voice. sombra slumps back against the chair, spinning idly.
after a few minutes, gabe comes back in, with a notepad and a schedule.
‘okay,’ he says. ‘here’s the deal. you and vaswani are gonna meet at her apartment so you can go over songs and that shit. then you’re gonna write it, and then you’re scheduled to actually record that bullshit in march. y’all are gonna do a music video, and then they’re gonna drop it on the unsuspecting public on the first day of pride month. it’s december and you meet vaswani in four days, so you better get your ass in gear.’
‘what do you mean, get my ass in gear? i just dropped an album, you fuckhead!’
‘yeah, yeah, whatever. you’re gonna be writing the song in between shows, so get ready to never have a single day free for the rest of your sorry-ass life.’
‘ugh.’ sombra flops back down against the chair.
‘hey, at least she’s hot.’
sombra’s up in an instant, grabbing gabe’s phone. he’s looking at her instagram, and she gapes at the photo.
‘goddamn,’ she says.
‘goddamn,’ gabe agrees.
four days later, she’s being ushered inside a tall building by people in white. vaswani’s bodyguards. she has a bit of a cult following, apparently.
the apartment is large and immaculate, everything perfect and in its place. sombra feels a vague twinge of guilt about her apartment, which probably has more empty dorito bags on the floor than it does furniture.
‘hello,’ comes a voice, and there she is. satya vaswani. impeccably dressed in a semiformal blouse, hands neatly folded over crossed legs. she gives sombra an unreadable look, and then gestures at the perfectly laid out blue tea set on the table. sombra nods.
they’re silent as satya pours the tea in exact, measured movements. sombra sips from the cup that she passes over.
‘so,’ vaswani says. ‘you like women?’
sombra gives her a smirk. ‘yes i do,’ she purrs.
‘good. let’s write a song about it.’
they’re unlikely friends, sombra with her brash cockiness and vaswani with her reserved grace, but it works out. they talk shit about satya’s managers and sing to each other.
it’s 3 am. sombra’s drunk, and hanging upside down from satya’s ceiling fan, knees hooked around the blades.
‘careful,’ satya says. sombra sways until she’s facing satya, their faces close together.
‘i’m not,’ sombra says. her eyes are on the soft curve of satya’s mouth.
satya shifts a little. ‘what- what are you doing?’
sombra shrugs vaguely. ‘i dunno.’
they sit like that for a moment before satya sighs, then tugs sombra’s upside-down face closer and presses their mouths together.
sombra’s hands lift, fingers tracing the line of satya’s jaw. languid. gentle.
‘come to my concert,’ sombra murmurs when they separate. satya makes a questioning noise. sombra’s hands card gently through her hair.
‘like, to sing. anything. i just- i’d like to have you there.’
satya hums. ‘your concerts are loud.’
‘yeah.’ sombra swings herself back a little to study satya’s face. ‘are you okay with that? i know that you don’t really like- sensory overload, right? you don’t have to.’
satya’s hands lift to cover sombra’s on her face. she smiles, a little. ‘i would like to.’
insider: the latin pop star sombra is known for her concerts getting a little sexy, what with her habit of pulling girls on stage and doing some pretty dirty dancing. and then apparently she follows through. she has a pretty impressive network of such girls, ranging from korea to france to her native mexico. ‘she’s a real player,’ an inside source says. ‘but from what i’ve heard coming from those hotel rooms, it’s worth it.’
it’s coming to the last song of the set when sombra jumps off the stage and hooks her fingers around satya’s wrist. satya has her noise-cancelling earbuds in, and she tugs one out.
‘hey, california!’ she shouts, and grins at the answering roar. ‘i want y’all to meet a friend of mine, who’s gonna help me sing this next song. satya vaswani!’
and then she tugs satya up on stage, as the chords start to play. it’s an instantly familiar song. she tosses satya a mic and launches into the first verse.
‘sí, sabes que ya llevo un rato mirándote,’
satya chimes in to sing the next part, and sombra edges closer to her, closer and closer. she comes up behind her, and sets her hands on satya’s hips, swaying, until-
‘despacito-’ and abruptly the swaying turns into grinding, sombra’s hips rocking against the curve of satya’s ass. satya goes tense suddenly, and sombra pulls away, bouncing up to the edge of the stage to sing the next ‘despacito’.
she launches into the next part, shooting satya a concerned look. satya gives her an imperceptible nod, and disappears off the stage.
‘pasito a pasito,‘ she sings, holds out the microphone. the crowds roar the lyrics back to her, and she trades off with them, her wonderful beautiful fans, and they bounce back and forth until sombra sings ‘despa-’
and then abruptly there are strong hands yanking her back hard, and satya vaswani, the angel of bollywood, is grinding on her to the beat of the song.
if not for her goddamn training, she would have forgotten the words all together, but she’s a performer. she cando this, and she goes into the second ‘despacito’ of the chorus, and then abruptly satya bites at her earlobe and yanks her into the curve of her hips and even from the shitty quality of the youtube videos it’s perfectly clear that she has never been more turned on in her whole damn life
the lights go out, sombra yells her goodbyes, the crowd roars, and then she’s practically yanking satya off the stage and into her dressing room and the moment she hears the click of the door lock, she’s on her knees and reaching for the zipper to satya’s absurdly tight pants and everything gets a whole lot better from there.
and they write the damn song. satya’s time for sleeping is 9 pm to 6 am, except on special occasions. so they trade lyric ideas back and forth at 2 am, stealing kisses and occasionally abandoning the song altogether to make out like teenagers.
but they write their separate verses, and tag-team the bridge and the choruses. it’s a love song, of course, addressed to each other.
‘lover girl,’ sombra sings. they’re facing each other inside the soundproofed walls of the recording studio. ‘ain’t you something wonderful?’
it’s a soft kind of song, sombra’s fingers plucking at the strings of the guitar. satya leans forward during the prerecorded instrumental break to kiss her gently. sombra smiles into the kiss.
gabe rolls his eyes fondly from where he sits in the studio, and satya’s assistant gives them a curious glance.
the music video is set half in a beach, half in a bedroom. satya’s verse is first; she sits on a stool in front of a mirror, smiling to herself. the video cuts to the two of them in a bedroom for the chorus, sombra playing her guitar. they’re singing to each other. the last scene, satya tugs the guitar away from sombra and pulls her down for a gentle kiss, and then the video fades.
hollywire: so, i guess you guys have heard the news? latin pop star sombra and the ‘angel of bollywood’ satya vaswani have just dropped the hottest single of the summer, on the first day of pride month! lovergirl is a work of art, and it’s even better when you learn that sombra and satya were dating all through the process of making the song, news they dropped on the same day as the lovergirl music video. one word: wow. #symbra, anyone?
Author’s Note: I’m the biggest top fan and I am in love with this story, but I also love ChanBaek. I m in no way claiming this story as my own, I literally just changed “Tyler and Josh” to “Baekhyun and Chanyeol” (and a few other things lol). Enjoy!!!
Ship: Chanyeol and Baekhyun
Word count: 9,049
Warnings: Mental Instability, Past Patient Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Sex, Suicide
“Baekhyun, I…” His mom pauses, looking unsure.
“Don’t apologize, okay? It’s just that Chanyeol doesn’t exist.”
“Okay,” Baekhyun tells her, waiting for her to
leave so Chanyeol can come back.
His mom looks at him, something yellow-blue-red in her eyes.
He forgets what other people call it. Chanyeol would know.
“Baekhyun, you have an appointment tomorrow,
remember?” Baekhyun’s mom says. “With Dr. Park.”
Dr. Park has lots of markers, a checkerboard, and a liberal
use of a drawer full of candy so Baekhyun won’t tell anyone about the one time
everything tasted like metal and soap and magenta dipped in candle wax.
“Okay,” Baekhyun says, nodding.
His mom bites her lip. “All right, Baekhyun,” she
says. “Remember to eat, okay?”
“Okay,” Baekhyun echoes, and she closes the door.
Chanyeol immediately opens the closet door.
“Dr. Park,” he says with a tone of distaste.
“Why don’t you like him?” Baekhyun asks as he
watches Chanyeol settle himself on Baekhyun’s bookshelf.
“He sounds so…” Chanyeol bites his lip,
searching for the words. “I would say purple-green, but I’m missing
something, aren’t I?”
“Pink,” Baekhyun says immediately.
“Right, right,” Chanyeol says. He makes a face.
“I don’t like it when you go there.”
“Would you rather I go back to Dr. Kim?” Baekhyun
Chanyeol recoils the best he can while perched precariously
on a bookshelf.
“No!” Chanyeol exclaims. “No, no, never!”
“I was kidding,” Baekhyun says as he sprawls back
onto his bed.
“Okay,” Baekhyun says, suddenly reminded by his
conversations with his mother. The sound of butter being spread on toast,
bland, and purple-red acceptance.
“No, really,” Chanyeol says, hopping off the bookshelf
so he can grab Baekhyun’s hand. “Don’t joke about that. That was…
“It was,” Baekhyun allows, and Chanyeol presses
his lips to Baekhyun’s hand.
“Please don’t joke about that, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol
And Baekhyun is so charmed by the way Chanyeol’s mouth forms
his name that he agrees automatically.
Baekhyun can tell Dr. Park has had a long day.
“Everything all right with your wife, Doctor?” Baekhyun
“Peachy,” Dr. Park huffs, flopping down onto his
chair. “Chocolate or lollipop?”
“Lollipop,” Baekhyun answers. He likes to suck
them as obscenely as possible once in a while, just to check Dr. Park’s
The lollipop is red, tasting green-red-yellow, like
cherries. Baekhyun’s careful to rub it across his lips, making them as red as
“Last session we discussed books,” Dr. Park says,
not paying attention to Baekhyun’s treatment of his lollipop. “And
“Those two may as well be synonymous,” Baekhyun
“Yes, you mentioned that many times,” Dr. Park
says, sounding tired.
“And the Bible-”
“-has such small print you may as well be looking at a
rainbow,” the doctor finishes.
“Although the first part-”
“-of Genesis is almost entirely green, so you can read
it,” Dr. Park says. “I take very good notes, remember?”
“I remember,” Baekhyun says in the same tone he
uses with his mother.
Dr. Park, who is entirely familiar with Baekhyun’s vocal
“Baekhyun, I’m sorry I’m not at the top of my game
today,” he says. He leans forward, and Baekhyun jerks back so quickly that
the lollipop almost goes down his throat. “Sorry, sorry,” Dr. Park
apologizes. He takes off his glasses so he can scrub his face with his hand.
“I’m so sorry, Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun doesn’t say anything. He thinks that if he opens
his mouth, nothing but the ’gibberish’
only Chanyeol seems to understand would fall out. His heart’s pounding in his
chest, and he places his hand over it. Dr. Park follows his movements and
“I’m so sorry, Baekhyun,” he repeats. “I
didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I’m okay,” Baekhyun says, pleased when he hears
them come out as ‘normal’ words.
“You’re not, Baekhyun,” Dr. Park says with a sigh.
“You’re not okay.” He shakes his head slowly, as if to clear it.
“What do you want to talk about today?”
Baekhyun shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Have you been writing?” Dr. Park asks.
“A little,” Baekhyun mutters, picking a loose
thread on his jeans.
“Have you written about anything particularly
“The treehouse,” Baekhyun says, before wishing he
didn’t say anything because Dr. Park’s eyes go blue-orange-green, all
interested and almost hungry-looking.
“What treehouse?” Dr. Park asks, jotting something
down in his notebook.
“We- I found a treehouse in the woods,” Baekhyun
murmurs, scowling down at the carpet. He feels oddly exposed now.
“What was the treehouse like?” the doctor asks,
not looking up from his notebook.
“I dunno. Woody.” Yellow-purple. The way wet chalk
feels. The lowest B on his piano.
“Do your parents know about the treehouse?” Dr. Park
“Does it matter?” Baekhyun says, a little more
defensively than he intended.
Dr. Park blinks. “I suppose it doesn’t,” he says
slowly. “I just wanted to know if you’ve been talking to them.”
“You could’ve just asked them that,” Baekhyun points
out. “You could’ve just asked me that.”
“You’re right, Baekhyun. I’m sorry,” Dr. Park
says, sounding genuinely apologetic. “Have you been talking to your
parents?” Baekhyun snorts. “I thought so.” The doctor leans
forward slowly, so Baekhyun has time to prepare for his presence. “I think
you should talk to them, Baekhyun. They really care about you.”
“They don’t.” Baekhyun knows he sounds like a
child, like the smell of orange peels, but he doesn’t care.
“They do, Baekhyun. And they were so, so upset when
they found out what had happened to you.”
“They never believed me.”
“Baekhyun, you weren’t very easy to understand
then,” Dr. Park says gently. “You still aren’t, honestly.”
“You seem to manage.”
“I’ve known you for a long time now, Baekhyun.”
“So have my parents.”
“Have they really?”
Baekhyun is silent for a moment. “No.” He pauses.
“They don’t know me at all.”
“Baekhyun, have you ever thought about making peace
with your parents?” Dr. Park asks.
Baekhyun scowls. “They should be the ones making peace
“They’re trying, Baekhyun, really,” the doctor
says. “I guess you haven’t noticed, but they’re trying to make
“Well, they’re doing a heck of a job,” Baekhyun
Dr. Park ignores that comment. “They said they’ve been
trying to take you out more and participate in family activities.”
“I hate crowds,” Baekhyun tells his doctor.
“I hate board games. I hate TV.”
“They don’t know what you like, Baekhyun,” Dr. Park
says. “But I’m sure they’ll be happy to do whatever you do like with
“I…” Baekhyun pauses. “There’s nothing that
I like to do.”
Dr. Park goes quiet for a moment. “You like
Baekhyun blinks. “What?” Dr. Park has never
willingly brought up the topic of Chanyeol before.
“I’m not saying that Chanyeol is real, Baekhyun,”
the doctor says quickly. “But maybe you could try telling someone in your
family about him.”
“And what purpose would that serve, other then to cater
“It’ll help you open up,” Dr. Park says, ignoring
his sarcasm. “You’re much easier to understand when you’re talking about
something you’re passionate about.”
Baekhyun thinks about this. “You’ll have to tell my
parents that it okay for me to talk about Chanyeol.”
Dr. Park sighs. “I didn’t mean for that to happen when
I told them about Chanyeol, Baekhyun. I’m sorry.”
Baekhyun shrugs. “Whatever.”
Dr. Park nods slowly to himself, jotting something down in
his notebook. “I’ll talk to them.”
“What are you going to say about me?” Chanyeol
asks as he picks at a piece of splintering wood in their treehouse.
Baekhyun shrugs. “I dunno. There’s a lot to say.”
“You could tell them how pink-red-orange I am,”
Chanyeol says, flashing Baekhyun one of those smiles that make Baekhyun melt.
“How sexy I am, how I sound like melted marshmallows, how my lips are the
key C major, how I can-”
“Oh, shut up,” Baekhyun says, pushing him
Chanyeol laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he
grins. Baekhyun looks away before Chanyeol can see him staring.
Chanyeol sobers immediately, frowning. “You’re not
“I know,” Baekhyun says. “But telling them
about you isn’t going to convince them of that.”
Chanyeol is silent for a moment. “What are you going to
“Talk to them about you anyways,” Baekhyun says.
“Fuck what they think.”
Chanyeol grins. “You’re really pink-red-orange when you
Baekhyun blushes. “No, I’m not.”
Chanyeol looks at him thoughtfully. “You’re pretty
“Pretty pretty?” Baekhyun says.
Chanyeol laughs. “Not my best word choice.”
“Why do we talk like this, anyways?” Baekhyun
asks. “If we just used our words, nothing like that would happen.”
“You asked me to talk 'normally,’” Chanyeol says.
Baekhyun frowns. “Why did I do that?”
Chanyeol shrugs. “Something about better
Baekhyun nods slowly. “Sounds like something I’d do.
“Well, yeah,” Chanyeol says. “You were
all-” he makes a few indiscernible hand motions, “blue-purple.
“Mixed up,” Baekhyun says, nodding.
“Not exactly,” Chanyeol says. “Sort of… I
can’t remember the word for it. Orange-green-purple.”
“Confused,” Baekhyun translates. Chanyeol nods.
“That’s it. I keep forgetting that one,” he says.
“Confused. You were confused. And like the letter M. The way August
“Confused, maybe,” Baekhyun allows. “I don’t
know about lost, though.”
“You were lost,” Chanyeol says, sounding certain.
“Maybe,” Baekhyun says again. He watches Chanyeol
flick the lighter he always has on and off. “Why do you even have that?
You don’t smoke.”
Chanyeol shrugs. “You never know when you’ll have to
set everything on fire.”
Baekhyun furrows his eyebrows. “What? What are you
Chanyeol just shrugs agains. “You’ll get it some
“He dyed his
hair the other day,” Baekhyun tells his mom.
They’re sitting on the steps outside, watching the wind blow
through the trees in their backyard. It sounds like a cool pillow on Baekhyun’s
skin, and he smiles.
“What color?” his mom asks.
“Blue. Bright blue,” Baekhyun says, grinning a
little to himself. “It was red for a while before, actually.”
“That’s neat, Baekhyun,” his mom says, still
looking rather uncomfortable.
“He has these really dark brown eyes,” Baekhyun
says, choosing to ignore his mother’s discomfort. “Coffee eyes. That kind
with coffee and hot chocolate. What’s that called again?”
“Mocha,” his mom supplies.
“Mocha eyes,” Baekhyun says, nodding.
“Baekhyun,” his mom says, biting her lip,
“who is Chanyeol to you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is he your friend?” his mom asks.
Baekhyun splutters a little. “What? No!”
“It’s… y'know, okay if you want a boyfriend,” Baekhyun’s
mom says. “Just so you know.”
“Great,” Baekhyun says, still wide-eyed.
“What brought that on?”
“You always have this goofy look on when you talk about
him, Baekhyun,” his mom tells him.
“Yeah, but that automatically made you think I’m gay?”
“Well,” his mom shrugs, “you’ve never seemed
very straight, Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun blinks. “Thanks, Mom.”
“It wasn’t an insult!” his mom begins to protest,
but pauses when she sees Baekhyun laughing.
“I’m gay,” Baekhyun assures her once he’s done
giggling. “I just never expected you to notice.”
“I do occasionally notice something about you, Baekhyun,”
his mom tells him.
Baekhyun immediately sobers. He frowns, and his mom sighs,
carefully taking his hand.
“I’m sorry, Baekhyun,” she tells him. “I know
that an apology won’t fix anything, that it won’t change anything, but I am
still so sorry.”
“Why-” Baekhyun swallows hard, “why didn’t
you believe me?”
“I-” His mom sighs. “Dr. Kim seemed very
professional, Baekhyun. He was supposed to be top of the line. And he was very
smooth, very reassuring that there was absolutely no misconduct.” She
sighs again, squeezing Baekhyun’s hand gently. “I regret not listening to
you more than anything, Baekhyun.”
“Don’t we all,” Baekhyun mutters. “Don’t we
“How do you feel?” Chanyeol asks one day.
“Who are you, Dr. Park?”
Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “Come on, Baek,” he says,
passing him his pocket knife. “Show me. In 'normal’ words.”
Baekhyun stares at the knife, warm and heavy in his palm,
like silk on dewy grass.
“Show me,” Chanyeol repeats.
Baekhyun flips out the blade, pressing it to the wooden
floor of their treehouse.
words,” he whispers to himself, trying to recall one for how he feels.
Chanyeol reads. “Why?”
Baekhyun shrugs, wiping the wood shavings off the knife
before flicking it closed and handing it back to Chanyeol.
“I don’t know. Always am,” he says.
“Why?” Chanyeol repeats. “Of what?”
Baekhyun shrugs again. “Of what’s next, I guess,”
Chanyeol frowns. “That’s nothing to be scared of,”
“Why am I scared, then?”
Chanyeol smiles in that small, gentle way of his.
“Orange-green-purple,” he says.
Baekhyun sighs, tracing his thumb over the carving in the
“I’m not,” he murmurs. “Not really.”
“You are,” Chanyeol says. “Like stretched
orange cotton. Not knowing what’s around the corner is one of the best things
“Terrifying,” Baekhyun says, shaking his head.
“Maybe a little,” Chanyeol allows. “But maybe
what’s around the corner is the best thing you could possibly imagine.”
“What if it’s not, though?”
“What if it is?”
“What if it isn’t?”
Chanyeol leans forward, taking Baekhyun’s fingers away from
the carving in the wood.
“But what if it is?” he whispers.
“How are things with you and your mother?” Dr. Park
asks as Baekhyun slides a peanut butter cup into his pocket.
“Fine,” Baekhyun says.
“Fine?” Dr. Park repeats, eyebrow raised.
“Better,” Baekhyun amends.
Dr. Park nods slowly. “You talked to her about
Baekhyun nods. “She didn’t look too happy.”
“As expected, Baekhyun,” Dr. Park says, still
looking down at her notes. “It can’t be comfortable for a woman to hear
her seventeen-year-old son talk about his imaginary friend.”
“Who she thinks is imaginary,” Baekhyun corrects
before he can stop himself.
Dr. Park pauses, finally looking up from his notes.
“Baekhyun,” he says softly, “Chanyeol
whatever,” Baekhyun says quickly.
The doctor sighs, running his hand through thinning hair
“He’s not real, Baekhyun,” he says softly.
“I’m sorry, but he just doesn’t exist.”
whatever you say.”
Dr. Park rubs his face with his hands. “Baekhyun…”
“Look,” Baekhyun says, suddenly feeling ready to
fight, “I know you think I’m crazy because of this, but Chanyeol is real,
okay? You’re not going to convince me otherwise.”
Dr. Park chuckles dryly. “I’m seeing that, yes.”
“It’s all blue-black,” Chanyeol says. “My
home, I mean. That’s why I like it here better.”
“You’ve told me that,” Baekhyun says.
“That doesn’t make it any less true,” Chanyeol
“I know,” Baekhyun says. “I’m just saying
that I hear you whenever you tell me.”
“But I don’t want you to hear me,” Chanyeol says
insistently. “I want you to listen.”
Baekhyun frowns. “What’s the difference?”
Chanyeol makes a frustrated noise. “Some people-
philosophers, mainly- say other people never hear each other,” he says.
“But I don’t think that’s true. I think everyone hears, but I don’t think
most people listen.”
Baekhyun’s frown deepens. “I still don’t get it.”
“It’s like…” Chanyeol shifts, taking Baekhyun’s
hand. “Okay, when I say 'take my
hand,’ you think of holding hands, right? Not of taking my hand someplace
with you. Unless we go somewhere hand-in-hand, but that’s a different
story.” He shakes his head to clear it. “What I mean is, you hear 'take my hand’ but listen to 'hold my hand.’”
“Oh.” Baekhyun pauses, thinking. “I get
it.” He frowns again. “I think.”
Chanyeol cracks a smile. “Well, at least you’re
“Baekhyun, your psychiatrist and I want to start you on
a new kind of drug,” Dr. Park says as Baekhyun sits down.
“What?” Baekhyun asks as he picks out a purple
lollipop. “Don’t you remember how it went last time?”
“Not antipsychotics,” Dr. Park says. “That
was a mistake, I know.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “That
was a mistake.”
“What kind of drug, then?” Baekhyun asks,
unwrapping the lollipop and popping it in his mouth.
“Lorazepam,” Dr. Park says. He pauses.
Baekhyun frowns. “Doesn’t that treat anxiety?” Am
I anxious? he wonders to himself.
“It also treats insomnia,” Dr. Park says.
“Frankly, Baekhyun, you’re starting to look like a skeleton. One in need
of a good night’s sleep.”
Baekhyun shrugs. “I think I’m okay.”
Dr. Park sighs. “Your mother told me she can hear you
talking to yourself at three in the morning. Every single night.”
Baekhyun opens his mouth to say that it’s not himself he’s
talking to, but decides against it.
“I’m okay,” he says instead.
“Baekhyun, I really don’t think you’re getting enough
sleep,” Dr. Park says softly. “You look exhausted all the time.”
“Baekhyun, this is honestly what I think is best for
you,” Dr. Park says gently.
Baekhyun glares at him. “And why do you care about
what’s best for me?” He leans forward, undaunted. “I don’t think you
do,” he says, placing his hand over his cheek deliberately.
Dr. Park’s expression drops. “Baekhyun,” he
begins, stopping. “Baekhyun, I’m so, so sorry about that.”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes, leaning back. “Whatever.”
The doctor sighs, rubbing his eyes. “There’s no excuse
for that,” he says. “But Baekhyun, this really is for your own good.”
He pulls out another piece of paper and jots something down on it. “I’m going
to talk to your parents, and once I have their approval, we’re going to start
you on Ativan. Okay, Baekhyun?”
“Whatever,” Baekhyun says again.
Dr. Park sighs, rubbing the ring on his left finger. “Okay.
Now, Baekhyun, I thought-”
"Stop that,” Baekhyun says, irritated.
Dr. Park pauses. “Stop what?”
“Stop putting my name in every other sentence you direct
to me,” Baekhyun says. “I know my name now, okay?”
“Force of habit, Baek-“ he catches himself, “force of
Baekhyun chuckles dryly. "I hate my name,” he tells his doctor.
“And why’s that?” Dr. Park asks, scratching
something down on his notepad.
“It’s just a reminder.”
Dr. Park pauses. “A reminder of what?”
“It’s just another reminder that no one’s actually
unique,” Baekhyun says. “No one’s actually special.”
Dr. Park sets his notepad onto the desk, looking intrigued.
“Elaborate?” he requests.
“Certainly,” Baekhyun says. “You know,
there’s someone out there named Byun Baekhyun. Maybe not now, but there will
be. Maybe even both, depending on how long I live.” He pauses, tapping his
chin. “And if there really are infinite universes, there are an infinite
number of Byun Baekhyuns, saying the exact same thing that I’m saying, thinking
the exact same thing that I’m thinking. Yes, there are an infinite number of
worlds where Byun Baekhyun is a plumber who crossdresses in his free time and
has never once considered other universes, but that would mean there are also
an infinite number of worlds that are an exact replica of this one. And if
that’s true, there’s no reason for anyone to feel special.” Baekhyun hums
thoughtfully. “You could always argue, of course, that there may be no
such thing as parallel universes, but even so, there’s still going to be
someone in this world with your name
in your past, present, or future. And I read that everyone has a doppelgänger
on this earth, although the two doppelgängers may not live at the same
time.” Baekhyun sighs. “What’s the point in being unique?”
Dr. Park stares at him. “…and that’s why you don’t
like your name?”
Baekhyun laughs a little. “A rather wordy version of
“It’s definitely interesting,” Dr. Park tells him.
“I’m definitely going to think long and hard about it later.”
“Good,” Baekhyun tells him honestly. “I think
everyone should think about it at least once in a while. Food for thought, you
“Mom?” Baekhyun asks, walking into the kitchen.
“Baekhyun?” his mom responds, turning to him with
an expression of mild surprise.
“I have something to tell you,” he says,
cautiously taking her hand and leading her to sit at the kitchen table.
“What is it?” she asks.
“I…” am in
love with the boy you think is imaginary what do I do, “…uh.” Baekhyun
scratches the back of his neck. “Um.”
“Yes?” his mom says.
“What’s for dinner?” comes tumbling out.
His mother blinks in surprise. “Spaghetti and
meatballs,” she says. “Why? Do you want to eat with us?”
And for some unknown reason, Baekhyun nods.
“So, let me get this straight:” Chanyeol begins,
“you tried to eat the spaghetti with a spoon, called your brother a
periwinkle dust mop when he tried to give you a fork, listened to your sister
talk about her basketball tournament, fell off your chair when your other
brother kicked you under the table, watched your dad drink a nonalcoholic beer,
listened to your mom talk about your sister’s basketball tournament, and burst
into tears when the brother who kicked you asked why you don’t go to
“That just about sums it up,” Baekhyun says,
Chanyeol raises an eyebrow at him. “And why did you
even go to dinner?”
Baekhyun blushes. “It was sort of an accident.”
Chanyeol raises the other eyebrow. “How do you
accidentally wind up eating dinner with your family?”
“I- ah…” Baekhyun runs a hand through his hair.
“Well, I was going to ask my mom something, but, uh, I ended up asking her
what was for dinner.”
Chanyeol’s raised eyebrows lift even higher. “What were
you going to ask her?”
Baekhyun feels his face flush even darker.
“Nothing,” he says a little too quickly.
Chanyeol’s eyebrows rise so high that they almost disappear
into his mop of deep, black hair. Before Baekhyun can stop himself, he’s
reaching out and pushing Chanyeol’s eyebrows down himself.
They stare at each other for a moment before they both burst
They end up with their foreheads pressed together and
fingers intertwined, and they’re both still giggling as Baekhyun looks down at
Chanyeol’s soft, C major lips. It would be so
easy just to…
Baekhyun snaps out of it, looking back up into Chanyeol’s
mocha eyes. Their foreheads are still pressed together.
“Can I, um…” Before Baekhyun can think about it,
he’s shifting himself oh-so-slightly for their lips to touch. It’s brief, but Baekhyun
can still feel those perfect, C major lips unresponsive on his when he pulls
“Oh,” Chanyeol says, looking startled.
“Oh,” Baekhyun echoes, standing up. “Oh, oh man, I’m so sorry, I- I’ll…”
He practically slides down the ladder.
“No, wait, Baekhyun-” Chanyeol calls, but Baekhyun
doesn’t look back.
“You seem gloomy today,” Baekhyun’s mom comments as Baekhyun
pours milk into a bowl of cereal.
Baekhyun shrugs. “I’m all right.”
She frowns. “You haven’t gone outside at all today.”
Baekhyun shrugs again. “Not in the mood.”
“Do you mind if I join you?” his mom asks, gesturing to the
seat across from Baekhyun. He shakes his head. “Thank you.”
They sit in silence for a moment.
“I didn’t know you like that kind of cereal,” Baekhyun’s mom
“Hmm?” Baekhyun says, looking up. “Oh, yeah, it’s
Chanyeol’s…” he cuts himself off when he looks down at the floating brown and
tan corn puffs, “…favorite.”
Before he knows it, Baekhyun’s suddenly bawling into his
bowl of Reese’s Puffs.
mom says, sounding alarmed. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Sorry, sorry,” Baekhyun says through a small sob. "I- I don’t know, I-” Another sob cuts
“Shh,” his mom says, suddenly kneeling next to his
chair, hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay.”
Baekhyun wraps his arms around her, burying his head in her
shoulder. He’s suddenly bombarded by memories of when he used to cling to her
after his unending nightmares when he was little. He stopped asking for his mom
when Chanyeol came into the picture, though. He’d cling to Chanyeol instead.
Baekhyun chuckles through a sob, wondering if he’ll have to
go back to hugging his mother after nightmares.
“It’s okay,” Baekhyun’s mom says softly, patting
his back. “Sweetheart, it’s all okay.”
“Mom?” he whispers into her neck.
“Yes, Baekhyun?” she replies.
“I’m in love with Chanyeol,” he says, voice
cracking on ‘love.’
“Oh.” Baekhyun’s mom holds him even tighter.
know-” Baekhyun pauses to take a deep breath, “I know that you think he’s not real, and
everyone’s so vehement about it that sometimes I think he might not be too. And
where would that leave me?” He’s starting to shake now. “Stuck in love with a ghost, that’s what.”
“Oh, baby,” his mom says softly. “I’m so
The position they’re in isn’t very comfortable, and Baekhyun’s
mom slowly helps them both stand before guiding their way to the sofa. Baekhyun
immediately curls up, burying his head back into his mother’s shoulder.
“I messed up,” Baekhyun says, shuddering. “I
kissed him and he didn’t kiss back and I want to die, Momma, he means so much
and I messed it all up.”
“Oh, honey,” Baekhyun’s mom says softly, running
her hand through his hair.
“I messed up,” Baekhyun says again. “I messed
“Baekhyun,” his mom says carefully, “have you
considered that this might be a good thing?”
“It’s not healthy to rely on- on someone like you
do,” his mom says gently. “Maybe take a break from Chanyeol?”
Baekhyun says, so appalled that he’s stopped crying.
“A break, Baekhyun,” she echoes. “Just for a
little while. Take up a new hobby or something.”
“Chanyeol isn’t a hobby, Mom,” Baekhyun says,
indignant by her implications. “He’s a person. A person that I need to
make amends with,” he says, springing up.
But Baekhyun’s already dashing out the back door and running
into the forest to find Chanyeol.
Baekhyun can hear Chanyeol humming mindlessly when he
approaches the treehouse. He hears the faint sound of gnats buzzing in the
distance and the stream a little ways away running peacefully as he cautiously
climbs up the ladder, poking his head in.
Chanyeol is sitting there, flicking the lighter on and off
as if in a trance.
“Hey,” Baekhyun says, and Chanyeol nearly drops
the lighter in surprise.
“Hi,” he says, pocketing the lighter. “Come
Baekhyun hesitantly clambers in. “So, I wanted to
He’s cut off when Chanyeol surges forward and presses C
major lips to his.
The kiss last longer than the last one, and this time both
of them are contributing. Chanyeol’s mouth is warm and sweet, and Baekhyun can
feel his own heart thumping madly.
Chanyeol’s soft, blue-sky hands reach up. One cradles the
back of his neck, and the other cups his jaw. Baekhyun’s hands hesitantly reach
up as well, grasping Chanyeol’s shoulders.
They finally pull back, and Baekhyun slowly opens his eyes
to see Chanyeol’s still closed, looking utterly contented.
They just sit there for a moment, catching their breaths.
“Why’d you run?” Chanyeol asks, breaking the
“Why didn’t you kiss back?” Baekhyun answers.
There’s another moment of silence.
“I like you,” Chanyeol says suddenly. His voice
sounds a little different. Like rain falling up. “I like you a lot.”
“I like you a lot too,” Baekhyun says, and
Chanyeol beams at him, tiger-growl teeth peaking through C major lips.
he whispers, odic, and kisses him again.
“Oh,” Baekhyun gasps into Chanyeol’s mouth,
“Good?” Chanyeol mumbles as he twists his fingers.
“Like- like-” Baekhyun throws his head back,
hitting the wooden floor of the treehouse. “I can taste- ahh…”
Chanyeol swallows his groan, pressing perfect C major lips
to his. Baekhyun whimpers again, bucking his hips up.
“Chanyeol,” he gasps.
“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says, warm and low in his
throat, honey and birdsong and dark, sweet orange.
Baekhyun’s a mess of gasps and moans as Chanyeol gently
moves his fingers inside him. He can taste something, like metal but not quite,
and he’s so so desperate for something, but he doesn’t know what.
“Please,” Baekhyun whispers, not even sure of what
he’s pleading for. Chanyeol’s fingers press up, and the not-metal taste becomes
so overwhelming that a sob is startled out of him.
“Hey,” Chanyeol says, pausing. He cups Baekhyun’s
cheek with soft, blue-sky hands. “Are you alright?“
"Yeah,” Baekhyun says shakily. “Yeah, I’m
Chanyeol presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Tell
me if it becomes too much, okay?”
“Okay,” Baekhyun murmurs. He presses himself
against Chanyeol’s fingers, and Chanyeol smiles, all C major-sweet. “Come
on,” Baekhyun says, throat suddenly dry, “you can- ah.”
Chanyeol goes back to slowly moving his fingers. Baekhyun
isn’t exactly sure of what he’s doing, but it’s good.
He can feel something else in his veins, hot and desperate
and red-black velvet. He groans, squeezing on Chanyeol’s fingers.
“So good,” Baekhyun grunts. “So, so… like- ah, not metal but almost, and velvet,
“Shh,” Chanyeol says softly. “I know.”
Chanyeol slowly pulls his fingers out. Baekhyun frowns at
“What?” he starts to ask, but Chanyeol is suddenly
shifting Baekhyun’s hips and pressing something warm and hard against him.
“Okay?” Chanyeol murmurs, looking down at him with
wide, mocha eyes.
“Yes,” Baekhyun says, absolutely certain. “Yes.”
Chanyeol gently pushes in, lower C major lip tucked under
tiger-growl top teeth.
Baekhyun’s eyes roll back as he’s slowly filled up. It
burns, but it’s like creamer for coffee, like red robin feathers, and it’s
“Okay?” Chanyeol whispers.
“Yeah,” Baekhyun confirms, closing his eyes. The
not-metal in his mouth is building up again, and he gasps as Chanyeol shifts
his hips oh-so slightly. “Oh! Oh,
Chanyeol kisses him again, and Baekhyun kisses back as hard
as he can.
“So, so, ahh,”
Chanyeol moans into Baekhyun’s mouth. “You’re
so, oh, oh…” Baekhyun kisses him, swallowing his groans.
Chanyeol is starting to move his hips in slow, steady
motions, and Baekhyun finds himself moving his own hips to meet his motions.
Chanyeol is hitting something inside Baekhyun every single time, and Baekhyun
can’t help but whimper in a low, constant sound.
Chanyeol grunts, “tell me if it’s
Baekhyun murmurs back. “Keep going.”
Chanyeol laughs softly, startled, but obliges.
Baekhyun runs his hands through Chanyeol’s soft, dark hair,
tugging gently. Chanyeol groans, fingers digging into Baekhyun’s shoulders, and
Baekhyun wraps his legs around Chanyeol’s waist. His hips shift up slightly,
and whimpers when Chanyeol starts to hit that place inside him even harder.
Chanyeol grunts into Baekhyun’s ear. “Can
Baekhyun doesn’t even know what Chanyeol is asking for, but
he presses his hips even closer to Chanyeol’s, squeezing, and with a yelp,
Chanyeol’s movements stutter and still.
“Um…are you all right?” Baekhyun asks.
Chanyeol is panting hard as he reaches down and wraps his
hand around Baekhyun’s- whoa.
he says as he starts to move his hand.
is Baekhyun’s reply.
He reaches up, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s back,
clinging desperately. The not-metal taste is more intense than ever, and he
sinks his teeth into Chanyeol’s collarbone with a groan.
he gasps out. “Oh gosh.”
Baekhyun feels the velvet in his veins, tastes the not-metal
in his mouth, and he can start to hear a low humming, a perfect G sharp.
He groans, high in his throat, and Chanyeol mouths along his
jawbone down to his neck.
Chanyeol murmurs. “You’re almost
Baekhyun doesn’t have any clue what Chanyeol is even talking
about- where he’s close to being-, but he’s too jumbled up and overwhelmed to
Chanyeol twists his hand, rubbing his thumb over the top,
and the not-metal in Baekhyun’s mouth suddenly becomes so much, too much, and he sobs hard into
“It’s okay,” Chanyeol whispers. “Just let go.
Baekhyun lets go.
He’s falling, sinking,
and he can feel himself shaking. The not-metal in his mouth finally comes
spilling out as a moan more expressive and emotion-filled than he ever thought he
could make. He splays his arms out, one hitting the wooden wall, and he feels
all of his muscles clench and unclench.
The G sharp grows louder and louder until he finally
screams, groaning and whimpering. Chanyeol is murmuring soft, cloud-sweet words
as Baekhyun finally quiets down.
says once he can finally speak.
Chanyeol says against Baekhyun’s neck.
echoes, ears buzzing. “That was- that was…” For the first time
ever, there’s something that Baekhyun can’t
“Yeah,” Chanyeol says, kissing him chastely.
“I know,” Baekhyun says, and immediately wishes he
could shove those words back in his mouth because Chanyeol’s mocha eyes go
Chanyeol says softly, C major lips pulling back to bare tiger-growl teeth,
“did you say?”
“I’m sorry, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says immediately.
Chanyeol exhales in a way that Baekhyun can only describe as
red-green-orange, like a stream over a bed of jagged crystal. Perfectly
Chanyeol takes a deep breath, “you can’t
“You have no idea
what it’s like,” Chanyeol growls, “to be terrified of going home! No
idea what it’s like to be frightened of your own parents!” He stands
up, pacing the best he can in the cramped space of the treehouse. “You have no idea what it’s like to have to
hide whenever your dad gets too drunk and destroys whatever he comes across,
and your mother is too high to care. You have no idea what it’s like to use your
body to protect your sisters, your little brother. You don’t know the fear that
runs through you when your father pulls out his belt because he’s feeling
pissed off and needs something to take it all out on. You have no idea what
it’s like to be whipped as hard as a grown man drunk on cheap liquor and anger
can manage. And let me tell you something, Baekhyun.” He stops pacing
and turns to look Baekhyun in the eye. “It. Hurts.”
He resumes pacing. “Everything
is blue-black,” he repeats. He pauses, frowning. “For me,” he adds, “not you.”
“What’s wrong, Baekhyun?” Baekhyun’s mom asks.
“Huh?” Baekhyun says, looking up.
“You’ve just been sitting there all day,” she says,
sitting down next to him on the sofa. “Is there something wrong?”
“Well,” Baekhyun says. He tries to stop himself,
but the words suddenly come pouring out. “Chanyeol and I had sex, okay?
And ever since then he’s been extra moody and I don’t know what to do. And
yesterday we had a fight because I agreed with him when he said that everything
is blue-black and he got mad because I don’t know what it’s like. And he’s
right, I don’t know what it’s like for everything to be blue-black. But he kept
on yelling and yelling and Mom, he’s hurt so bad at home and I want to help him
but I can’t and that hurts.”
“You- you had sex
Baekhyun looks up to see his mother’s face completely white.
“Yes,” he says slowly. “That’s what I said,
his mom says urgently, squeezing his hand so hard it’s to the point of painful,
“did it hurt?”
Baekhyun feels his face contort into a vaguely shocked and
disgusted expression. “What?”
“When you had sex
with Chanyeol, did it hurt?” his mom says. “Did he hurt you?”
Baekhyun frowns. “Well, a little. But I didn’t really
notice then.” He considers this thoughtfully. “It hurt to sit down
the next day,” he says truthfully.
His mom looks absolutely horrified. “Oh, Baekhyun,” she whispers,
wrapping him into a hug. “I’m so
“What?” Baekhyun says, confused. Why is she sorry?
Wasn’t the sex a good thing? It felt so
Baekhyun sits there, utterly bewildered. Was he not supposed
to have enjoyed it?
His mom runs a hand through his hair. “You’re all right. No one’s going to hurt
you. Not anymore.”
Baekhyun’s mom hasn’t let him out of her sight since he told
her he had sex with Chanyeol.
He hopes Chanyeol will understand why he hasn’t been out to
make amends yet.
His mom has only left his side to call a few people and to
talk to his dad.
“I’m just going to go say hi to your siblings,
okay?” his mom says, when they hear the garage door open. “I’ll be right back.”
Baekhyun nods slowly.
He can hear his mom greeting his brother and sister when
there’s a tap on the living room window. He looks out to see Chanyeol standing
there, waving cautiously.
Baekhyun runs to the window, opening it.
Chanyeol says, gesturing out to the woods behind them.
Baekhyun bites his lip. “My mom’ll freak out if she
comes back and I’m not here,” he says.
Chanyeol sighs. “Please?” he says. “I’m
sorry, Baekhyun. I didn’t mean to yell. Please. I'm… I’m sorry.”
Baekhyun sighs, looking out. “Fine,” he murmurs, climbing out of the window.
“Hi,” Chanyeol says softly, cautiously taking his
hand. “Can we talk?”
“Okay,” Baekhyun says, and they walk,
hand-in-hand, into the forest.
“I’m sorry that I blew up at you like that,”
Chanyeol apologizes once they’re safely hidden in the trees.
“I’m sorry I said I understood,” Baekhyun says.
“I don’t understand. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Chanyeol smiles, C major lips a little sad.
“Everybody’s fucking sorry,” he whispers, and Baekhyun leans in and
Chanyeol’s eyes are closed when he pulls back, and he looks
“Sing,” he says, eyes still closed.
asks, taken aback.
“What do you want me to sing?” Baekhyun says,
Chanyeol shrugs. “Something everyone would know.”
“Um.” Baekhyun pauses. For some reason, all he can
think of is “Twinkle, Twinkle,
Chanyeol smiled goofily and in-love to himself, eyes still
How I wonder what you
Up above the world so
Like a diamond in the
How I wonder what you
When the blazing sun
When he nothing shines
Then you show your
Twinkle, twinkle, all
How I wonder what you
Chanyeol finally opens his eyes when Baekhyun finishes.
“Thank you,” he says.
“Sure,” Baekhyun says.
They walk deeper into the forest, hands still clasped
“Have you ever noticed,” Chanyeol begins,
squinting up at the darkening sky, “that when you squeeze your eyes
together, everything changes?”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun says. “Not dramatically,
though. Just enough to be unnerving.”
“Yeah.” Chanyeol snaps his fingers. “Like
that- that guy. With the covered
faces. Red-August-L name.”
“Um,” Baekhyun says, thinking. “Uh, René
“Yel- yes, him,” Chanyeol says. “Everything’s
not quite what it should be.”
Baekhyun nods slowly, squinting around the forest.
Everything has a slightly eerie gloom to it, slightly off. He shivers, looking
back at Chanyeol, who- who isn’t who he’s supposed to look like.
“You’re not quite what you should be,” Baekhyun
says without thinking.
Chanyeol stiffens, and Baekhyun thinks he’s going to yell
again, but Chanyeol just squeezes Baekhyun’s hand.
“That’s okay,” he whispers, “as long as you
Baekhyun squeezes back.
They walk in thick silence, all green-orange. Baekhyun can
sort of taste it.
“What if this isn’t real?” Baekhyun says suddenly.
Chanyeol frowns. “In what way?”
“In the way it’s all in my mind,” Baekhyun
clarifies. Chanyeol cocks his head.
“Well, of course
it’s all in your mind,” he says, and Baekhyun blinks.
“This is all in your mind,” Chanyeol says,
gesturing. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not real.”
Baekhyun sighs. “Yes, but what if all this-” he
gestures around, “is only in my
Chanyeol shrugs. “Then it would still be real, wouldn’t
it? If you can see it, if you can feel
it, why wouldn’t it be real?”
“I- I don’t know,” Baekhyun says, frowning.
“Maybe because it isn’t real for anyone else.”
you’re not real.”
Chanyeol freezes, looking at Baekhyun. “What?”
“Maybe you’re not real,” Baekhyun repeats.
Chanyeol is shaking his head. “No, don’t say that.”
“Everyone tells me you aren’t,” Baekhyun says.
“My therapists, my psychologist, my parents-”
“Don’t listen to them,” Chanyeol says firmly, staring
into Baekhyun’s eyes. “Don’t listen.
You can see me, right? Hear me?” He squeezes Baekhyun’s hand. “Feel me?”
“Hallucination?” Baekhyun offers.
“One that kisses you?”
Baekhyun shakes Chanyeol’s hand off in favor of burying his
head in his hands.
real,” Chanyeol snaps. “Do you hear me?”
“Let me think!” Baekhyun yells back.
“I told you to remember me!” Chanyeol is upset now.
“Did you think that up yourself? Am I really just your imagination?”
Baekhyun screams, hands over his ears.
“Shut up shut up shut up!”
“Yes I am!”
“I am! Baekhyun,
“Not real, not
real, not real-”
And then Chanyeol backhands him across the face.
They both freeze.
“Did- did you just-”
Chanyeol gasps out. His voice is crunchy and scared. “Baekhyun, I’m so
sorry, I didn’t-”
“Get away from
“Leave me alone!”
Baekhyun screams. “Get away from me!”
please, I’m sorry!”
he shrieks, running towards his home.
Baekhyun screams, tears running down his cheeks. He runs
into the light of his house, bangs on the door, and his brother opens it.
Mom’s been so-”
Baekhyun runs past him, sobbing as he dashes into his room.
He collapses on his bed, not even bothering to lock the door.
He burrows under the blankets, curls up, and falls asleep.
Baekhyun wakes up to his mother lying on his bed next to
him, rubbing his back.
“Hey,” she says softly as he sits up, rubbing his
“Hi,” he says, feeling hollow.
“Want to talk about it?” his mom asks gently.
Baekhyun starts to shake his head, but says, “Chanyeol
His mom’s eyes widen. “He what?”
“It was my fault,” Baekhyun says, running his
fingers through his hair. “I kept screaming that he’s not real, he’s not
real, and he was crying but I didn’t stop and finally he just hit me.”
His mom stares at him, looking horrified.
“He hit you…” she says slowly.
Baekhyun rubs his eyes, nodding. He’s suddenly wrapped into
a fierce hug.
he says uncertainly as he feels her shake as though she’s crying.
she says softly. “Oh, Baekhyun. I’m
“Why… why are
you…?” Baekhyun begins but doesn’t finish, hesitantly patting his
“My baby boy,”
she whispers, hugging him to the point that it’s hard for him to breathe.
Baekhyun looks up to see his youngest brother peeking into
“Um, I don’t mean to bother you, but Dad’s on the
phone,” the brother says, holding out the phone.
Reluctantly, Baekhyun’s mom releases Baekhyun and grabs the
phone. Looking much relieved, his brother leaves immediately.
“Honey?” his mom says, holding the phone to her
ear. She listens for a moment. “No, he just woke up.” She pauses
again. “Yes, I did- no, I’ll tell you later.” Another pause.
“Yeah, he is. See you soon.” She hangs up, setting the phone on Baekhyun’s
Baekhyun’s mom sits back down next to him on the bed.
“Are you hungry?” she asks.
Baekhyun shakes his head. “What time is it?”
His mom checks her watch. “3:50,” she says.
“In the afternoon, or-”
“In the morning,” she says.
Baekhyun frowns. “What’s Dad doing out? What’s my
brother doing up?”
“Your dad went out to go pick up a few things,”
his mom says. “And all of your siblings haven’t been able to sleep.”
“That’s my fault, I’m sure,” Baekhyun says,
sounding perfectly apathetic.
His mom squeezes his hand. “It’s my fault, if
anything,” she admits. “I’ve been a bit of a mess.”
“Oh,” Baekhyun says, unsure of what else to say.
“We’re going to see Dr. Park later, okay?” she
“We all need to talk together,” she tells him.
She shrugs. "Everything that’s been happening.”
Baekhyun sighs. “The sex,” he says, and his mom
“Yes, Baekhyun,” she says. “That’s part of
Baekhyun nods slowly, lying back down. He buries his head in
his pillow and pretends Chanyeol never hit him.
“I don’t get why we’re making such a big deal out of
this,” Baekhyun says.
“Why do you think we shouldn’t be?” Dr. Park says.
Baekhyun shrugs. “It’s
just sex,” he says. “plenty
of kids do it.”
“Most kids do it because they like it,” Baekhyun’s
mom says gently.
“But I liked
it, Mom,” Baekhyun says, frowning. “I like it.”
His mom stares. “You-
you liked it?”
“Yes,” he says. “Why? Should I not
“Well, no, I- I mean…”
“We didn’t think you would ever be able to enjoy
sex,” Dr. Park interjects. “Not after what happened with Dr. Kim.”
“But Dr. Kim,”
he pauses, swallowing, “he just- he
just hit me. Right?”
his mom says, burying her head in her hands. “Oh, Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun says softly, suddenly so so
His mom just shakes her head, burying her face in Baekhyun’s
asks softly, and his father swallows hard, intertwining his fingers with his
“Baekhyun, Dr. Kim-” he pauses, taking a deep
breath, “Dr. Kim…” He shakes his head, looking to Dr. Park.
“Baekhyun,” Dr. Park says, his normally calm
expression looking troubled, “Dr. Kim would hit you, yes. But, ah…”
He runs a hand through his thinning hair. “He would, well, hurt you.
Baekhyun sits back.
“He’d- he’d rape
me,” he says dully.
“Molest you, yes,” Dr. Park says softly, eyes full
of rooster-crow sadness.
“I remember now.
I… How come I didn’t remember? How
could I…” Baekhyun asks.
“That was a severe amount of trauma for a child that
young, Baekhyun,” Dr. Park says. “It’s not surprising that you
repressed those memories.”
“But no one ever told
me?” Baekhyun questions, standing up and wiping the tears from his
face away swiftly.
“We saw no need to upset you,” Dr. Park explains.
“It would’ve only hurt you.”
“We’re so sorry, Baekhyun,”
his mom interject tearfully. “So
Baekhyun mumbles to himself. “Everybody’s
“And this is
where Chanyeol comes in,” Dr. Park says. “You started talking about
him not too long after Dr. Kim became your therapist.”
“Baekhyun,” Dr. Park says softly, “Chanyeol
is a coping mechanism. He’s not real.”
tries to say, but things are starting to click into place. “Oh. Oh, no.”
“I’m sorry,” Dr. Park says, looking genuinely
“But… but we...”
Kissed. Touched. Made love. It was real.
Baekhyun buries his head in his hands. No one else has ever
seen Chanyeol. No one else can prove he exists.
Hell, Baekhyun doesn’t even know Chanyeol’s last name.
“Baekhyun,” his mom says, “do you want
anything? Do you need anything?”
Baekhyun’s shaking his head slowly, digging ragged nails
into his knees.
“No, no,” he says, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Baekhyun,” somebody says. He doesn’t know who,
because everything is starting to blur in his ears.
“The food is
poisoned,” he whispers before everything goes dark.
Baekhyun wakes up in his bedroom, his mom asleep on the
chair next to his bed and holding his hand in an nearly painful grasp.
He looks out the window, at the sinking sun, and squints his
he whispers. A tear quietly slips down his cheek- the check Chanyeol once held
in his strong, fragile, blue-green hands.
His mom stirs next to him, her eyes fluttering open.
“Hey, baby,” she murmurs.
“Hi,” he says, still looking out the window.
“How do you feel?” his mom asks.
“Tired,” he says. “Could I, ah, maybe get
“Of course,” she says. “I’ll be right back.
Don’t move, okay?”
“Okay,” he says, still looking out at the sun.
“Hey. Look at me.”
Baekhyun reluctantly looks away, looks at his mom.
“Don’t go anywhere,” she orders.
“Okay,” he repeats, and she gives him a hug before
As soon as she closes the door, Baekhyun’s throwing open his
window and clambering out the way Chanyeol used to all the time. He races out
into the woods, skin suddenly too tight for his body.
Dirty. Dirty dirty
dirty. The kind of dirty that Baekhyun can feel in his soul, the one place
where he can’t scrub viciously with soap.
His feet are wet with blue-black water, and he looks up to
see everything turning blue-black now. He wants to shout for Chanyeol, to tell
him that he gets it now, he understands, but Chanyeol is gone and he’s never
coming back and Baekhyun thinks his lungs are going to burst.
he screams. “I get it now! I promise!”
But everything’s becoming bluer and everything’s becoming
blacker and Baekhyun can feel the cold in his bones. It’s seeping in through
his eyes, and he closes them as tightly as he can but it still leaks through.
He’s shivering, he’s shaking, and he’s
so, so dirty.
Baekhyun slowly becomes aware that he’s pleading for
Chanyeol to come back, come back to him, but Chanyeol is never coming back
because he isn’t real, and Baekhyun is a crazy fucking idiot left with only his crazy fucking mind and he’s so so
so dirty, he’s filthy, and he’s never going to be loved by anybody and he
finally understand the phrase ignorance is bliss and he cannot breathe and he
cannot stop running away from nothing.
he shrieks, harsh and guttural, like the word’s being torn away from his throat. “Oh, please!”
The word echoes around the forest, bouncing from tree to
tree, and Baekhyun can feel the word sink through him, coating his bones,
making them vibrate “pleasepleaseplease.”
you?!” he screams. “I need
you! I fucking need you, oh please!”
His hands are on his head, pulling his hair, clawing his
skin. His nails are tearing though the soft skin of his cheeks, ripping, and he
thinks that the pain is the most real thing he’s ever felt. He claws
desperately at his face, his neck, his arms. It hurts, it fucking hurts,
and he’s sobbing but he’s laughing because isn’t this just the best thing ever?
Baekhyun screams. He points towards the sky accusingly. “I’m fucking real! Why aren’t you?!”
He collapses onto the cold, cold ground. “Why aren’t you real?!” he shrieks. “Why- aren’t- you- real?!” he demands, slamming his head
against the ground with every word.
He feels the skin of his forehead scratch and pop more and
more with every blow to the ground. He’s screaming so much that he’s dry heaving
and trying to taste all of the stickysweetChayeol’sfavoritecereal again. His
brain and whole body is thriving and crashing around and he rips at the dirt
Baekhyun goes still suddenly when he realizes that he’s
sprawled out in front of the treehouse. Their
treehouse. He closes his eyes and lets the memories play before them. Kissing, touching, whispering lullabies that
were never real.
It was never real.
He was kissing himself, touching himself, whispering to
With a struggling groan
of agony, Baekhyun pushes himself up off the ground, stumbling up the ladder
into the treehouse.
It’s dark. Quiet. The air is heavy and thick. Baekhyun
doesn’t speak. He sits and watches tears drip onto the T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D that’s carved into the wooden floor.
Chanyeol’s lighter is lying by Baekhyun’s shoe. He slowly
picks it up, flicks it on. The flame glows in the darkness. Baekhyun watches
himself touch the flame to the wall.
He holds it there, watching the wood grow darker as it
chars. For a while nothing else happens, but Baekhyun suddenly sees the wood
ignite. He flicks the lighter off and watches, completely transfixed, as the
flame grows larger and larger, climbing up to the ceiling.
Baekhyun lies on his back and watches as fire slowly engulfs
the roof. The treehouse is starting to fill with smoke.
Something inside him is pulling, insisting that he has to get out, get out before he
suffocates or burns. He ignores it. He doesn’t care anymore.
Baekhyun shifts to his side and falls sound asleep as
everything around him burns.
He doesn’t care.
“How do you
The funeral is a small, quiet ceremony.
The mother is crying softly, the father is purposefully
silent, and the siblings are warily grieving the brother they never really
The doctor is there too, rubbing the tan line on his left
ring finger and breathing in, breathing out.
The priest conducting the ceremony asks if anyone would like
to say a few words.
A boy with deep, black hair and mocha eyes (and C major lips
and blue-sky hands and tiger-growl teeth) stands up.
I need more blogs to follow, so if your blog is associated with any of the topics below, please reblog or like this post.
— Kingdom Hearts
— Xenoblade Chronicles
— Videogames in general
— Sonic Mania
— Sonic Forces
— Fun stuff
— Xenoblade Chronicles
— Cute artwork
— Classic Sonic
— Sonic Forces
— Super Mario Odyssey
— Splatoon 2
— Kingdom Hearts 3
— Kingdom Hearts 3
— More cats
— Cute cats
— Funny cats
— Evil cats
— But more cats
— I’m allergic to cats
— That’s why I want cats on my blog
— more sonic
— tails also
— & Knuckles
— Kingdom Hearts III
— KH3 will never release
— Paper Mario
— Xenoblade Chronicles
— Kingdom Hearts
— Sonic Mania
— Sonic Forces
— Nintendo Switch
— More Nintendo
— Kingdom Hearts III
— Did you know that I like pancakes?
— I should start to work out
— But I’m a lazy crap
— I also have a job with terrible work hours
— LIVE AND LEARN
— HANGING ON THE EDGE OF TOMORROW
— Xenoblade Chronicles
— Xenoblade Chronicles 2
— Nintendo Switch
— But I need money for Switch
— So that’s why I have my job
— Are you still reading this?
— u can stop now if you want to
— or not
— I seriously need blogs to follow
— lots of blogs
— i also like music
— mostly instrumental music
— also videogame and movie soundtracks
— Kingdom Hearts III will release
— on November 30th 2018
— I have my sources trust me
— I also like Disney
— Forgot to tell that
— Big Hero 6 👌👌👌
— I have a labrador retriever
— His name is Pontiak
— He’s 4 years old and super nice
— Sonic Mania
— For real Sonic Mania is HYPE
— And Sonic Forces too
— I need my OC to get real
— The moon landing was fake
— I’m actually Neil Armstrong
— Also Elvis is alive
— Sonic Sonic Sonic
— Super Mario Odyssey
— Xenoblade Chronicles
— Kingdom Hearts III
— A little bit of Mega Man I guess I like too…
— But especially cats, remember that.
— my sister is hazzling me
— Cuz I said Wreck-it Ralph is a little slow
— but I love her anyway
— The Mario & Luigi games are hype
— Super Paper Mario has a better story than TTYD
— Also better music than TTYD
— Xenoblade Chronicles
— Kingdom Hearts III
— Videogame music
— How to train your dragon
— not the 2nd one
— It wasn’t as good as the first
— I seriously need a Nintendo Switch
— I saw a squirrel today
— It had light brown fur, almost red-like
— It was so cute! It was eating a nut
— I screamed “SQUIRREL!” when I saw it
— Like in the movie UP
— Are you still here?
— I’m pretty sure you have got an idea of what I like
— I dunno how “Sonic” became “Don’t”
— Maybe it’s fate telling me something
— In that case fate can screw itself
— Sonic is BACK AND HYPE
— My fingers are tired
— I don’t know how much longer I will go on
— Super Mario Odyssey
— Super Mario Galaxy
— Also I don’t like Rosalina nowadays
— They made her into fanservice material
— It’s disgusting really
— Rosalina was one of my favourite characters
— But not anymore
— Well she is still my favourite in SMG
— That game is ACE 👌
— Super Mario Odyssey looks dope tho
— Especially Bowser
— Super Smash Bros.
— I still need to play the MGS games
— SNAAAAAAAAKE EAAAAATER!!!
— I spoiled the main theme
— But Snake is handsome
— Nice dude
— Wanna play as him and stealth
— No not Melee
— The Melee fans scare me
— Mario Kart is also good
— Do you think this is a joke?
— I still need lots of blogs to follow
— So don’t forget to like or reblog
— Otherwise I wouldn’t know about you
— I dunno what else I should talk about
— I could tell a joke, but that would be terrible
— I am bad at jokes
— Also we are doomed
— I had to get it out there
— Just look around yourself
— We will get nuked any day now
— Somebody gotta be real here
— I’m almost done
— Let’s write more saniks
— Sonic Mania
— Sonic Forces
— My favourite meme is We Are Number One
— I like swimming
— And skiing
— And sports in general
— Anyone wanna play some sports with me?
— I just sneezed
— It felt goooooooooood
— Super Mario Odyssey
— Xenoblade Chronicles
— Kingdom Hearts
— Those are pretty much the real ones
— OH and Splatoon too
— I’m sure I missed something
— I WANT A NEW METROID GAME
— A game that takes place after Metroid Fusion
— We need Metroid 5!!!
— Spoilers ahead:
— Samus is freakin’ hunted!!
— By the United Federation
— I want a game where Samus is
— Fighting against the government
— That would be AWESOME
— Also please make Samus badass again
— She’s not just fanservice
— If you are still here
— You deserve a medal
— But I don’t have any
— I’m a cheap jerk
— But honestly good work
— When I was younger
— I used to roleplay as Sonic characters
— It was weird
— Atleast it helped me learn english
— Also what happened to Detective Pikachu?
— I honestly wanted that game
— It looked fun and weird
— I like those kind of games
— Do you think I should change me URL?
— And my pfp?
— I think so
— It’s pretty old and irrelevant
— But I want Detective Pikachu…
— Wanna see what happened
— Did they cancel it?
— That would be a shame if they did
— Almost done here
— I may have teased you for a little too long
— I’m pretty sure I will lose followers
— This post is gonna take forever to scroll down
— But I will take it
— I have already come this far
— And I will not just throw it away
— IT’S ALL OR NOTHING
— How have you been?
— I like your hair
— Did you go to the barber recently?
— Maybe you cut it yourself
— And and your shirt is 👌👌👌
— I have a shirt of my own that I like a lot
— I got it from the KH Orchestra On Tour
— It has Sora on it
— Super nice shirt really
— But your shirt really takes the cake
— I’m almost done here
— Only a few more lines
— Amy Rose
— Dr. Eggman
— Dr. Robotnik
— Metal Sonic
— Cream the Rabbit
— Are there any more charact— EGGMAN NEGA
— He’s weird
— Also his name is just begging to be misused
— in inappropriate ways I mean
— I think you can imagine what I mean
— ALRIGHTY! Thank you for sticking around.
— It’s been a long ride
— I’m sorry it has to end
— But this is the start of something new
— I want to follow you!
— Lastly before I go
— I have one last thing to say
Based on my recent art and my imagination, I’m always thinking about how kirishima’s scent always makes kacchan’s heart skipped a beat. What does he smells like? I dunno, probably sunflower cause he always shines so brightly like the sun and always kind and gentle like flowers. ((What am I even talking about asdfghjk /// ))
Remember guys if you feel your salt levels rising while playing take a break between matchs and listen to a chill song then go back in. If your angry it can affect your play and just make you that much more angry.
dunno what you are talking about! i ingest a kilo of salt before every match! and i alway play at top performance levels! the part that i am stuck in wood tier has nothing to do with my salt levels! i always gets matched with shitty team mates!
Over the past two weeks, Harry is frantic. When he sobers up after the party and realizes what he said, he calls you and hasn’t stopped calling you since. When you never answer, he leaves all sorts of messages.
“Y/N, I know yeh’re mad at me, and I know yeh have every right t’ be, but ’m so so sorry f’ what I said. Just please call me back soon.”
To rambling explanations,
“Look, I wasn’t m'self that night. You know that. I was just nervous about everything going right, and I got jealous when I saw yeh with him, and I know that’s not an excuse f’ what I said, but I just let it get t’ me, and I was drunk, and I said things I didn’t mean, and I wish I could take it back ‘cause yeh know I’m glad I met yeh and I wouldn’t want t’ live in a world where I didn’t know yeh, and ’m sorry.”
To full on sobbing pleas,
“Please, please, please pick up the phone *sniff* Just one time. I need t’ talk t’ yeh, Y/N, please.”
Harry can’t take not talking to you any longer.
You open the door, assuming its one of your friends coming to check on you.
“Hi,” Harry says before pushing his way to your couch.
You don’t respond but follow him, sitting as far away from him as you can.
“Will yeh please talk t’ me?” Harry pleads.
“Why?” You question.
“’M so sorry, I didn’t mean t’ yell at yeh the other night.”
“Harry, you didn’t just yell at me. You accused me of using you and flirting with other celebrities, and you said you wish you’d never met me. How am I supposed to forget about that?”
Harry buries his head in his hands. “I dunno what got into me that night, and I know that nothing I say now will erase what I said t’ yeh, but Y/N,” Harry pauses, “I love you. Would yeh please just give me one more chance?”
Harry catches you off guard with his love confession. Neither of you have used the ‘L word’ up until now. And while that doesn’t completely make things right, you’re willing to give him another chance, “Okay.”
I started this back in FEBRUARy of this year, but got sidetracked as I am wont to do, and forgot about it. But lately all the Russingon feels have been slowly killing me inside, so I was like, CAN I PLEASE SEE MY BOYS HAPPY FOR FIVE SECONDS????
So Maedhros and Fingon talking shit. I dunno what about. Probably Doriath but feel free to speculate.
Requested: Freezy, Finch, gym, sexual tension. girl i would die, please please please😉
lots of sexual tension and comments in the gym, they go back to cals apartment and then they go for it. if you want it to be dirty go for it, it’d be fine with me 😂
A/N: SHES ON BIRTH CONTROL CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE REPETITIVE WITH CONDOMS
It was a reoccurring thing, early morning gym sessions with Cal & Finch
It became a tradition shortly after your friendship with them formed
"Brooooo" you heard a light whisper between the boys behind you as you squatted down once more
"I know man" you looked up into the mirror in front of you to find their eyes focused on your body, your ass mainly
Cal’s eyes glanced up and looked into yours from the mirror winking at you before turning around and going into a conversation with Finch
A sudden tension had settled around you, the way there eyes roamed around your body was exciting Having two attractive boys speaking about you literally behind your back let shivers fall down your spine and dirty thoughts shoot into your head
Moving over to the excise bike you climbed on and began peddling, once again distracting the boys shortly after starting
You weren’t sure if they wanted you to hear them or they thought you weren’t listening but you managed to hear it all
"I swear she’s making me hard right now" Finch spoke to Cal, watching your hips move on the bike Cal gave him a disgusted look
"Why the fuck would you tell me that"
"Cause it’s true"
"Well I didn’t need to know"
"Sorry man I just thought it would be abit awkward if I had a raging boner in front of you without warning"
You giggled quietly to yourself as the boys bickered between themselves A wave of heat flushed through you as you realised what had just been said about you
"Do you think she’d be into it?“ You heard Cal say, breaking you out of thought having no idea what they were talking about
"I dunno man it depends what type of shit she’s into, we can only find out if we ask"
“Bro I’m not asking her"
"Well neither am I”
This went back and forth for a while until Finch asked Cal something
"Do you think she’s had a threesome before?“ Your eyes widened as you realised what they were speaking about, the two boys wanted to have a threesome with you
You weren’t going to deny that you found them both unbelievably attractive and you wouldn’t mind being in bed with either of them let alone both at the same time
You went back to concentrate on what you were doing, thoughts of what could happen when you go back to yours with the boys
"You done?” Cal asked you half an hour later as they were preparing to leave
"Yeah, are you both coming back to mine?“ They looked between each-other before nodding towards you, letting you walk in front of them towards the doors to leave the gym Swinging your hips more than usual, purposely to catch the boys attention
The car ride to your house was filled with a thick atmosphere, glances between the three of you but not many words spoke
The sexual tension was through the roof and you were on edge to find out what would happen once you arrived home
"I’m going to get changed” you spoke once you got back to your, walking up stairs leaving the two boys alone sitting in the living room
"Dude do you think she heard us earlier" you heard faint whispers as you were walking down stairs, stopping at the bottom to listen in
"Probably, but it doesn’t matter you haven’t got the balls to speak to her about it anyway"
You walked into the room after that, both boys shutting up and looking at, eyes wandering down your body as you had changed into a tight tank top with mid thigh shorts that matched
"Speak to me about what?“ You acted oblivious to their conversation "You know you can speak to me about anything, I don’t judge"
"What do you think about threesomes, do you think they are overrated?” Cal asked finally letting his eyes linger on your face
"No I think sometimes they can be underrated, as long as its pleasurable for all parties I don’t see anything wrong with them" you stood in front of the sofa they were sitting on
"Have you had one before?“
"Never, but I’d like to” the boys looked between each other before Cal stood up, walking behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist so your back was pressed against his chest
"You know we’ve been thinking" he whispered moving your hair to one side of your neck and running his finger tips up the side of your now bare neck, his other hand holding a tight grip on your waist “why don’t we try it out, you should know by now how much we both want you princess” Your eyes traveled to Finch, lingering on his face as he stood up but slowly moving down his body before settling on the ever growing bulge in his shorts
All you could do was nod, your mind spinning at the thought of you could be seeing both of these boys naked in front of you within the next few minutes Cal took your hand and lead you upstairs, Finch following behind until you were all standing in your room, the anticipation of what would happen next slowly burning in the three of you You turned around and faced Finch, placing your lips on his as you felt Cal’s hands slide up your hips bringing your top up along the way pulling it over your head separating your kiss with Finch for a brief moment to take it off
Cal’s cold hands ran up your bare back, mentally thanking yourself for not putting a bra on whilst changing Separating your self from Finch'a lips and letting his hands trail down and slide your shorts down your legs before pushing you down to the bed so your head was on the pillow
They paused for a moment, you were lying on your bed in nothing but your panties the boys both taking in deep breaths before Cal walked over and knelt in front of you on the bed His hands going down to the side of your panties, groaning when he pulled them down revealing your soaking core to them
Cal ran a finger up your slit sending shivers up your spine a small whine falling from your lips
You turned your head to Finch, signalling him over with your hand getting him to stand next to the bed close to you Cal took his shirt off as Finch done the same undressing him self until he was left bare next to you, his cock springing out slapping against his stomach as you took it in your hand
Cal’s finger ran up your slit again, moving to be in line with your entrance before pushing it in as your hand began to move on Finch’s cock your thumb running over his bright red tip as he let out a groan
A loud moan shot from your mouth as you felt Cal’s tongue in you, his mouth sucking on your clit harshly as his tongue ran figure eights flat onto you sending sparks through your body, your other hand going down and attaching to Cal’s hair as his tongue played around with your clit Your hand moved faster on Finch’s cock feeling the vein throb from your grip, Cal’s finger moved inside of you finally as he added another one, moving two of them in and out of you curling them reaching deep places inside of you loud moans leaving your lips, your hand moving faster on Finch as a faster way of relief for you
You clenched around Cal’s fingers feeling an orgasm approaching as he continued to lick up your slit, his tongue flat against you as your legs began to shake and your grip on Finch’s cock got stronger a loud groan leaving his lips Soon enough you let out a loud moan and came on Cal’s fingers, a whimper leaving your mouth as he pulled out and stood up
You lay there breathless as the two boys smirked lightly, cal taking the rest of his clothes off
“Get off the bed baby” Finch spoke pulling you up before bending you over the bed, your feet on the floor and hands balancing on the bed Cal walked over and knelt in front of you on the bed, his cock was out and in front of you
You felt Finch’s cock graze against your slit, a moan leaving your lips as he pushed himself into you grabbing your hips and slamming into you, you grabbed Cal’s cock and licked up the throbbing vein up to his pulsing tip, a moan leaving his lips at the feeling
Finch continued to drive into you as you moaned against Cal’s cock, you took him into you mouth bobbing your head and swirling your tongue around the tip, your moans sending vibrations through him as he felt himself coming close to climaxing he moaned out after you took him particular deep inside your mouth before he felt himself shoot down your throat He pulled out of your mouth and collapsed on the bed watching the scene of you being fucked by his best friend unfold in front of him
Your hands gripped the bed sheets tightly, your knuckles turning white as Finch began rocking into you harder going deeper inside of you pressing perfectly against the special spot inside go you uncontrollable moans leaving your mouth after each thrust You clenched around him feeling your second orgasm approaching, one of his hands went around you and pressed against your clit rubbing tight fast circles onto the sensitive nub
Soon enough you felt yourself come undone around him, he pulled around and you felt liquid shoot across your back
You collapsed onto the bed after breathing heavily as the two boys looked at you and chuckled lightly