dummy books

some ladynoir stuff
  • chat noir will drape himself over ladybug’s lap during the downtime on their nightly patrols and moan about how awful plagg is just for some head scratches from ladybug (let’s be honest, plagg taught the kitty well; complain and receive cheese/ladybug)
  • they once spent an afternoon atop the notre dame after an akuma attack critiquing civilian’s fashion choices. both learned that their partner has excellent taste in fashion.
    • ladybug: “oh my god is that a man bun? those things should be burned.”
    • chat noir: “who the hell wears crocs anymore? they look like shit, and they make your feel smell. god, shoes have three deciding factors: quality, price, and style. crocs have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and being ugly. it’s quite a feat for one shoe to suck this much. i will judge anyone who wears crocs.”
  • ladybug uses chat noir as a mannequin to measure some of her designs during their downtime. 
  • there are frequent arguments over akuma names because some are too stupid to say aloud. ladybug believes in creativity and free will and vows to let the akumas keep the names they declare themselves with. chat noir files petitions to change many of them because he absolutely refuses to admit he nearly got beat by a Mr. Pigeon.
  • if ladybug and chat noir are literally anywhere together outside in public without an akuma, someone’ll always ask, “are you two together? are you on a date?”. chat has to hold ladybug back from clobbering them.
  • during their stakeouts, chat noir sings “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” and has gotten to 1 before, even though it usually ends up with him getting pitched off a roof.
  • one early morning, there was an akuma battle, and chat noir learned that ladybug has bad bed head. he makes sure to keep a comb in his pocket now at all times for whenever there’s an early battle, and ladybug doesn’t have time to fix her hair before going to school. she doesn’t say it, but she’s really thankful. (also really jealous because tikki, pockets, give me pockets, god fucking damn it)
  •  one time there was a mermaid akuma in the seine and chat noir fell in the water and revealed he couldn’t swim. ladybug saved him and made him take swimming lessons. nothing beats coming to sunday morning swimming lessons and finding one of paris’s famous superheros with floaties and a kick board.
    • you can bet your ass that ladybug constantly makes “a cat to water” jokes every second she can.
  • ladybug keeps a tally of how many puns chat noir makes. his gets to 162 in one night before she sets a limit of 10 puns per day. he breaks it all the time and has to wear the Collar of Shame™ for the rest of the day, which is black collar with a huge pink bow. (ladybug thinks he secretly likes it).
  • chat noir actually hates ladybug’s puns and buys her the “Punning for Dummies” book for Christmas.
    • she gets him “31 Ways Not To Be A Douchebag”.
  •  ladybug doesn’t actually know how to use a real yo-yo. chat noir laughs for two weeks.
  •  ladybug and chat noir regularly attend movies as themselves because no one really knows why the superheroes are going to the movies, but it probably means there’s an akuma or something equally bad so let’s just not go. it just means they get the best seats every time.
  • sometimes when they’re really tired and stressed out, and ladybug is being bossy and chat noir is fed up with hearing it, he’ll say, “okay, deborah” which causes her to pitch him off the eiffel tower.
  • chat noir can never get into a hammock. he always flips over every time he tries to get on one.
  • one time ladybug flubbed a back handspring, and the news stations got it live. chat noir plays it on repeat for a week.

Just You Wait (12 May 2009)

About that copy of Dreams of My Father:

A particular treasure [of Chris Jackson’s] is a copy of “Dreams From My Father” by Barack Obama. Mr. Miranda brought it back from the White House, where, in the spring of 2009, he performed a number from an embryonic show about the first secretary of the United States Treasury.

“The president had just been elected, and I really wanted to be at the White House, too, and instead I was on stage doing ‘In the Heights,’ ” Mr. Jackson recalled. “It’s the only time I’ve ever been jealous of Lin Miranda. He walks into my dressing room with the book, and I’m like, ‘Oh, great.’ And he says, ‘Open the book, dummy.’ ”

And there it was, with an all but illegible signature: “To Chris — Dream big dreams! Barack Obama.”

More memories:


Dubbed the “Jon Stewart of Egypt”, Bassem Youssef was the host of the first satiric political broadcast in the Middle East, Albernameg – until, you know, he couldn’t.  Now he’s got a new book from Dey Street, Revolution for Dummies: Laughing Through the Arab Spring.

We artists have noticed something: communication with some of our clients (new and old) has not been very good, of late. While there are still many art directors, creative directors, and business owners who efficiently and effectively communicate with us, there are seemingly just as many who are in need of important tips on how to properly assign work or manage projects. Please note: I do not blame these individuals — not one bit; hiring artists for projects is not usually something you are taught in school, and there is no Communicating with Artists for Dummies book, as far as I know.

Therefore, here is a guideline that will lead to improved communication, fewer revisions, better artwork, and fewer headaches for all involved.

1. Your first email to an artist should not read: “Hey, are you available for a job?”

This kind of email is a waste of everybody’s time, because all of the important information is missing: description of the job, timeline, and budget. In order to reduce the back-and-forth between the individual requesting the creative work, and the artist, simply take a moment to include the important information in the initial email request. For example: “Dear Ms. Granger, we are publishing a story in our magazine about the ongoing conflict between hedgehogs and walruses. We will need a cover, a full page, and two spot illustrations. The deadline for sketches is March 1st, and the final artwork will be due March 8th. Our budget is $3750. Are you available / interested in working with us on this assignment? Please let me know by 5pm today. Thank you.”

With one email, you have now given the artist all of the info needed to decide whether or not to accept the job. As an illustrator, most of the emails I received ten years ago read just like the above. Lately, this has not been the case. I’m not sure what happened, but let’s fix that.

2. Please do not expect artists to read minds.

Details are very important. When sending emails about your job, give as many relevant details as possible to an artist, if the assigned artwork has specific requirements. Artists are great at solving creative problems, but we cannot guess what you are looking for if we are not told up front. For example, if you tell an illustrator to draw “a car on a street,” then the illustrator will assume the make and model of the car are not important. The illustrator will also assume the street can be any kind of street. Therefore, it is not fair to the artist to reject the final art because you expected a vintage Porsche on the Autobahn. Please be sure to communicate all required elements of the art in your earliest correspondence with your artist, and it will be smooth sailing for all.

If you tell an artist you need a mural of a vineyard painted on a wall in your restaurant, do not wait until the artist is half finished with a stunning, 20 foot scene with bright morning light casting cool shadows over the grapevines, to tell them that you need the time of day to be sunset. Not only is this a problem for your timeline, but the artist must be paid for all the changes that need to be made because the communication was not clear from the beginning.

Sometimes, you love the portfolio of a certain artist and you wish to give this person artistic freedom when commissioning a piece of work. Let us not confuse this wish for unbridled creativity with a lack of relevant information. For instance, the recent recipient of the Richard Gangel Art Director Award, SooJin Buzelli, is famous for giving her editorial artists a lot of freedom. But, when she assigns work, she actually has spent a good deal of time figuring out a way to distill a complex article down to its essential message or theme. She then sends this one or two sentence summary to a carefully selected illustrator, providing that individual with a perfect launchpad from which to create a unique visual solution. This is good communication. The artist comes away with enough information to be creative and daring without producing a piece of work that completely misses the mark.

3. Please Don’t Leave Us Hanging

This is just common courtesy. I often get asked if I am available for an illustration and I then respond in the affirmative with some questions about the assignment or the budget or some other detail. Then, no reply ever comes. A week later, I will see another artist blog about completing the very same assignment that was initially emailed to me. While I understand that everybody is very busy, and emails are flying around at the speed of light, I urge you to please remember that it is unprofessional and rude to simply leave an artist hanging. We often will put other things on hold or rework our weekly schedule to accommodate a project that we think is moving forward. A simple email to let us know that you will be working with somebody else, the job is cancelled, you need to consult with a coworker before moving forward, etc. is all we need to move on and stay on top of our other jobs. There is a popular misconception that artists are free spirits, day dreaming on a hillside and waiting for inspiration to strike, checking emails from paint smattered laptops touted around in burlap sacks … or whatever … but hey! Artists who make a living making art are working. They’re working all the time. Keeping an artist in the dark about the status of a project upsets their productivity in a major way. Please don’t do this.

I welcome comments. Please be polite. Thanks.

- Kyle T. Webster

Goosebumps Title Asks

Welcome to Dead House - Have you ever moved to a new home?
Stay Out of the Basement - Are you hiding anything…?
Monster Blood - How tall are you? Would you change your height if given the chance?
Say Cheese and Die - What is your favorite photo of yourself? Could you share it?
The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb - Do you believe in curses and bad luck?
Lets Get Invisible - Have you ever wished you could trade places with someone else for a day?
Night of the Living Dummy - Do you constantly try to one-up your siblings? If you don’t have siblings, do you constantly try to one-up other people? 
The Girl Who Cried Monster - Can you recall a time that people did not believe you about something, even though you were telling the truth?
Welcome to Camp Nightmare - What lengths have you gone through to pass a test?
The Ghost Next Door - If you could choose how you were going to die, how would you go and why?
The Haunted Mask - What do you consider to be a “symbol of love” in your life?
Be Careful What You Wish For - If you had three wishes, what would they be?
Piano Lessons can be Murder - Do you have any musical talent? What kind of instrument(s) can you play?
The Werewolf of Fever Swamp - Would you adopt a stray animal? Have you?
You Can’t Scare Me - What is your biggest fear?
One Day at Horrorland - Do you enjoy rides? What is your favorite ride?
Why I’m Afraid of Bees - Do you kill insects or let them outside?
Deep Trouble - Do you like to swim? A pool or the ocean?
The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight - Do you have any bizarre family/close family friends? What do they do that’s so out of the norm?
Go Eat Worms - Have you ever ruined someone else’s hard work?
Ghost Beach - Do you have any unusual hobbies that other people may judge you for?
Phantom of the Auditorium - Have you ever been to or been in a play? What play(s) have you gone to/been to?
Attack of the Mutant - Who is your favorite comic book Super-Villain?
My Hairiest Adventure - How did you react when you reached puberty? How about when you started to grow hair in weird places?
A Night in Terror Tower - Have you ever traveled to another country? Where did you go and what kinds of things did you experience?
The Cuckoo Clock of Doom - If you could go back in time, where would you go and why?
It Came from Beneath the Sink - How often do you compliment others? How often do you insult others?
The Barking Ghost - Are you a dog person or a cat person?
The Horror at Camp Jellyjam - Have you ever tried so hard to win something that you realized wasn’t worth winning in the first place?
Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes - Have you ever been accused of something you never did?
A Shocker on Shock Street - What is your favorite genre of movie? What is your favorite movie of that genre?
The Headless Ghost - Do you enjoy scaring others? Or do you enjoy being scared yourself?
The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena - Do you prefer the cold weather or the hot weather? 
How I got my Shrunken Head - Do you own any rare or bizarre artifacts?
Bad Hare Day - Are you into magic tricks? Can you perform any?
Egg Monsters from Mars - What is your favorite holiday?
The Beast from the East - What is your favorite outdoors game to play?
Ghost Camp - What is your favorite summer-time activity?
How to Kill a Monster - What are you allergic to (if anything at all)?
Legend of the Lost Legend - Have you ever gone treasure-hunting or geocaching? 
Attack of the Jack'O'Lanterns -  What is your favorite Halloween costume (that you’ve worn or seen someone else wear)?
Vampire Breath - Are you forgetful and often misplace important things?
Calling All Creeps - Have you ever received and answered a strange call from an unknown number?
Beware the Snowman - What is your favorite thing to do in the snow? 
How I Learned to Fly - Do you wish to be famous? Do you think being famous would ruin who you are?
Chicken Chicken - Have you ever done something that has caused you to regret it once you received the consequences?
Don’t Go to Sleep - What keeps you up at night?
The Blob that Ate Everyone - What kind of things do you like to write about (if anything at all)?
The Curse of Camp Cold Lake - Do you treat others with the same respect they treat you?
My Best Friend is Invisible - Do you believe in ghosts? Have you ever gone ghost hunting?
The Haunted School - What is your favorite subject in school? What is your least favorite subject?
Werewolf Skin - Do you feel comfortable in your own skin?
I Live in your Basement - Are your parents extremely over-protective or are they under-protective?

Too Many Secrets

Pairing: The Avengers Team x Reader

Warning: Swearing // Dirty Secrets

A/N: I was watching FRIENDS the other day and got this idea from one of the episodes. But I changed it by a lot.

“Oh no, some of still have secrets.” Tony shakes his head as you roll your eyes.

“Aside from things we’ve done before coming here, but as a household we’re pretty open with each other.” Sam shrugs.

Keep reading

asunayuiyuuki  asked:

Ship/fix ask thing Can I get a bildip with 25?

25. librarian/avid reader au (Bill has no idea how to properly flirt)

“Hey, kid,” the librarian chirps one day, while Dipper slides his books across to be checked out. “I like you, kid. You’re here all the time.”

Dipper shuffles a bit. Admittedly, he’d noticed the man as well. He was almost always there when he was. Lurking. “Uh, thanks?”

“Name’s Bill. You?”

“Call me Dipper.”

“Like the constellation?” Bill claps his hands together brightly. “See, kid? You’re even named after a smart thing! That’s what I like about you, kid. All smart stuff, all the time.”

“Please, don’t call me kid.”

“Alright then. I hereby dub thee Pine Tree, after that snazzy hat of your’s.” He passed the first book through the scanner with an exaggerated sweep of his hands. Dipper noticed he had perfect nails. “You know, Pine Tree, books are the key to everything. Whoever said knowledge is power was totally someone really important. They knew what was up.”

“Do you know who-”

“Nope! But lots of important people get forgotten, Pine Tree. Why else would that myth of a person living on through their legacy exist?” Bill handed him a pen to sign the cards. “I host a book cult every Thursday. You oughta be there.”

“A book club?”

“No, dummy, a book cult. We sacrifice terrible books to the critic gods. You look like the critical type- be there. You’ll love it.”


                                       What are they doing there?                                                     Well, you know. If I put them up somewhere people would see them, it’d be embarrasing.

anonymous asked:

hi! i'm currently writing my first campaign and could use a little help. the players will be looking for a missing person (who has been possessed) in an abandoned school for magic users that closed after an experiment went awry and destroyed part of it in a fire. i want there to be lots of unusual traps, puzzles, and other challenges for them to solve, but i can't think of any good ones -- got any ideas?

The players find a simple magic book for dummies, spells that anyone can do. Some spells known: Gentle breeze, strange echo, ghostly kiss, cosmic fireball.

Gentle breeze: Make a gentle breeze. pretty simple. Can be used to clear dangerous gasses, or allow better vision.

Strange echo: Whatever you say comes out echoed, in a different sentence and in a totally different direction. Can be used to distract enemies or lure them closer.

Ghostly kiss: Smooch a ghost. Can be used to help banish spirits that are stuck here due to being too gosh darn lonely.

Cosmic fireball: A small, slow flame that travels in a straight direction. Can be used to light candles in a room that is dark and has narrow walkways with a drop below them.

Door that only open if you mix the right potion. Hints can be found either in the book, or in the room players are in.

Mimics that like to eat magic, and are shaped like potion bottles.

I’m honestly pretty bad at puzzles. I’d google common dnd puzzles and traps. Maybe I’ll make a master post someday about that. Or links to stuff. 

anonymous asked:

Renee, Queen of writing as if it takes nothing, Queen of making me love characters more, Queen of...well everything, I have a prompt: Vassa x Azriel

Shadows of the Flame

song: i cant breathe - bea miller 

Helion, Thesan, and Feyre have been working together for months now, trying to see if they can break Vassa’s curse. Vassa still goes back to the dark-lord, to the lake, but Feyre has offered to take her people into Velaris. 

Vassa comes every night with new hope. Just before the sun sinks below the horizon, if you have a good eye, you can see a firebird flying through the skies. And just before dawn comes again, the firebird flies away. Everyone knows what this means - Queen Vassa’s curse has not yet been broken. 

But she has become a signal of hope amongst the people of Prythian - High Fae, lesser fae, faeries, humans, all of the above. They will look to the sky and see if they can spot the firebird, who has undying hope. 

Every time Vassa arrives at Prythian, she likes to go to the Day Court. She says she can almost feel the sun on her face, even in the dead of night. When she arrives, Azriel is always there. The first time, Feyre sent him out to retrieve Vassa, since they had no idea where she would land. 

Azriel finds her mid-shift (I’m taking this straight out of the “werewolfing for dummies” book). He can hear her bones cracking, wings turning into arms, talons into toes, beak into nose, spine reshaping itself. She’d huddled, her knees in her chest, spine pressing against her back, arms wrapped around her shins and the Shadowsinger drapes a blanket over her shoulders and hands her clothes. 

Vassa comes enough times that she knows where to land now, where clothes will be waiting, food and water, but for some reason the Shadowsinger is always there, handing her the said blanket and clothes. And when he’s not, he is where he dwells most: the shadows. Watching over her. 

Every night, when she can, Vassa sits before the two High Lords and the High Lady, always having hope. It’s one thing that can not be broken, can not be taken. The hope that these three High Fae can help her, break her curse. 

Until the three that gave her the most hope she’s felt in a long time, take it away. Thesan and Helion have had their best people working on it, Feyre has had the Priestesses in the library reading, scouring, hoping to find something that can help this Queen. Anything.

But Vassa can see it in their eyes. Eyes that hold sorrow. The curve of the creases in their foreheads, the harsh rubbing of their fingers against their temples. But she still comes, still lands in the Day Court. The Shadowsinger still comes, as well. She has to believe - believe that if a curse can be made, then it can be broken. 

So where does this hope go? How does she lose it. Because Azriel is waiting, waiting for the firebird to fly through the skies; the people are waiting, waiting to see those glorious red and orange wings that are made of fire, the yellow beak, soaring through the night. So why does she not come? Why does she not come if she is the one person in all of Prythian, in all the islands and continents; of fae and human; of day and night, that has the most hope. 

Azriel decides to have enough hope for her when her hope as sputtered out. He decides that if she has stopped hoping, then its time he starts hoping more. His shadows look for, he looks for her, he doesn’t know why. Not yet. Why he’s so insistent on seeing this woman, this girl, the human, this queen finally be free. 

He realizes it, when it comes to the lake, guarded by the dark-lord. Vassa is trapped in a cell of fire, where as he had been trapped in a cell of darkness. Trapped in light or trapped in darkness, both of these people were trapped none of the less. He got free and he is determined to see her freed. 

So just as the sun curves over the sky, swims and dips beneath the horizon, Azriel stands in front of the firebird. And he wordless holds out a blanket, wordless watches as Vassa’s bones break; as her spine cracks, as a beak turns to a nose once more, as talons turn to toes yet again, as wings shift and turn, becoming sun kissed brown arms. “Let them try again,” Is all he says and Vassa looks up at him, beneath a hood of golden-red hair. She takes the blanket, she takes the clothes. 

She takes the hope the Shadowsinger is offering her.

And she takes his hand, allowing him to pull her into the darkness that is his realm, his kingdom, his salvation (and what was almost his demise). She travels through these shadows, her hand never leaving his. 

She lets Helion, Thesan, and Feyre try again. Even though she is drained of hope, the Shadowsinger standing in the corner, watching, eyebrows pinched, gives her enough hope to go through this again. 

“Come with me,” Is all the Shadowsinger says when the two High Lords and the High Lady say they’ve tried everything they can. Vassa takes his hand again and finds herself on the top of the tallest building in the Day Court, so close to the stars that maybe, just maybe she can touch them. 

She has no desire to touch the stars, not yet. 

And then she sees the sun slowly rising above the horizon. And she turns to the Shadowsinger and Azriel just places his fingers by hers, then turns his palm up. Her fingers slide over his, her palm brushing against his, with those callouses and scars caused by burns from long ago. 

Azriel holds her hand and he doesn’t let go, he grips tight, hoping, praying, wishing, dreaming, that she will not turn into a firebird once more. Vassa squeezes his hand back, her shoulders shaking from tears she won’t let fall. 

She watches the sun rise. And rise more and more and more until her face and her body is bathed in sunlight. And she arches her back and finally those tears fall. She’s sobbing, tears curving over her cheeks, down her neck, as the sun warms her face - her human face. 

Azriel’s own shadows disappear, his wings tucked harshly behind his back, and he soaks in the sun with the queen, letting it warm him; his hand still in hers, a death grip returning her own. 

His thumb curves down her cheek, wiping a single tear. 

Then Vassa is hugging him, sobbing into his shoulder. Without a second thought she had jumped on him, sought out his comforting touch, cool and warm at the same time. 

And Azriel - Azriel he wraps an arm around her back, his shadows nowhere to be seen. Because Queen Vassa has had enough shadows for now, he wishes he could put the sun on a leash and bring it down to her, put it in his palm and hand it over as a present. 

“Thank you,” She whispers, because had Azriel not found her, had he not traveled far and wide, had he not told her to cling to just one more slither of hope, she would be a bird once more. 

They stay on that rooftop all day, lying there, Vassa tracking the sun with her finger. She smiles, a smile that Azriel had decided is much brighter than the sun, even by Day Court standards, and she starts talking. And Azriel listens. 

She talks about what it was like, to be the firebird. To have her soul trapped in that body, but to also have her body become that of a bird. How she had to navigate it, when she finally came to terms with her curse, but never gave up hope. 

Did their hands ever let go? Or had one of them taken the other’s hand once again as Azriel began to talk as well, tell his own story. How he had been trapped in the dark, far below ground, and Vassa listens. How his body had not been his own, how he had not even seen his fingers when he held them in front of his face. 

“Why do you find comfort in shadows?” She asks. In her time on this roof, she has found comfort in the sunlight, but it is different than the flame. The flame locked her in, made it so she could not breathe, and her only relief was the night, the stars. 

“I was too afraid to let them scare me,” Azriel whispers back, as if this is a secret he has kept a long time. Because it is. “I was too afraid to be afraid of them anymore. So when I realized that they were mine, the shadows were mine and I was not theirs, I began to find comfort in them” 

“The flame can be yours, too, Vassa”

She is almost certain this is the first time he has said her name. It sends shivers down her spine. “The flames will be mine, Azriel” 

Is this the first time she has said his name? Because it sends sparks down his own spine. He stares at her, those molten brown eyes, that seem as if fire burns within, a fire of gold. And she looks into his own hazel eyes, where the shadows swim. 

And they both look back up at the sky, at the sun which seemed to smile down at them. The Shadows of the Flame. The Flame within the Shadows. 

Tagging some people who I want to drag into this trash bin: @fuckyeahazriel @hermajestymanon @propshophannah @sparkleywonderful @elains. Tag others, please? Share your thoughts. Leave comments, please. I need validation to survive.