Tom Sawyer: The Sexy Modern Reboot [pt 3/4]

[pt1] [pt 2]



A young hipster-looking hobo is propped up against a shack by a river. He is dressed only in jean overalls and a straw hat, is smoking a pipe, and has a tattoo of an anchor on his arm. It goes without saying that he is sexy as hell.

SAWYER and BECKY approach, and HUCKLEBERRY FINN looks up.

SAWYER: Huckleberry, my old friend! It’s been a while.

FINN: It’s Finn now, Tom. It’s much cooler and sexier for the modern age.

SAWYER: Right.

BECKY: Finn, can you get us upriver fast? There’s word of strange goings-on at McDougal’s Cave, and we need to get there as soon as possible.

FINN hurries to get his boat ready and they follow after.

FINN: You should have called me ahead of time. I could get us there twice as fast with the help of my friend [BLEEP] Jim.

SAWYER and BECKY stare at him.

FINN: Oh, no, it’s not like that. We’re just really good friends, so it’s cool if I call him that.

BECKY: Yeah, I don’t think it is…

FINN: No, trust me. It’s totally fine.

SAWYER and BECKY look uncomfortable as FINN kicks the boat engine on.

FINN (almost to himself): You can’t be racist if you have a black friend.

The engine roars and the boat takes off.


to be continued….

[Ben Baker is a writer living in Arlington, Virginia. Like everyone else, he is on Twitter.]

Because of the way America has conditioned me since I was a child, I still have a hard time realizing Africa is a fully functional continent with countries just as beautiful as if not more beautiful than ours and they really don’t need anyone’s help, it’s just that America only shows the poor parts of the continent and not the parts worth billions and billions of dollars. Hats off to you, Africa, you’re the shit and never even tried to prove it, you just let the dumb White people spread their lies about your beauty and said “they’ll figure it out eventually,”.

white people whining theres nothing as white privilege on facebook

i didnt censor most of these names bc if you are posting your dumb opinions under a public photo then. yeah.

yes lets talk about how egyptians /who are suddenly remembered of being poc but i bet johnny learnt about exodus from his illustrated bible that had white moses in it/ enslaved jews and the impact it had on modern day america, other than ridley scott making a whitewashed shit movie

glenn clifton who is probably 60+ years old says white privilege doesnt exist because there were no xboxes in the ‘50s and he went on hunting trips with his dad for food instead of having it delievered by tesco van

i cut the rest of the comment because it was so full of racist slurs brooke luckey believes two german guys invented communism to make her feel bad about herself

people who think there is no white privilege because they actually have a work to go to

apparently there is no difference between stating a fact and offensive, prejudiced generalisation

yes wanda thank you for pointing out that classism is still a thing. this fact however has nothing to do with white privilege. white privilege isnt being great gatsby-rich at the moment you were born, wanda.

there was literally one out of 50 comments ive read that made any sense and wasnt white people whining that they are not prvileged because they have to work

The dankest rapper on the east coast droppin sick rhymes and hard hitting journalism                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Sequel to this beauty: http://highimpactsexyninja.tumblr.com/post/122002596188/highimpactsexyninja-white-dad-voice-the



“Yeah I was at this store in Atlanta, it was so sketchy! There were only black people and rap music was playing on the speakers! I just didn’t know what to do, I’ve never been in that situation before…” Omfg shut up -_-

Ever After High, you’ve embarrassed progressive white people and disappointed me on a personal level with the Fabybelle Thorn.

I was promised a girl born with natural teal hair and get a platinum blonde with a streak of teal?

dear Monster High, I only looked the other way for a minute because you were without new webisodes and the anime seemed to have stopped, take me back!