dumb-stupid-dumb

I just wanna be someone’s “perfect” ya know? Not the “oh my gosh you’re so beautiful and flawless” kind of perfect, but the “I see your flaws and they fit me like a glove” kind of perfect. I guess you only find that once, and it takes time, but it’s hard to wait for something like that.

My Facebook decided to warn me about @markiplier ‘s latest photo update, letting me know that the image may contain glasses, one or more people and indoor. I’m really glad that Facebook warned me about this rather than properly loading the photo because I’m just not sure if I was ready to see an image with glasses (despite wearing them myself), so thank you, Facebook!

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blappy new year everybody

The Heist

Just a silly little CP fic I wrote about Bitty uncovering the details of a maple syrup heist while searching for the key got the Haus basement at the start of his third year. Thanks to @nonuniqueindie for the idea!

Disclaimer: there actually was another big syrup theft this week while I was writing this. Any similarities to real recent events is purely coincidental.

READ IT ON AO3 HERE.


Bitty was suspicious.

The basement key had gone missing sometime during summer break, and nobody seemed to recall who had it last. Jack thought Shitty had it. Shitty swore he gave it to Lardo so she could put some of her extra stuff down there after moving into the Haus. Lardo said that she had been too busy on graduation day with the Knights, and had only gotten as far as moving her stuff into her new bedroom. Chowder had an early flight, so he too only had time to move boxes into Jack’s old bedroom, and swore that he had never even seen the basement key.

The Haus was a little more cramped than it should be, and the small storage closets were now crammed with excess belonging. Still, the key was nowhere to be found. The weeks wore on.

“This is getting ridiculous,” Bitty huffed as he made pancakes for breakfast one morning. “Something fell over in the storage closet in the middle of the night and I nearly had a heart attack. It’s stuffed to the gills – we need to find that basement key.”

Ransom and Holster exchanged looks. Holster shrugged. “Don’t know what to tell ya, Bitty. We’ve searched everywhere.”

“Well then maybe it’s time we call a locksmith.”

“Oh, well, if only it were that easy,” Ransom said with an exaggerated sigh. “But these old Haus locks – they require special equipment.”

Bitty flipped the pancake into the air and caught it perfectly back in his pan. “This one’s ready. First pancake goes to whoever gives me a solution to our basement problem.”

“I’ll call a locksmith!” Ransom shouted. Bitty gave him a quizzical look at his outburst. “I know one place that might be able to do it. Johnson called them when he locked himself out during our frog year. Maybe they’ll still be properly equipped.”

Holster frowned as Bitty awarded Ransom the coveted pancake. “Bro, not cool…”

“Can’t talk. Pancakes.” Ransom got up to grab the maple syrup from the fridge, and when he returned there was a visible bite missing from his pancake. “Bro, what the hell?!”

The two seniors started to bicker, which turned into wrestling. Bitty hurried to flop the next pancake directly onto Holster’s plate. “Ah-ah-ah! Rans gets to take a bit first. It’s only fair.”

Ransom took the largest bite he could and grinned triumphantly with his mouthful. He opened his mouth wide and poured some syrup directly inside. Bitty cringed. Lardo cackled.

“Gross, brah. Epic.”

“I’m revoking first pancake privileges from you for a month. I don’t care if you win every weekly challenge.”

Lardo got the next pancake and Chowder let out an impatient whimper. “Sorry, Chowder. Next one is coming right up, I promise,” Bitty assured him.

“Can’t be helped,” Lardo said with a shrug. “A girl’s gotta eat. Nobody likes a starving artist.”

Bitty quickly finished up the batch of pancakes now that the pan was thoroughly heated, making sure the Chowder got his starter pancake before he withered away. “Can one of y'all explain why we have three other bottles of syrup in the fridge?”

(More under the cut)

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