dumb signs of life

the signs as dumb things my cousin has said part 2
  • aries: i'll include all genders because i'm not trying to be racist
  • taurus: i'm only a low key emo
  • gemini: i'm having a nude wedding
  • cancer: i could be a meme model
  • leo: i just realized i was a lego in a past life
  • virgo: frequency is my safe word
  • libra: i'm a big advocate for not dabbing at school
  • scorpio: i don't usually feel stuff
  • sagittarius: if i get reincarnated, i want to be a kardashian
  • capricorn: if you WANT to shove two quarts of milk up your ass, then why not?
  • aquarius: i don't trust half dome. what happened to the other half?
  • pisces: lets get a bird and then if something bad happens we can release it and when you see it in the sky you'll know to run

Should I tear my eyes out now?
Everything I see returns to you somehow
Should I tear my heart out now?
Everything I feel returns to you somehow
I want to save you from your sorrow

The only reason why I continue at all
Faith in reason, I wasted my life playing dumb
Signs and wonders: sea lion caves in the dark
Blind faith, God’s grace, nothing else left to impart

—  Sufjan Stevens // Song: The Only Thing. Album: Carrie & Lowell
The signs as dumb ways I’ve hurt myself

Aries: Accidentally setting myself on fire while writing Christmas cards

Taurus: Almost breaking my nose on two separate occasions with a potato

Gemini: Walking into a door that I thought was a push door when it was a pull

Cancer: Having said door open into my face while i was making a sarcastic comeback to my friend

Leo: Deciding to buy a peanut butter cup because I’ve not had one for ages and getting halfway through it before remembering that I am allergic to peanuts

Virgo: Accidentally setting myself on fire while making paella 

Libra: Forgetting the stairs were there

Scorpio: Being punted into a four story deep quarry by a particularly pissed off sheep and landing in nettles

Sagittarius: Giving myself a concussion and mild hypothermia from sledging

Capricorn: Pressing a ball point pen too hard into the paper and having the innards fly out and hit me in the eye

Aquarius: Punching myself in the face three times in as many days

Pisces: Accidentally setting myself on fire while sewing