dumb shows ruining my dumb life

Ash vs Evil Dead [sentence starters]

[feel free to change pronouns as necessary!]

“So, does this mean I don’t have to pay back the 20 bucks I owe you?”
“It was 200 bucks.”
“Brand spanking new hand, or brand new ‘spanking’ hand!”
“I’m not dead, you dumb bastard.”
“Oh wow, that was weird. You were really still for a minute.”
“You mind telling me what the Flying Dutchman is going on?”
“We’re course correcting. Rebuilding the family you tore apart.”
“Oh here’s a question, if we had sex right now would it still be a threesome, cause technically you’re both the same person?”
“No one escapes their destiny, ____.”
“Don’t you worry my little burrito, you’re safe in this trunk.”
“Nothing helps, does it?”
“Of course you don’t answer. Because you’re DEAD.”
“You’re both dirty birds, and I’m gonna hurt you, real, real bad.”
“Yes, I’m upset. Yes, I’m behind the wheel. Yes I’m drunk, and maybe my license isn’t the fancy kind from the DMV, but at least I’m drunk!”
“Okay, I’ve seen some seriously disturbing stuff recently, but you are adorable.”
“Sorry ____, you played right into my hand.”
“Sorry ____. Sorry you got caught up in this bullshit.”
“Keeping my end of the deal is boring. It’s more fun to change things up at the last minute. Keeps Everyone on their toes!”
“What the Fraggle Rock is THAT thing?!”
“My children stole my immortality.”
“I’m gonna find him, take my chain saw, shove it right up his ass.”
“Yeah, that’s like a felony.”
“That is horrible, and also awesome.”
“Holy pickle dicks!”
“You’ve got some huge balls showing yourself in this town.”
“You! You ruined my life!”
“I’ve ruined a lot of peoples’ lives.”
“Oh, _____. Do you really think I want you and your little friends to die?”
“Man, making decisions is hard.”
“You say one more dumb thing… “
“I’m gonna say a lot of dumb things!”
“Everybody dies here, it’s just the rules.”
“What’s out there knows you’re alive, and it wants you to be un-alive.”
“You think THIS is the right time to be hitting on me?!”
“Shoot first, think later. Or don’t think at all. Yeah! Shoot first think never!’
“Oh, I’ll be polite. Right up until I’m rude.”

Salt of the Earth, Salt of the Sea - Chapter 1

Summary: After falling into a sacred pool of water during a magical ritual for the full moon, land-boy Percy inherits the powers of mermaids. Banished from the pod for letting a human tread on their consecrated island, mermaids Annabeth, Piper, and Hazel must take the power from him in order to rejoin their family. But the island’s secrets go deeper than any of them realize. FF.net / AO3


There was nothing.

And then there was water.

Lots of water.

He had been dropped so suddenly, he didn’t even have time to cling to one final breath. The air was knocked out of him, like a punch to the chest. He drifted there, bubbles licking at his bare arms and legs, pulling him down down down - no - hands, fingers pulling him, pushing, drowning. The water, white in the full moonlight, was endless. No sound, except for his heartbeat, thrummed in his ears. There was no escape. A startlingly sober thought crossed his mind: I’m going to die here.

The fingers were cold, firm, yanking him out of the moon’s eye, the darkness tunnelling his vision. His eyes drifted shut, whatever life left in him fading as fast as the light. His lungs burned like he’d sucked in an entire bonfire, but another warmth - low in his belly - wrapped around him until it consumed his entire body, like a blanket on a winter’s night. He yearned for air, gasping for it, but got water instead.

The dark was all he had.

Then he was nothing.

It was kind of a weird thing, waking up.

Not necessarily the ‘waking up’ bit, but more of the 'waking up on a beach with no idea about how he got there’ part. That was confusing.

When he blinked his eyes open, all he saw was cloudless blue sky, the kind of blue that makes you feel small and sort of stupid because it’s just too pure to be that blue blue. Wind whispered through the palm trees, making their branches shimmy and shake; it sounded like white noise in his addle-brained state. The ocean hissed against the reef, tumbling with a roar as it crashed over itself in white capped mountains, then lapped at the beach.

His clothes were warm, baked by the high summer sun. His chest rose and fell, in tune with the waves. The air was crisp, fresh, and smelled distinctly like salt. He wiggled his toes inside his Chucks and gripped his fingers through the hot sand. It raked through his fingers, grit getting under his nails.

Then the ocean started calling to him.

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smile like silver (1/2)

chapter two

rating: pg13
word count: 1300
pairing: yoonmin
warnings: couple swear words, one sexual reference, lapslock

Anonymous said:could you do a yoonmin fic where yoongi gets a tongue piercing ? and jimin just really likes it 

park jimin has known min yoongi for as long as he can remember. they grew up in neighboring houses and yoongi has been slumming around his back yard since before jimin could walk, playing with his toys and swimming in the small above-ground pool his parents installed the same year yoongi’s parents refused his request for one even when jimin got old enough to complain that yoongi was mean and didn’t deserve to be shared with.

they both grew out of it, sort of. yoongi was still mean to jimin but jimin didn’t mind much because yoongi was still, inexplicably, his best friend. jimin still complained that yoongi was mean and should go back to his own house, but never really meant it, and would whine and apologize when yoongi threatened to actually leave.

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