okay so we talk about all the shadowhunters characters watching mundane movies together before, right (usually star wars or something) but look, recently i was reading a fic and there was a line that was, basically summed up: “a mundane movie?” “are there any other type?”
what if there was tho
like downworlder movies, run by downworlders. the tragic love story of a warlock and a mundane (that magnus refuses to watch after the first time he cried a lot) or a rom-com between a werewolf and a vampire, or a really bad cheesy flick about two werewolves, or a seelie drama that’s full of dramatic plot twists and love triangles, or a vampire movie that’s just full of puns, or a really sweet chick flick where a vampire falls in love with a mundane and she ends up voluntarily becoming a vampire to be with her vampire girlfriend, or a rom-com between a warlock and a vampire who both think the other is a mundane and keep trying to hide the truth with increasingly hilarious shenanigans, or magnus’s favorite, a buddy comedy about two warlocks. shadowhunters being portrayed as everything from “basically stormtroopers” to “evil and heartless” to that that one series wherein they’re actually characters and no one admits it but they kind of love it because it’s so overdramatic, but also kind of lovable (a downworlder shouting at some shadowhunter “you’ll never be like [insert name of character], you [insert reference]!” and the shadowhunter is just like ???? because none of them have ever seen these movies before.
like just movies made by downworlders, full of downworlders and downworld things. some of them aren’t even set in the downworld, it’s just most of the cast are downworlders. like a movie set in a space station or something, and a vampire plays the lead. a werewolf plays the love interest, and it’s hilarious because they don’t get along at all on set, except that they kind of do. a seelie who plays a ridiculously handsome love interest in a movie about spies. a warlock who plays like, an x-man or something, and mundanes who might see it are like “wow cool costume/makeup” but surprise bitch, those scales are fucking real
and like after the whole mortal war thing, there’s a series of really bad movies based on it. and like there’s actually a chick-flick based on magnus and alec, which magnus thinks is hilarious.later there’s an actually serious romance movie based on them about a warlock and a shadowhunter falling in love and magnus watches it whenever he misses alec once he’s gone oops i’m crying
and okay this is less likely because of the clave and warrior culture but shadowhunter movies. there aren’t very many of them, and most of them are terrible or meant for children or both, but they exist.
and it’s hilarious because like, half of the characters are always really bad actors with stiff expressions and shit, and the other half are super passionate and like throwing themselves into the role. as a kid, isabelle desperately wanted to star in one of these (and she probably gets to at some point).
but they range from really shitty romances, usually stemmed from arranged marriages or propaganda of some sort, to like actually funny comedies but it’s like, shadowhunter humor, dry and morbid and shit. there’s a few super racist downworlder characters that alec, izzy, and jace look back on wincing super hard because shit, yeah, now that they think about it, vlad the evil vampire and seymour blade the greedy warlock were super racist, wow.
but what shadowhunters are really good at? war movies. movies about battles and swordfights and shit. holy fuck they’re good at that. they use real blades. sometimes, they even use actual demons. because shadowhunters are fucking badass. and they’re great at the political dramas and tangled webs of conspiracy. there’s this one spy movie that’s basically shadowhunter james bond and it’s amazing. jace and izzy had a crush on the “bond girl” equivalent, a kickass lady shadowhunter, and alec had a crush on the james bond guy, a hot shadowhunter dude who wore eyeliner. but the thing about the movie is the plot is actually really good, even though the actors really suck in places and it’s great
and like okay so now imagine all our faves having movie nights and they just
everyone’s all curled up in magnus’s living room (or they take turns in various places, and god knows what would happen if maryse found out that they’d used the institute once) and magnus has conjured up more space/extra chairs and shit. everyone’s welcome, but people outside their circle rarely come (”are you crazy??? all those shadowhunters and powerful downworlders and shit??? nah thanks”) and like
magnus and alec are cuddled ridiculously close on a loveseat, being sickeningly adorable and kissing each other’s cheek and shit. maia and simon sit on the couch together and get a little closer each time. for a while, clary and jace sit very far apart, but once they start to get their shit together they slowly gravitate closer. raphael sits next to magnus and alec so he can poke magnus and annoy him whenever he wants. ragnor sits next to raphael so he can help. catarina and dot usually sit together on some beanbags because they get along super well, and they enjoy the same kinds of movies so sometimes they gang up on the others and it’s a little terrifying. luke often sits between clary and where simon and maia are sitting, as they are the ones he’s closest to. meliorn sits on a beanbag next to izzy, who sits cross-legged on the floor with a large bowl of popcorn that several people steal from shamelessly. she lets them, and always makes extra (or rather, asks alec to, because she always burns it).
okay but there’s a big mix of shadowhunter, downworlder, and mundane movies? and like you can tell exactly which each one is just by looking at the cover
but like magnus being intrigued by the james bond shadowhunter movie, like “wow i didn’t know shadowhunters were good at spy drama. nice. wow did they really do that stunt? that’s badass”
and maia and simon like the werewolf/vampire rom-com ;)
and clary just really loves the downworlder movies?? especially the cheesy rom-coms, because those are her favorite. especially when they has happy endings
or maybe luke is the only one of them who’s seen both shadowhunter and downworlder, so he likes watching the mundane ones more, but his favorite will always be a shadowhunter movie he watched as a kid about shadowhunters in WW1 because it was so interesting to him
or alec convincing them to watch the series with the overdramatic shadowhunters and all the downworlders are losing their minds as the shadowhunter on the screen (who is very clearly a seelie with makeup runes drawn on, and half of them are nonsense- alec points this out to magnus, and he giggles and says that’s the best part) does a completely unnecessary backflip and ends it on a cheesy line and all the shadowhunters immediately turn to jace like that’s you.
meliorn wants to watch one of the seelie dramas because he lowkey loves them and even he can’t predict the plot twists sometimes and sometimes he’s just sort of clinging to izzy like oh my god. oh my god. isabelle. look. oh my god. i think she’s the mother. holy shit. and izzy’s like i know oh my god this is so great!!
dot wants to watch star wars, because she still has a crush on leia and also she just likes the plot. simon enthusiastically agrees. magnus agrees on the condition they watch the star trek movies at some point, too. catarina claims to have dated natalia portman for a short time. no one but simon believes her.
ragnor what do you mean he’s dead? fuck off don’t know what ur talking about wants to watch the warlock buddy movie, because he was an extra in it so you can see him the background for like three seconds at a bar, and he never stops rubbing it in magnus’s face that he was in a movie, ha, and magnus is like “i just haven’t gotten around to doing one yet!” “uh huh, sure”
at some point, they have a disney night and it’s amazing. everyone loves disney night. even though half of it is critiquing and pointing out flaws, they all have a lot of fun, and half of them are singing along the whole time. (magnus singing “under the sea” with way too much enthusiasm, maia sings “once upon a dream” beautifully and simon sings the other part, jace sings “let it go” extremely off-key, clary sings “colors of the wind”… not very well). pirates of the carribean is probably the best-received one by all of the, though, although lilo and stich might have it beat
i know this would probably never happen in canon and i’m just dreaming but i don’t even care i love this idea
- A man who kinda looked like young Dave - A lady from Israel with cool dreadlocks - Men who dressed up as Dave from the music video of Enjoy the silence - An austrian man everyone thought was working at the show when in fact he actually used his device to track frequencies so he could hear what’s going on inside the venue - A cute girl whoiwastooafraidtotalkto - My ex-english teacher - A dude with black lipstick and eyeliner with his two kiddos - A lady who was like a G.I Joe sHE HAD A 6 PACK
I was watching the latest episode of Into the Badlands and the minute Evil Eyeliner Dude threatened to make Amelia, a teenage girl, into a prostitute in front of Sunny my immediate thought was: wow I cant believe Sunny’s gonna swiftly kick everyones ass with his bare hands and also Adopt Yet Another Child
okay but listen davekat humanstuck popstar AU. Dave is like a kesha-level troll in that a lot of his music is glitzy and ironic but he’s actually super talented, cares a lot about his fans, and dresses with like g-dragon level absurdity, with a lot of gender-fuckery and biting social commentary if you’re listening close enough. kanaya is one of his designers, and she hits up karkat to be her date to a red carpet event because rose is busy, and karkat is some little hipster nerd who only listens to like the national and bon iver, so he has never heard any of dave’s music or seen his videos.
there’s an afterparty in some penthouse, and karkat hates everybody there and hates the fancy liquor, so he just goes out onto balcony to get some air, and finds this blond dude with smudged eyeliner fucking around on his phone and drinking Smirnoff out of the bottle all by himself all “its a clusterfuck in there shit gives me anxiety” and karkat just chills with this deadpan weirdo for hours not knowing he’s the dude the party is for