So how would the aliens react towards watching some of their human crewmates favorite movies ranging from horror to fantasy to comedy to romance?
This is a beautiful idea! I absolutely love movies, though I tend to steer clear of horrors, but trust me, because of how much I watch Cinema Sins, I think I can do at least one horror movie!
By the way, spoilers ahead.
They wanted to have a movie night.
Of course Xylion had heard rumors of these things, but he had little idea what they were. On his planet, entertainment had not been something they focused on. His planet steered more towards hard work and education, but of course there were a few individuals who preferred the fun route, as they called it. His second brother was one of those people.
Xylion was currently seated in the break room, watching the humans argue about which one to watch first. He sighed.
“Mine is better! Who even wants to watch a horror movie?” Human Jenny proclaimed, the colorful case in her hand seeming to be shine under the light.
Human Isaac rolled his eyes. “Hey, who wants to watch yours?”
“Mine is a classic!”
“Hey, you two, please don’t fight.” Human Quinn said, attempting to stop her boyfriend and Human Jenny from fighting.
Human Fredrick sighed. “Let’s let Xylion decide first. He is the guest, after all.”
Xylion was suddenly handed a bunch of cases. He looked down and flipped through them. That’s when he held up the one Human Quinn had handed him. “Let’s do this one.”
All the other humans groaned, but didn’t say anything. Human Quinn shook her head. “All of you are rude, you hear me?”
Xylion said nothing as the movie began to play. As he watched, he memorized parts of the plot.
Poor guy falls in love with rich woman. The two date, then get separated. They then meet again and fight, yet still love one another. Then, it shows two old people in the hospital reading a notebook, and then they both die.
Xylion did not enjoy it. He found it strange, yet Human Jenny and Human Quinn were in tears.
“I hate watching this movie because it makes me cry so much!” Human jenny exclaimed, blowing her nose.
Human Quinn agreed with her and the two wrapped their arms around one another, sobbing. The men just stared at them.
Next, Xylion chose Human Mason’s movie. He stared at the pink cover. “You really want to watch this one, Mace?” Human Isaac asked, looking up at him.
“There’s no blood.”
Xylion sighed as the movie started to play.
It started with a young girl looking up at the sky. He older sister then came out and the younger sister asked about the swan constellation up in the sky. The movie then began with a girl who was turned into a swan, but she was able to turn into a girl in the day. She has to stop an evil fairy, falls in love with a prince, the fairy tries to stop her, she starts dying, then the two get hit with a spell and their hands are intertwined, and then everything is well and they get married.
When it was over, Human Jenny was sobbing while Human Fredrick absentmindedly patted her back.
The next one was Human Jenny’s. She was excited about this one.
The movie started off with a girl projectile vomiting over a crowd while singing, which Xylion found very disgusting. It then showed a girl going to college and joining with the singing group. They went to competitions, won a few, got embarrassed a bit, fell in love with people, etcetera. Xylion was kind of bored of it.
Human Jenny was trying to get everyone else to sing along with the songs, and Human Fredrick joined in out of sympathy, but the others didn’t sing.
It started off with a girl getting a call from someone, but then she learns her bofriend is kidnapped and she ends up being murdered. Then it goes to another girl, who is dealing with the one year anniversary of her mother’s death. She is attacked by the same killer, but survives. She then starts suspecting her boyfriend, and stays with her best friend. The school is closed down and the principal is killed. And then a dude throws a party, she and her boyfriend consummate their relationship, her friend gets killed, and soon later the killer is revealed to be her boyfriend and the dude who threw the party.
Xylion was actually kind of shocked by this one. He wasn’t expecting that one.
However, Human Jenny was not happy about this, as she was still ignoring Human Isaac.
The last one was Human Fredrick’s, and everyone seemed interested in this one.
It started with a group being attacked by some dude with a spear, and they were turned against one another. It then went to a dude who had been frozen in ice, a girl who beat up a bunch of guys, a dude who was a doctor, and a guy who had a tech suit. They all gathered together and went to kill that spear guy, but the dude was taken by his brother. They then fought, became friends, and then the spear guy turned them against one another and separated them, but they got the arrow dude back. They then fought off a bunch of aliens and then won.
Xylion liked it, but he was sort of offended about the alien thing, but they didn’t look like him so he was okay.
I think folks wouldn’t mind Preston Garvey and the Minutemen so much if they were more… I don’t know, colorful? Unique?
The Minutemen are a militia composed of farmers armed with simple weaponry. That is what they’re made of. But that doesn’t mean that’s all they have to be.
Like let’s look at Caesar’s legion from New Vegas. They’re a bunch of tribes conscripted under one banner fighting in the name of a despot with a love of roman culture. In reality they’d be a bunch of dudes armed with Spears running around in burlap tunics. But they decorate themselves, they speak latin, they have special ranks and duties. And the legion is argued by many to be the least developed faction in NV.
Meanwhile, the Minutemen uniform is “hat and overcoat” and even that isn’t consistent! Preston dresses in much more traditional attire, but Ronnie at the castle wears what appears to be a modern military uniform.
So what do I think should have been done? To put it simply, the Minutemen should have been a faction built around American Revolution culture and history. Give me minutemen throwing things into the harbor. Give me minutemen firing laser muskets in line ranks. Have them quote the founding fathers. Give them SOME identity besides “We’re farmers.”
I was in class last week and this asshole was like "If I ever met a dude who likes Britney Spears I'd kill that f*g" and I instantly got super scared because I'm not quiet about how I like her right? Anyways this other dude stood up, and he's like 6'5", all muscle, on the football team. Terrifying dude. He goes right up to the scrawny homophobic fuck and says, point blank, "You try to kill me and you're leaving this classroom in a body bag" Public School is fucking Wild
Let’s see if I can get through this one without crying. Nigh impossible, I know, but it’s a challenge I set myself.
By Apollo, how do I even begin to pick through this mess. Troy is like someone ate the Iliad, vomited it up, put it through a shredder, chucked it at a wall, fed it to a horse, pawed through the horse shit and then taped what they could find back together again and wrote a film based off that.
First of all, there are no gods in it. WTF. How the fuck do you even begin to tell the story of the Iliad without gods?
It’s like trying to make a film about The Bible without mentioning God.
When you miss out things like that, you miss the whole fuckin point of the story - true or not it’s a microcosm of Greek life and culture, and the Greeks believed that the gods were present and had a huge influence via punishment and reward (like most religion tbh). Also, why would you leave that out? It’s most of the fun! But I suppose they tried, and if they had a shred of competence it might have worked. Unfortunately these hoes did not. Time for a rant list.
So Helen of Troy is degraded from a women enchanted by a goddess to a cheating bitch and runs away with Paris. Seriously, how is this film more sexist than an Ancient Greek poem???? - at one point in the Iliad, Helen actually tells Aphrodite that if she likes Paris so much, she should sleep with him. See the problem with not having gods.
Second piece of shit thing is, Patroklus is not Achilles’ cousin!? He is his ‘beloved’ his ‘rider’, almost certainly his lover. Most Greeks were at least bisexual and polyamorous. Fuckin get it right you bigoted Hollywood shits.
For fuck’s sake Menelaus was not killed by Hector, nor in the battle of Troy at all. He went home happily with Helen and even appears in the Odyssey. These people obviously cannot read a book without pictures in it. What the shit, guys.
I don’t believe even Agamemdouche wanted a war so badly as to intend on sacking Troy despite the outcome of talks. He knew about Poseidon’s walls. Story about the wall here x. He was more intelligent than whoever wrote this pile of shit movie, and that is saying something.
What the fuck is with Ajax dying. I don’t even know which Ajax died in the film, but fuck you hoes, both Ajaxs outlived Hector and died at the very end of the Trojan war. Wtf.
Briseis was not fuckin ANYTHING to do with Apollo. Read about Briseis here x. She was from Lyrnessus and Achilles claimed her as his when he lead the raid on her city. Chryseis (Agamemnon’s lady) was the daughter of the priest of Apollo. And I’m not sure the Greeks would ever dare sack a temple of Apollo.
Achilles don’t give a shit about how legit a cause it is to fight. Why he really noped off was because Agamemshitfuck took Briseis from him and he sulked. On that note:
Greek heroes aren’t self-sacrificing and angsty. They do it for the Fame. Hey, Odysseus tried to kill one of his fellow heroes when he was on a mission to try and claim all the fame. Stop applying this modern hero shit to Ancient Greeks. It’s painful and asskissy. Stop.
Patroklus didn’t steal Achilles’ armour. I can’t remember if he did in the film, but I would betcha all the money I have (which is like, $10) that he did. Achilles GAVE it to him.
Hector didn’t actually kill Patroklus by his lone self too. Some other dude speared him first + Apollo had a go at him too.
Would the armies fuckin stop cause Patbroklus died? No. In fact there was a giant tug of war over Patroklus’ body and Achilles’ armour. Get yer facts right, shit for brains.
Achilles goes insane when Patroklus dies. He don’t give a shit about anything anymore. He don’t give a shit about Briseis (that much), he don’t give a shit about Agabitchcunt, he just is out for Trojan blood. He even makes human sacrifices to Patroklus, which by Greek standards in batshit crazy.
Andromache doesn’t escape and her son is killed in the sack of Troy. Tragic but true.
If Priam even dared show his face in the Greek camp without Hermes protection when Achilles was in Patroklus rage-mode, he would have been killed on the spot.
Achilles was shot by that bitch Paris way before the Trojan war ended. Achilles didn’t even get to touch the wooden horse with a 3000 ft barge pole.
The Trojans took the horse into their city as a fuck you to the Greeks. Instead of them stupidly thinking ‘oh look, the gods left a giant fukin wooden horse on the beach for some reason when they haven’t done shit for this entire movie’ they thought ‘oh ok, the Greeks have left a giant fuckin wooden horse on the beach as an offering to the gods. Let’s fuckin ruin that by stealing it.’ It didn’t help that the one dude who protested against bringing it in got eaten by giant sea snakes along with his sons. The Trojans weren’t as dumbass as this movie makes them out to be.
Agamemnon doesn’t fuckin die in the Trojan war like we all kinda wish he had. He was assassinated when he got home. By his wife.
Lol, the Trojans didn’t escape. They died or were enslaved except if they were Aeneas’ Chosen Ones. Helen was almost killed by Menelaus but wasn’t. Priam was killed by Achilles’ son and after the Trojan war they all had a big argument over Achilles’ armour.
I’m sorry it’s so fuckin long but there is so much shit wrong with this movie, I could go on for a VERY long time. But that’s most of it. In short, the film makers disregarded Greek culture and beliefs, tossed away an EPIC story which will outlive them and their lil bitch film, and basically ripped the heart and soul out of the poem, replacing it with blood and Modern Man-Hero Worship.