dude knows how to wear a suit

OK, but please consider Trans Spiderman

- That scene in “Civil War” where Peter insists on being called “Spiderman”; not “Spiderling”, or “The Human Spider” (like Tony teased), but “SpiderMAN”

- Tony knows immediately, but doesn’t let Peter know that he knows. Just every once in a while, when Peter finds that he’s low on cash for new binders or hormone treatments, he’ll look in his account and find that a good sum of money has been transferred to him from the Stark account

- Also Tony is more than willing to provide the money needed when or if Peter decides to get top surgery

- Happy is clueless at first. He knows that the new kid is hiding something, but he doesn’t know what exactly. Once Happy confronts Peter about it and Peter tells him Happy is immediately supportive and he instantly sends out a mass email to everyone in Stark industries saying that anyone disrespecting Peter’s gender (or really anyone’s for that matter) will be immediately fired, and he insists on escorting Peter to any Pride marches that he decides to take part in, and he basically vows to go toe-to-toe with anyone who is transphobic towards his spider godson

- Aunt May of course knows (she was one of the first people Peter came out to), and she is more than happy to help her nephew with anything he needs to feel more at home with his gender. Needless to say the night he came home asking her for help with getting ready for homecoming her mind was instantly running a mile a minute with “Oh my god this is it this is the day my little boy is becoming a man oh my god he’s come so far I need to do whatever I can to make sure this night goes perfect I’ll tell him how to slow dance and I’ll get him a corsage for his date and oh shit he’s gonna want to wear a tie with his suit fuck I don’t know how to do a windsor knot Youtube help me”

- Bruh, that scene where Peter is interrogating that one guy and the dude is like “What’s wrong with your voice? I know what a girl sounds like”, and Peter immediately gets upset, yelling “I’M NOT A GIRL I’M A BOY!”

Please feel free to add on with anymore supporting evidence or headcanons

Being Bruce Wayne’s Childhood Friend Turned Girlfriend Would Include...

Being Bruce Wayne’s Childhood Friend Turned Girlfriend would include…

Warnings: swearing. Im sorry im like this.


- Both of you meeting at a banquet when you were just five

- You played tag


- You got caught

   - A lot

- “I told you I was better!” *you blow raspberry*

- “Mom! Look! I have a new friend!! His name is Bruce!” “Hello Madam! I’m Bruce!”

   - T h e y  lo v e  h i m

      - Who doesn’t??¿¿

- “Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuucey!” “What’s wrong?!” “Can I have some water please?”

“Mommy, can (y/n) sleep over?” “Of course!

- His parents a d o r e you

- They always invite you over

- You accompany him on his yearly hikes with his dad

- You always play around the manor with him and Alfred

  - Usually tag and hide and seek



- He asked you out on your first ‘date’ on his tenth birthday ball

- It was on the hike; that year you both went alone

- He said “Look! (F/C) rocks!”

  - O B V I O U S L Y you followed them

- It lead to a bouquet of corndogs

  - Because you don’t care for flowers and UHM F O O D

- The card is a big cake with (F/C) frosting forming “Will you be my date to the ball?”

   - O f  c o u r s e

- You didn’t really think of it as a date; you were just ten at the time and you didn’t care about boys that way

- At the ball, you had a simple white dress and he was wearing an adorable suit and tie.

- You stayed at the snack bar and played with him; because EWWWW DANCING WITH A BOY

   - c o o t i e s

- Then your parents forced you


   - “Ow that’s my foot!”

   - “Dude my knee!”

   - “F U N N Y B O N E”

- You just swayed around when the slow song came on

- Then you saw him smile as he placed his hand on your waist and felt a SBDOSBFJSHSOFBFUXNSL right in your heart and you fucking knew you loved this boy

- You were just ten but you knew for a fact that you were gonna marry this boy

   - “I dare you to tell me I won’t marry him, (o/b/f/n). I fucking dare you.”

- So, at the end of the day, when you went back home

- You fucking kissed his cheek before running away

- You didn’t see him hold a hand to his cheek and blush madly

- And you didn’t know that he felt the same thing as you had earlier



- You arrived at the crime scene not giving a flying fuck when the cops said you couldn’t trespass

- “(y/n)… They’re gone… I’ll never get to tell them I love them anymore…” “Bruce, I’m here for you… Always.”

- Ofc you cried With him; They were like your second parents

- Alfred often called you over during the time he wanted to test himself

  • “BRUCE!” “It’s okay, it’s just a little burn.” “YOUR WHOLE HAND IS RED”
  • “Eat.” “I’m not hungry.” “Eat, or I swear I’m gonna shove this down your throat.”

One day, you were invited over.

  • “Is it a special occasion?” “No, I just want you to see something…”

- It was getting to watch his Training with Alfred.

- G o d d a m n  

- H e  l o o k e d  s o  g o o d

- He was so concentrated

- And that’s when you discovered something new



- You saw some girl appear next to you

- She was so quiet you got fucking scared

- “Hey.” “H-hey… I like your hair, it looks fucking awesome.” “Thanks, I’m Selina, but my friends call me Cat.”

- “Hi (y/n)! You’ve met Cat, I see? :)” “Yes I have; w-why is she here??”

   - ((B e i n g  l o w k e y  j e a l o u s))

- “She saw who killed my parents.”


- Trying to hide it but she knows what’s up

- She’s so fucking disrespectful to Alfred you have to restrain yourself from attacking her

- When she left you turned to Bruce

- “Who the f-” “Ahem, Miss. (l/n).” “Sorry, Alfred. Who the fricketty-frack?!”

- “I told you!” “WHY IS SHE HERE?!” “She needs to get accommodated and acquainted with me if she’s going to testify.”

- “Ah. I c.” “Why are you so con-” “nO rEaSoN.”


- You had come over to his house to speak with him about your feelings for him and what do you walk in on?

- Cat kissing him.

- A n d  h i m  k i s s i n g  b a c k

   - You hid ofc.

- “Do you fucking think im ever going to let him look at me again?¿?¿”

- You were running away as you bumped into Alfred and he asked if you were okay.

   - Your eyes started welling up with tears as you said “Absolutely.”

- You didn’t want to see him anymore. It hurt a lot to see him love someone else.

- You were thirteen, and had experienced heartbreak. It’s not like you enjoyed it. It felt terrible; you wanted to die. You felt unloved and useless to anyone.

- One day your phone rang

   - “Ms. (l/n), Master Bruce would very much appreciate If you came by for a short visit-”

   - “No.”


- You came over. You were gonna tell him.

   - Screw the consequences.

- You walked in on the same fucking girl.

- But Bruce was crying.

- “I didn’t see who killed your parents. I lied.”


- You punched her in the face and she scratched your cheek.

- She left with a bloody nose :)


  • You turned back to him and he was still teary eyed
  • You hugged him so hard he had to say “I-I can’t breathe…”
  • When you pulled back you looked at him
  • The young boy you had always known to be a little happy joker ((hehe)) was turning into a man, bent on justice.
  • And you still loved him.
  • So you kissed him.
  • He was taken aback, but kissed back
  • He placed his hands on your waist and yours on his shoulders
  • You kissed for like five minutes but it wasn’t enough
  • Alfred was the one who ruined it
  • “Master Bruce- oh my…” “Alfred I can explai-” “FINALLY!”
  • “I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS BLOODY DAY SINCE HIS TENTH BIRTHDAY.” He chants as he stomps around the mansion
  • “So… How long have you liked me Bruce…?”
  • “Since my tenth birthday ball… What about you?”
  • “The same thing…”
  • That one question burning your insides. So you let it out
  • “Why did you kiss Selina?”
  • “I didn't… She kissed me…”
  • Tears forming and him wiping them away when they fall
  • “I only love you, (y/n)…”

((bts thats not my gif :)))

tentori21  asked:

Masquerade/costume themed ask! Choose one of the following: The lords react to being invited to a masquerade/costume ball, what mask/costume would the lords wear, or which lords figure out who the MC is based on her costume. Bonus: how would the lords react to calling out the wrong person as being the MC!

This is gonna be based in a modern AU for a wider scope of options. Plus, pretty sure costume parties weren’t a thing back then.

Apologies for the lack of detail on Kojuro and Kenshin, and the absence of Shingen. I just couldn’t think of good costumes with masks for any of those dudes. Plus, Shingen does not strike me as one to wear costumes at all. You just know the only outfit he would wanna wear is his birthday suit. 😑

But!! I did do a bonus at the end! (One that had me cackling far more than what was reasonable.)

Tagging @tentori21 @otome-microwave @jane-runs-fast @bulbaqueen @dear-mrs-otome @duerme07 @han-pan @incubeebirb @yoolee @saizoswifey @sengokugenkigirl just because

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

you said top 5/10 anything, so... top 5 nb!alex headcanons?

this is a perfect place to also mention that any of my posts that mention or involve nb!alex danvers will be tagged under nb!alex. i’m in the process of going through all my posted prompts and checking they’re all tagged appropriately. enjoy! 

tw: misuse of pronouns 


the night they come out to maggie, alex gets off early from the deo and spends the entire afternoon doing two things: wanting a drink, and sitting pressed against the bathroom cabinet because they feel like if they stand they’re going to be ill.

by the time maggie gets home alex barely has time to scramble to their feet and  walk out of the bathroom. it doesn’t matter that alex throws on a smile, and tries to pull maggie into a kiss, anything to distract from the way their hands are almost but not quite shaking. it doesn’t matter because maggie knows them, and maggie reads the fear in alex’s eyes and maggie kisses alex, gently, gently before stepping back. 

before taking their shaking hands in their own and asking “what going on?” 

because alex may not have realized it, but j’onn noticed how they practically fled the deo that afternoon. and alex may not have realized it but there are two missed texts from maggie on their phone. and it’s not like alex to ignore messages, not from maggie.

so alex may not realize it, but maggie knows somethings different, something’s up.

maggie reads it in the way alex froze at her question, the way alex’s body tenses like a rabbits, ready for flight. so maggie, maggie moves slowly, she curls her hands around alex’s wrists but keeps her fingers loose, relaxed, grounding but not trapping “you can tell me anything.” she says, seeking eye contact from alex, but not getting it. 

not getting it because alex is scared. they’re scared that anything doesn’t include being not quite a girl and not quite a boy. they’re scared that maggie, so confident in liking women, won’t want to be with them any more. them who isn’t quite either. 

alex is scared. and alex doesn’t want to lose maggie, so maybe they can pretend. maybe they can push this down. maybe they can be ‘her’ and maybe they can be ‘alexandra’ and maybe, maybe, maybe if it means getting to keep maggie, 

maybe they can be ‘she.’ 

for maggie, all the while alex is talking themself out of the words that are threatening to spill over, all the while maggie is reading the pure fear on alex’s face. maggie feels the tension and the panic radiating from their body. and it makes maggie ache. it makes her ache because no one, no one and especially not alex, deserves to be this afraid, this scared. 

so maggie takes a different route. she takes a breath and she thinks of the laptop that alex left open one sunday afternoon. with tabs about sexuality and gender. and places that do gender neutral haircuts in national city. maggie says slowly, as softly as she can “you know i love you, alex.” she starts “you know i’m in love with who you are. and nothing can change that, not what pronouns you want to use.” and alex’s eyes widen, their breathing stops, but maggie keeps going 

“and if you want different pronouns, i’ll use different pronouns.” maggie says, asking slowly “is that something you might want?” 

but instead of an answer, alex chokes out “how?” 

how do you know? 

how are you okay with it? 

how do you still love me? 

it doesn’t matter the question, maggie has the answers to all of them. but that’s for later. 

the now is for pulling alex into her arms and kissing their temple and smoothing their hair, and the now is for alex to cling to maggie like maggie could change her mind in a moment. the now is for alex to say, hiccuping and trembling “there’s a thing, it’s - i’m not a man, but, i don’t always feel like a woman? it’s - i think i’m non-binary. i just,” and that’s almost all alex can get out, “can we not use her?”

and the now is for maggie to say “of course,” and “what do you want instead?” 

and it’s they. it’s them. 

and alex cries and maggie soothes and pulls them to bed. maggie lets alex cry and lets them grip at her, and maggie promises she’s not going anywhere. not now. not ever. 

two: it’s date night, they’re with maggie at the baseball game. not a sport alex is wholly into, but they are into sitting in the bleachers and drinking shitty beer with their arm around maggie’s shoulders eating peanuts and watching maggie watch the game. alex is totally into maggie, and maggie’s into baseball, ergo, alex is, kind of, into baseball. 

and the game is great, but kissing maggie against the stadium wall for a moment is better. right up until 

“alex danvers have to say this is a surprise.” 

and it may be alex who connects the voice to maxwell lord, but it’s maggie who reacts first. it’s maggie who reacts first because it’s alex who stiffens against maggie and suddenly they can’t speak. they can’t speak because maxwell lord likes to flirt and maxwell lord thinks he has game, and he, he reminds them of the femininity that they’re not comfortable with anymore. not entirely. 

“do i know you?” maggie asks, talking a half step between alex and maxwell lord, arms folded across her chest. 

“no,” lord replies “but maybe you’d like to.” 

“somehow i doubt that.” maggie replies, but lord is looking past her, to alex. 

“so you’re a lesbian.” he’s saying, and he’s a little drunk, but ever the ass “you like women. and you’re a woman.” 

maggie feels alex flinch. 

lords’ gaze slides back to maggie “you know we practically dated, your girlfriend and i, did she tell you that?”

another flinch. 

“she’s very good with her hands.” lord says, but before he can even finish wherever that statement was going, 

maggie punches him.

“mags.” alex squeaks “you-” 

maxwell lord is stumbling back, nose pouring with blood and maggie is stepping forward “come near them again,” she’s saying “come near alex again, and it’ll be worse than just a black eye.” she says. 

“did you threaten me?” lord asks, spluttering and spitting blood. 

“damn right i did.” maggie says, wrapping an arm around alex’s waist and guiding them away. 

waiting until they’re home before asking “are you okay?” and they answer by kissing maggie, hands cupping maggie’s jaw. 

“i’m perfect.” alex says “you’re - i love you.” 

three: maggie and alex have a conversation about names. it’s a few weeks after the initial conversation in the kitchen, in bed. it’s something maggie brings up because she wants to know, and the best way to make sure she doesn’t hurt alex, is by asking them what’s okay. 

so they’re sittng, maggie with the sports section, alex with the sunday comics and they both have a mug of coffee on hand, and it’s perfect. it’s calm and maggie almost hates to break it, but she needs to, so she stands, so she kisses the top of alex’s head and scratches lightly at the freshly fade they’re trying out and asks “more coffee?” 

alex hums and nods and pushes her mug towards maggie’s hand “please babe.” they say so maggie is at the french press when she asks 

“hey alex,” 


“are you okay if i call you babe?” 

there’s the careful folding of a newspaper and maggie looks up to see alex considering and then saying “yes?” but it comes out unsure and it comes out a question. 

“is there something you’d rather i call you instead?” 

alex swallows, playing with the edge of the newspaper “i-” they start “i don’t think so?” 

maggie brings the mugs back, setting them down and reaching for alex’s hand “i just don’t ever want to make you feel uncomfortable.” she says “that’s why i ask.” 

“i think,” alex says, taking a deep breath “babe is okay. just not, babygirl? i’m-” they start to apologize, but maggie squeezes their hand. 

“you don’t have to apologize for what you want to be called, okay?” 

alex nods. 

“and if any of that changes,” maggie says “you can always tell me.” 

alex nods again, squeezing maggie’s hand and reaching for their mug with the other “i know.” they say, after a sip “i know.” 

four: kara is the first one to call alex handsome. they’re going to some catco event thing and kara is bringing alex because maggie is out of town and they’re moping. plus james is away on, and she quotes 

“dude stuff with clark” 

which as far as she’s concnered probably means clark is posing for more pulitzer photos or something. it also means that she’s dateless to the gala so alex gets to come. and it means that alex gets to wear a suit, and they’re in the bathroom trying to figure out how much make up they want to put on when kara walks in, sees them, squeals and says 

“alex you look, like ridiculously handsome, get out here i’m taking a photo of us for maggie.” 

alex is so caught on handsome that they seems a little distracted in the photo, and for a full five minteus after that. to the point where kara has to come into the bathroom and ask nervously “was handsome not okay? i figured, because gorgeous makes you uncomfortable that beautiful would too, and just, you look really good and I wanted a word to say that that wasn’t just, ‘good’ becasue good is lame.” 

“handsome is,” alex starts, smiling “it’s perfect. i wasn’t sure how i would feel about it, but it fits.” 

“good.” kara smiles, standing and kissing them lightly on the cheek “but you’re going to be handsome and late if you don’t get a move on.” 


you’ve got very lovely daughters eliza.” a neighbor says at a summer barbecue. 

“i’ve got two very lovely children.” eliza agrees. 

and alex is by the grill, but she’s close enough to hear and close enoguh to pretend that it’s just the smoke in her eyes that’s making them water. but it’s her mother saying “you know alex, they’re doing great work for the fbi these days. i’m so proud of them.” 

because it’s them. 

it’s who they are. 

and they’re loved. 

anonymous asked:

What do you think Harry would be like when your get insecure and self conscious thinking about all of the other seemingly perfect girls he's been with like models and actresses?

he’d tell me i’m being dumb because no one is perfect, especially not the girls he’s been linked to before and it’s senseless to compare myself to anyone from his past. it’s in the past for a reason. 

i see this discourse on tumblr a lot. people worrying about not being harry’s “type” and wanting to know how harry would handle being with someone ~different~ than his ~usual~ and i just….

you know what my type is? tall, VERY tall, super buff-muscly dudes that can bench press me over their heads without a sweat and are clean shaven and wear dapper suits on reg and have at least 10 years on me.

know who i’m (happily) with? a tall lanky dude who only lifts his xbox controller (and me when i beg for it, but only for a few minutes) with a beard and wears jeans like it’s his religion and only 18 months separate us in age. 

my point? stop torturing yourselves on whether or not you’re harry’s type. ‘cause i can guaran-fucking-tee type doesn’t define love and it doesn’t stop relationships from forming. i highly doubt harry chooses his partners based on occupation or the length of their legs. stop believing you’d be insecure in a relationship with harry because you don’t check a few boxes that have been artificially manufactured based on the physical appearance of the women he’s been linked to. you’re fantastic the way you are, so you shouldn’t be concerned that you’d be insecure in a relationship with harry. it’s not healthy and it certainly isn’t worth your time. 

OK so in one of the last Texts From Vader entries, I had Anakin tell Obi-Wan that Sheev doesn’t celebrate Vader’s birthday. Several of you were Very Sad about this and angry that I gave you Vader Feels.

Then I started thinking about it: if the Emperor HAD celebrated his birthday, he’d probably have had to do it on a different day than Anakin’s actual birthday, yes (the day he became a Sith, maybe)? Like so as not to arouse suspicion about Vader’s identity, if Vader has the same birthday as Anakin? (Although, who’s even left alive who would know Anakin’s birthday anyways? Though he was just that famous…) 

THEN I started thinking: well, does Sheev really even give a shit if anyone knows Vader is Anakin? Like, he technically took him on as his right hand man when he was still VERY CLEARLY AND RECOGNIZABLY ANAKIN SKYWALKER. That fool marched his angsty ass into the Jedi temple wearing his usual Jedi garb. Was nobody on Coruscant looking out their window at the time? Dude was flanked by a zillion 501st guys, it’s not like he was making a subtle entrance (Anakin doesn’t know how to do those anyways.) Is this yet another case of “he had a hood on so naturally I had no idea who he could possibly be?” The guy was a HoloNet Star!

I guess you could argue that maybe Sidious KNEW Anakin was quickly gonna get his ass handed to him by Obi-Wan and end up in The Suit, thereby disguising him forever (Sidious SURE DOES HAVE A LOT OF THAT GETUP LOCKED AND LOADED AND READY TO GO), but still. Would Sidious have cared if people knew who Vader was? Why? Sure, sure: the JEDI were evil, but he could have totally made Vader out to be some kind of Hero Who Knew The Truth (LOL as if,) Who Was Then Maimed Terribly By The Evil Fugitive Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi, right? Although I guess acknowledging that Anakin Skywalker, Brave Superhero ever got his ass kicked by anybody would diminish his standing as World’s Most Badass Dude, I guess. And given Vader’s reputation it might have the effect of making OBI-WAN sound like a god among men since he kicked LORD VADER’S ass (which is accurate, but not exactly “on message” for the Empire.)


Online review of captain babysitters

As requested by anon. :)

Previously, we looked at the reviews written by hapless human parents about Quincy babysitters. But what if they instead hired the shinigami captains to watch their kids? What kinds of reviews might be left then?

1. Ukitake

Ukitake is great with kids, and the kids loved him! He played all of their favorite games, told them great stories, and even came with a basket of candy! My kids cannot stop talking about him!

However, I had to take off one star because he collapsed mid-evening and had to be rushed to the emergency room. Apparently that happens to him a lot.

4/5 stars, would recommend if there’s an emergency room nearby and your kids know how to dial 911

2. Komamura

you have to prepare yourself if you hire this dude he shows up in a GIANT REALISTIC WOLF SUIT and yeah, i know - why would you hire a guy who wears a giant realistic wolf suit?

but komamura was actually really great - very polite, very well-spoken, very good with the kids who loved having a ‘giant puppy’ as a baby sitter

plus like my kids now keep talking about how ‘everyone is beautiful’ and how animals and humans both deserve respect and i dunno i like giant wolf guy

so like don’t believe what you read onlne about furries theyre all right

3. Soi Fon

I would NOT recommend this babysitter.

She made my children do “ninja training drills” all evening, whatever those are. My son was in TEARS saying how she told him that snacks were “weakness personified.” They were CHIPS. HEALTHY CHIPS

My daughter meanwhile keeps throwing paper ninja stars at things. I don’t know WHERE she keeps getting them or WHY she’s so good at it but it is really starting to concern me.

4. Gin

Pros: My kids really loved him. They said he was “fun.”

Cons: He’s super creepy. Like, so creepy. Like, when I look at him all I can think about are snakes and I don’t know why. Also ever since he left, my kids will not stop “pranking” me and it’s driving me nuts and I think it’s his fault. I hate him. Do not hire him. Do not. Please. He’s so creepy.

5. Kyoraku

Hire if you want a babysitter who is very relaxed and chill - some babysitters get very anxious about watching somebody else’s kids but not this guy. He’s obviously been doing this a long time because he was very comfortable. Also he had a bunch of children’s games prepared. The shadow one seems a little weird but my kids liked it so I guess it’s okay.

6. Kenpachi

Do. Not. Under. Any. Circumstance. Hire. This. Man. He showed up with a sword and asked which of my kids was the STRONGEST! After that I don’t know because I slammed and locked the door and missed my play.

7. Kurotsuchi

Never actually hired this babysitter I just want to warn other parents about his “vetting” process. Usually we parents interview the babysitter and not vice versa but this babysitter had a very long questionnaire that he required the parents to fill out and I got very bad vibes from it. Like, it asked if my kids had any “special abilities.” What does that even mean? Susie is good at soccer so I put that. Anyway, I filled out the questionnaire against my better judgment and you know what happened? He said that HE wasn’t interested because my kids were not “special” enough. What the fuck. What the actual fuck. My kids are very special fuck you man.

8. Hitsugaya

Personally I am okay with younger babysitters - like some teens like to babysit to make extra money and that is okay. But twelve is too young. And when I politely told Hitsugaya that he was too young to watch my kids he got really upset. “I am not twelve!” Yeah, sure, your childish tantrum is very convincing you twelve year old. 

9. Aizen

Fantastic babysitter. Organized, polite, responsible. He had a detailed plan for the evening which was maybe a little too detailed, but I guess that just means he’s well prepared. The only thing I would caution is that he’ll call YOU when he thinks it’s time for you to have another date night and that’s a little weird.

10. Shinji

Shinji is the best for real. Very silly, very funny, really great with kids. He apparently told silly stories and played dress up and helped my kids do handstands. My son wants to wear ties all the time now - so adorable!!!

11. Unohana

I have never been a fan of babysitters who just want the kids to like them. That’s important of course, but some babysitters will let the kids get away with anything. One babysitter I had in the past let my kids eat candy for dinner. They were sick all night, of course. Ridiculous.

That is why Unohana is so great. She’s kind but firm, and she has such an air of authority that my kids obeyed her and did not try to get away with stuff as they normally do. Plus, she has first aid training which is fantastic. 

The only thing is that her bedtime stories are apparently really violent and involve a lot of murder. Which is weird, but everything else is so good and my kids didn’t seem to mind so I think it is okay.

12. Tosen

don’t be put off that he’s blind it doesn’t make him any less good at watching the kids. he talked a lot in the interview about how fair he is. that is very important to him. so very very important.

anyway my kids talk about justice a lot now

13. Kensei

Yelling “SMILE YOU HAVE A BABYSITTER” is not an appropriate way to greet children. Would not hire again.

14. Yamamoto

I don’t mean to be ageist but I was a little worried when a very very old man showed up. what if he died while watching my kids?? And my kids say he did fall asleep partway through so that’s not good. But my kids did enjoy braiding his eyebrows and beard and he kept the bows in all night so that was nice.

3/5 stars 

15. Rose

He brought instruments and taught my kids a bunch of songs. They had a great time!! Also they keep talking about their muse lol 


My kids love Byakuya!!! They love how funny he is - he’s always asking them silly questions like “Did you steal those goldfish from your neighbor’s pond” and making up silly rules like “Please don’t create any secret passageways in the walls I hate it when children do that.” They laughed and laughed! And do not even get me started on that silly “Admiral Seaweed” puppet he has - he pretends to be so serious about it and my kids just ROAR with laughter!

For some reason he won’t return my calls to come back but seriously he’s great.

i can’t believe i stan this man sometimes. like of all the celebrities in all the world, i choose this dude. this flip flops with a suit wearing, organic lettuce buying, whole foods haunting, shirtless with a blazer on leaving the yoga studio motherfucker

mr i don’t know how shirt buttons work, mr looking so miserable at the globes that my face became a meme, mr daddy as fuck imma have chemistry with anything that shares the screen w/ me, mr manspreader, mr ezra’s knee groper, mr shushing ppl all the damn time, like god damn

i love him so fucking much

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
  • "We're trying to give you the Christmas spirit, dickhole!"
  • "Make a move. Just tell her you wanna bang her."
  • "Whenever there's a potential riot, I'm getting blasted on grain alcohol."
  • "Dude, do you have a boner right now?"
  • "Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese."
  • "Animals should be food, rugs and trophies. Why do you think I'm wearing a leather suit?"
  • "First of all, your breath smells like an old lady fart passing through an onion."
  • "Well, I don't know how many years on this Earth I got left. I'm gonna get real weird with it. "
  • "Am I gay for God?"
  • "Do not plug an open wound with trash."
  • "Wanna go get sweaty in the bathroom?"
  • "I'm not fat. I'm cultivating mass."
  • "Who am I supposed to vote for?"

How come there’s no fan art of Ryota Mitarai in casual clothes? He’s confirmed to be super into anime, manga, and video games! Like this dude’s a total fanboy nerd, he totally has some Ghibli shirts and shit in his closet! Boy probably has himself a matching Pokemon pajama set WITH slippers included! Hell probably even some Dragon Ball Z swim shorts with ‘Over 9000’ written on his ass! I don’t know man, but like the possibilities are endless!
…I think it’s going to be my mission to fill this casual Ryota Mitarai niche…

you know the one thing that really gets me is when the music manager guy is pretending to be an evil scientist to get paul to help them or something(???)

and ringo doesnt believe him so he just straight up rips this dudes clothes off

like ringo man what were the odds that this guy would be wearing a suit under his shirt ….how could he has possibly known thats what was under there anyway like…does ringo go around randomly tearing peoples close off in wild hope of finding out their secret identity?? there was no clues that that guy was a fake

I married you? On Earth-2? (Earth-2!Captain Cold x Reader)

Pairing(s): Earth-2!Leonard Snart x Reader
Summary: Based of Envision-Imagines’ post, Leonard Snart from Earth-2 comes through the breech and goes in search of his wife.
Word Count: 694
Warnings: N/A

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I saw this imagine and was inspired to write a quick fic. This takes place before Barry, Cisco, and Harry goes to Earth-2 himself. In the episode, a news reporter had said “Mayor Snart” was up to something, but even though it wasn’t clear of which Snart member was it. In this fic, we’ll just say it’s Captain Cold.

Originally posted by silvestriscatus

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Leo Fitz + Talking about Simmons

Shit random hollows might say about the espada

As requested by anon. :)

We’ve already imagined what the unranked shinigami think of their captains and lieutenants and the ryoka, and what the Vandenreich foot soldiers think of the Stern Ritter. But what about your average, run-of-the-mill hollow? What sorts of things might they say about the espada?

1. Szayel

“Where is Szayel’s hollow hole, anyway?”

“Could be anywhere. The guy never shows any skin.”

“I heard it’s on his dick.”

“No way that’s true! You’re so gullible!”

“Dude…his zanpakuto name is ‘You’re gonna fuck,’ so..”

“…you have a point.”

2. Grimmjow

“I heard Grimmjow disobeys Lord Aizen!”

“I heard he put one of his fellow espada into a caja negacion!”

“I heard he’s dating some human teenager or something.”

“I heard he wears a skintight body suit in release!”

“Now that’s just silly.”

3. Aaroniero

“So how come Aaroniero wears that mask?”

“Uh, because it’s cool?”

“Yeah, I heard he’s also the only gillian among the espada!”

“Such an inspiration!”

“Yeah, Aaroniero is literally the best.”

4. Yammy

“Is Yammy the strongest espada….or the weakest?”

“Nobody knows.”

5. Halibel

“How come Halibel pulls her shirt over her mouth like that? Does she have bad teeth?”

“Maybe she has a cold chin. Cold chins are a thing.”

“Nobody but you has a problem with that.”

“Me AND Halibel!”

“Dude, just stop.”

6. Luppi

“So Luppi was only an espada for like a day, right?”

“Yeah. Then he got ripped in half or something.”


“Yeah I think I’m good just being a hollow.”

“We get eaten. Like, all the time.”

“Somehow that’s better!!”

7. Nnoitra

“Okay but why does Nnoitra wear a spoon on his head?”

“To match his poofy pants, probably.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty obvious that Nnoitra feels self-conscious about how skinny he is. Tryin’ to give himself some girth.”

“It’s so sad.”

“No wonder he always looks so grumpy.”

8. Ulquiorra

“So WHY does Ulquiorra have a human living with him?”

“Maybe he wanted a pet?”

“He doesn’t even have fracciones.”

“Well then no wonder he’s lonely.”

9. Zommari

“Aren’t the espada supposed to be animals?”

“Yeah, I think so. Why?”

“I just don’t get why Zommari is a pumpkin.”

“Pumpkins aren’t animals?”

“No they’re not animals!”

“Dude, I don’t know how the human world works shut up.”

10. Starrk

“Did you know that Starrk is so powerful that anyone who gets near him dissolves and so he got really lonely and so he decided to cut his own soul in half, just to get a friend?”

“Are you writing bad fan fiction about the espada again?”

11. Barragan

“I still can’t believe some shinigami took out His Majesty King Barragan!”

“I can’t believe he made Barragan the number two espada.”’

“Shinigami are mean.”

“So mean.”

12. Nelliel

“She used to be an espada?? But she’s a little kid!”

“Well, Lord Aizen has a puppy in his army. Why not a little kid?”

“The puppy’s not one of ESPADA though!”

“Guys, guys, chill! She used to be an adult!”

“You don’t go from adult to kid, dumbass. That doesn’t even make any sense.”

“I’m telling you!”

“Oh, give it a rest.”

i think my fascination with the shit storm that was the early 2000s was how consistent it was. the 90s too. just very consistent- as for the 2000s it was just so consistently bad and the world was seemingly governed by a young, misguided guy fieri type. something about that at the time was funnier than it was obnoxious. people were wearing full velour suits. or plastic shiny shit from head to toe. knee high socks. everything fred durst touched became zeitgeist. i don’t know. it was just such a time to be white trash and live white trash

i have a fascination with eminem’s influence too. i know he’s dumpster sauce but man how many dudes went for that platinum caesar cut cause of this dude. that long white tee with slides even. that early 2000s shit where rappers wore wire frame glasses. it was a real feel. all across the board terrible. and the fact an entire culture agreed, “let’s all look like shit together” is terrifying, awesome, and enigmatic.

anonymous asked:

That gif of harry on the red carpet, the camera panning up and harry looking like a classic movie star and just owning the red carpet, that's my kind of content right there. He was stunning at each of the premieres and I love how always stood out so much even though he toned down his fashion a bit for film promo. I can't wait for his first red carpet related to his music career because you know there will be a major look™ involved

dude lets not forget that with that lovely classic suit he did wear red drAGON BOOTS he doesn’t know how to chill and that’s what i love about him ur so right tho i can’t wait for the looks he’s about to serve oh my goddddd esp at the VMAs i literally. cannot WAIT,

Fandom Hearts: A Kingdom Hearts Parody Musical (Act 1) Sentence Starters
  • "A story that could happen to you, or you, but not you."
  • "So prepare for a story that makes no sense."
  • "It feels like I am drowning."
  • "This doesn't make sense, has to be a dream."
  • "I think dream sequences are overused."
  • "I'm falling, which way is down?"
  • "...he should really be wearing a bathing suit."
  • "I was having this horrible nightmare."
  • "I was flying and then falling and people broke out into song."
  • "At least you know where you're from."
  • "Oh, let's hear this story again."
  • "I remember it like it was yesterday."
  • "I had no memory of who I was or where I was from."
  • "Just you, and me, and not a single other person."
  • "So I guess I'm the only one working on the raft."
  • "Dude, you're like, 15. How are you lifting that log?"
  • "And just as I suspected, you're as lazy as he is."
  • "You really know how to compliment a lady."
  • "There's nothing I find sexier than sarcasm."
  • "And yes, this is my real hair."
  • "He/she is also my friend."
  • "I dunno, he/she can be a real dick about it sometimes."
  • "We don't know where we're going."
  • "What do we need a seagull egg for?"
  • "We're gonna be out on the sea for a long time; maybe forever."
  • "I'm gonna need comfort food."
  • "If you don't, I will kick you overboard."
  • "All that I remember is the feeling of the sand,"
  • "I wanna get out of this place and find where I belong."
  • "I got those kimono dragon eggs you asked for."
  • "You might want to find something that's...edible."
  • "Growing up here fulfilled all my dreams."
  • "A sanctuary where my heart can stay simple and clean."
  • "I can't be held back by fear."
  • "I wish you could just tell me how you feel."
  • "I always knew, we should be more than friends."
  • "My thoughts keep coming back to you."
  • "It's the gravity of love, that makes me want to keep you safe."
  • "So I've got to let you go."
  • "Maybe I'll go to college, or become a walmart greeter. Or let my heart get consumed by darkness."
  • "Exactly. That was oddly specific, but exactly."
  • "No, you're fat!"
  • "I see him stop and stare at her/him."
  • "The way they say my name."
  • "I love her/him, cause she's/he's extraordinary."
  • "I see the things they do when I'm not around."
  • "I know I want her/him to myself."
  • "You've won every single race we've been in."
  • "You can chose the way we do this then."
  • "Dance dance revolution."
  • "Take. The. Flower."
  • "Besides, you're a winner. Go have fun and explore or something. I got this."
  • "Take _____, his/her body is ready!"
  • "He's/She's not the same as they were once before."
  • "Are you saying you want to do it?"
  • "What? No!"
  • "What. Does that mean?"
  • "...freaking hipsters."
  • "What, into the black hole of death?!"
  • "They should really know what's right from wrong."
  • "This doesn't have to make any sense, it's Square Enix."
  • "As long as you have this magical weapon, there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of."
  • "Ow, knocked out again."
  • "If you wanna stay a while, then you gotta crack a smile."
  • "Hypothetically I don't smile; what's the worst that can happen?"
  • "We crash, and we die."
  • "Don't correct my gramMAR."
  • "You're slipping ever slowly back into the way you use to think."
  • "He/She betrayed me."
  • "I'll understand this mess of events."
  • "Oh! You can also play angry birds on it!"
  • "We're not going to fit in there; I mean, look at you, you're barely wearing any pants."
  • "No hashtag rhymetag for you."
  • "He/She was hot, wasn't he/she?"
  • "I'm not insane, you're insane."
  • "You're lost and I need a sign."
  • "I need some darkness; some liquid darkness!"
  • "And he was wearing a dress! That was the most terrifying thing of all!"
  • "I can touch stuff!"
  • "We can dance on the everglades, and land on the winds of tomorrow!"
  • "I'm pretty sure that's just a strip club."
  • "Sure the world's falling apart, but there's a place in the dark."
  • "Yeah, make it rain!"
  • "I've got a fly for the theatrical. I think I know what I'm doing, alright?"
  • "I got this."
  • "...yeah, I bet you do."
  • "Nothing will stand in my way."
  • "Nothing will change my fate."
  • "You've got to know that I'm coming for you."
  • "We're standing by your side."
  • "I'm just along for the ride."

made-of-stardusts  asked:

You are taking promts??? That's so great! Maybe you could do an AU destiel in which Dean works in a fast-food diner wearing a hot-dog costume and giving pamphlets and that's how he meets Castiel, who was having a really bad week and started to have kinda a breakdown looking at the pamphlet Dean gave him. So Dean is like '??? wtf dude' but then he decides to cheer Cas up dancing in his giant embodiment of a sausage. I mean, rocking the sausage metaphorically. You know.

Crossposted on AO3

It’s Tuesday; Dean’s day to wear the hot dog suit.

Dean knows what to expect. He’ll sweat his ass off for a few hours, dancing around as a foam rubber hot dog, handing out flyers for Garth’s Weiner Hut. This isn’t Dean’s first rodeo.

Aside from the swamp ass, being in the suit isn’t that bad: Garth usually comps him a bacon chili dogs for lunch while his co-worker Gabriel tries to make him laugh with crude jokes involving the words “weiner” and “footlong.” If Dean’s really lucky, he might even get a couple phone numbers from flirtatious ladies (or dudes… Dean’s not picky).

The man sobbing in his arms, though… That’s new.

He doesn’t know what happened: one second he was offering the guy a coupon for a buy one, get one free on all Chicago-style hot dogs, the next second the man’s too-blue eyes welled up with tears and he was crying hysterically.

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My Tinder Bender Date #45- The Guy I Should Have Blown

I’m back in Toronto. This is getting tricky. I’m scared that now, 45 dates in, I’m going to be recognized as “the blogger.” I’m like Jennifer Lopez in Maid in Manhattan, praying that nobody figures out she’s the maid. I have a new babe in my Tinder box. A Ralph Fiennes, if you will. I pray he doesn’t know the truth about me, cuz his tagline rocks.

If you have a cat, swipe left.

Bahahaha! I’m not a cat person either. I’ll snuggle my vibrator if I have to. It’s funner to feed. I write him within seconds of swiping right.

You had me at “hates cats.”

(Please don’t hate me ladies. It’s not like I’m pretending to know about football for a dude. I’m just in agreeance of a cat free life. I shed enough for one household.) He writes back fast.

Haha. You had me at “does slightly less crack than the mayor.” Nobody’s perfect, you know.

Bahahhaha! I’m so far from perfect. I’m like that parking spot you take that’s five miles away cuz it’s free.

That is right up my ally. When I fly from Pearson, I take the TTC.

As you should. Every time I decide to be a baller and take a cab home from Pearson, I have major regret once we’re pulling off the Allen, in that giant line of cars waiting to turn left on to Eglinton. It’s like paying for anxiety. I’m liking this guy, so I re-examine his profile pics again. I notice a similarity in our shots… (Don’t worry- it’s not the pink fedora.) 

Is your last pic on Freemont Street?

Yes… yes it is. I think I actually like old Vegas more than the strip.

A man who KNOWS his Vegas! I like this. Staying on the strip is for tourists. Hitting up old Vegas, and the Double Down Saloon is for pros. We banter back and forth for a while until he finally asks me out. He gives me his number, and guess what? I actually give him mine too. (Not my usual rules.) We make plans, and then I tag the conversation with

And go Raptors! Woot Woot?

Then I write again,

Ooops! Typo alert. That was supposed to be an exclamation mark, not a question mark…

Without missing a beat, he writes,

I am really looking forward to tomorrow night?

Bahahaha! Nice. For a dude with a day job, he seems to have his “Yes, and…” improv skills down.

We meet at Barhop, on King West, which is totally one of my favourite spots. He suggests it. I could have said, “Actually, I’ve already had a date there- can we change it up for my blog?” But obviously, I haven’t told him about the blog. I’m still Jenny from the block. I get to the bar first. The bartender recognizes me, and we reacquaint ourselves. I get so nervous waiting for my date. He tells me he’ll still be in his work clothes. I tell him I’m wearing the only collared shirt I own.

He walks in, wearing a solid smile. I don’t know why some people don’t smile. People who smile are facking hot! WAY better looking than the alternative. It’s his first time here, so he tells the bartender he’ll have what I’m having. (He trusts my beer choices. Brownie points for sure. Plus, I will NOT steer him wrong.)

His shirt has pink around the collar. Is it weird that I like a man who’s not afraid to rock out some pink? He’s cute. For sure. I tell him his tagline made me laugh so hard, I had to write him first.

“I was writing YOU as your message came in!”

Sure, sure… (Well, that’s what I’m writing, but secretly, I believe him:)

The conversation is never ending. No lulls. I don’t even sneak away to the bathroom, to write things down. I’m totally in the moment. In fact, I’m actually on one of those dates where I’m holding in my pee for too long. I tell him some of my worst habits, like how I consider spicy salami, blue cheese and crackers dinner- it’s actually my favourite dinner.

I love blue cheese and salami! It’s MY favourite.

A man that loves stinky cheese! Amazing! I actually have white marks on my couch from all the blue cheese I’ve accidentally smeared everywhere. If you come over to my apartment, you would definitely think those marks were from something kinky, but I SWEAR they’re not.

There’s another thing about him that gets me excited- his extensive Seinfeld knowledge. I love some good Jerry references. Can you blame me? A man walks through the bar, trying to sell flowers. Oh God. Those people make me feel so uncomfortable. I don’t for one second want my date to think he has to buy me a flower. I have a line that I like to use when those people approach me. Ladies, feel free to use it:

“No thanks. I prefer oral.”

Flowers aren’t for everyone, yo. My date laughs, and even I get a little shy thinking that joke might have been too dirty for a first date with a dude in a suit. Oops. I recover by bringing the conversation back to my favourite kind of jokes- the self-deprecating material.

“So, tell me honestly. Do I actually look like my profile pictures? I know I only wear my glasses in one out of my five pictures, when in reality I wear my glasses ALL the time. My bad. But what do you think? How much do I actually match my profile?”

“Hmmm…. I’d give ya an 80%.”

Bahahahaha! I knew it. I’m just as guilty as all the other online daters. I should throw a shitty shot up on my profile, just to keep it real.

When it comes time for the bill, he insists on paying. I’m obviously Feminist Magoo, ready to pay my half, but he won’t let me. (Maybe he’s thanking me for repelling the flower man.) I finish my beer. He still has a third of a pint left.

“You’re gonna judge me for not finishing that, aren’t you?”

Obviously. He just gets me, you know? We walk out of the bar. It’s that awkward moment, where we say goodbye, or… do post public place activities. With the least amount of enthusiasm as possible, I say,

“Well, I should grab a cab…”

He takes my hand and grabs me for a hug.

“Well, it was great meeting you.”

I think he’s just gonna hug me, or maybe give me one of those fast kisses on the lips. The kind that platonic friends can get away with giving you, but then… it turns into full blown making out. I’m excited. It’s happening. And it’s happening in my own city. Why does this always freak me out more?

“Do you want to come over for one more drink?”

He stutters a bit on this next line.

“I have to warn you though… I just moved in, so my place is a bit of a mess.”

My old roommate Michelle and I used that line for a whole year.

“Well, I have to warn you I have Bloody Kitty, which is what I call my period. I probably just totally grossed you out, but I’m just letting you know that I’ll come up for one drink, but then I have to go.”

(If you’re a regular reader, you totally know my body’s schedule by now. Once every four blogs, Mother Nature curses a Tinder date.)

We both smile, and agree each other’s worries are actually “no worries.” As we walk by his door man (do I have that hooker look? I hope not,) my date does a double take.

“Wait, what did you call your period?”

I know, I know. I’m gross.

We get into his apartment, and immediately I know I’m not going home tonight. I mean, from an economical standpoint, it’s a waste of money to take a cab home, then waste a TTC token on the ride to work tomorrow. Not that saving money on transit is a reason to sleep over at a dude’s place. I’m just noting the fact that I can actually walk to work in the morning. I’m saving twenty bucks by staying over. (Please don’t ever consider me a role model.)

I ask him for pajama pants, and he manages to find me a nice plaid pair. (Plaid has been a theme, eh?) I change in the bathroom, offering even less kinky vibes. Why am I being such a prude? I don’t even have another drink. I have water! Who am I pretending to be right now, and why?

We spoon/snuggle the shit out of the night. I’m so self-conscious. He has his arm around me. I get scared my breathing might be annoying him. So I start monitoring my breathing, taking smaller, less noticeable breaths, which accidentally leads me to holding my breath, which leads me to needing to take deep, GIANT breaths. At this point, he probably thinks I’m having an asthma attack. What’s wrong with me? Why am I being such a weirdo? And why do I think somebody would be annoyed by me BREATHING?

I’m really not used to sleeping with people. Yes, once in a while, I sleep with someone. Post sex, it’s super easy to just pass out. You don’t even need to snuggle, cuz you already got all your touches out of the way for the night. But this guy, who matched my pajamas, piece for piece, and chatted with me all night with his arm around me, made me want to seem… innocent? He gave me boyfriend vibes. I can tell he makes a great boyfriend. Or maybe he just got out of a relationship, and is used to just chilling in bed with a girl. For some reason, I wanted to give him the impression I’m a “good girl,” even though I’m not so sure I am…

The next morning, I wake up still in his arms.

“How did you sleep?” He asks.

“Not bad for someone who’s not used to sleeping next to someone. Sorry. I know I tossed and turned a lot, going back and forth between spooning, and that “face in your chest” snuggle, whatever that’s called. How did you sleep?”

“Fine. Do you want an espresso?”

FACK yeah I want an espresso. I love it when dudes are nice hosts in the morning. Not a “well, I gotta work, so get moving” kind of vibe. I go back into the bathroom to change back into my clothes (again, not even a glimpse of me in a bra- SUCH a prude!) I joke that maybe I’ll leave an earring behind, so I have a reason to call him. He says,

“Well, we should definitely go out again.”

Cool. Next time I’ll remember to breathe in bed. When I’m all set to leave, he says,

“I’ll walk you out.”

He takes me to the elevator. We make out until it comes. We finally say goodbye. In the elevator ride, I’m really surprised I can still have after-sex hair, even though we only snuggled. As I walk by the concierge, he smiles at me. I want to scream, “Don’t give me that dirty devil smile. I don’t deserve it!” I was God damn Candace Cameron last night. I might as well have just pulled a bible out before we fell asleep. Who the fack was I up there? If that guy finds this blog, he’s gonna think, 

“What the FUCK? She’s had a threesome? She gives blow jobs on her period? She banged a guy who took her to Ikea?!!!!”

Yep. You wouldn’t suspect ANY of those things from my behavior with him… (Though Ikea is kind of out of the way for somebody without a car. I hope he can understand that one…)

They say, “Nice guys finish last.” Oh man. They’re right. That guy was nothing but walking respect, and I acted like a nun. So if you’re out there, and you’re reading this…

I totally owe you a blow job.

Keep calm and Tinder on,


P.S. I met a girl whose name is actually Jennie Lopez this past weekend. This one’s for you, yo.

P.P.S. I know, I know! “Agreeance” isn’t really a word.


P.P.S.S. Bathroom graffiti is really taking a turn for the positive, eh? 


  • “looks like i’m going to need some old-school steve rogers, captain america fight training” LITERALLY TONY STARK’S CATCH PHRASE WHEN HE HAS TO FIGHT SOMEONE HAND-TO-HAND
  • “if these are A.I. attack robots, i am going to be so angry, because they are good.” just tony fanboying abt the ninjas trying to kill him
  • “ALSO, NOW I HAVE A SWORD. that is the opposite of a good time to retreat.”
  • FRIDAY oh my god “you’re monologuing” “this is why people don’t like you”
  • “how – how do you know my email?” “dude” “oh, because he’s iron man.”
  • tony programming FRIDAY to quote occam’s razor and then regretting everything bc “that is entirely annoying of me”
  • tony being jUST as excited to see the kids as they are to see him
  • tony bringing his armors to show the kids…. and letting this smol eight year old wear the suit he’s spent months custom designing to be better and smarter than all the previous versions of the suit before it
  • tony and doom their hilarious little buddy cop thing
  • mary jane being gorgeous af