dude knows how to wear a suit

anonymous asked:

isnt aizawa only drawn like that because hes supposed to be buff like all might?

I don’t think so, no but, allow me to explain why!

Firstly, I’m going to use this art drawn by Horikoshi here:

I want to thank @ukitakejuushiro for this post  because they made a very good point here. Aizawa, is holding Bakugou down with literally one arm and absolutely no strain, while Bakugou himself is struggling to get Aizawa’s grip off of him. That’s not the only thing I want to point out here though. 

Notice where Bakugou’s left hand stops against Aizawa’s forearm. 

That’s a thick ass arm, my dude. Bakugou can’t even wrap his hand around Aizawa’s wrist fully. I know Aizawa looks skinny because he wears a baggy ass black suit as his hero attire and they made him appear like a twig in the anime, but legit this man is beefy. Horikoshi basically confirmed this for us every single time he’s ever drawn Aizawa in fitted clothing. 

Aizawa is a broad guy. He is thick. He isn’t a a twig like his loose-fitted black suit would have you believe. 

Look at that fucking neck and those shoulders! Also note how wide his waist is and how thick his wrists are. 

This is a reasonably buff dude. Which shouldn’t be all that shocking considering he can run across power-lines like it’s the easiest thing in the world to do and also dead lift a soaking wet Deku with one hand like it’s nothing. He has the physical prowess of a gymnast combined with a mixed martial arts fighter.

This isn’t my only point though. Look at All Might:

All Might is a god damn mountain. He’s ENORMOUS. But Aizawa in the hero swap:

He is nowhere near as huge. He’s not even close to All Might’s size here. He’s the exact body type you’d expect from someone who is as physically inclined as he actually happens to be. Also notice that his neck and shoulders aren’t any wider than they’re normally drawn WITHOUT HIS CAPTURE WEAPON ON. That’s another thing you have to take into consideration here. His hero outfit does literally nothing in terms of granting people a nice view, ya feel me? It’s baggy af and his bondage scarf usually covers his shoulders and entire neck. So what we see here is all just for more defined because he’s in a skintight body suit instead of a loose tracksuit with miles of metal woven cloth wrapped around his neck and shoulders. 

The last thing I want to add is this:

For every other character Horikoshi has done a costume/quirk swap for, no one’s body type changed. Not one. I get All Might can go back and forth between buff and slim, but I feel like if Horikoshi drew Aizawa to be buff for the sake of portraying All Might, he would have given Aizawa the full All Might, mountain sized body. Not just a beefed up version of himself. Especially since he hasn’t done that for any other character. I mean, Bakugou is Nomu in the very same art but he is no taller, and no buffer than his usual body type. He’s just shirtless.

So I believe that is actually Aizawa’s true, canon body. You just get a much better view of it because the All Might suit is like a second skin :D 

OK, but please consider Trans Spiderman

- That scene in “Civil War” where Peter insists on being called “Spiderman”; not “Spiderling”, or “The Human Spider” (like Tony teased), but “SpiderMAN”

- Tony knows immediately, but doesn’t let Peter know that he knows. Just every once in a while, when Peter finds that he’s low on cash for new binders or hormone treatments, he’ll look in his account and find that a good sum of money has been transferred to him from the Stark account

- Also Tony is more than willing to provide the money needed when or if Peter decides to get top surgery

- Happy is clueless at first. He knows that the new kid is hiding something, but he doesn’t know what exactly. Once Happy confronts Peter about it and Peter tells him Happy is immediately supportive and he instantly sends out a mass email to everyone in Stark industries saying that anyone disrespecting Peter’s gender (or really anyone’s for that matter) will be immediately fired, and he insists on escorting Peter to any Pride marches that he decides to take part in, and he basically vows to go toe-to-toe with anyone who is transphobic towards his spider godson

- Aunt May of course knows (she was one of the first people Peter came out to), and she is more than happy to help her nephew with anything he needs to feel more at home with his gender. Needless to say the night he came home asking her for help with getting ready for homecoming her mind was instantly running a mile a minute with “Oh my god this is it this is the day my little boy is becoming a man oh my god he’s come so far I need to do whatever I can to make sure this night goes perfect I’ll tell him how to slow dance and I’ll get him a corsage for his date and oh shit he’s gonna want to wear a tie with his suit fuck I don’t know how to do a windsor knot Youtube help me”

- Bruh, that scene where Peter is interrogating that one guy and the dude is like “What’s wrong with your voice? I know what a girl sounds like”, and Peter immediately gets upset, yelling “I’M NOT A GIRL I’M A BOY!”


Please feel free to add on with anymore supporting evidence or headcanons

you know how gay dudes get the whole Bear thing? Where chubby, hairy middle-aged dudes get to be body-positive, wear very little (or wear a lot!) and not shamed for it? 

We need some sort of something like that only for queer women. There’s a lot of skinny teenage lesbians on my dash as the Be All And End All of lesbian. I want slick older lady lesbians to be cool, too. Suit-wearing middle-aged lesbians. Gangster noire ladies. Queer older ladies in swimsuits on the beach, fucking ignoring the brats horrified they Dare To Show Their Bodies. I want a visible, present movement of older queer women and femme-aligned folks being older, all-body positive, wearing all sorts of cool shit and celebrating their non-skinny-teenage selves. 

No Matter What (Part 6)

Prompt: Imagine you’re an Avenger and you meet Bucky for the first time during Civil War

Word Count: 1970

Warning: Language, fighting, violence, angst

Notes: This will follow Cap America: Civil War…. I envisioned a younger reader who’s like 19-24 years old, btw. Thanks to my beta @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

Forever Tags: @amarvelouswritings @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejulesworld @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis  @bubblyanarocks3 @thefridgeismybestie @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr

Sebastian Stan Tag: @nedthegay @lostinspace33 @alwayshave-faith @elleatrixlestrange @buenostardissherlock  @lenawiinchester @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi @memory-of-a-goldfish @mellsstark

Bucky Barnes: @nedthegay @lostinspace33 @alwayshave-faith @elleatrixlestrange @ultrarebelheart @lenawiinchester

No Matter What: @void-imaginations @devil-may-cry-11-blog @james-heaven-barnes @mrs-lancelot

~~~~~~~~~

“So you like cats?” Sam suddenly said about half an hour before you arrived to the compound. You wanted to laugh at the remark, but you were scared out of your wits. You were facing jail and possibly something worse for Bucky.

“Sam,” Steve chided.

“What? Dude shows up dressed like a cat and you don’t wanna know more?”

“Your suit…It’s vibranium?” Steve asked.

Keep reading

The Rain (6)

Warning: None 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem! child! reader 

Summary: Bucky finds a child in the rain. After noticing a few weird things about her he decides it’d be best if she stays with him. Now their on the run.

Note: I post once a week whenever so keep an eye out. The plot line is basically following Captain America: Civil War now.

Originally posted by redderz

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tentori21  asked:

Masquerade/costume themed ask! Choose one of the following: The lords react to being invited to a masquerade/costume ball, what mask/costume would the lords wear, or which lords figure out who the MC is based on her costume. Bonus: how would the lords react to calling out the wrong person as being the MC!

This is gonna be based in a modern AU for a wider scope of options. Plus, pretty sure costume parties weren’t a thing back then.

Apologies for the lack of detail on Kojuro and Kenshin, and the absence of Shingen. I just couldn’t think of good costumes with masks for any of those dudes. Plus, Shingen does not strike me as one to wear costumes at all. You just know the only outfit he would wanna wear is his birthday suit. 😑



But!! I did do a bonus at the end! (One that had me cackling far more than what was reasonable.)

Tagging @tentori21 @otome-microwave @jane-runs-fast @bulbaqueen @dear-mrs-otome @duerme07 @han-pan @incubeebirb @yoolee @saizoswifey @sengokugenkigirl just because

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anonymous asked:

What do you think Harry would be like when your get insecure and self conscious thinking about all of the other seemingly perfect girls he's been with like models and actresses?

he’d tell me i’m being dumb because no one is perfect, especially not the girls he’s been linked to before and it’s senseless to compare myself to anyone from his past. it’s in the past for a reason. 

i see this discourse on tumblr a lot. people worrying about not being harry’s “type” and wanting to know how harry would handle being with someone ~different~ than his ~usual~ and i just….

you know what my type is? tall, VERY tall, super buff-muscly dudes that can bench press me over their heads without a sweat and are clean shaven and wear dapper suits on reg and have at least 10 years on me.

know who i’m (happily) with? a tall lanky dude who only lifts his xbox controller (and me when i beg for it, but only for a few minutes) with a beard and wears jeans like it’s his religion and only 18 months separate us in age. 

my point? stop torturing yourselves on whether or not you’re harry’s type. ‘cause i can guaran-fucking-tee type doesn’t define love and it doesn’t stop relationships from forming. i highly doubt harry chooses his partners based on occupation or the length of their legs. stop believing you’d be insecure in a relationship with harry because you don’t check a few boxes that have been artificially manufactured based on the physical appearance of the women he’s been linked to. you’re fantastic the way you are, so you shouldn’t be concerned that you’d be insecure in a relationship with harry. it’s not healthy and it certainly isn’t worth your time. 

Online review of captain babysitters


As requested by anon. :)


Previously, we looked at the reviews written by hapless human parents about Quincy babysitters. But what if they instead hired the shinigami captains to watch their kids? What kinds of reviews might be left then?


1. Ukitake

Ukitake is great with kids, and the kids loved him! He played all of their favorite games, told them great stories, and even came with a basket of candy! My kids cannot stop talking about him!

However, I had to take off one star because he collapsed mid-evening and had to be rushed to the emergency room. Apparently that happens to him a lot.

4/5 stars, would recommend if there’s an emergency room nearby and your kids know how to dial 911


2. Komamura

you have to prepare yourself if you hire this dude he shows up in a GIANT REALISTIC WOLF SUIT and yeah, i know - why would you hire a guy who wears a giant realistic wolf suit?

but komamura was actually really great - very polite, very well-spoken, very good with the kids who loved having a ‘giant puppy’ as a baby sitter

plus like my kids now keep talking about how ‘everyone is beautiful’ and how animals and humans both deserve respect and i dunno i like giant wolf guy

so like don’t believe what you read onlne about furries theyre all right


3. Soi Fon

I would NOT recommend this babysitter.

She made my children do “ninja training drills” all evening, whatever those are. My son was in TEARS saying how she told him that snacks were “weakness personified.” They were CHIPS. HEALTHY CHIPS

My daughter meanwhile keeps throwing paper ninja stars at things. I don’t know WHERE she keeps getting them or WHY she’s so good at it but it is really starting to concern me.


4. Gin

Pros: My kids really loved him. They said he was “fun.”

Cons: He’s super creepy. Like, so creepy. Like, when I look at him all I can think about are snakes and I don’t know why. Also ever since he left, my kids will not stop “pranking” me and it’s driving me nuts and I think it’s his fault. I hate him. Do not hire him. Do not. Please. He’s so creepy.


5. Kyoraku

Hire if you want a babysitter who is very relaxed and chill - some babysitters get very anxious about watching somebody else’s kids but not this guy. He’s obviously been doing this a long time because he was very comfortable. Also he had a bunch of children’s games prepared. The shadow one seems a little weird but my kids liked it so I guess it’s okay.


6. Kenpachi

Do. Not. Under. Any. Circumstance. Hire. This. Man. He showed up with a sword and asked which of my kids was the STRONGEST! After that I don’t know because I slammed and locked the door and missed my play.


7. Kurotsuchi

Never actually hired this babysitter I just want to warn other parents about his “vetting” process. Usually we parents interview the babysitter and not vice versa but this babysitter had a very long questionnaire that he required the parents to fill out and I got very bad vibes from it. Like, it asked if my kids had any “special abilities.” What does that even mean? Susie is good at soccer so I put that. Anyway, I filled out the questionnaire against my better judgment and you know what happened? He said that HE wasn’t interested because my kids were not “special” enough. What the fuck. What the actual fuck. My kids are very special fuck you man.


8. Hitsugaya

Personally I am okay with younger babysitters - like some teens like to babysit to make extra money and that is okay. But twelve is too young. And when I politely told Hitsugaya that he was too young to watch my kids he got really upset. “I am not twelve!” Yeah, sure, your childish tantrum is very convincing you twelve year old. 


9. Aizen

Fantastic babysitter. Organized, polite, responsible. He had a detailed plan for the evening which was maybe a little too detailed, but I guess that just means he’s well prepared. The only thing I would caution is that he’ll call YOU when he thinks it’s time for you to have another date night and that’s a little weird.


10. Shinji

Shinji is the best for real. Very silly, very funny, really great with kids. He apparently told silly stories and played dress up and helped my kids do handstands. My son wants to wear ties all the time now - so adorable!!!


11. Unohana

I have never been a fan of babysitters who just want the kids to like them. That’s important of course, but some babysitters will let the kids get away with anything. One babysitter I had in the past let my kids eat candy for dinner. They were sick all night, of course. Ridiculous.

That is why Unohana is so great. She’s kind but firm, and she has such an air of authority that my kids obeyed her and did not try to get away with stuff as they normally do. Plus, she has first aid training which is fantastic. 

The only thing is that her bedtime stories are apparently really violent and involve a lot of murder. Which is weird, but everything else is so good and my kids didn’t seem to mind so I think it is okay.


12. Tosen

don’t be put off that he’s blind it doesn’t make him any less good at watching the kids. he talked a lot in the interview about how fair he is. that is very important to him. so very very important.

anyway my kids talk about justice a lot now


13. Kensei

Yelling “SMILE YOU HAVE A BABYSITTER” is not an appropriate way to greet children. Would not hire again.


14. Yamamoto

I don’t mean to be ageist but I was a little worried when a very very old man showed up. what if he died while watching my kids?? And my kids say he did fall asleep partway through so that’s not good. But my kids did enjoy braiding his eyebrows and beard and he kept the bows in all night so that was nice.

3/5 stars 


15. Rose

He brought instruments and taught my kids a bunch of songs. They had a great time!! Also they keep talking about their muse lol 


16. 
Byakuya

My kids love Byakuya!!! They love how funny he is - he’s always asking them silly questions like “Did you steal those goldfish from your neighbor’s pond” and making up silly rules like “Please don’t create any secret passageways in the walls I hate it when children do that.” They laughed and laughed! And do not even get me started on that silly “Admiral Seaweed” puppet he has - he pretends to be so serious about it and my kids just ROAR with laughter!

For some reason he won’t return my calls to come back but seriously he’s great.

OK so in one of the last Texts From Vader entries, I had Anakin tell Obi-Wan that Sheev doesn’t celebrate Vader’s birthday. Several of you were Very Sad about this and angry that I gave you Vader Feels.

Then I started thinking about it: if the Emperor HAD celebrated his birthday, he’d probably have had to do it on a different day than Anakin’s actual birthday, yes (the day he became a Sith, maybe)? Like so as not to arouse suspicion about Vader’s identity, if Vader has the same birthday as Anakin? (Although, who’s even left alive who would know Anakin’s birthday anyways? Though he was just that famous…) 

THEN I started thinking: well, does Sheev really even give a shit if anyone knows Vader is Anakin? Like, he technically took him on as his right hand man when he was still VERY CLEARLY AND RECOGNIZABLY ANAKIN SKYWALKER. That fool marched his angsty ass into the Jedi temple wearing his usual Jedi garb. Was nobody on Coruscant looking out their window at the time? Dude was flanked by a zillion 501st guys, it’s not like he was making a subtle entrance (Anakin doesn’t know how to do those anyways.) Is this yet another case of “he had a hood on so naturally I had no idea who he could possibly be?” The guy was a HoloNet Star!

I guess you could argue that maybe Sidious KNEW Anakin was quickly gonna get his ass handed to him by Obi-Wan and end up in The Suit, thereby disguising him forever (Sidious SURE DOES HAVE A LOT OF THAT GETUP LOCKED AND LOADED AND READY TO GO), but still. Would Sidious have cared if people knew who Vader was? Why? Sure, sure: the JEDI were evil, but he could have totally made Vader out to be some kind of Hero Who Knew The Truth (LOL as if,) Who Was Then Maimed Terribly By The Evil Fugitive Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi, right? Although I guess acknowledging that Anakin Skywalker, Brave Superhero ever got his ass kicked by anybody would diminish his standing as World’s Most Badass Dude, I guess. And given Vader’s reputation it might have the effect of making OBI-WAN sound like a god among men since he kicked LORD VADER’S ass (which is accurate, but not exactly “on message” for the Empire.)

And then I stopped thinking about this, because I was like OMG I AM PUTTING WAY TOO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THE NONSENSE SPACE WIZARD SERIES THAT WAS WRITTEN IN REVERSE WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT ANY OF THIS. 😄

"Hamlet As Told On The Streets" by Shel Silverstein

Now Francisco and Bernardo, they was guardin’ the castle,
Leanin’ on their spears, not lookin’ for no hassle,
Havin’ themselves a brew or two,
When out in the night they hear woo-wooo-wooo.
And here comes this ghost, lookin’ ragged and rank,
In a rusty suit of armor, goin’ clank, clank, clank.
They say, “Hey, Mr. Ghost, are you our dear departed king?”
But the ghost don’t say one motherfuckin’ thing.
He goes, “Wooo-wooo-wooo.” They say, “Hey, we better split,
And go tell Hamlet about this shit.”

So they run find Hamlet, they say, “Hey, sweet Prince,
Your daddy’s ghost been seen runnin’ hither and hince.
He’s all full of maggots and he’s grizzly and grim,
Somethin’s rotten in Denmark and – whew – we think it’s him.”
Hamlet say, “Oh, are you sure it’s my pop?
Did he have matty gray hair with a bald spot on top?
Did he have bright blue eyes that never know fear
And a tattoo says GERTRUDE FOREVER right here?”

They say, “Hey, the thing just flittered by our station,
We didn’t give him no physical examination.
And we don’t know for sure if your daddy was the one,
But we do know a motherfuckin’ ghost when we see one.”
Hamlet say, “Show me where you spied this spectral klunk
So I see if it’s my pop, or if you was both drunk.”
So they bring ol’ Hamlet to the spot, and then
They wait five minutes and wooooo —
Here he comes again.
He got gray skin, black teeth and hollow eyes,
Beckonin’ like this – young Hamlet cries,
“Hold, spirit of darness, are you a ghostly apparition?”
“No,” says the ghost, “I look like this from malnutrition.
Of course I’m a ghost, but sone, don’t be scared,
And I’ll tell you some shit that’ll fry your hair.”

He says, “You got two relatives, I won’t say which,
But one’s a bloody murderer and one’s a faithless bitch.
Why, I was takin’ a nap in the garden right here,
When my ambitious brother pours some poison in my ear.
And before my body’s even cold he’s wearin’ my pajamas,
Layin’ up in my bed with my crown on his head,
Doin’ somethin’ sinful to your momma.
And the terrible thoughts of what they’re doin’ up there
Is more than a poor old ghost can bear.
So you gotta revenge me on this harlot and this knave
Or else I’ll never rest in my motherfuckin’ grave.”

Well, this information just flips Hamlet out.
He starts walkin’ like this, with spit hangin’ out his mouth.
His eyes are all bleary and his tongue looks worse,
And he’s talkin’ in couplets and blank fuckin’ verse.
I mean the dude is indecisive,
He don’t know how he’d like his eggs,
And he’s got no opinion on tits, ass or legs.
He can’t decide which horse to play at the track,
And when they ask him what suit you wanna wear today?
He say, “Ah…um…gimme the black.”
He calls his uncle a murderer,
Calls his momma a whore,
And he can’t get it up for Ophelia no more.
Oh, and Ophelia? She’s tryin’ her best
To make him feel better,
Wants to polish his crown jewels,
But he won’t let her.
“Stead of sayin’ yea, the fool says nay,
And the whole court’s figurin’ he must be gay.

Well, then in come Hamlet’s oldest friends,
Rosenstern and Guildencrantz,
They say, "Hey there, Ham, you gloomy Gus,
Get up – get down – and party with us.
We brought you some actors,
Some tunes and some lyrics
To put on a play to boost up your spirits.”
Hamlet says, “Hey – songs and skits,
That gives me an idea that could stir up some shit.
We’ll put on a play –
"N” that could be just the thing
To catch the conscience of the king,
If there is a conscience in the motherfuckin’ king.“

So Hamlet calls all the actors, he say, "’Fore this drama starts,
I’m gonna tell you suckers how to play your parts.
You gotta speak the speech like I pronounced it –
Don’t rush it, don’t milk it, don’t drag it, don’t bounce it.
I mean, do it trippingly on the tongue,
Or else I’ll see your thespian asses strung up and hung.
And don’t saw the air with your hands flappin’ wild,
"N’ don’t go mouthin’ my words in some method style.”

Then the lead actor says, “Hey – are we alive?
Or just some talking meat that’s gotta listen to this jive?
I have read this thing you call a script
And it ain’t too bad, it’s got a few little dips.
But with some new dialogue and a few minor edits –
Hey, do you mind sharing writer credits?
But this part about the king? – poisoning his brother?
I play this wile the real king’s watchin’? Sittin’ with your mother?
You must be out of your cotton-pickin’ mind.
He’ll cut out my tongue, he’ll gouge out my eyes,
He’ll boil me in oil and send me to hell.”
Hamlet says, “How about double scale?” – The actor says, “Well…

"I want my name above the title, three percent of the gross,
I want that tall brunette as my dialogue coach.
I want approval of director and a juicy per diem,
And if there’s changes in the script, I got to see ‘em.
I want a dresser, and undresser and a hairdresser, too,
And I gotta-gotta-gotta have the biggest dressing room.
I want an escape clause that lets me out in a month,
And the first thing I insist is that you fire that cunt.
I want transportation to and from every show,
I want complimentary tickets for everybody I know.
I want my brother and my cousin hired to play in the band,
And don’t go tryin’ to sneak in any extra matinees.
And next time you wanna speak to me,
Check with the director first.
Now will you please go away and let us rehearse?”
So Hamlet slinks off, lookin’ for a backer,
Mutterin’ how he’ll never ever talk to another fuckin’ actor.
And him and Horatio, they walk down a ways,
Till they see some clown diggin’ a mouldy grave.
Hamlet picks up a skull, he says, “Who was this sucker?”
They say, “Yorick.” He says, “Yorick? I knew the motherfucker.
He used to be court jester. Hey, Yorick, show us how
You used to make them funny faces – Why ain’t you laughin’ now?
I’ve kissed these lips, I know not how oft.” And Horatio quips,
“Hey, let’s not announce how oft you kissed them lips.
I mean people already talkin’ ‘bout the way you walk,
And the fact that you ain’t givin’ Ophelia no nook.”

Oh, and speakin’ of Ophelia – Polonius, her daddy,
Says, “Hey, that prince is drivin’ my little girl batty.
Got her runnin’ all night and sleepin’ till noon,
God knows what else he got her doin’.
But he’s our royal prince, lord of earth, sky and water,
But he’s also a horny little pimply-faced shithead
Trying to hump my daughter.”
So Polonius calls Ophelia and says, “Listen, darlin’ daughter,
I hope you and Ham ain’t doin’ things you shouldn’t oughter,
‘Cause you let ‘em touch an ankle and they wanna grab a knee,
And they never buy nothin’ that you let ‘em have for free.”

Ophelia says, “Hey, Pop, I know the score,
You think I wanna wind up another palace whore?
I got the dud sendin’ me letters and babblin’ ‘bout the moon,
I really do think his bells are out of tune.”
“Well, don’t you go dingin’ his bells,” says Polonius,
“’Cause if he throws you in the grass,
I’ll get your big brother Laertes to kick his royal ass.”

Now Laertes overhears his name bein’ bandied about,
He says, “Hey, Pop, you signin’ my ass up for somethin’
My head don’t know about?”
Plonius says, “Son, it’s Hamlet, that loony tune,
Been fed all his life with a silver spoon.
He’s in my face and on my neck,
I mean the dude ain’t playin’ with a full damn deck.
He’s bumblin’ around twirlin’ his crown,
And callin’ me a fishmonger all over town.
And he’s charmed your baby sister with his rhymes and his riddles.
Hey, you think she’s puttin’ on a little weight around the middle?”
Laertes says, “Hey, Pop, she ain’t no baby,
She got a set of jugs tha’d drive any prince crazy.
Now that’s just a natural fact and not lust or incest,
And if she shakes ‘em right, she could be a princess.”
“That’s right,” says Ophelia. “That’s my scheme,
And the way kings been dyin’ ‘round here, I could wind up queen.”
“Enough,” says Polonius. “That Pince has ruined my day.
Now we gotta see his fuckin’ play within a play.
Hell, the place’ll be drafty, the seats won’t be com’fa’ble,
I wouldn’t go at all but these tickets ain’t refundable.
Prob’ly full of symbolism, I won’t understand it,
Shit, I hope it rains and all the critics pan it.”

So they go to the play and everybody’s there.
They got diamonds on their doublets,
They got ribbons in their hair.
Lords, ladies, dogs, babies, all in attendance,
The marquee says MURDER, DECEIT AND VENGEANCE.
ONE OF YEAR’S TEN BEST. DO NOT MISS IT.
So everybody figures it’s another piece of shit.
And they’re bitchin’ ‘bout their seats, buckin’ the line,
Scalpin’ tickets and sippin’ wine,
Rattlin’ their programs, twistin’ in their chairs,
Tryin’ to catch if any celebrities are there.
Then the play begins – and ooh, looky here –
It shows the king puttin’ poison in his brother’s ear.
And King Claudius is watchin’, and – ooh – is he pissed.
He says, “I know who’s responsible for this.”
He calls, “Hey Gertie, come here, hon.
What the hell’s the matter with your jive-ass son?
I give the kid room, board ‘n’ remedial education,
And he calls me a murderer, and other wild accusations.
Hell, I’d sue him for libel for implyin’ that shit.
But the libel laws ain’t been invented yet.
Just ‘cause I’m bangin’ you, he’s givin’ me hell,
I think he wants to hump you his own damn self.”

Queen Gertrude says, “I think he’s goin’ through
An Oedipal rejection, seein’ his uncle
Replace his father in his momma’s affection.”
“Oedipal?” says the king. “The punk is givin’ me some shit.
I’ll send him where I sent his pop if he don’t quit.
So you tell him it’s better to leave some things unsaid,
Or he’ll be puttin’ on his crown without his motherfuckin’ head.”
So the queen runs to Hamlet, she says, “Oh listen, son,
Y’better suck up to the king before some foul deed gets done.
It’s true he wears black socks and Hawaiian shirts,
But that ain’t no reason to treat him like dirt,
Because he is your uncle, and I do wear his ring,
And most of all, he is the motherfuckin’ king.”
“Don’t say mother-fuckin’ king,” says Hamlet. “Please,
Somehow that phrase makes my blood freeze.
My daddy was a handsome dude with dignity and class,
And this fat fool got hair on his back and boils on his ass.
Can anybody get you in their goddamn bed
Just ‘cause they got a crown on their goddamned head?”
His momma says, “Hey, before you go off the deep end,
There’s some things about women you gotta comprehend.

"Now milkmaids and queens, we all have filet mignon dreams,
But when the steak is gone, you will eat the beans.
And when you’re out of beans, you’ll chew the shoes off their feet,
But you eat.
Just picture me – a sweet young thing,
Then boom – my husband’s dead – and this sucker’s king.
So it’s ‘heat the meat and act real sweet’
Or wind up with my ass out in the goddamned street.
I got cellulite, I got varicose veins,
I got a hip gets stiff every time it rains.
And – this – is what nursing a baby can do,
"Course, honey, I’m not blamin’ you,
Though you were such a hungry child,
But life goes on and a queen must smile.”

Then hark – just then Hamlet hears a sound
From behind the curtain – like a mouse skitt’rin’ ‘round.
But it’s really Ophelia’s daddy, spyin’ for the king,
Listenin’ and takin’ down everything.
Hamlet yells, “A rat!” and he stabs at the place,
And kerplunk, out falls Polonius on his eavedroppin’ face.
Hamlet sees it ain’t the king, he says, “Oh shit,
Y’finally do take action and this is what you get.
Now I killed my girlfriend’s poppa and I’m covered with his blood,
How do you explain this to someone you love?”

Then here comes Ophelia, callin’, “Daddy, Daddy dear,
Hamlet, is my daddy in here?”
Well…he is… and he ain’t – but someone should have told the cat
Y’don’t wanna get stabbed, don’t make noise like a rat.
She cries, “Oh, my daddy’s dead and I can see
You stuck it in him like you stuck it in me.
I can’t believe the shit you done to me.
You used to want all – now you want none of me.
Is this your perverted way of makin’ fun o’ me?”
Hamlet says, “Hey then, get thee someplace…
Maybe a … a nunnery.”
“Get me to a nunnery?” Ophelia moans,
“Now that you ate the chicken, you wanna try and hide the bones?
With your poetry and promises you messed up my brain,
You are a dirty dog – and not a great Dane.”
“Please,” says Hamlet, “I’m in a crazed condition.
Can’t you see I’m torn by indecision?
To be or not to be? That’s the fuckin’ question
That’s givin’ me migraines and indigestion.
Should I take arms against a sea of trouble,
Or just walk around goin’ gubble-gubble-gubble?”

Ophelia says, “Hey, you don’t fool me a bit,
You’re fakin’ all this psycho shit,
‘Cause if you’re insane you don’t have to kill the king,
Or marry me or do any damn thing.”
Ham says, “Hey, go bake a cake, or give your booty a shake,
Or take a jump in the motherfuckin’ lake –”
Well, that’s where he made another fatal mistake.
Y’see he didn’t really mean for the bitch to do it,
But she’s gone like a flash, and run, jump, splash,
She’s floatin’ and bloatin’ ‘fore anybody knew it.
“Oh, when it rains it pours,” says Hamlet, “Ain’t no doubt,
Here’s another thing I gotta feel guilty about.”

Well, they have Ophelia’s funeral and everybody’s there.
They got diamonds on their doublet, they got ribbons in their hair.
They’re rattlin’ their beads and twistin’ in their chairs,
Tryin’ to catch if any celebrities are there.
And it’s a pleasant event, until into her grave
Leaps her brother Laertes and he rants and raves.
He’s shakin’ his fist and pullin’ his hair,
Gettin’ his ass tangled up in his underwear,
Jumpin’ up and down in a frenzied fit,
Meanwhile stompin’ her body to shit.
He cries, “FEE-FO-FI, if I find the guy who caused her to die,
I’ll slice him like a pie. I’ll cut out his heart and send it to Peru,
‘N’ I’ll c.o.d. his balls off to Timbuktu,
Ship his dick to England in a registered letter,
And then let him try to get his shit back together.”
Then the king pulls his coat, he says, “Harken to this,
Hamlet’s the dude who fucked up your sis.
And he also stabbed your daddy, too,
And all you do is boo-hoo-hoo? What kind of brother and son are you?
If it was my family I know what I’d do, I’d be on him like a damned tattoo.
Now… there is a sword with a poisoned tip.
It’ll send any sucker on a one-way trip,
‘Cause all it takes is one itty bitty scratch…
Hey, Hamlet, how about a little fencin’ match?”
Well, then the whole fuckin’ place caves in,
Hamlet stabs Laertes, and Laertes stabs him.
Then Hamlet turns around and stabs his uncle, too,
While the queen drinks some poison the king had brewed.
So she dies, he dies, Hamlet dies, Laertes dies
On top of where Ophelia lies,
Right next to where Polonius died.
And before you can wink, blink or turn your head,
Chop-stab-slice – every motherfucker’s dead.


Then in walks this cat Fortinbras, he says, “What – is – this?
I have never seen such a fuckin’ mess.
You got skulls and swords, you got guts and gore,
You got bodies piled up from ceiling to floor.
You got broken glass, y’got tangled hairs,
You got blood and wine runnin’ down the stairs.
You got dented armor and ripped up gowns,
You got bent-up crowns just rollin’ ‘round.
Y’got a punctured king, y’got a poisoned queen,
Y’got a sweet prince dyin’ on the mezzanine.
And behind that curtain there’s another dead duff,
And a body from the fishpond just floated up.
Y’got a stiff in the garden with some gunk in his ear,
And a tattoo says GERTRUDE FOREVER right here,
And two guards on the gate tower drunk on beer.
What the hell’s been goin’ on here?”

Well, that was the end of our sweet prince,
He died in confusion and nobody’s seen him since.
And the moral of the story is bells do get out of tune…
And you can find shit in a silver spoon…
And an old man’s revenge can be a young man’s ruin…
Oh – and never look too close… at what your mamma is doin’.

you know the one thing that really gets me is when the music manager guy is pretending to be an evil scientist to get paul to help them or something(???)

and ringo doesnt believe him so he just straight up rips this dudes clothes off

like ringo man what were the odds that this guy would be wearing a suit under his shirt ….how could he has possibly known thats what was under there anyway like…does ringo go around randomly tearing peoples close off in wild hope of finding out their secret identity?? there was no clues that that guy was a fake

i can’t believe i stan this man sometimes. like of all the celebrities in all the world, i choose this dude. this flip flops with a suit wearing, organic lettuce buying, whole foods haunting, shirtless with a blazer on leaving the yoga studio motherfucker

mr i don’t know how shirt buttons work, mr looking so miserable at the globes that my face became a meme, mr daddy as fuck imma have chemistry with anything that shares the screen w/ me, mr manspreader, mr ezra’s knee groper, mr shushing ppl all the damn time, like god damn

i love him so fucking much

I married you? On Earth-2? (Earth-2!Captain Cold x Reader)

Pairing(s): Earth-2!Leonard Snart x Reader
Summary: Based of Envision-Imagines’ post, Leonard Snart from Earth-2 comes through the breech and goes in search of his wife.
Word Count: 694
Warnings: N/A

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I saw this imagine and was inspired to write a quick fic. This takes place before Barry, Cisco, and Harry goes to Earth-2 himself. In the episode, a news reporter had said “Mayor Snart” was up to something, but even though it wasn’t clear of which Snart member was it. In this fic, we’ll just say it’s Captain Cold.

Originally posted by silvestriscatus

Keep reading

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
  • "We're trying to give you the Christmas spirit, dickhole!"
  • "Make a move. Just tell her you wanna bang her."
  • "Whenever there's a potential riot, I'm getting blasted on grain alcohol."
  • "Dude, do you have a boner right now?"
  • "Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese."
  • "Animals should be food, rugs and trophies. Why do you think I'm wearing a leather suit?"
  • "First of all, your breath smells like an old lady fart passing through an onion."
  • "Well, I don't know how many years on this Earth I got left. I'm gonna get real weird with it. "
  • "Am I gay for God?"
  • "Do not plug an open wound with trash."
  • "Wanna go get sweaty in the bathroom?"
  • "I'm not fat. I'm cultivating mass."
  • "Who am I supposed to vote for?"
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME...

Why is it that things like bridal gowns and prom dresses must be purchased to keep, while tuxes and suits can simply be rented for the occasion?

“A dress holds special memories!”

Ok, fine, but won’t a tux or suit also hold the same special memories?  How many grooms out there are purposefully buying suits to keep? How many grooms out there feel societal pressure to buy and hold onto their wedding clothes?

As for prom dresses, teen girls and their parents dishing out hundreds of dollars to look gorgeous for a single night, and *maybe* they’ll wear it again (you know, if people/society don’t shame her for *gasp* wearing the same dress twice) but the dude can just rent his tux for the night??? Seriously, HOW MANY TEEN BOYS *BOUGHT* THEIR TUX/SUIT FOR PROM???

“You can’t put a price tag on memories!”

Bullshit. I admit that at the end of the day, in the struggle for gender equality this is minuscule, but it still is by no means “fair” that women/girls are pressured to spend a ton of money on a gown, whereas guys aren’t held to the same standard, or expected to dish out anywhere near the same amount (let alone hold onto it long after the occasion has passed).

3

Leo Fitz + Talking about Simmons

Shit random hollows might say about the espada


As requested by anon. :)


We’ve already imagined what the unranked shinigami think of their captains and lieutenants and the ryoka, and what the Vandenreich foot soldiers think of the Stern Ritter. But what about your average, run-of-the-mill hollow? What sorts of things might they say about the espada?


1. Szayel

“Where is Szayel’s hollow hole, anyway?”

“Could be anywhere. The guy never shows any skin.”

“I heard it’s on his dick.”

“No way that’s true! You’re so gullible!”

“Dude…his zanpakuto name is ‘You’re gonna fuck,’ so..”

“…you have a point.”


2. Grimmjow

“I heard Grimmjow disobeys Lord Aizen!”

“I heard he put one of his fellow espada into a caja negacion!”

“I heard he’s dating some human teenager or something.”

“I heard he wears a skintight body suit in release!”

“Now that’s just silly.”


3. Aaroniero

“So how come Aaroniero wears that mask?”

“Uh, because it’s cool?”

“Yeah, I heard he’s also the only gillian among the espada!”

“Such an inspiration!”

“Yeah, Aaroniero is literally the best.”


4. Yammy

“Is Yammy the strongest espada….or the weakest?”

“Nobody knows.”


5. Halibel

“How come Halibel pulls her shirt over her mouth like that? Does she have bad teeth?”

“Maybe she has a cold chin. Cold chins are a thing.”

“Nobody but you has a problem with that.”

“Me AND Halibel!”

“Dude, just stop.”


6. Luppi

“So Luppi was only an espada for like a day, right?”

“Yeah. Then he got ripped in half or something.”

“That’s…terrifying.”

“Yeah I think I’m good just being a hollow.”

“We get eaten. Like, all the time.”

“Somehow that’s better!!”


7. Nnoitra

“Okay but why does Nnoitra wear a spoon on his head?”

“To match his poofy pants, probably.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty obvious that Nnoitra feels self-conscious about how skinny he is. Tryin’ to give himself some girth.”

“It’s so sad.”

“No wonder he always looks so grumpy.”


8. Ulquiorra

“So WHY does Ulquiorra have a human living with him?”

“Maybe he wanted a pet?”

“He doesn’t even have fracciones.”

“Well then no wonder he’s lonely.”


9. Zommari

“Aren’t the espada supposed to be animals?”

“Yeah, I think so. Why?”

“I just don’t get why Zommari is a pumpkin.”

“Pumpkins aren’t animals?”

“No they’re not animals!”

“Dude, I don’t know how the human world works shut up.”


10. Starrk

“Did you know that Starrk is so powerful that anyone who gets near him dissolves and so he got really lonely and so he decided to cut his own soul in half, just to get a friend?”

“Are you writing bad fan fiction about the espada again?”


11. Barragan

“I still can’t believe some shinigami took out His Majesty King Barragan!”

“I can’t believe he made Barragan the number two espada.”’

“Shinigami are mean.”

“So mean.”


12. Nelliel

“She used to be an espada?? But she’s a little kid!”

“Well, Lord Aizen has a puppy in his army. Why not a little kid?”

“The puppy’s not one of ESPADA though!”

“Guys, guys, chill! She used to be an adult!”

“You don’t go from adult to kid, dumbass. That doesn’t even make any sense.”

“I’m telling you!”

“Oh, give it a rest.”

y’all ever think about how austin ames didn’t fucking know it was sam at the halloween dance when it was SO CLEARLY HER… LIKE SHE’S /JUST/ WEARING A MASK DUDE… IT’S NOT LIKE SHE HAS A FULL SUIT OF ARMOR AND DISGUSIED HER VOICE OR ANYTHING. HE’S SO CLUELESS WHY ARE BOYS SO DUMB !!!!!!!!

yixingsdulhan  asked:

1, 4, 5, 14, 21 for the ksoo asks 🌼

thank u!!

1. fave kyungsoo hair?

dont judge but its his black bowl cut hair from 2014 ADSDKF i thought it looked so soft and cute :( it looked so nice styled up too.. overdose era ksoo really saved my life

4. kyungsoo singing ‘tell me what is love’ or ‘sabor a mi’

sabor a mi because multilingualism is SEXY

5. otp with kyungsoo?

im not big on shipping but my fav friendship within exo is chansoo . pls they are so cute together and i love how pcy is always doting on ksoo and cooing whenever he does something cute like me too dude

14. pure love or be positive?

pure love!!! i watched it when i was still getting into exo so its kinda nostalgic for me lmao

21. kyungsoo wearing a suit or kyungsoo wearing casual clothes?

hmmmmm i know im an advocate for soft casual soo but im gonna pick suit

send me kyungsoo asks!