dude i want one so bad

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 3

And we did it again, amigos! 

  1. “My sock is missing.”
  2. “I must say it can be rather therapeutic”
  3. “Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
  4. “You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
  5. “What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
  6. “I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
  7. “If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
  8. “What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
  9. “I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
  10. “I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
  11. “You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
  12. “I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
  13. “What is this, a concert for ants???”
  14. “I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
  15. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
  16. “When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
  17. “The wolves eat tonight.”
  18. “Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
  19. "When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
  20. “Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
  21. “Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
  22. “How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
  23. “I think I misplaced my right hand”
  24. “I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
  25. “Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
  26. “Have your eyes always been that colour?”
  27. “I’m going to fight the sun!”
  28. “You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
  29. “I’m not into that kinda thing.”
  30. “Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
  31. “I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
  32. “Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
  33. “Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
  34. “What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
  35. “What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
  36. “Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
  37. “Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
  38. “This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
  39. “Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
  40. “ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
  41. “Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
  42. “Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
  43. “Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
  44. “Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
  45. “Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
  46. “Wait. You’re aroused?”
  47. “Why would that surprise you?”
  48. “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  49. “okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
  50. “I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
  51. “I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
  52. "Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
  53. “how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
  54. “…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
  55. “For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
  56. “Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
  57. “Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
  58. “_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
  59. “What the heck happened while I was at the store?
  60. "What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
  61. “Despreate times call for cows.”
  62. “Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
  63. “You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
  64. “Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
  65. “Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
  66. “Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
  67. “Dude, no.”
  68. “I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
  69. “I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
  70. “I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
  71. “Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
  72. “So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
  73. “dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
  74. “Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
  75. “What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
  76. “WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
  77. “PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
  78. “PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
  79. “What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
  80. “Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
  81. “You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
  82. “Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
  83. “Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
  84. “So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
  85. “Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
  86. “Tell me why,  exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
  87. “Look, I’m not a liar, alright?  And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me.  So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now.  And maybe a million dollars.”
  88. “Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
  89. “Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
  90. “Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
  91. “Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
  92. “Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
  93. “This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
  94. “So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
  95. “I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
  96. “Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
  97. “Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
  98. “I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
  99. “Every time you speak I literally die a little”
  100. “One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”

“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)

Space Australia

you know that post that goes around talking about how alien life would be afraid of earth and its crazy oxygen breathing lifeforms?

I need to write a one-shot about Hal Jordan explaining to a young Superman that earth is actually an extremely gross hella toxic hell world for alot of other alien life forms out there. Sure,alien invasions are happening all the time, but no one wants this pathogenic shit hole. Nah.

“Okay,” Supes would say, “but if we’re such a lousy planet, why do we have like two Green Lanterns? How come so many threats end up out here?”

And Hal gets all cagey like “Look, man, don’t be mad but 99% of the reason bad dudes come to this planet is because its like space Australia. Lanterns think it’s funny to like… trick bad guys into coming out here so they either get wiped out by some mutated super virus or a tropical storm or something.”

Supes just like, “Lobo doesn’t seem like he’d be bothered by a storm.”

“Right, well, if the storms don’t get them, then the statistically improbable Kryptonian roided out on yellow sunlight certainly will…”

“Do not send dangerous criminals to Earth to fight me! And I am not ‘roided out’. Is that what you’re telling people?!”

“They never see it coming. It’s like intergalactic Thunder Dome.”

“Hal!”

  • Sarah: You alright babe? While you were sleeping you kept whispering Ryan-
  • Brendon: Gosling, yeah. I have a thing for Ryan Gosling so I dream about him sometimes.
  • Dallon: Dude, what was happening in the dressing room? Sounded like you were moaning Ry-
  • Brendon: Ryan Gosling? I know, I got a bit carried away he’s such a handsome guy.
  • Zack: Bren...I heard you singing Northern Downpour and sobbing the name Ry-
  • Brendon: Holy shit, can’t a guy just get emotional about his crush Ryan Gosling?? Jesus!
  • TMZ: So tell me about the thing with Ry-
  • Brendon: Ryan Ross? Yeah, we text sometimes. Actually I ran into him at a Halloween party and I almost didn’t recognize him cause he was wearing a gremlin costu- fuuuuuck.
Take a Chance

The gifset of Dean giving himself that little pep talk from 7x04 inspired me to write this. Dean x Reader, Dean’s POV. Hope you like :)

For fuck’s sake, Dean, you’ve done this a thousand times. You can charm a woman without even breaking a sweat. Why are you so damn nervous?

Because, dumbass, it’s Y/N. This time it’s not some random bar chick that I’ll probably never lay eyes on again. And I don’t want to mess things up. I don’t want to do something that’ll make everything all awkward.

I just want… I just want to be with her. Whatever that means. And I don’t even know how to say that without making things all fucking weird.

Just tell her the truth. Well, the surface truth. Say you’re bored. Take a chance.

She doesn’t need to know you hate being in a separate room from her, that you miss being around her. That you feel not all there when she’s not around, like a piece is missing. That you’re dying to touch her. Like really touch her.

Okay. Here’s her door. Just heard a noise, so you know she’s awake. So knock already.

Keep reading

2

First of - OH YOU. Thank you! I’m trying my best! ♥
And here you go. I hope you like it, dear anon? ; v ;

Requests are still open! 2 more are following next week (hopefully).

Also please check out my best friends work, he drew something similar a few months ago and I LOVE IT. https://arksen-art.tumblr.com/post/153492557512

So. I hope you guys like it. ♥

People who ship male characters who have never interacted and shit on male/female ships (and the female characters in them) with actual chemistry are so frustrating

Because, yes, I get that hetronomativity is a bad thing. But at a certain point it stops being pro gay and starts being anti women. Of course female characters don’t need dudes, but wanting one  to have a happy and fulfilling relationship isn’t  a bad thing. And so much of fandom is focused on romance that it just becomes another way to exclude women.    

i think dave is one of the only dudes in the comic who expresses sincere romantic interest in girls, or more specifically, one of the only dudes for whom that sincere romantic interest is not creepy/entitled/predatory - obviously a lot of his “all the girls want me” early on is heteronormative showboating but i think he really did care about terezi, and i think davesprite really did care about jade. and of course his relationship with terezi falls apart for a few reasons (she never had any romantic interest in him in the first place; she was dealing with depression and overwhelming grief; she was being physically and emotionally abused by gamzee), and davesprite has a lot of existential angst and identity issues that leads to him giving jade the cold shoulder. (and ultimately when davesprite becomes davepeta, and coincidentally stops being a boy, thats the impetus for the narrative Allowing davejade to happen - gay singularity, remember.) i also think that a not-insignificant factor in both daves (as well as post-retcon dave) entering relationships on the three-year journey is… his transitioning very quickly from an environment where he wasnt cared for, or communicated with, or had any kind of affection expressed towards him, to one where he did. dave falls in love easily i think

nerdhen  asked:

I have a gay relationships in my novel. I want to make it a non-factor, just a relationship as solid and screwed up as any other. It is not the main characters, and I fear that I am fucking up by making a trope of "gay best friend." The novel is not about statements on gay culture and I simply felt it fit and wanted to show I support all forms of love. As a straight male, should I just leave it out. Leave it alone? How do I do this correctly?

Well, man, as a gay dude, I gotta ask one thing. How the hell do you deal with the straight relationships in your story? How do you fit them in without feeling like you’re making statements on straight culture? If you represent one straight relationship bad, does that mean all straight people are like that?

Okay, on a real note, you’re so afraid of something, you’re forgetting to look at your characters as people. Breathe in. Relax. You’re aware that you’ve probably absorbed stereotypes about “gay culture” (in quotations because, given how myriad and ever-changing that could be based on the individual, I honestly don’t know what you could mean), and that’s good. But you’re letting fear paralyze you before you even start, and I’m betting you don’t even know what you’re afraid of!

There are always things you could do. Write it like any other relationship, remember your characters are people, not stereotypes. Seek out media by LGBT people about LGBT people. Watch Moonlight, if you don’t know where to start.

Write knowing you’ll make mistakes, get second opinions. If your instincts are telling you the relationship feels hollow, trust them. Get third opinions. Mistakes are fixable. Everyone screws up characters at one point or another.

Just give it a shot, man. You can’t fix something if you never try in the first place.

Edit:

ravens-heart: I would also add, if at all possible get second/third opinions from LGBT people

I mean that should go without saying, but nevertheless.

anonymous asked:

Hey! I know this is queer girls but I was wondering if you or someone else could write a fan fiction where Alex is non-binary/genderfluid (slightly on the masc side taking low dose T) and they fall in love with Maggie. I'm not trying to take way from what you do but it would be nice to find representation in something for enby people. Like they (Alex or just an enby person in life) still get the girl and have a queer relationship.

This piece by an amazing Anon is more brilliant than anything I could ever do, but hey, I figure, even more positive rep can’t hurt? <3 <3 <3 http://queergirlwriting.tumblr.com/post/158177950334/promised-word-vomit-featuring-nbalex-its-not

Also, random note: I replay their first bar scene together in this, and since Alex is already out (in accordance with the wonderful prompt), I figured I’d take some other liberties and have Maggie not be dating anyone when they meet. Artistic license, okay? Okay.

It was a relief when they chopped their hair off.

Sure, it was because J’onn – well, Hank at the time (Alex wasn’t the only one who’d gone through some identity clarifications in the last couple of years) – strongly recommended it because their training wouldn’t necessarily work too well with long hair.

But it was a relief nonetheless, even if they wouldn’t acknowledge it as such at the time.

Even if they wouldn’t let themselves acknowledge why the mirror made them feel like they were crawling out of their skin, like they had to drink into a stupor nearly every night to force it down, to forget, to erase.

To want girls?

Bad enough.

To want girls and maybe not quite even be one?

Worse.

But it hadn’t been bad, and it hadn’t been worse. Not really.

It had actually been… good.

Because J’onn had smiled his “of course I knew, I’m psychic” smile and pulled them in for a hug, and Winn had asked if it was still okay if he called them “dude” or if it made them uncomfortable, and James had hugged them and kissed their temple, and Kara?

Kara had wept because she thought it was her fault it had taken Alex so long to realize and be okay with such important things. But she swallowed it quickly enough, because it was about Alex right now, and she wanted to hear everything.

And now? On the extra low dose of T that they got from the local clinic – they didn’t want to change their body that much, just a little bit, just enough – and with everyone at the DEO using the proper pronouns for Agent Danvers and J’onn, Kara, James, and Winn all threatening to destroy anyone who intentionally didn’t, Alex had never felt more alive.

And then some cocky NCPD detective showed up at their crime scene, and they knew they were screwed.

Because coming out to family had been one thing.

Dating? Now? Or like… ever?

No no no.

T or no T, supportive family or no supportive family, Alex Danvers was not exactly good at the flirting thing. At the being good with people thing.

Except the strangest thing was that Maggie Sawyer didn’t seem to think so. Because Maggie Sawyer trusted them enough to take them to the alien bar.

To touch them when they reached for their gun.

Alex couldn’t remember when the last time was that they were touched by someone who wasn’t family, and the touch wasn’t violent.

“How do you think she learned English? She’s my ex,” Maggie was saying, and Alex’s eyes were wide, because god, god, god, the cute girl with the dimples and that voice and those eyes and that hair is queer, she’s queer, she’s queer.

But their stomach dropped almost as quickly as their heart rose.

Because she’s probably exclusively into girls.

God dammit.

“I don’t exclusively date aliens, though,” Maggie was saying, and a lump rose in Alex’s throat. “Or women, not exactly,” she continued, her eyes sharp and her voice a little low and her gaze locked both tentatively and headily on Alex’s face.

“Not exactly,” Alex repeated questioningly, never more aware of their T-lowered voice than they were right now.

“I mean you’re pretty cute, wouldn’t say no to a person like you,” Maggie had said, and Alex had promptly spilled their drink.

And Maggie hadn’t rolled her eyes or pointed and laughed. She’d shot up from her seat and she’d picked up the bottle and she’d grabbed the towel off of Darla’s passing shoulder and she’d patted down Alex’s hands, their lap, their chest. Her fingers brushed their collared shirt, the tight nylon of the binder underneath, and Maggie’s breath hitched and her eyes locked with Alex’s.

“Hi,” she gulped, and Alex just stared, because their brain had stopped working.

Girl, pretty girl, smart girl, badass girl, close to me and not disgusted and looks a little turned on by just… who I am, by being close to me, what do I do what do I do what do I –

“Sorry there, Danvers, I didn’t mean to get all up in your space,” Maggie said as she backed up. “Darla, can you get them another beer please?”

She said nothing about how or why it had spilled, just offered Alex a soft grin and pressed the towel into their hands and padded back to her seat across the table.

“So this is where you get all your intel,” Alex tried to steer the conversation back into terrain they knew, terrain they were confident in, terrain they could excel in.

Maggie tilted her head and squinted for a moment, like she was trying to figure out if Alex was flustered or just disinterested.

Alex wasn’t quite sure what conclusion Maggie came to, but her reply was light, banter-y. Maybe even a little flirty.

“Well, when our labs are about as effective as Easy-Bake ovens, we make do with what we’ve got”, Maggie scoffed and nodded her thanks as Darla set down another beer.

“Thanks,” Alex offered Darla, a crooked grin on their face. “And hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to be a jerk out there. I just get protective of my crime scenes.”

“Please Danvers, it was my crime scene.”

“Wanna bet?” Alex asked, smiling, because now they were sure Maggie was flirting, because those eyes, that smile, couldn’t mean anything else.

Alex felt like they were flying as they stood and grabbed both of their beers in one hand and offered Maggie their other, nodding toward the pool table.

“You say this is where your informants go? No better place to gather intel than at the pool table, right?”

Maggie squinted up at them and licked her lips and accepted their hand. Electricity crackled and Alex’s heart soared.

“A fed who knows how to play. Better every minute, Danvers.”

And Alex had never seen a more perfect smile, or felt more perfect in their life.

Random Dialogue Prompts:

  • “Laundry is overrated.”
  • “No, the OTHER one is acid”
  • “Why are you questioning the CRAYON?”
  • “That’s cute. Too bad I hate you.”
  • “This is a REVOLUTION, dammit! We’re going to have to kill SOMEBODY!”
  • “On a scale of one to ‘holy crap’, how bad is it?” “Holy crap!”
  • “Eh, it’s just a haunting.” “Just a haunting!? JUST A HAUNTING? WELL, EXCUSE ME FOR NOT BEING SCARY ENOUGH!”
  • “You’re so weird. You know I can eat your soul anytime I want and you don’t give a damn.”
  • “I’m allergic to your bullshit, clearly.”
  • “Do you have a compulsive need to argue about everything?”
  • “Dude, are you seriously challenging me to a death battle over the fact that you don’t hate me?”
  • “I’d like to refer to my earlier point of ‘fuck off’,”
  • “Is he gone?” “Yeah.” “Oh, cool. FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-”

So Griffin seems really apologetic that the Stolen Century is going on for so long but like, my dude, I just want 100 episodes STRICTLY about each fucking cycle and the different planets they go to like Doctor fucking Who and also played in DnD fashion instead of Stolen Century system (not to say it’s bad I just want more DEPTH)

Creepy Old Fucks, in Droves

LONG SUBMISSION I’m sry

So last night, about 5:00, this dude walks in and tells me he had a reservation for (name that isn’t anywhere on the books). I’m hosting so this dude is my fucking responsibility until he’s seated unfortunately. I tell him there is no reservation under the name, he says “oh, that’s fine, they probably didn’t make one” and goes back to having his phone in his nose and awkwardly standing RIGHT next to me at the host stand. I politely ask him how large is party is going to be, he just shakes his head and kind of shrugs. Fucking OK then.

He loiters around the dining room for about 45 minutes, around the host stand, the bar, the tables in the dining area, right in front of all the dishes and silverware I need to reset tables, etc. multiple times myself and others have to say “excuse me” because he is blatantly in the way/space of employees AND guests. In the 45 minutes he’s meandering around with his phone in his face, he ignores all of my offers to seat him, if he knows when his party is coming, if he’d like to wait at the bar and have a drink, etc. at one point he’s like “I don’t even know if I’m at the right location” which is understandable because there’s 3 of the restaurant chain in my city. The way he said it was so rude though, that dickass tone like I’m annoying him while he just fucking sits around and doesn’t eat, drink, buy anything, or even confirm that he’s actually eating here.

Finally, fucking finally, his face lights up from looking at his phone and he walks up to the host stand.

“I had a reservation for a party of 12 at 5:30.”

Ok, well, we already went over the fact that you have no reservation, so you can fuck off with that noise. Also, it’s nearly 6:00, so what the fuck are you even trying right now?

“You can get to setting up a table or room for us now.”

I give him my most sickening customer service smile and begin to set up a 3-table arrangement for what is essentially a WALK-IN 12top. Whatever, happens a lot, I’m numb to it mostly. I would have gotten over it quickly if it weren’t for the fact that I caught him taking a photo of me leaned over the tables, using flash and all, pointing his fucking phone camera right at my ass and grinning. He didn’t even acknowledge that I caught him, he just went immediately to poking and typing on his screen. I got the vibe he was sending it or some shit, really really grossed me out. I finish setting it up, I don’t even bother telling him it’s ready because I know he’s going to seat himself and I don’t want to fucking talk to him.

I tell my manager who is basically a team lead, just working as a closing manager alone. She’s the only female in management and as horrible as it is, she doesn’t do much because she doesn’t really know WHAT to do. I didn’t want to come right out and accuse the guy unless it escalated further, so we just rolled with it, and she stayed up front with me for awhile to make me feel better. Bad move. She’s a shapely lady with a lot of boob & butt and once his party starts showing up they take it as an opportunity to start hitting on BOTH of us.

So 12 of them get there in the midst of all of their middle-aged-pervert fuckery. Hour goes by, one of the dudes from the table comes up to me and says “there’s more of us coming, would you just push that table over there onto ours so we have more room?” I’m already pissed out of my mind, whatever dude. They all blatantly stare at my tits while I’m leaning over to open the leaf on the table I added.

More of them show up. One of them comes directly up to me, tells me his name, grabs my hands and rubs them telling me they’re cold while giving me the most uncomfortable prolonged eye contact. I’m like “haha yeah they’re always cold” *violently jerks my hands away*.

The server is losing his mind trying to get a DRINK ORDER out of all of these fucks. He can’t get their attention, they sit without drinks until they’re ALL there, which is literally over an hour. They finally pipe down, put in all of their food orders, and it all comes out.

My hot ass manager is setting down the food and they’re ogling her to the point that it is painfully obvious. Like gross dudes, what the fuck. She says “can I get you gentlemen anything else?” And the one says “I’d like a water. And a massage.” And she like visibly pukes in the back of her throat and walks away awkwardly laughing.

The whole time their table was there, they all made nasty comments, and various photos were taken with flash whenever my manager, me, or other waitstaff walked by. It’s hard to come out and accuse someone of being a creep like that, because there are small odds that they’re NOT taking creepshots…but dude. All signals pointed that direction.

Tl;dr pos guest stands around for 45 minutes until he decides to tell me there’s a large party coming in like right that moment. They sexually harass the staff all night and are a general pain in the ass to serve

anonymous asked:

bro, imma test your patience with me. now idk shit about politics buuut i need to learn a little more than the basics of whats happening to brazil, you know? its hard since its a hole different country so im kinda limited, i understand portuguese but really need a politics for dummies to know whats happening and what will probably happen due to the hell thats going on in BR. help me and get a smile (pls??)

Man this is hard because I have no idea what you already know or not or where you’re from so I can’t really make comparisons?? but i’m gonna try to give you a general??? hold tight

so I guess first thing is understanding the system, right?

Brazil has a… multi-party presidential democracy. Ish. Hasn’t always been like that tho, in fact, brazilian history is filled with coups and not so democratic republics. It’s our thing. But right now we have a President, in charge of the executive power, then there’s the upper and lower houses of congress (Senate and Chamber, we call them, basically), and the Supreme Court, I guess just like in the US. There’s a president to the Senate, a President to the Chamber, and a few more important figures in each part of the government, like the ministers, or cabinet leaders, that hold, well, cabinets, like the one for Education or Health or Culture, etc, or the Government Leader in congress that isn’t really a formal title but also kinda is a job. 

So, our parties. There are so many of them. SO MANY. Y’all wouldn’t believe how many. Ok, about 30-40 of them. But really, who the fuck knows all of them? I don’t, so we’re gonna stick to the most important ones. But for that, quick history lesson: 

Remember when I said we haven’t always been, uhm, this? Yeah, up until the late 80′s Brazil was on a Dictatorship (not the first we had, but the worst we had, arguably) (and I have to control myself not to tell you the whole thing cause I just love brazilian history???? but imma stick to what’s important) THE POINT IS: during those years, only two “parties” were allowed to exist, the… pro-dictatorship party and the… consented opposition party (we like to call them the “yes” and the “yes, sir” parties cause of the obvious). Consented opposition party was called MDB (founded in 65′). When dictatorship ended, they turned into PDMB (in 1980). You’re gonna have to get used to the acronyms because we only use them here. Sometime later, in 88, some people left PMDB to found PSDB, and at the time the plan was to have it a bit more to the left than PMDB that was a pretty center-right wing party. More to the left of both of those, also in the 80′s, our Workers Party is founded, PT. Not a socialist/communist party, whatever some may think until today. You might be wondering what happened to the dictatorship supporters party, right? They’ve changed names a few times through the last decades, nowadays they’re DEM, a right wing party (ironically enough, their acronym comes from Democrats).

Nowadays you can say PSDB is a center-right wing party, PT is center-left, and PMDB is wherever it pleases (mostly center-right, though). “Isn’t there a REAL left wing then????” there is, but it’s not exactly the most powerful thing in existence, so most people atribute the “left” nearly entirely to PT, cause up until a couple of years ago, it was majorly powerful. We’ll get to that. Anyway, some left wing parties are PCdoB and Psol and a shit ton of other small ones.

Back to history. When dictatorship was ending people made an awful lot of deals to get one dude (Tancredo Neves) into the presidency (not popular vote yet, some sort of electoral college) but cause we’re in Brazil and shit just can’t be simple HE DIED before taking office then his vice president (who had just kinda changed parties to make the run) became the first post-dictatorship president. This dude is called Sarney and he’s alive until today and we like to call him The King of a state because his family basically owns it. And it’s a big state and in pretty bad condition (if you want we can come back later to why so many families are so powerful and so entirely into politics and basically owners of whole states and how Oligarchies have always been a thing BUT in another post). He’s a senator now. Yeah, cause that’s a thing, you don’t have to end your career after being president here. Oh, both of those were like, from PMDB.

Then we finally got to vote and we elected this one young unknown dude who was promising to end corruption (I mean, they all do, but, big time), his name was Collor, and he got impeached for corruption a couple of years later. Yes, you’re allowed to laugh. He was from PRN, we’re not gonna talk about this party here, no relevance. His vice president took over, Itamar Franco, and if you guessed it you probably got it right: he was from PMDB. The country was still in a big ass crisis coming all the way from the dictatorship years and Collor had just screwed up massively too so when Itamar KINDA got things under control his economy cabinet leader got big time praise…… and got elected president a couple of years later for PSDB. His name is Fernando Henrique Cardoso (we like to call him FHC) and he’s still alive too. 

So we got a few years of PSDB there cause they approved reelection in congress at some point there - let’s be honest, it’s because they were scared of the increasing popularity of somebody else that had been running in the past elections too: Lula, the big leader of PT - and they were right to, cause Lula would get elected finally in 2003 and reelected after, staying until 2011, and would hand pick his successor and get her elected: Dilma Rousseff, who would also get reelected. As you might have heard, she got impeached last year, leaving office to her vice president, Michel Temer, from… PMDB. 

For the past couple of decades, our political scenario pretty much got divided into PSDB and PT running against each other (and against a ton of minor parties that didn’t quite make it) in every election, with PT winning all of the ones mentioned above. But in any and all of the governments, deals had to be made to get - you guessed it - PMDB support. If there’s one thing you have to know about these last years of Brazil is that no one, no one can govern without PMDB. And the reason to that is on it’s historical basis: it’s basically the oldest and biggest party we got. So EVERYWHERE there’s someone from there, so they get plenty of space in government, they make most of congress, they make most of the senate, they make most of the local powers, etc. And like that, unelected, they got to the Presidency quite a few times. When I said before that they go wherever they want to, is because they’ll lean to whichever side can grant them power, and not even collectively - you can see some of them aligning to left wing politicians in some parts of the country while others get allied to right wing politicians in another part in the same election, since there are no rules against that. Today, since they hold the presidency and most of the other important roles, their main ally is PSDB, but a few years back they were the main supporters to PT, so, really, the rule should be “don’t trust them and expect anything and everything”. 

I think… this kinda covers the basics. Very basics. Roughly. It would be important for you to understand the whole Impeachment mess of the past couple of years. I have a couple of posts on that here and here and here and here and you can always go to my politics tag to search for more comments on everything. Idk, bring me objective questions or just what more you want to know after this so I can help more??? i’m really kinda lost on what to tell you and there’s sooo much to brazilian history that is important, but I think this post is way too long already x) I like telling the stories though, so ask away

anonymous asked:

We saw MC tickling the RFA~~~~ But what about them trying to get her back~! :^D

Yoosung:

-he will have his R E  V E N GE

-you made him MISS THE LEGENDARY ARMOUR FROM YOUR TICKLES… payback was in order!!! 

-the two of you are cuddling and watching a movie. And while Yoosung usually loves this time with you… it is time for the tickle.

-He starts by running his hand up and down your waist, real innocent. UNTIL IT IS NOT 

-all the sudden you are PINNED and he is tickling the HELL OUT OF U 

-you two fall off the fuckin bed from rustling around so much 

-but it WILL NOT STOP THERE!!! The attack continues until the day you d i e

Saeyoung:

-SADISTIC BASTARD! !!!?

-that’s all i have to say about this 

-you two were having a MOMENT. he literally was just crying a minute ago, so you held him and stroked his hair to comfort him and now he’s TICKLING YOU

-jokes on you he was never actually upset they were just eyedrops HAHAHA

-you feel so b e t r a y ed …. how DARE HE 

-you are literally crawling at the floor to get away from him while he drags you back to tickle you

-Saeran is watching and you’re crying. he literally thinks that Saeyoung is about to murder you 

-and still he just sits there watching SAERAN YOU ARE WORSE THAN YOUR BROTHER????

Jumin:

-it was not f a  i r. You were not allowed to see him giggle??

-why did you think you could get away with that 

-Jumin isn’t one for revenge, he would usually get over it but you CROSSED THE LINE.

-so one day he offers you a foot massage after you had a tough day at work. Of course u wanted one??? omg where do i go for the appointment?

-no he’s giving the massage. 

-you are so surprised like “o” but secretly happy because awwww yay 

-YOUR FIRST MISTAKE WAS THINKING THIS F U CKER WOULD DO ANYTHING BY HIMSELF?

-the moment your feet are in his lap he tickles the crap out of u 

-You’re screaming and struggling so bad to get away but he’s got ur feetsies dude you cannot run 

-you eventually fall of the couch as you flail around and the noise causes a guard to come bursting in the room 

-a mood killer if anything but you take it and run the fuck away 

Jaehee:

-trickery can go both ways, motherfucker 

-all day at work she was thinking how to get back at you 

-she decided to fuck it and just do it

-so while you were cooking, she gave you a hug from behind. You smiled and continued your work with the batter for the cookies 

-Jaehee doesn’t want to make a mess so she makes the two of you take a step back from the counter, checks for any danger of tripping, THEN she tickles you 

-safety first kids 

-doesn’t work she ends up getting slapped in the face with your battered hands and it turns into a FOOD WAR 

-after the war she is traumatized. 

-by the HUGE FUCKING MESS IN THE KITCHEN N O OO

Zen:

-first of all: how dare you 

-how dare you interrupt sexy times with tickling 

-so Zen plans to get you back the same way 

-Zen slowly slowly heads his way down toward your crotch until he’s at your belly 

-you breathing so heavy and your so dazed you don’t see the gleam in his eyes

-one breath… two breaths… thr– S C R EAM 

-he blew a raspberry on your belly and now he’s got you pinned down with his strong arms while he’s tickling all the skin that he can see 

-you are NAKED 

-he tickles you so much that you’re crying and by the time it’s over you’re no longer in the mood

-but he is 

-ZEN YOU PLAYED YOURSELF,,,

(Over)compensation

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 3,500-ish

Warnings: disappointing sex, rough sex, dom!Sam, jealous!Sam, brief choking, brief oral, dirty talk, language, unprotected sex (wrap it up!!!)

Read on Ao3

“Uhh…”

The heavy, gut-wrenching grunt echoes in your ear as the man on top of you (James, Jack, something starting with a J) rocks his hips slowly, his less-than-average cock slipping almost too easily inside you on every stroke.

You picked him up in a bar a while ago after listening to him drone on and on about how he was a successful businessman who ran his own international business company. Foolishly thinking with money and power must come good sex, you took him up on his offer and followed him back to his motel room. Sadly, you realize that what came with the expensive suit and shiny Italian shoes came nothing but an over-the-top ego and very little in way of sexual prowess.

Keep reading

How a man lost 8 million dollars for failing to be a decent human.

Alright, I have a story to tell from the finance industry. For those of you who don’t know what we do, it’s basically just being a realtor, but for companies instead of houses. This was a small investment banking firm, and we specialize in smaller players. We’re talking companies worth 20-50 million dollars. Our customers are typically salt of the earth; built their tire company from nothing but a shed and a truck over the last 30 years, and now they want to retire. But seeing as how many of them never learned accounting and whatnot, they need representation.

Now one company has two 50% owners, and they hate each other. Can’t have a civil conversation. Now, having two 50/50 owners is always a recipe for conflict, but this level of hatred was something I hadn’t seen before; it was pretty clear one of the two had done something pretty bad for it to devolve to this stage. So lets call one Tim and one Roger.

My first impression of Roger is that he’s a nice dude. Down to earth, chill, and generally interested in things. My first impression of Tim is that he’s a raging imbecile. We were at a restaurant I, and many other people in my city, hold in very high regard, and all he did, for an hour and half, was complain about the food. He talked down to and mocked a waiter who dared to ask him what he’d like to drink, and proceeded to order $1000 of wine [he knew we were paying]. My boss, having none of that, made it clear Tim is paying for that bottle, which I suppose put him in a bad mood. I am somewhat obsessed with food. I spend an unwise amount of money on food. I can sing you all the instrumental parts in the opening to Heston Blumenthal’s cooking show. We’re here on my recommendation. I love this damn restaurant, and I am on first name terms with that waiter. The man starts talking down to me about my tastes after I order, says kids these days have no palate, and that I shouldn’t be eating X. Oh and also, apparently, donating to vaccine charities is a waste of money, and I am some sort of idiot for doing so.

So to be short, I don’t like the guy. But not liking the guy isn’t really a reason to seek revenge. However, after talking to Roger, we find out why they hate each other. You see, Tim had been stealing money from his employees, and the company. It turns out, employees started getting random checks bounced, and the company’s lines of credit kept drying up. Because Tim had been making some rather extravagant purchases on the company dime. He had adjusted employee payroll downwards and increased his own. He had used capital expenditures to build himself a house. Apparently, his continued justification is that none of what he did was illegal [technically true], he had helped grow the company [I suppose], and that he deserved more [but not his business partner]. Roger ended up comping employees out of his own pocket, and Tim refused to pay back a dime.

So at this point, the deal talks are going no where. As in, Tim and Roger just cannot stand to communicate with each other at all. But my boss, he hatches an idea. Why don’t we just buy one of them out? We know how much the company is worth in the wider market. We’ll just see if either is willing to take some cash up front for their share of the equity.

I make models all day. I know how much this company is worth. It’s worth about 24 million dollars. Tim’s stake is therefore worth 12 million dollars (complex I know). Guess whose stake I suggest we buy? Tim’s of course. How much do I suggest we offer? 4 million.

Now, to be clear, this type of thing has a downside. But Tim’s reputation in his industry isn’t good. In fact, after some canvassing, it turns out that most people know this company through Roger, and don’t like to deal with Tim. Turns out being a thieving a**hole is something one simply cannot turn off.

Boss says ok, he’ll send an offer letter and NDA agreement, etc. Tim bites [for 6 mil]. We sold the company 6 weeks later for 28 million dollars total. F*ck you Tim.

Update: No, Tim was not happy when he found out. No, he could not do a damn thing about it.

Update 2: I should mention that my boss and a few of his friends pooled the money to make the buy. They were not acting as part of the bank. Any offer they gave was part of private negotiations, as a counter party. Tim should have hired his own bankers. He didn’t.