dude i can't tell if this is really stupid or not

#3 My Neighbor's A Jerk

Summary: (Office AU) There’s this mutual feeling between you and your jerk of a neighbor, called hate. With every ounce of passion filled in your veins you both commence that feeling from day one of meeting each other. But what happens once, one of you are at the receiving end of the other’s help? Maybe you will learn how to co-operate?

Word Count: 2708

Pairing: Bucky x fem!Reader

Genre: RomCom

Warning: none

Author’s Note: finally, ik. But i don’t think i like this chapter all that very much. But still, enjoy! :)

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“My Neighbor’s A Jerk” Masterlist

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Guardians of the Galaxy Roleplay Sentence Starters
  • "You'll die! Why are you doing this? Why?"
  • "Well that's just as fascinating as the first 89 times you told me that."
  • "Well I tell you what, that's gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud."
  • " I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you've accepted me despite my blunders. It is good to once again be among friends."
  • "This dumb tree is also my friend."
  • "I have lived most of my life surrounded my enemies. I will be grateful to die among my friends."
  • "Aww, what the hell, I don't got that long a lifespan anyway... "
  • "Well now I'm standing. Happy? We're all standing now. Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle."
  • "We've already established that you destroying the ship I'm on is not saving me!"
  • "That is the most real, authentic, hysterical laugh of my entire life."
  • "Finger on throat means death!"
  • "They got my dick message."
  • "His people are completely literal. Metaphors go over his head."
  • "That dude there. I need his prosthetic leg. "
  • "God knows I don't need the rest of him. Look at him. He's useless."
  • "Well, supposedly, these bald bodies find you attractive, so maybe you could work out some sort of trade."
  • "That's for if things get really hardcore. Or if you wanna blow up moons."
  • "You just wanna suck the joy out of everything."
  • "Who put the sticks up their butts?"
  • "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
  • "Fine, but I can't promise when all of this is over I'm not going to kill every last one of you jerks."
  • "See, this is exactly why none of you have any friends!"
  • "Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting."
  • "You got issues."
  • "He thinks I'm some stupid thing! He does!"
  • " I didn't ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over and turned into some little monster!"
  • "When I look around, you know what I see? Losers."
  • "You're an imbecile."
  • "I can't believe I got taken down by a raccoon."
  • "Raccoon? What's a raccoon?"
  • "Ain't no thing like me, except me!"
  • "We're just like Kevin Bacon."
  • "I live for the simple things... like how much this is going to hurt!"
  • "Dance-off, bro. Me and you."
  • "I like your knife, I'm keeping it."
  • "Oh, I was just kidding about the leg. I just need these two things."
  • "He said that he may be an... a-hole. But he's not, and I quote, 100% a dick".
  • "Well, I don't know if I believe anyone is 100% a dick."
  • "Let's see if you can laugh after five or six good shots in your freakin' face!"
  • "Creepy little beast!"
  • "I don't learn. One of my issues."
  • "Look at this thing. It thinks it's so cool. It's not cool to ask for help! Walk by yourself, you little gargoyle!"
  • "Hooked on a Feeling, Blue Swede! That song belongs to me!"
  • "Hold on a second, you're being serious right now?"
  • "I can't believe I'm taking orders from a hamster."
  • "You're a good looking girl. You should try to be more nice to people."

anonymous asked:

Kuroo + his gf who gets a lil drunk so he decides it's time to leave but his gf says she can't go with him bc she has a bf (she's talking about him to him without even realizing bc drunk) he plays along and starts asking her about her bf and she gushes about him and says silly things he does. Eventually he asks if she loves him and she says yes and how she wants to marry him, have kids and grow old together. He gets emotional because holy fuck I love this dork so much

Okay, so this is going to be like a continuation of this scenario I wrote a while ago: X

[College - Almost adult life ! AU]

“Oh yes, the gods are favoring me now” Kuroo thought as he looked at his drunken partner.

Currently, he was trying to convince her to go home, but without avail. She looked up at him and said “Ya‘now dude, I know what you’re trying to do” she snorted “and let me tell ya, I have a boyfriend so go away before I call him”

She didn’t recognize him, perfect timing to get a mini revenge on the last time he got drunk.

“Ohh, excuse me then, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend” he said seriously “is he going to come if you call him?”

“Of course he is” she said “he’s like, ya’now, super caring and all those thingsss” she slurred a little “like, almost a father, always worrying and trying to help me”

His heart swelled with pride, knowing that his girlfriend saw him like that, someone whom she could rely on. “That’s very nice, I hope you have a long, love-filled relationship” he said

She smiled “I hope so!!” she laughed “even though he’s a biiiig nerd, always making those horrible science puns” and then she said “but he makes me happy, so I’m willing to hear them everyday”

His puns were amazing, why did she consider them horrible? She had no sense of humor, of course she didn’t. “Do you love him?” he asked cautiously.

She fell silent for a few moments, and those moments were the worst torture for Kuroo. Did she doubt her love for him?

“Of course I love him!!” she said excitedly “I love him lots and lotsssss, like I really can’t imagine a life without him?”

Oh god, someone please save Kuroo’s heart “I like to think of us in the future, happily married, with little children running around our house” she said sweetly “and I want to hold his hand every day, even as the years start passing”

She sounded surprisingly sober right now, but he couldn’t think about that at all. His heart was about to burst from his chest, happiness taking over his body. He didn’t realize a few tears slipped from his eyes, until he felt her hands on his face, and her fingers wiping them away.

“I may be drunk Kuroo, but I’m not stupid enough not to recognize you after a while” she said smiling at him.

“Oh” was all he could muster at that moment “did…did you lie about the things you said?” he asked slowly.

“Do I look like someone who’s going to lie about those things?” she asked.

“Of course not” he said looking in her eyes “God, I love you so much (Name)”

Never in his life had he felt so sure about something. When the right moment arrived, he definitely was going to ask her to marry him. He hoped she liked the ring he saw on a jewelry a few weeks ago.

7

doctor who otp doodle prompt roundup! :3

x x x x x x x

thanks so much to everyone who submitted a prompt–i had a fantastic time working on them! <3 <3 <3

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010 Film) : Sentence Starters
  • "When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time."
  • "I'm in lesbians with you."
  • "This is good garlic bread."
  • "Bread makes you FAT?"
  • "You made me swallow my gum! That's going to be in my digestive tract for seven years!"
  • "If you want something bad, you have to fight for it."
  • "Break out the L-word."
  • "What kind of tea do you want?"
  • "You once were a ve-gone, but now you will begone"
  • "Did you really see a future with this girl/guy?"
  • "Your BF's about to get eff'd in the b!"
  • "It's amazing what we can do with computers these days."
  • "Dude, this thing claims I have mail."
  • "I have to go pee due to boredom."
  • "Like... with jet-packs?"
  • "Wow, ummm... Zelda... Tetris... that's kind of a big question."
  • "If I peed my pants would you pretend that I just got wet from the rain?"
  • "Next time, we don't date the girl/guy with eleven evil ex-boyfriends/girlfriends."
  • "We have an unfinished business. I and (s)he."
  • "Don't you talk to me about grammar!"
  • "That was a test _______, and you passed."
  • "That gossipy bitch."
  • "I've never even kissed a guy/girl before."
  • "Amazon.ca! What's the website for that?"
  • "Freeze! Vegan Police!"
  • "It's milk and eggs, bitch."
  • "(S)He punched the highlights out of her/his hair!"
  • "This song is called "I Am So Sad. I Am So Very Very Sad.""
  • "We are here to sell out and make money and stuff."
  • "Guess who's drunk!"
  • "Pirates are in this year!"
  • "Believe it or not, I used to date _______ in high school."
  • "Is that the Uma Thurman movie?"
  • "Oh? Do you have any embarrassing stories?"
  • "All of our shows are secret shows."
  • "Do you have any idea how long it took me to get all the evil exes' contact information so I could form this stupid league? Like, two hours!"
  • "Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday."
  • "Um, _______, we're gonna go to Pizza-pizza for a slice, call us when you're done..."
  • "Didn't you get my email explaining the situation?"
  • "Is the news that we suck, because I really don't think I can take it."
  • "Kick her in the balls!"
  • "You just headbutted my boyfriend/girlfriend so hard he burst."
  • "I have to pee."
  • "Go ahead. I'm too cool for you anyway."
  • "Is this an envy-related dream again?"
  • "Short answer: Vegans are just better then everyone else."
  • "Somebody bring me my board!"
  • "So, what can I *censored* get you?"
  • "How are you doing that with your mouth?"
  • "They're called jobs, something a *censored* ball like you wouldn't know anything about."
  • "Let's both be girls."
  • "The only thing separating me from her/him is the two minutes it's gonna take to kick your ass."
  • "Look, I didn't write the gay handbook."
  • "Every Pilgrim reaches the end of it's journey... some sooner than others."
  • "But you can't... cheat... death."
  • "I don't think I can hit a girl. They're soft."
  • "Okay, presumably, you may have just seen a dude's junk, and I'm very sorry for that... so is he."
  • "Steal my boyfriend/girlfriend, taste my steel!"
  • "You had a sexy phase?"
  • "Oh I'd love to postpone, but I just cashed in my last rain check."
  • "What a perfect asshole."
  • "I want to have his/her adopted babies."
  • "_______, you're the salt of the earth."
  • "Do that again, and I will end you!"
  • "You broke the heart that broke mine."
  • "I partake not in the meat, nor the breastmilk, nor the ovum, of any creature, with a face."
  • "You'll pay for your crimes against humanity."
  • "You cocky cock!"
  • "Is there anywhere you don't work?"
  • "Never *censored* mind how I'm doing it!"
  • "You mean, do I have, like, ulterior motives?"
Undertale - Starter Sentences
  • SPOILER WARNINGS AHEAD! Please proceed with caution. As always, feel free to change any pronouns/words to your liking.
  • "You're new here, aren'tcha?"
  • "Golly, you must be so confused."
  • "Hey buddy, you missed some."
  • "Is this a joke? Are you braindead?"
  • "You just wanted to see me suffer."
  • "Ah, do not be afraid, my child."
  • "Welcome to your new home."
  • "Here, take my hand for a moment."
  • "I should not have left you alone for so long."
  • "Surprise! It is a butterscotch-cinnamon pie."
  • "I want you to have a nice time living here."
  • "I have seen it time and time again. They come. They leave. They die."
  • "I am only protecting you, do you understand?"
  • "Hmph. You are just like the others."
  • "Attack or run away!"
  • "I know you want to go home, but..."
  • "I promise I will take good care of you here. I know we do not have much, but... We can have a good life here."
  • "My expectations... My loneliness... My fear... For you, I will put them aside."
  • "Do not worry about me. Someone has to take care of these flowers."
  • "Quick, behind that conveniently-shaped lamp."
  • "I will bathe in a shower of kisses every morning."
  • "Hmm... Maybe this lamp will help you."
  • "He's playing poker by himself. He appears to be losing."
  • "I can't be your friend!"
  • "I guess this means I have to go out on a date with you?"
  • "All that pressure to succeed... Really got to her..."
  • "You know what would be more valuable to everyone? If you were dead."
  • "You think I'm gonna be friends with you, huh?"
  • "We're gonna be best friends!!"
  • "Envision these vegetables as your greatest enemy! Now!! Pound them to dust with your fists!!"
  • "Uh, you know, like a robotic TV star or something."
  • "Now he's an unstoppable killing machine with a thirst for human blood?"
  • "Yes, she scrawls her name in the margins of the notes. She names programming variables after her. She even writes stories of them together, sharing a domestic life. Probability of crush -- 101%."
  • "Yeah, you gotta save your money for college and spiders."
  • "D-Dude... I can't... I can't take this anymore! Not like this!! Like, [NAME]! I like... I like, LIKE you, bro!"
  • "I found a gun in the dumpster!"
  • "He's like, my robot husband. He just doesn't know it yet."
  • "You've still got time. Don't live like me. I'm 19-years old, and I've already wasted my entire life."
  • "Never interact with attractive people."
  • "Why do people find him so attractive? He's literally just a freaking rectangle."
  • "Future? What future? I'll probably be trapped at this stupid job forever."
  • "This was all just a big show. An act. [NAME] has been playing you for the fool the whole time."
  • "All so you would think she's the great person that she's not."
  • "Nice day today, huh? Birds are singing, flowers are blooming..."
  • "We could be like... Like a family..."
  • "You really are an idiot."
  • "Killing me is the only way to end this."
  • "If you let me live... I'll come back. I'll kill you. I'll kill everyone you love."
  • "Don't you realize that being nice... just makes you get hurt?"
  • "Let's go to the garbage dump!!"
  • "She's so confident... And strong... And funny..."
  • "I'm just a nobody. A fraud. All I've ever done is hurt people. I've told her so many lies, she thinks I'm... She thinks I'm a lot cooler than I actually am."
  • "If she gets close to me, she'll... She'll find out the truth about me. ... What should I do?"
  • "Let's roleplay it."
  • "I kiss her back... S...softly... I... l-look gently into her eyes... I START HOLLERING!! [NAME]!!! I LOVE YOU!!! [NAME]!!! KISS ME AGAIN, [NAME]!!!"
  • "...WHAT did you just say?"
  • "You don't have to lie to me. I don't want you to have to lie to anyone anymore."
  • "[NAME]... I want to help you become happy with who you are."
  • "Anime is real, RIGHT?!"
  • "[NAME] and I finished our training early. Very early. So I sent her home. Very home."
  • "Is that your ex? Gee, that's rough, buddy."
  • "OH MY GOD. Will you two just smooch already?!"
  • "It's all your fault. It's all because you made them love you."
  • "Your life will end here, where no one remembers you..."
  • "No! I don't need anyone!"
  • "[NAME]... Do you know why I keep doing this? Why I keep fighting to have you around?"
  • "I'm doing this... because you're special. You're the only one that understands me."
  • "I care about you, [NAME]. I care about you more than anyone else in the world."
  • "I'm not ready for this to end. I'm not ready to say goodbye to someone like you again."
  • "I'm so alone... I'm so afraid... [NAME], I... I... I'm so sorry."
  • "I always was a crybaby, wasn't I?"
  • "I wish I could tell you how everyone feels about you."
  • "I understand if you can't forgive me. I understand if you hate me. I acted so horrible. I hurt you. I hurt so many people. There's no excuse for what I've done."
  • "Maybe... The truth is... [NAME] wasn't really the greatest person."
  • "You're the type of friend I wish I always had."
  • "Take a deep breath. There's nothing left to worry about."

parkingchimchim  asked:

Hello!! I love your blog. I wonder... What about a RFA react to a MC having real bad menstrual pain? Sorry If it's too harsh ;; I experience it myself. I just can't sleep, I cry and struggle a lot bc I have cysts and I can't get a surgery atm ;;

Hey ! Could u do MC on her period and RFA+saeran(if u’d like to) what will they do and how would they react to her being super moody and stuff, thank u and have a great day ^ ^

dude I get godawful cramps too if I forget to take my birth control, I know exactly how you feel (I haven’t been diagnosed but my mom seems to think there’s a really good chance I have cysts too ;v; ) I hope you’re able to feel better soon friend! <3

Yoosung

  • Initially, PANIC
    • He’s sooooo worried to see you in such pain; he frets all over the place and practically jumps at any chance to do something for you to help you feel better
  • Once he’s used to it, though, it still upsets him to see you suffering like that but he’s gotten super good at coming up with nice ways to help you relax and take your mind off the pain
    • Boy spends half his monthly budget on you; chocolate, heating pads – he also researches online “best remedies for cramps” and buys pretty much anything those articles list
    • A common thing he’ll do is gather all the blankets in the house and have you buried in them with a cute movie on and a mug of hot chocolate. He’s right there under the covers with you for both moral support and heat, heheh
  • At first he’s shocked by your mood swings, but after a few times he recognizes that it’s just a part of the whole process. As long as you apologize for any injustices against him (snapping, yelling, etc), he’s able to handle things pretty well

Zen

  • On your bad days, Zen is practically your personal butler, at your beck and call no questions asked
    • Tries his best to make food for you from scratch because he wants to show you how much he cares! He tries recipes that include ingredients that supposedly help cramps
    • …but will be discreetly relieved if you say takeout is fine
  • He read online that exercise helps, so he urges you to work out with him or go for a walk/jog (idk about anyone else but exercise does legit work for me as unfortunate as that is lol)
  • Will give you really nice massages wherever you’re achy and it’s sooo good

Jaehee

  • Jaehee’s gotcha, my friend. She knows the drill
    • Although her cramps don’t seem to be quite as severe as yours… she offers her sympathies, for what they’re worth (THEY’RE WORTH A LOT, JAEHEE SHH)
    • That’s probably for the best tho since your guys’ periods start to sync up, and it would suck if you were both completely incapacitated
  • Mood swings? She understands those too, of course. Always ready with your favorite blend of tea or coffee and a sympathetic ear for when your mood drops
  • Continuing from synced periods, on days where both your cramps are bad you take the opportunity to snuggle under a big blanket and marathon Zen’s musicals, drifting in and out of sleep
    • If things get real bad for both of you and you happen to complain in the messenger, cUE ZEN HIMSELF BUSTIN’ DOWN YOUR DOOR WITH CARE PACKAGES and he stays till you’re both feeling better

Jumin

  • The first time he sees this whole thing he COMPLETELY PANICS
    • Boy thinks you’re legitimately dying and is ready to frickin call in a helicopter to airlift you to the hospital or something before you calm him down and explain that this is, while painful and inconvenient, completely normal
  • He is… very uninformed about periods. Like honestly I have a feeling he doesn’t even know what periods are before you come along
    • But of course he takes it upon himself to research the topic extensively (JUMIN NO JAEHEE DOES NOT NEED TO WRITE A REPORT ON IT FOR U DO IT URSELF)
    • By the end of it he knows more than you do oh god
  • On days you hurt especially bad, he’ll work from home so he can stay with you and comfort you any way you want. 
    • At first he tries to suggest a bunch of stuff that his money can buy or other people can do for you, but he’s stunned into silence when you tell him you’d just like to cuddle. He just hadn’t even considered that might help 
    • But then he happily obliges <3

Seven

  • Hates hates hates seeing you in pain, so he tries to get you to laugh even more than usual to get your mind off it
  • Adds a “heating pad” functionality to the robocat, where it’ll heat up and lay on your abdomen
    • “Seven you know I could have just bought a normal heating pad…”
    • “But MC, this one’s shaped like a CAT. And it’s free. And made from scratch with my love~”
    • …can’t argue with that lol
  • Takes your mood swings in stride; he’s prepared with an arsenal of bad jokes to diffuse crankiness (but is also 100% ready to offer serious comfort if your mood falls really low)

Saeran

  • Boy knows even less about periods than Jumin does lbh
  • He can’t empathize with it and certainly won’t pretend to, but he believes you when you describe the pain you’re in
    • He’s actually rather frustrated/angry because 
    • 1) why can’t he punch the thing that’s causing you pain and make it STOP 
    • 2) who the hell thought “you know what’d be good? making people with uterus’ bodies turn against them and cause them extreme pain once a month for absolutely no reason”
  • Goes and buys you your supplies without batting an eye, which you’re grateful for. If anyone gives him weird looks at the store he just gives them his Withering Glare™ and whaddya know nobody bothers him (god people are stupid he thinks)
  • He can relate to mood swings. But, at least at first, he’s not quite sure what to do about it
    • Slightly to his chagrin, he goes to ask Seven for advice in the beginning
    • When Seven’s advice is found to be utterly useless, Saeran eventually finds that actually just sitting and listening to you helps a lot
This Can't Be Real (An Angsty Sleepover Klance fic )

Pairing: Keith/Lance (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Summary: “All I’m saying is…why does it have to be just girls?” Keith nervously bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if Lance was too dense for this conversation. The fact that the blue paladin still wanted to have a sleepover when it was just the two of them was ridiculous enough, so he figured a ridiculous conversation wasn’t too much of a stretch.

Yo so I wrote this thing because I like Keith suffering a little ngl

I hope you like it!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

You know what annoys me? Harry can apparently thank his interviewers (who are literally just doing their jobs) and has done so twice now but can't thank fans even once (you know, the people who are voluntarily supporting him - not even after they got him to number 1 in the uk)

Anon, you know I’ve been saying that for weeks! It’s so fucking rude. So rude to the very “teenage girls” he purports to support. (While writing songs about mothers dying and having five minutes to tell their infants to take over the world. Yeah OK.)

Should we brace ourselves for hendall 100.0 may be this time the yacht will be cannes for the festival.. cause why not

Yeah, I’d hope they’d find someone else, but hey.

I think what most annoys me about this whole thing is that the very same bloggers who were speculating we were going to get a coming out (in Another Man first, remember?) or at least a soft coming out or at least not stunting with girls are now like, “What did you idiots expect? He’s closeted!” I mean, I strongly suspected this was coming

But what pisses me off is several large blogs in the fandom acting like people who are upset are stupid when those same fucking blogs were pushing this idea that this time would be different. When those same fucking blogs would trash any of the other men for saying this. When those same fucking blogs pushed the Azoffs as saviors. Just like, admit you were wrong. Admit you don’t know things. Admit that your “sources” are all bullshit.

Or at least  admit that you think Harry is better than anyone else (including Zayn) and that he “deserves” all of the good he gets.

I also want to pull out some bits from an old post (Feb 10th, 2017):

[A]t some point–when they’ve all hired new teams, etc–you have to say “hey, they chose to hire those teams.” Celebrity is a job, and these are the people they’ve hired to help them do their jobs.

[…]

This also applies to Harry choosing my-metric-is-I-woke-up-and-continue-to-manage-to-breathe Jeff. Harry’s image hasn’t changed at all, so he obviously needs/wants/likes the “aloof hipster who doesn’t mention a single bandmate by name and makes it clear by side talking (in the AM interview) that 1D isn’t coming back” image.

[…]

These aren’t teenagers any more. They’re adults who know how the industry works. I know this side of the fandom likes to forgive the men for everything that we don’t like/don’t agree with, but they aren’t gods who belong on some pedestal. I’m too old to pretend that human beings are perfect, and that applies to all of the men.

C’mon folks. This isn’t Rolling Stone magazine making shit up. This is his image. It’s the same one that’s been cultivated for years.

Are people really that blind. Do they think Harry or his team has no say in what has been written in this magazine. Or its only harry who gets the benefit of doubt and the others are accountable for what are being said abt them. This fandom is swimming in a delusional world. Such a shame

Yeah, Harry is the only one who gets the benefit of the doubt. And the huge double standard (Harry can do whatever the fuck he wants and not criticized for it by the majority of the fandom) is part of why I started unfollowing a lot of the…more vocal and “connected” Larries who seemed to try and control how people reacted. It’s also why I checked my own behavior about Zayn.

The fifty year anniversary issue? Lol for days.

I actually saw a post about how he was the first to do SNL coast to coast, and this, and something else, all about he’s a history maker. Dude has good connections, I’ll give him that. Too bad they still haven’t made me like his image.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

But hey, I’m looking forward to getting my copy of Rollacoaster! I am crossing my fingers for a good interview and prepared for the worst.

ryvetted4  asked:

Hi, for the prompt ideas could you do Sterek and "You can't keep kissing strangers and pretending that it's him!!"

1086 words, i broke my own rules on the first try. keeping it brief is hard work.

Someone knocks on the stall door. Stiles isn’t paying much attention to his surroundings; most of his focus is on the mouth on his neck and the hand down his pants - but he sighs and says, “It’s occupied.”

The knock comes again, more forcefully. “Stiles,” Scott’s voice hisses.

The guy Stiles is sharing the stall with lifts his head, eyebrows rising. “That your boyfriend?”

Stiles rolls his eyes. “No.” He raises his voice so Scott knows it’s directed at him. “If you’re leaving, go ahead. I’ll be home later.” The guy grins at him; Stiles grins back.

“Stiles,” Scott says again, exasperated. He rattles at the stall door. “Come on!”

Stiles heaves an irritated sigh. “One sec,” he tells the guy, and crowds him back so he can unlock the door, pulling it open enough so that he can glare out at Scott. “Will you please leave?”

“No,” Scott says. “Come on, man, this isn’t good for you. You know that.”

“No,” Stiles says icily, “I don’t. I’m having fun, Scott, I - ”

“You can’t keep doing this,” Scott says, his face creasing with worry. “You can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that it’s him!”

Stiles’ mouth snaps shut, heat flooding his cheeks.

“Sorry,” Scott says softly. “I shouldn’t have - sorry.”

Keep reading

  • Scene: Altair as the Beast, Malik is Beauty (very fetching in a gown...not really). Kadar as the plot device that brings Malik to Altair's castle to be prisoner forever.
  • Malik: I honestly expected you to be so much scarier what with your frighteningly bad manners.
  • Kadar: how about we not make him angry.
  • Malik: let my brother go.
  • Altair: if you take his place.
  • Malik: ...how about I kill you and then just take my brother?
  • Altair: ...
  • Kadar: ...Malik don't make him angry he has razor sharp teeth and claws like knives. I mean, you're good in a fight and all but he could take you. He's seven foot tall.
  • Malik: fine. I'll stay if you let Kadar go.
  • Altair: Fine.
  • Malik: Fine. SO I'LL JUST BE HERE IN THIS COLD, DREARY PRISON CELL BY MYSELF THEN.
  • Altair: no, you have to go to the fabulous room in my castle
  • Malik: fuck you no i don't.
  • Altair: I WILL MAKE YOU
  • Malik: I cannot believe that bastard is holding me prisoner in this lap of luxury.
  • Altair: I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW UNREASONABLE YOU ARE AT ALL TIMES
  • Malik: I can't believe you won't feed me just because I find your company literally repulsive. Why the hell do you even need me here to begin with? Were you getting lonely with nothing but the furniture to watch you throw your temper tantrums?
  • Altair: STARVE FOREVER YOU ASSHOLE
  • Malik: Bitch, whatever, your furniture already likes me best.
  • (Furniture: Dude we are never, ever getting this curse broken, ever.
  • Furniture 2: I miss my arms and legs. Do you think if we drug them and lock them in a room together and they have sex it'll break the spell?
  • Furniture: ...I think if we tried they'd kill one another.)
  • Altair: Since you are OBVIOUSLY TOO BORING TO LIVE, PLEASE CHECK OUT MY LIBRARY.
  • Malik: PERHAPS I CAN READ YOU A BOOK YOU ILLITERATE ASSHOLE. OH LOOK HERE'S ONE ABOUT MANNERS THAT MIGHT BE RELEVANT TO YOUR LIFE.
  • Altair: I don't need books I can climb walls with my CLAWS.
  • Malik: I can feel myself growing stupider every day in you company.
  • Altair: SO TOMORROW YOU'LL HAVE THE IQ OF A ROCK?
  • Malik: ...I think you just insulted yourself.
  • Altair: No I didn't.
  • (Furniture: how about a song? we can just sing them into falling in love.
  • Furniture 2: no we have to put one of them in mortal danger so the other one realizes they secretly have feelings for the one in danger.
  • Furniture: ...you just want an excuse to light something on fire.)
  • Malik: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU LIGHT YOURSELF ON FIRE?
  • Altair: I'm covered in fur, dickwad
  • Malik: I cannot believe my life right now. I am literally rubbing snow on your giant naked body while your fur blows smoke up my nose.
  • Altair: Well, if you'd done something besides stand there and LAUGH we wouldn't be in this situation, would we?
  • (Furniture: oh my god.
  • Furniture 2: song or drugs. these are our choices now.)
  • Malik: did you put something in my food?
  • Altair: What is happening to my penis? Why is this happening?
  • Malik: ...are you kidding me right now?
  • Altair: I GOT CURSED AT LIKE AGE 11 OKAY. IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEONE TOOK THE TIME TO EXPLAIN A THING. Seriously though, it like wants to get closer to you.
  • Malik: you are a seven foot tall creature with three inch knives at the end of his fingers I don't think your mammoth dick will be getting anywhere near me.
  • Altair: but it wants you!
  • Malik: ...no.
  • (Furniture: SONG. OUR ONLY WEAPON IS SONG.
  • Furniture 2: *hums a tune*)
  • Altair: So, uh, when I got cursed the lady told me that I had to find someone to love me or I'd die at age twenty one.
  • Malik: When do you turn twenty one?
  • Altair: like tomorrow.
  • Malik: ..............................................
  • Altair: I'm only telling you because the lamps have been following me around aggressively singing about it all night.
  • Malik: at least it wasn't a feather duster with a lonely solo. What kind of love are we talking about here? Like forever or I'd do you for a night kind of love?
  • Altair: I'm not really sure. It happened pretty fast, I opened the door there was this hag and I was like ew no but she got all offended, killed my parents, took my kingdom, turned my servants into objects and abandoned me here as an eleven year old beast-child.
  • Malik: ...I did not think it was possible to feel sympathy for you but I think that's what's happening.
  • Altair: yeah, you'd think she'd be all like: look here child, there's more to life than how things look, or something. I mean I was a child. Also you're really good looking so I'm not sure what the ultimate moral of the story is.
  • Malik: *shrugs*
  • (Furniture: ok, new plan. We're going to storm the village, kidnap the brother and hold him as ransom until Malik declares his true and undying love for Altair.
  • Furniture 2: *takes all the knives* I'm ready.)
  • Altair: I...am not responsible for this.
  • Malik: I cannot believe I'm being forced into a shotgun wedding by a candelabra and a clock. OH ALTAIR THE LOVE THAT I FEEL FOR YOU IN MY HEART KNOWS NO MORTAL BOUNDS.
  • Altair: You could at least try to sound sincere.
  • Malik: whatever. get down here so I can kiss you.
  • Altair: at least I won't die without this final indignity.
  • Malik: ...*smooches Altair*
  • Altair: ...what's happening? *explodes into light, dramatically, entire castle is suddenly sparkling and pretty again, everything is awesome*
  • Malik: ...
  • Kadar: dude! kiss me!
  • Malik: what? No.
  • Kadar: you kissed him and he turned into a handsome prince with a house full of servants and an entire kingdom to obey him. Kiss me, I just want a horse and a girlfriend.
  • Malik: you are ridiculous and stupid.
  • Altair: ha! you liar. You said you didn't love me.
  • Malik: that is not what I said. I said the love that I feel for you in my heart knows no mortal bounds.
  • Altair: Yes but you were just being an asshole.
  • Malik: was I?
  • Altair: I thought?
  • Malik: maybe you shouldn't do that anymore. Now that you're man-sized and non-lethal how about we go to your room and I'll explain the whole sex thing to you.
  • Kadar: could someone untie me tho?
  • Kadar: no?
  • Kadar: that's fine.
  • Kadar: you'll come back eventually.
  • Kadar: ...won't you?
  • Kadar: MALIK!
Inserted (Chato Santana)

words: 1,784

request: Imagine Chato developing a crush on you. Just imagine all the glances, stares, and smiles at you. And when you sit next to him at the bar.

+

Could you please do an Imagine of El Diablo when he meets you for the first time in the yard, with all the bad guys? Please and thank you

requested by: anon

tagging: @aya-fay

Keep reading

>Post message asking if peeps would like to see the NSFW goods, trying not to abandon Kylux because I’ve lost interest lately due to the constant hate

>Activate my askbox after weeks of it being closed to let a friend tell me what they think about it

>Suddenly, word vomit

I don’t care what you think about my stupid self, I also don’t know wtf you’re on about, I got angry twice at artists copying other artists yeah, what’s about it? Unfollow me on twitter if it annoys you oh my god I won’t tailor my twitter posts to make you happy. Also what is the “everything” I complain about? I bitch about copying styles and that’s about it???

But I’m pretty sure I know who you are, and I’m really disappointed in you because you made it look like you were a nice person when you’re visibly not. Don’t tell me you haven’t spoken to me before, I recognize speech patterns easily.

But as for “poorly painting over pictures” (not trying to offend me lmao, dude), I’ll direct your to these gifs of my attempts at photorealism:

I rarely outright copy photos, I use them as reference. These are usually for practice and when I need to obsessively study something.

Most paintings I make, you won’t find pictures of them because I actually…Create them? While using refs for the face and anatomy and such? Like 100% of realism artists do.

So, yeah, fuck you. Unfollow me, don’t try to talk to me again.

compliments for the signs
  • Aries: everyone is always pissing on yall for being angry. so what? you show emotion! you aren't afraid to stick up for what you believe in! PS i am waiting impatiently to be present for when some dumbass tells an Aries "dude, chilllllll" literally ill back you up leggo
  • Taurus: ok so everyone says you don't stop eating and you're lazy af. that's literally the entirety of Tumblr. my sister is a Taurus and yeah she eats loads and wont move to pick up a remote... and???? she's the best person i know, super fit, totally hilarious, and so are all of you. side note: why are you all so pretty??
  • Gemini: the "two-faced bitch" is getting annoying. i know loads of gems and none of them have wronged me or anyone i know. you guys have one of the best senses of dry humor, and you're always there to listen to my problems. you always get things done like one day you'll be commenting on some guys ass then bam you're dating him??? like that was easy
  • Cancer: i don't care if you're crying over spilt milk. gfy!!! you're sad! thank you for telling me!!! thank you for not being that person that says "i'm fine" and we all know is :( because that really sucks man i love being there for people thank you for opening up to me really
  • Leo: so you act really confident and self-aware and you hide your insecurities. NEWS FLASH: you shouldn't have any because you're fuggin 100% all the times i can't even begin. You're never afraid to try out new styles and you compliment those who look uncomfortable in their own skin and i love that. one last thing, i love it when you're so open about who you want to be and what you want to do and you don't care about other peoples opinions on that.
  • Virgo: there's so much more to you than your brains. you, gemini, scorpio, and taurus should just get together and let all the other signs watch ya'll talk because 8/8 m8 your humor is on point. also you're so understanding of your friends like you're so accepting. i could tell you i was going to have plastic surgery on my arm to add scales so i could be like a dragon and you'd tell me what color would look good on me.
  • Libra: this whole "superficial" biz is getting boring. ya'll are always so sweet to me. your the sign that, if they saw a kid crying, would go up to that stranger and ask whats wrong. then they'd go over to the kid that made em cry, see their point of view, and then properly unleash your wrath on the one in the wrong. like you're so fair and honest and unbiased and that's so cool because i'm sick of people not seeing others points of view.
  • Scorpio: sex-addict and psychopath is so old. hell yeah you're good at sex! hell yeah you get pissed! who doesn't? there's so much more to you than that. people forget you're in the water element for a reason. you're so insecure and sad and waiting for people to see you for who you are. you're so kind to your friends, you'd kill for them. (kidding). you're protective and passionate and feel everything so strong and great at reading people. you let others open up. thank you for that.
  • Sagittarius: i would give anything to go on a trip with you. they say you're detached af but everyone has their shit. so you have trouble opening up to people. so you have trouble talking to people about some things and sure you don't always show emotion. self-preservation ring a bell? you're doing your best being you. but please don't be afraid to open up. we all love you so much and you're so great and just such a wonderful person. don't stop that.
  • Capricorn: you work so hard. you're literally always pushing yourself and never asking for help but you're dying on the inside. you're wearing yourself thin and it has got to be exhausting. you make me day everyday with your laughs and humor and perkiness. you're legit so cute and you find the stupidest things funny. aLS0 your pet peeves are so cute. the weirdest things annoy you?? one example being that i used the word 'stupidest' in this.
  • Aquarius: you are s0 FUNNY omfg yeah you have that weird sense of humor and your aliens and memes 100% but that's so cool of you. you're so passionate about the world and your beliefs and no one gives you credit for that. plus you're such a leader. people would follow you blindly with your confidence. you typically see the good in the world and you're so free-spirited. legit 8/8 ily
  • Pisces: you're always stressed and constantly sad. don't. you have so much to live for. your laugh is so cute and you're so creative even though you don't admit it. you act tough at times but there's no need to. you could open up to anyone and they'd all be happy that you came to talk to them. you tell the best stories and your jokes are that stupid kinda funny. your awkwardness is adorable and i love you for that
Psych Sentence Starters
  • "We may have a children of the corn situation happening here."
  • "You realize I carry a gun right?"
  • "I've heard it both ways."
  • "Don't be a rabid porcupine."
  • "I don't love you."
  • "Maybe when we get two gourds we can work that out."
  • "I'm never doing anything with you blindly again. I learned that at the mexican border, twice."
  • "You know how I zone out when other people talk."
  • "I got the tiny girl with the limp!"
  • "You don't have to prove you're a great criminal."
  • "Don't eat the chicken."
  • "The best way to convince someone you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!"
  • "I know, you know, that I'm not telling the truth."
  • "I left my cell phone in your car, along with a tuna sandwich. I really hope you found that."
  • "I was not hitting on your wife."
  • "Yours? That's funny I didn't see your name on it anywhere."
  • "I honestly have no response to that."
  • "Good help is hard to find I suppose."
  • "I can't be the fall guy in front of my hero!"
  • "I'm sorry sir, I didn't see you standing there. You know, being so stealth-like."
  • "Hear about Pluto? That's messed up, right?"
  • "There are over 400 stars in our galaxy! Maybe more, no one knows for sure."
  • "I'll be nice to you, just do me a favor, stop stealing the gum out of my locker."
  • "People are gonna miss me so much."
  • "You are gonna die, soon. Definitely before me if statistics prove correct! Which is so wrong, cause I'm practically asking for it!"
  • "Sorry I tried to kill you with a sword."
  • "You kiss him/her, you die."
  • "One minute you're witty, and sarcastic, and smart, and the next second your like a six year old looking for a popsicle."
  • "Dude, we already hung out with enough crazy white people with year."
  • "Just because you put syrup on somethin' don't make it pancakes."
  • "I feel like I've been incarcerated in a blueberry."
  • "You're supposed to not get arrested for murder!"
  • "Stay calm, I'm pretty sure ninety percent of gunshot wounds are psychological."
  • "What is the point of his face?!"
  • "I would like to use my out now!"
  • "I'm sorry this as far as I can take you."
  • "Why are you helping me, really?"
  • "Seriously, get out of the car."
  • "Hello, assface."
  • "I'll be damned, this is the second mexican standoff I've been in today."
  • "I'll quit when you're behind bars or dead. I don't really have a preference at this point."
  • "I'm just happy that you're safe."
  • "I'm just trying to help you, father."
  • "People need to know!"
  • "Doesn't anyone check for a pulse anymore?"
  • "I'm a sympathetic crier!"
  • "Why do you hurt me?"
  • "Only psychos answer ads on craigslist, you might as well have posted it on murder me this instant dot com!"
  • "How is it that I'm now being punished for being honest?!"
  • "If you killed him just tell me."
  • "Here's something stupid, I think I'm dying."
  • "How does that saying go again? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, won't get fooled again. Fool me a third time, and- the second time didn't really count because- damn didn't he look dead?"
  • "What would you do if that were Jesus' yogurt?"
  • "You want to walk my dog?"
  • "Security had to taze me."
  • "There is nothing funny about a three hole punch!"
Hetalia: Paint It White
  • America: Dudes, this is an emergency! As the paper in front of you with those crazy drawings that are supposedly words says, a majority of humanity has been turned into a noppera ghosty blobs by the freaky beam of light that shoots out of other noppera-bo-ba or baaa I don't really know how to say it. Tony, my righteous alien friend told me they're pictonians from the planet Picto. For reals dudes, Picto's way in like, way far outer space.
  • England: YOUR BRAIN'S IN WAY FAR OUTER SPACE!
  • America: Dude, they're born looking like noppera and they want everybody else looking just like what they're doing, HELLO! Listen up! we can't just let these noppera dudes make earth all freaking boringly white, right? This is wack! We gotta stop these dudes ! Who's with me?... Also, what's a noppera?
  • Japan: Oh yes, I know what they are. It is a Japanese monster without a nose, eyes, or a mouth. It's proper name is nopperabo, okay?
  • England: Wait a tick, are you trying to say this is all your fault Japan?
  • Japan: No! I was simply explaining what noppera means! No more, no less.
  • China: Why do I have to be turned into noppera because of stupid Japan and scary story...
  • Japan: It's not my fault!
  • America: Focus countries ! Japan may have screwed things up, but we still have time to fix it ! Now, your ideas will all suck so listen to me. We'll combine all our military strength! I'll be in command so you can all wear the colors of my flag! All heroes wear red, white, and blue!
  • Italy: I think we should gather under the white flag!
  • England: Why in God's name would we put you in charge?
  • America: Duh, I be the hero, everybody knows that!
  • England: I beg to differ...
  • France: Everybody knows I've got the biggest--
  • England: No one asked you, cheesy monkey!
  • France: Shut up, black sheep of Europe!
  • England: I told you not to call me that!
  • China: Ugh. They never stop talking...
  • Italy: White flags! Come on, I made a whole lot of them! See! We can each wave our very own!
  • America: Japan, you think I'm right, right?
  • Japan: Uh, well, this is why I sense the mood and refrain from speaking.
  • America: Russia! What are you gonna do, dude?
  • Russia: I'm going to do fighting!
  • America: Rock out my dog, I've got the perfect job for you to have then! Back-up sidekick!
  • Russia: What?!
  • America: Yeah, every super-hero needs a sidekick, I should know that, I'm the hero! They even make big-budget Hollywood crazy good movies about it!
  • England: We also have top-notch productions in the UK!
  • France: Um, time-traveling phone booths can only go so far.
  • England: Shut it, Pépé le Pew, just because you invented movie-making doesn't mean you're any good at it! All your films are good for are putting me to sleep!
  • China: Just have you know, my movies have been very popular lately.
  • America: Dude, you can't compete with Michael Bay sequels.
  • China: That attitude is why I restrict your films!
  • Japan: Mine are more quietly artistic with cultural story-telling.
  • Italy: My movies are the most fun ones if you want to ask me!
  • Germany: Grr... rgghh... rggghhhh... THAT IS ENOOOOOUUUUUUGH! WHILE YOU SIT HERE AND ARGUE ABOUT NOTHING, MORE OF MANKIND ARE TURNING INTO THOSE NOPPERA OR PICTONIANS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED!! NOW LISTEN. IF WE HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO THOSE THINGS, WE'LL LOSE OUR FACES SO WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE ANY OF US FROM THE OTHER. THINK ABOUT IT YOU DUMMKOPFSSSSSS!
  • America: Ha ha ha. No need to argue, 'cause I'm right!
  • Russia: I know my ideas are best because otherwise I kill them.
  • China: I'm only allowed to hear my thoughts and those are the ones I like.
  • Germany: Alright then. I'm done here. I don't know why I even thought that we could have a simple discussion. That's not how we work, is it? What a waste. This entire meeting has been pointless. I will do what I have to do and you do what you have to.
  • (Germany leaves the room; soon followed by everyone else)
  • Russia: That's exactly what I was going to say.
  • China: There's too much fighting together to figure out if we should even fight together anyway.
  • France: I am far too gorgeous to have been in a stuffy room for so long.
  • England: I am far too gorgeous to- Shut up France!
  • America: Ha ha ha ha! I was just trying to help! I don't need you guys, I'm the hero!
  • Japan: Ah. My belly. It hurts.
  • Italy: Uhuh! Hey, wait up you guys! Come on, don't leave me here by myself!
  • [Camera shoots to Canada, who is sitting alone.]
  • Canada: I'm still here. And I hate to complain, but no one even bothered to ask my opinion.
  • Kumajiro: Who are you?
  • Canada: I'm Canada.

so dex gets a boyfriend.

and it’s fine, okay, it’s great, nursey is super happy for him, really. guy’s getting some, you know? and this dude seems okay. everyone else thinks the sun shines out of his ass which is ridiculous but- it’s fine. nursey is super happy for them. really.

except bitty keeps looking at him sympathetically every time dex and his boyfriend wander into the haus holding hands, and lardo keeps giving him commiserative slaps on the back, and ransom and holster keep spouting metaphorical bullshit about the course of true love that bitty says they got from a guy called johnson.

in the end chowder is the only one he can stand to be around for extended periods of time, which seems to please the goalie to no end. he chats away happily about his girlfriend and the sharks and jack zimmermann, completely oblivious to nursey’s sour mood. his general cheer actually goes some way to make nursey relax as he listens to chowder go on about farmer’s hair, and her eyes, and that warm feeling he gets every time she walks into a room-

oh. well. okay then.

Keep reading

Song lyric inspired Sentence Starters (Ke$ha edition)
  • "I always knew you were a bad boy."
  • "You used to be what I would live for."
  • "Watch your back."
  • "I wish I'd known from the start."
  • "I'll string you up to have some fun."
  • "There's not enough room for you and for me."
  • "You better run 'cause there's gonna be some hell to pay."
  • "I was dancing with the dark."
  • "You better get yourself a gun."
  • "Listen to yourself, you're a hot mess."
  • "What's it gonna take to confess?"
  • "We both know."
  • "Now your little party is gonna end."
  • "Here we go."
  • "And now some shit's about to go down."
  • "You really should've kept it in your pants."
  • "I never thought that you would be the one."
  • "Maybe you shouldn't kiss and tell."
  • "I'm hearing dirty stories from your friends."
  • "You're looking like a tool not a baller."
  • "I can find someone way hotter."
  • "You weren't smart enough to keep your stupid mouth shut."
  • "I'm so sick of it.."
  • "I've had enough!"
  • "I hope you know you gotta go."
  • "You said you want a ride, you're gonna get it."
  • "I need a quick fix."
  • "Only thing on is the radio."
  • "Give it up and let's go."
  • "We got chemistry, damn it, it hurts."
  • "Look what you do to me."
  • "We're steaming up the windows."
  • "No better place for you and me to be alone."
  • "I feel you on my skin."
  • "You got my heart racing."
  • "Pull over quick!"
  • "C'mon let's cause a scene."
  • "We gonna do it now."
  • "C'mon let's do it."
  • "There's a party at a rich dude's house if ya wanna go."
  • "No, we are not on the list."
  • "No, we don't give a shit."
  • "C'mon get naked."
  • "Party till the break of dawn."
  • "I threw up in the closet."
  • "But I don't care."
  • "We're young and we're broke."
  • "I think I'm still drunk."
  • "The sun is coming up."
  • "I got drunk and totally lost it."
  • "Here we go."
  • "Welcome to my funeral."
  • "Without you I don't even have a pulse."
  • "All alone."
  • "It's dark and cold."
  • "With every move I die."
  • "Nobody can save my soul."
  • "I am so delusional."
  • "I have destroyed our love, it's gone."
  • "Payback is sick."
  • "It's all my fault."
  • "Just fighting to get through the night."
  • "I'm fading."
  • "I'm broken inside."
  • "I've wasted the love of my life."
  • "I'm losing it."
  • "When did I become such a hypocrite?"
  • "Lies that you caught me in."
  • "Trust me, I'm paying for it."
  • "I'm just a zombie."
  • "Who I am, is not who I want to be."
  • "I'm such a tragedy."
  • "I'm dancing with tears in my eyes."
  • "This is it."
  • "You're really gone this time."
  • "Never thought I'd be in pieces left behind."
  • "You don't wanna mess with us."
  • "Tonight, we're going hard."
  • "We'll be forever young."
  • "I'm so sick of being serious."
  • "I'm making my brain delirious."
  • "I ain't coming back."
  • "Trying to get a little bit tipsy~"
  • "Ain't got a care in the world."
  • "And now the dudes are lining up."
  • "I'm already here."
  • "You build me up."
  • "You break me down."
  • "You got me with my hands up."
  • "You got me now."
  • "There's a place downtown where the freaks all come around."
  • "It's a dirty free-for-all."
  • "When the dark of night comes around."
  • "That's the time."
  • "I'll regret it in the morning."
  • "There's a place I know if you're looking for a show."
  • "Now we're getting so smashed."
  • "It's a filthy hot mess."
  • "Gonna get faded."
  • "I'm not the designated driver."
  • "We don't need a key."
  • "We get in for free."
  • "Now you're one of us."
  • "You're coming with me."
  • "It's time to kill the lights."
  • "Tonight we're taking over."
  • "No one's getting out."
  • "This place about to blow."
  • "Now what?"
  • "We get what we want."
  • "We do what you don't."
  • "We're pretty and sick."
  • "We're young and we're bored."
  • "It's time to lose your mind and let the crazy out."
  • "I couldn't find someone last night."
  • "I went alone."
  • "I was too young to get in."
  • "I stood by the back door."
  • "I saw him."
  • "Is that really you?"
  • "He's like a god."
  • "Wasted too much precious time."
  • "I wasn't good enough for them."
  • "I almost died."
  • "I still can't believe that."
  • "Did you make out with a rockstar?"
  • "Now look here what we all found out."
  • "You have got a set of loose lips."
  • "You're jealous."
  • "I know exactly what you're all about."
  • "You're such a backstabber."
  • "You're such a shit talker."
  • "I'm sick and tired."
  • "Maybe you should shut your fucking mouth."
  • "I think it's kinda funny."
  • "Got me feeling kinda special."
  • "You're looking like a lunatic."
The Heist

Just a silly little CP fic I wrote about Bitty uncovering the details of a maple syrup heist while searching for the key got the Haus basement at the start of his third year. Thanks to @nonuniqueindie for the idea!

Disclaimer: there actually was another big syrup theft this week while I was writing this. Any similarities to real recent events is purely coincidental.

READ IT ON AO3 HERE.


Bitty was suspicious.

The basement key had gone missing sometime during summer break, and nobody seemed to recall who had it last. Jack thought Shitty had it. Shitty swore he gave it to Lardo so she could put some of her extra stuff down there after moving into the Haus. Lardo said that she had been too busy on graduation day with the Knights, and had only gotten as far as moving her stuff into her new bedroom. Chowder had an early flight, so he too only had time to move boxes into Jack’s old bedroom, and swore that he had never even seen the basement key.

The Haus was a little more cramped than it should be, and the small storage closets were now crammed with excess belonging. Still, the key was nowhere to be found. The weeks wore on.

“This is getting ridiculous,” Bitty huffed as he made pancakes for breakfast one morning. “Something fell over in the storage closet in the middle of the night and I nearly had a heart attack. It’s stuffed to the gills – we need to find that basement key.”

Ransom and Holster exchanged looks. Holster shrugged. “Don’t know what to tell ya, Bitty. We’ve searched everywhere.”

“Well then maybe it’s time we call a locksmith.”

“Oh, well, if only it were that easy,” Ransom said with an exaggerated sigh. “But these old Haus locks – they require special equipment.”

Bitty flipped the pancake into the air and caught it perfectly back in his pan. “This one’s ready. First pancake goes to whoever gives me a solution to our basement problem.”

“I’ll call a locksmith!” Ransom shouted. Bitty gave him a quizzical look at his outburst. “I know one place that might be able to do it. Johnson called them when he locked himself out during our frog year. Maybe they’ll still be properly equipped.”

Holster frowned as Bitty awarded Ransom the coveted pancake. “Bro, not cool…”

“Can’t talk. Pancakes.” Ransom got up to grab the maple syrup from the fridge, and when he returned there was a visible bite missing from his pancake. “Bro, what the hell?!”

The two seniors started to bicker, which turned into wrestling. Bitty hurried to flop the next pancake directly onto Holster’s plate. “Ah-ah-ah! Rans gets to take a bit first. It’s only fair.”

Ransom took the largest bite he could and grinned triumphantly with his mouthful. He opened his mouth wide and poured some syrup directly inside. Bitty cringed. Lardo cackled.

“Gross, brah. Epic.”

“I’m revoking first pancake privileges from you for a month. I don’t care if you win every weekly challenge.”

Lardo got the next pancake and Chowder let out an impatient whimper. “Sorry, Chowder. Next one is coming right up, I promise,” Bitty assured him.

“Can’t be helped,” Lardo said with a shrug. “A girl’s gotta eat. Nobody likes a starving artist.”

Bitty quickly finished up the batch of pancakes now that the pan was thoroughly heated, making sure the Chowder got his starter pancake before he withered away. “Can one of y'all explain why we have three other bottles of syrup in the fridge?”

(More under the cut)

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the climbing class vampire au part 2: the sequel that was actually asked for. part 1 is over here. pretty nsfw, possessive!josh and fluff under the cut. you have mynxalicious to thank for this. sin sunday is a thing now.

saviari

When the bite marks get noticed, Chris nearly has a heart attack.

Ashley is the first one to do so, staring curiously at the two little puncture holes on his neck that haven’t healed up yet. She can’t quite make out what they are and before she can ask Chris is already covering them with a hand, laughing nervously about “mosquito bites”. 

The next one to see them is Sam, but Josh trusts her and so she already knows. She’s worried, but Chris brushes her off–if she could see how much healthier Josh is getting, how he’s now able to endure the sunlight for a little over an hour, she wouldn’t complain as much as she does.

Chris is certainly convinced that the risks outweigh the benefits–but he’s not being entirely honest, not to himself and not to others. 

As great as it is that his blood is slowly starting to enable Josh to return to a more regular life, the fact of the matter is that every time those fangs sink into his skin it feels like pure sex, and Chris is addicted.

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