duddes

To get home from the mall we could either go a long way around, which is the safe way, or we could cut through this abandoned construction site and hope there weren’t any ax murderers hanging around there. My mom and dad have sworn to ground me until I’m twenty if they ever find out I’ve cut through the construction site. So anyway, we crossed the road and headed into the abandoned construction site.
—  this is the single funniest quote from animorphs

pastaprincess  asked:

Where do you two want to go on vacation!? I am dying to check out Europe someday and would love to go back to Japan.

Tweek: I’ve wWanted t-to go with Craig to Ethiopia to tRY theIR coFfeE.

Craig: anywhere besides peru. maybe croatia or something like that

Tweek: dDoesnt jJapan … like… thThey have like perVert old dudDes that gGrab yoUr ass a-ANd take piCTures of underpPAnts on suBways?? GAH!

Craig: dont worry. their phone wont work when i shove it down their throat if they try

Ideen zur Rettung Deutschlands beim ESC

Fakt ist: wir sind scheiße.
Fakt ist auch: wir sind Teil der “Big Five” und zahlen demnach hhhham meisten und sind deswegen auch immer gleich im Finale (da, wie aus Fakt 1 zu schließen ist, Deutschland es sonst wohl kaum regelmäßig ins Finale schaffen würde). 

Fazit daraus: wir können den größten und peinlichsten Schrott zum ESC schicken. Und damit meine ich nicht einen Weeaboo mit ‘ner halbwegs seriösen Ballade. Ich meine mit “Schrott”: A Big Goddamn Gay Ass Fucking Glitter Eurotrash Kitschy Self-Deprecating Mess. Weswegen, fragen sich wohl nun einige. Die Antwort dazu ist: weil wir’s können, verdammt nochmal! 

Hier sind also einige Ideen, die vielleicht etwas bewirken können, außer unser Versagen hängt sehr daran, wie sehr uns die andren Länder (noch immer und mal wieder) hassen: 

- keine olle lame Ein-Mann/Frau/*-Show, bei der nur rumgestanden wird
- keine olle Ballade
- auf ‘ner andren Sprache als Englisch singen
- Deutsch wäre vielleicht mal wieder was, denn seit 2002 (mit Ausnahme von 2007) wurden nur noch englischsprachige ESC-Beiträge unsererseits geleistet, d.h. seit 14 Jahren
- wir machen einen auf Frankreich, come on! Vive la terrible langue allemande!
- glitzernde seltsam tanzende Hintergrundtänzer sind ein MUSS
- wir hätten Gregorian schicken sollen, ist mir grade wieder eingefallen
- DAS wäre was gewesen, aber ich hab’s ja beim Vorentscheid gesagt! Hab ich’s nicht gesagt?!
- stellt euch vor: zuerst ganz seriöses Männerchorgesinge und DANN BÄM reißen die sich die Kutten vom Leib und machen einen auf Magic Mike
- damn, Germany, das wäre was gewesen @ESCDEUTSCHLAND get on it
- wir könnten auch was so Deutsches schicken, dass alle andren Länder geflasht sind: 
- der Hintergrund: Autobahn. Die Sänger verkleidet als Bayern. Jemand wirft Salzbrezeln ins Publikum. Das Lied: ein Mashup von Gedichten deutscher Dichter. Der Beat: Techno. HP Baxxter macht ‘nen Gastauftritt. Hintergrundtänzer sind als Angela Merkel verkleidet. 
- oder irgendwas à la “Wadde Hadde Dudde Da”
- wir machen’s wie Ö-Reich und schicken ‘nen französischen Beitrag? 
- aber der Text muss so sein wie: erinnere dich, Frankreich, als wir zusammen der Motor Europas waren. Erinnere dich, Frankreich, als du uns null Punkte gabst (wie immer!). Auf die deutsch-französische Freundschaft!
- man, wir hätten Gregorian schicken sollen… 
- oder ‘nen politischen Song, sowas zieht auch immer wieder
- wobei Deutschland beim Politischen meist vergangenheitsmäßig in ‘ner schlechten Position ist, I guess
- mal wieder jemanden mit Charakter und Attitude schicken, denn alle haben Lena gehyped und geliebt, denn sie WAR jemand, wenn auch zu der Zeit ein bisschen bratty, aber sie hatte definitiv mehr Persönlichkeit als Jamie-Lee (no offence)
- WIR können es uns leisten jemanden zu schicken, der nackt mit CGI-Wölfen tanzt, denn wir sind immer dabei
- Rammstein (die fake Edition, denn ich schätze mal, dass Rammstein sicher nicht mitmachen will)
- erinnert sich jemand noch an Guildo Horn? SOWAS!!!! SOWAS!!!!!
- man, das war ein gay ass Auftritt und ein gay ass song, I love it
- ich weiß, dass Deutschland das langweiligste unselbstironischste Land ist, aber COME ON, es ist der ESC
- wir müssen aufhören den Gewinner von DSDS/The Voice etc zu schicken, das ist ein Kack, ist das, imo
- Deutschland muss den Entry supporten, so wie damals alle Lena supportet haben, denn ohne heimischen Support läuft’s einfach nicht!

Nach langem Gelaber ohne Punkt:
Schlussstrich:

DEUTSCHLAND, SCHICK DEN BEKLOPPTESTEN SCHEISS HIN, NIX SERIÖSES, KEINE BALLADE. BE FREE, BE GAY, BE FLAMBOYANT. WIR HABEN NICHTS, ABSOLUT NICHTS ZU VERLIEREN.
Und wie man sieht… haben es diese “seriösen” Beiträge nicht geschafft. Also doch, sie haben geschafft den letzten Platz zu erreichen… aber sonst? Wie man sieht, sieht man nichts. Absteigen geht nicht mehr. Es muss besser werden, das ist ja echt nur noch peinlich. 

xoxo, der Admin, der den ESC wieder groß machen will. 

PS: Scheiß auf Australien :)

simplysomnusson  asked:

uuuuuummmm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i came here to tell you that i really love your art style bye

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THABK YOU IL OBE YOU OMFG THNAKYOU TAB GOD BLESS YOU DUDDE THAK YOU SO UMUCH I LOVERGSEAWDBDBYY890QOEIFJGUOFEDWIJKFHUD

Roses

Hola there friends. So this is a Kellic fic I wrote at like 3 am a few nights ago. And it’s obviously a joke, but read if you want. 

Kellin sat on his bed, crying because Valentines day was tomorrow and he didn’t have a date yet. He stared intensely at a picture of him and his best friend, Vic. Except he didn’t want to be just friends with his Taco. He desperately wished that Vic would ask him out for Valentines.

Vic sat in his car that was parked outside of the local flower shop. He wanted to go in and get flowers for his best friend, and crush, Kellin. But Vic was worried that Kellin didn’t like him in the same way. Right then his phone rang. It was Kellin’s roommate, Justin.
“Yo there home dizzle,” Vic answered. “What’s da stitch?”
“Hey hey Manfred Mann. So um, Kellin was like ‘yo bro, don’t tell Vic but ya know, I kinda gots a thang for the Mexican chicken wang (aka Vic)’. And I was like sure dawg I won’t tell Vic, but like now he’s crying over you, and you know, he won’t fucking stop. And like I know you like him cuz your lil brosif totally told me and like…I think you should totally ask him ouuuut dudde.”
Then he hung up and got out of his car.
So there was Vic standing in the line to pay for the 12 roses he decided to give Kellin when he asked him out when he saw a sign above his head that read, “Why be you when you can be cheesy you”. And Vic saw this as a sign. He put one of the roses back and picked out a fake rose that looked nothing like the rest.
He payed for the flowers and left the shop. It was 7:00 pm and he hadn’t eaten dinner so he decided to get some food at the convenience store before he went to Kellin’s.

Kellin heard the door bell ring and he yelled at Justin to answer it. A large bang was made as he fell back, face first onto his bed. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. He felt a pressure on his ankles. Looking up he saw Justin grabbing his legs and pulling him off his bed.
“WHAT THE FUCK, MATE! WHAT YOU BE DOIN?!?”
“Get up you crusty turd and go see who’s at the doorzzle.”
Kellin screamed in his girly high pitched voice.
Then.
He heard a voice come from outside of his room.
A very familiar voice.
The very same voice that belonged to his Taco bean!
“Vic!” he cried out.
“Kellin!”
It was at this moment that Justin left the room.
Kellin tried to hug Vic but he was stopped. And he was very hurt.
'Why don’t he wanna be huggin me? I’m perfect and adorable.’ Kellin thought to himself.
“Kellin,” Vic started, “I um…I wanted to know if um…youzzle wanna go out like on a date or sumthin. I don’t know like if you totally don’t want to I mean that’s cool. Like no homo bro. It’s good. I’ll just leave.”
“No, Vic. Stay. I would lv to go on a datle w/u.”
“Wait. Really?” Vic was very confused even though Justin told him Kellin really liked him.
“What the hell do you think, fucko? Of courszle.”
They embrace each other and kiss for the first time. While they are doing this, Kellin realizes that Vic is holding something in his left hand. They separate.
“What you be holdin there, Viccy?” He asks.
“Oh, ya. I almost forgot,” Vic almost forgot the flowers. “I gotchu some fluers. I’ll luv u til de last 1 goes ded, Kelly.”
“Oh my goshh, Vic! That’s so kawaii ^__^! But wait. Fluers dun’t last very long. R u sayin you only luv me fur like 2 weiks???!”
“Nonononoonnoonononoonononnoonononononononoononononononnoononononoonnoononoononononononononoonononononoononononononoonononononoononoononononoonoonononoonononoononononoononononoonononononononononononoononononoononononononononononoonononononononononoonononoononononooonononoononononononoononononononoonononononoonnoonononnoo, Kelly. You see one of de fluers is a fak so it wun’t evr ded!<3”
“AHHHHH that’s tooo swet, Vic. I lov you sososoooo much!!”
“Also, I brought snacks,” and Vic holds ups bag of Doritos and turns his head to the side and smiles, as if he’s looking at a camera.

2 years later
Kellin and Vic were living a very normal and loving life. But to Kellin, Vic seemed to be slipping away. Yet he knew that as long as the rose didn’t die, neither would Vic’s love for him. They kept the rose in a vase near the fireplace as a symbol of their love.
It was cold one night so Kellin decided to turn on the fire as they cuddled together. They started to fall asleep in each other’s arms.
However, Vic left a stack of papers right beside it. And they were awfully close to the flames.
Vic woke up a few hours later to the sound of the fire alarm going off. He looked up to see massive flames growing all around him and Kellin.
“Kellllllllllllbellllllllllll!! Wak up ders a fuirr!!!!!” He tried to grab his boyfriend, but Kellin just smacked him in the face.
“Just lik 5 MOR MINITS,” he demanded.
“Ahh fuk dis,” Vic started gathering the things he wanted to save and pulled out some rope.
Kellin started to wake up and realized what was happening, “AHH sshit BRO Y DINT U DO NOTHIN??!!”
He tried to get up but he couldn’t. He looked down and saw that he was tied to the couch and couldn’t get up. Vic started leaving out the front door trying to make a quick getaway.
“Whateru doin??” Kellin cried out, “y r u levin me here. I thought u luved me, Taco?”
Vic gestured up to the rose in the vase, or what was left of it. It took Kellin a moment but finally understood. The rose was dying, and so was Vic’s love for him. It was melting in the fire, unfortunately, this was very similar to what was happening with Kellin at the same moment.
Kellin screamed out in anguish as the flames engulfed his writhing body.
Vic had ran halfway down the street before he went back for one last thing. He came back just in time to see the destruction of Kellin’s body. But before he left he grabbed the Gucci purse that belonged to his now deceased boyfriend and opened it up to find bags of cheese supreme Doritos.