A Mother’s Prayer for Her Child By Tina Fey

Though I am not religious I still wish some of these things for my daughter:

A Mother’s Prayer for Her Child By Tina Fey

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

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Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.


-Tina Fey

“Daddy! This!” The little girl whined as she knocked a box of cereal off the shelf, causing August to groan. “We already have that, munchkin.” He replied, grabbing the box and and putting it back on the shelf. Rae pouted, getting up from the front of the buggy and choosing to instead crawl on him, hanging from his arm. “When I said I wanted a monkey, this is not what I had in mind.”

to all my future daughters

I swear to all my future daughters
I will not abandon you, I will always tell the truth ,Even if it’s killing me.        

I’ll make sure you’re well prepared,  know the only thing to fear is fear.    

with all the love in all the world.

for this I go to war.

anonymous asked:

awww, i love Wanda in your style, can you draw more of her?


and thanks a ton!!! ;v;

Okay but like, when people find out they’re pregnant… they all do the thing where they choose a handful of boy names, some girl names, some even add unisex names…

If baby is designated one gender at birth, and you name them for that gender… but later on they let you know they’re actually the other gender… 

Why not just sit down for a minute and try to recall the list of alternate gendered names you were going to call them anyway… and discuss it with them, rather than reacting like it’s a foreign concept?

Like… you were prepared for them to be the other gender anyway, why not just realise you get the full spectrum of parenthood here?

My Father: A Lesson for Life

A year ago, yesterday, my father passed away. He had only been ill for a few days, so we were all a bit shocked. Seven months later my mother also passed away, but I’ll save her story for another time. Today, I want to celebrate my father’s life.

If you’d ask my father, he tell you that he was nothing special; just an ordinary man. But that wouldn’t be true, or maybe it should have been true. To Mom, my brothers and me, he was wonderful. I often wondered how he got placed in our family.  With a father that was a compulsive gambler and an obsessive liar, an older sister who was domineering and a younger sister who was manipulative, my father could have grown into a bitter and cruel person.  Instead, much like his own mother, he was kind, caring and devoted to his family.  His childhood was hard, though he would deny that and be surprised if you suggested it.

College wasn’t an option for him and, so my father became a mechanic.  He worked on large trucks for our local electric company most of my life, though prior to that he co-owned a custom car shop, drove a school bus and worked at a marina, often working more than one job at a time.  While I was a child he worked the evening shift 5 days a week and the day shift every Sat.  I was 12 yrs old before I realized that fathers don’t usually work 6 days a week.  We couldn’t afford everything we wanted, but we had everything we needed, my dad made sure of that.

Best of all, my dad loved my mother…really loved her.  And, despite my own love for her, I know that could sometimes be hard.  Though for him, it was never difficult or, to us kids at least, it didn’t appear to be.  That’s what made it the best gift to us.  Their love wasn’t the mushy kind, being shown more through actions then words.  My father always put my mother first, even over us, which is the way it should be.  He never forgot a birthday or anniversary.  He never even looked at other women.  He often sacrificed his own wants and needs for her and, together, they taught me what a marriage should be.  I looked for a man like him and never did find one, instead I found someone like my mother, but that’s another story.

My father didn’t consider himself to be smart, but to me he was the wisest of men.  He taught me so much.  When I was confused about life he always seemed to have an answer.  Though a devout Catholic, my father always told me that “God gave us all a brain to reason things out and not follow anything or anyone blindly."  Not your standard Catholic doctrine.  He told me that a person is lucky to count his true friends on one hand, but his family was for life and should be treated preciously…even though you might not always agree with them or even particularly like them.  I learned to be loyal, kind and tolerant from him.  I could go on forever listing examples of his kindness and wisdom, but I’ll leave it at that.

While it’s true that I believe my father was a saint, he wasn’t without faults.  I’ve been told by my aunts that he had a bad temper.  I only saw it 2 or 3 times and each time it was never violent.  I asked him about it once and he told me that he "taught” himself to leave the room when he got angry, because he didn’t want to ever “hurt anyone."  What a good idea. Also, he could be overly exact with things. Our family joke was that no matter the size of the cake, my father could cut it into perfectly equal-sized slices for the number of people present.  He could fold sheets to look like they came straight out of the package.  A trick no one else in our family ever mastered, including my mom.  He saved every piece of paperwork he every got…all neatly organized and labeled.  My brother is considering buying an industrial-sized shredder to deal with it all.  But these faults are what made him human and gave him character.

I believe our world would be better if more people were like my father.  If we could take our faults and turn them around, leave the room when we’re angry and talk things out when we’re calmer, love our spouses more than anyone else, devote ourselves to our family and teach our kids to do the same.  Be open-minded even when devoted to our own believes.  To judge people by their actions and forgive their faults.  To think of others before ourselves.  To think of others before ourselves.  What a novel idea.

I strive to be like him, though I’m woefully short of the mark.  I miss him everyday and feel him with me.  Thank you for letting me celebrate his life with you. 


One of the “Amarna Letters”, in this case a cuneiform tablet from Tushratta, King of the Mitanni, to the pharaoh Amenhotep III-(Akhenaten’s father), circa 1350 BC, and found in El-Amarna-(1 of 13 letters authored by Tushratta). This letter contains a negotiation of marriage between the pharaoh and Tushratta’s duaghter Tadukhipa.

hot cheetos creating
the path that connects my two hearts
one in the west
one in the east
white people say im too spicy
my people say “not spicy enough”
all i have are
these hot
—  ya girl sajida daughter of diaspora 
Baby’s First Steps

Yugyeom: Holds his baby’s hand and gently walks around with him. Is the proudest Appa the world has ever seen. Brags for days after this.

Kunpimook: Looks on happily and encourages his duaghter to do one more step, but laughs his ass of when she falls on her butt, causing her to giggle back at him loudly.

Youngjae: Tries to contain himself, lest he startles his babygirl and makes her fall over, but he actually wants to cheer out loud.

Jinyoung: Waaaaaay proud Appa. Films every moment. Tries to cheer and quietly as he can and end up looking like a spastic loon.

Jackson: Literally sticks his foot up his mouth to muffle his outcries of pride, so that he doesn’t startle the poor girl. Runs off to tell everyone how fucking proud he is of her and calls his mother, in fucking tears.

Jaebum: Sits by and smiles happily at his baby boy. He is very quiet and just relishes the wonderful milestone, taking one picture to show to you later if you aren’t enjoying the moment with him.

Mark: Sits down and calls his son over, hoping he will waddle over to his appa, cheers softly when the little boy succeeds and gently cuddles him.

Naruto 700+4

So I want to post something as so many many feelings after this chapter.

Naruto is the coolest hokage in the world.

BBF Chocho and Sarada, seriously is the best thing out of the manga.

Now lets talk about this.

Just Whyyyyyyyyyy even the creepy guy with the Akatsuki cape knows Sarada is your daughter.

Now my theories (please don´t kill me)

1) Maybe Sasuke is using a Genjutsu for some purpose, still no fair pointing a katana at your duaghter after 12 year absence.

2) Sarada is gonna start crying, Naruto will notice she went missing and arrives at the right time before Sasuke does anything stupid.

3) Maybe that is not the real Sasuke and onion boy is really him.

4) The onion boy or the other creepy guy will appear to take Sarada, will tell him they have come dor his daughter and dissapear leaving Sasuke confused and then Naruto will arrive and slap him.

5) What if sasuke really doesn´t know he has a daughter, what if Sakura was left pregnant after a passionate drunk night and she has being faking with the Uchiha crest in her outfit that she married Sasuke but it is not true. 

6) Sakura is gonna kill Sasuke when she knows how he greet their daughter

Damn you Kishi stop watching soap operas you really enjoy watching the fandom burn like this every Thursday.

ok but what about an au where Octy wakes up one night and all of his men are gathered around some new miniatures that were added and when Octavius breaks up the croud he finds his wife, Livia and his daughter Julia but Julia is a tiny cinnamon roll and Livia is very confused and Oct is standing with tears in his eyes bc he missed his family. and then he embraces both of them and he’s kissing his wife and holding onto his daughter tightly and he’s just so happy that he’s been re-united with his fam.

and also jed has a huge crush n oct and he was finally going to tell him but when he climbs up to octs diorama he sees oct with Livia and his duaghter and they look so happy and Jed just kinda feels this pang in his chest and leaves