dry feet

ok this my list of hoe tips and life tips in general

- can’t get ur pussy smooth?? always prickly?? shave diagonally and horizontally instead of up and down, and always use a new blade

- can’t get ur pussy soft?? shave with hair conditioner and massage it in for like 30 seconds before. after u shave, massage with baby oil, and lotion after a shower

- EXFOLIATE. exfoliating is the key to life. mix used coffee grounds with a moisturizing oil (olive or coconut is best). rub that shit all over your legs before you shave until ur hands start to feel funny

- dry feet?? bih me too. rub a fuck ton of regular lotion (or foot cream if u fancy, even Vaseline works) all over your feet and put double socks (or fuzzy socks) on before bed. yass

- this one is the most basic but pls drink water. it’ll clear ur skin, flush out your kidneys to prevent bladder infections, and ur pussy gonna be wet asf

- salt, fat, caffeine, dairy, etc. r gonna make u taste all funky down there. fruits, veggies, and anything w high water content is gonna make u taste fresh/sweet

- smoking and drinking also gonna make u taste funky. and smoking is especially bad for u, so put out the cig babe

- using soap on ur pussy gonna fuck up ur pH bad. the vagina is a self cleaning device, and all u need is a really soft washcloth (or even a cotton shirt) and some water, let ur body do ur thing

- if ur used to wearing tampons and that’s what u find comfortable, use a menstrual cup! very sanitary and will save u a TON of money in the long run

- want a natural lip plumper?? mix a lil bit of cinnamon and honey, and gently rub it into your lips w a soft toothbrush n leave it on for a min. slather on some chapstick n ur plump n soft

- BUY A VIBRATOR. please do it. it will save ur fucking life

- cotton panties or no panties sis. ur kitty needs to breathe and cotton/no panties will prevent bacterial and fungal infection

- got hair on ur face? got rough skin? GURL SHAVE IT! wash your face as normal and pat dry, gently run a clean razor over any areas (cheeks, chin, neck). tone and moisturize like a motherfucker. smooth!

- pubic hair is healthy and good and keeps ur vag clean! don’t shave it unless YOU want to, don’t leave that decision up to ur nasty man

- allow urself junk in moderation. it’ll make making healthy choices easier if u allow urself a little treat every once in a while

- a simple equation for a good meal: vegetable + grain/carb, protein

- do ur fucking homework and do it on time

- rubbing a little bit of petroleum jelly on ur pressure points before spraying perfume will make it last longer

- hair holds onto scents v easily. wanna smell like a goddess????,,, spritz that hair

- kat von d everlasting liquid lipstick is blowjob proof. get messy n be on point!

- urban decay all nighter setting spray is gonna save ur life. it’ll keep ur shit in place when u getting dicked, if u cryin, chokin on dick, w/e u like to do

- if ur having trouble getting wet even after sufficient foreplay, a little bit of water based lube does WONDERS. also won’t deteriorate condoms (oil) or get gritty (silicone)

- need to stretch out ur shoes?? fill two ziploc bags with water and put them in ur shoes. put shoes in the freezer until water freezes solid, and dethaw with a hairdryer. especially effective on leather!

- having problems deepthroating? make sure ur throat is in line with ur mouth, if it’s not the dick won’t go down

- can’t deepthroat at all? cover ur teeth with ur top lip and press ur tongue to the roof of ur mouth while he thrusts. 10/10!

- communication w ur partner during sex will make it a trillion million times more satisfying

- frizzy hair? put conditioner on the tips of your hair (nape of the neck and down) and shampoo right on ur scalp. volumizes without frizzing!

- this one kinda weird but don’t hold ur pee unless u wanna mean bladder infection/UTI

- pee after u masturbate please. u never know what can shimmy up ur urethra, even when ur playin w the little man in the sailboat

- keep a pair of spare glasses with u for when ur contacts dry out. lifesaver

- always keep extra undies, an extra shirt, makeup remover, moisturizer, and comfy shoes in ur car/bag if u can fit all of it

- apply dry shampoo the night before ur gonna need it. it’ll soak up the oil before it sits on ur hair. reapply in the morning n style accordingly

- apple cider vinegar mixed with water works as a good toner if u ain’t got no moneyyyy

- castor oil on ur brows and lashes every night will make them thicker and longer. even just one day will help (bc they will be shiny and moisturized)

ill probs add onto this when i think of more!

Hoe Tips

Okay so these are tips that can make a hoes life so much easier. Enjoy 💕💕

1. Throw away any shaving cream use coconut butter or oil to shave, than apply oil after you dry off. BAM. NO STUBBLE. NO BURN. IT’S THE SHIT.

2. Don’t use shaving cream or coconut butter for your coochie. Use Johnson’s baby oil instead. You’ll have no razor burn.

3. There isn’t anything wrong with your natural coochie smell, but if you want to taste sweet eat cranberries or pineapple. SHIT WORKS.

4. Stretch marks on inner thighs? Use Vaseline and coconut oil over night EVERY NIGHT to get rid of them.

5. Men’s razors >>> womens razors. Cheaper, closer shave and cleaner.

6. Pee after sex. It’ll help prevent any UTIs. Don’t hold it in. UPDATE: I’ve changed it now, but this used to say pee to stop STIs, that is INCORRECT, and the only thing to stop STIs is a condom. Thank you to @infinitelaughing for correcting me!

7. Carry your own condoms. You’re a strong independent hoe and carry your Trojans proud.

8. If you’re braking out buy tea tree oil.

9. KAT VON D LIQUID LIPSTICKS ARE BLOWJOB PROOF. IT WILL NOT COME OFF. PLUS IT’S MATTE.

10. Matte makeup (foundation, lipstick, eyeliner) all lasts better against sheets for sex.

11. Want longer nails to scratch with? GARLIC ON NAIL BEDS. COCONUT OIL ON CUTICLES. GROW BITCHES GROW.

12. To make eyebrows fuller put on coconut oil before bed.

13. Add ½ cup of apple cider vinegar to your bath. It’ll reset the balance of your coochie’s PH. You’ll feel and smell r8 8/8

14. Run a hot bath. Favourite bubble bath. Soak. EXFOLIATE. When you get out put coconut oil all over your body.

15. Honey + white sugar - lip scrub
Coconut oil + brown sugar - body exfoliator

16. Dry feet are nasty af. Soak feet in hot water for 10 minutes before using a pumice stone to get rid of dead skin.

17. For extra soft feet, do above and put on heavy duty lotion, socks and sleep.

18. To hide a hickey. Green concealer all over, foundation and powder. GONE.

19. To remove blackheads use charcoal based soap. And use natural beaded exfoliants

20. If you want your coochie to be BABY SOFT get yoni oil. Shit is magical.

21. If your hair is feeling lifeless massage coconut oil in every night + put in a bun. Wash out in the morning.

22. Put your undies in three categories. 1. I’m getting fucked tonight 2. I could be spontaneously fucked. 3. Getting none today

23. On the days leading up to and after your period use a pad on your fav undies to stop staining.

24. Eyebrows can be on fleek fucking in a forest. Get Anastasia dipbrow pomade. Lifesaver.

25. 6-10 green tea bags in a bath will help energise skin and refresh. Skin will glow and be soft.

26. If you’re about to get dicked down DON’T wear cotton undies. It will trap lint in the crevice of your thighs.

27. Chlorasceptic throat numbing medication helps with deep throating.

28. DRINK WATER. cliché af but keep coochie smelling good and brightens skin.

29. Lemon juice and baking soda will remove any cum stains from clothes. I got you 😏

30. It’s your body. Don’t fucking listen to anyone

31. Shave your coochie under water

32. Put baby oil in your bath - baby soft duck yeah

33. Have a special coochie cleaning day. You’ll not regret it

tips for treating yoself

body:

  • Exfoliate once or twice a week.
  • Let your vagina breathe - don’t wear underwear to bed unless you’re on your period.
  • Change your pad/tampon/etc at least twice a day.
  • Don’t wash up inside your vagina (aka douching) it will tip the pH balance in your vagina and you will end up with an infection, you can wash around your thighs/pubic area but that’s it, same applies with perfumes and other body cosmetics.
  • Use coconut oil its good for so many things!!
  • Use body butters after getting out of the shower.
  • Use tea-tree oil for pimples.
  • Use sunscreen!!!
  • For people with oily skin - use blotting paper around your eyes and in your T - zone.
  • Don’t squeeze/pick at pimples - the bacteria on your hands will only make them worse and will create more redness.
  • Always use moisturiser before applying makeup
  • When washing your vagina, lift up the clitoral hood and softly rub your finger along the hood to wipe away dead skin cells. If you end up masturbating, fuck it.

Hair:

  • Wash your hair every 2-3 days. Don’t wash every day because it will make your head dry, try dry shampoos instead.
  • Use conditioning treatments weekly in the summer to prevent your hair from losing it’s colour.
  • Brush your curls with your fingers to create a more tousled look.
  • Before blow drying your hair use volumizing spray or gel on your roots for more definition in your hair.
  • Use shampoos that are sulfate free as sulfates dry and damage your hair quicker.
  • If your hair is greasy avoid conditioning the roots, just the ends.
  • Trim your hair every 6-8 weeks so you have healthy hair and no damaged ends.
  • Use avacado oil on your hair in the winter to stop your hair from drying out.
  • Dry shampoo is also very good for volumizing your hair.
  • The best way to get rid of ingrown hair is to exfoliate.
  • Avoid dry shaving your pubes, this will cause redness and spots which are easily treated with hydrocortisone cream or aloe vera.
  • If you are to shave, use conditioner instead of shaving cream - you will get a smoother result - that goes for anywhere you shave.
  • If you have a big ole mess in your pants try trimming your bush before you shave/wax it.
  • Waxing HURTS so if you’re dealing with the burns then place a cold towel in the sore area and leave it for about 15 minutes and then apply aloe.
  • If you experience chest/breast hair the best thing to do is pluck the hairs, it’s painful but rewarding.

Makeup:

  • Clean your makeup brushes, regularly along with any other makeup appliances (beauty blenders, makeup pads) in a mix of warm water and a little bit of soap.
  • Use a blotting tissue and then add a small amout of cream concealer onto your eye makeup to prevent smudging.
  • Matte lipstick goes best with a shimmer eye makeup.
  • Wearing white eyeliner counteracts the redness in your eyes.
  • To make your cheekbones appear higher, use bronzer under the cheekbone and highlighter on the actual cheekbone.
  • In summer if you want to avoid caking yourself with foundation - use tinted moisturiser or BB cream instead.
  • Always wash your makeup off before going to bed, don’t leave it on.
  • Always make sure you blend your foundation so your neck isn’t a different colour to your face.
  • Clean your makeup bag out every once in a while and get rid of any products you don’t use - its cleaner, tidier and more hygienic. 
  • Always make sure you have tape and q-tips handy. Tape is great for a perfect winged eyeliner and q-tips are great for cleaning and tidying up those hard to reach areas.
  • Concealer works great for a base for your eye makeup as the makeup will stick to it. 
  • Using highlighter and illuminators on your cheekbones, browbone and cupid’s bow for a “dewy look”.
  • When using cream products like eyeshadow or blush - use translucent powder to set it in place.
  • Kat Von-D lipstick is blow job proof :)
  • Replace mascara and eyeliners every 3 months or so.
  • Don’t share makeup/appliances for your eyes, it may cause infections like conjunctivitis and maybe a sty.
  • Blot your lips after applying lipstick to avoid getting lipstick teeth. 

General:

  • Change your bra every 5-11 days.
  • Always make sure your feet are dry before putting on socks and shoes to prevent fungal infections.
  • Wash blood stained clothes in cold water with 2 tablespoons of salt.
  • Try your own homemade beauty recipes.
  • If you peel/lick your lips it will damage them, don’t do that.
  • Applying eye cream on the cuticles of your nails will make them stronger and healthier.
  • Always carry tampons/pads even when you’re not on your period, someone else might need them.
  • Clean out your purse!! Get rid of all that junk and you will thank yourself next time you’re looking for something.
  • Masturbate. Whenever you can, it’s rewarding and good for you. (yes girls masturbate too).
  • Always pee after sex/masturbation to help avoid getting a UTI.
  • Bio-oil is good for stretch marks (as well as loving them).
  • Save some nice underwear for yourself and just wear your dead old pants when you’re on your period.
  • Buy yourself some nice underwear/lingerie whenever you can. Make sure it’s 100% cotton though otherwise you can get a yeast infection.
  • Test yourself every once in a while for STDs. It’s necessary.
  • Carry a condom on you, it’s not just the guy’s responsibility.
  • Apply a damp tissue to blotchy, red skin after crying, it will make you look as if you haven’t been crying at all.
  • Don’t let boys ruin your day.
  • Use a paperclip to clip the back of your bra straps together to create a racerback bra.
  • Wrap a maxi pad or pantyliner around any poking underwires in your bra.
  • Wash your pillow case every 1-2 weeks to help prevent acne. 
  • Cucumbers are good for dark circles and puffy eyes just place a slice over your eyes and leave for about 15 minutes.

treat and love yourself and your body will reward you!!! 

8

There was crisp, dry snow under his feet and more snow lying on the branches of the trees. Overhead there was pale blue sky, the sort of sky one sees on a fine winter day in the morning. Straight ahead of him he saw between the tree-trunks the sun, just rising, very red and clear. Everything was perfectly still, as if he were the only living creature in that country. There was not even a robin or a squirrel among the trees, and the wood stretched as far as he could see in every direction. He shivered. 

He now remembered that he had been looking for Lucy; and also how unpleasant he had been to her about her “imaginary country” which now turned out not to have been imaginary at all. He thought that she must be somewhere quite close and so he shouted, “Lucy! Lucy! I’m here too-Edmund.”

There was no answer.

“She’s angry about all the things I’ve been saying lately,” thought Edmund. And though he did not like to admit that he had been wrong, he also did not much like being alone in this strange, cold, quiet place; so he shouted again…

4

Kylo fished his keys from his pocket, and pointed them at the car. The lights flashed as he unlocked it, and handed Rey’s things to her.

“Hold onto these, I need my arms for a moment.”

Rey took her purse and now ruined folder, and slipped on her shoes- which felt awful on her drying feet- they squelched and she shuddered.

Kylo chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“You could have left them off you know.”

“And walk through the ra-HEY?!”

Rey couldn’t complete her complaint, for Kylo bent down, adjusted his jacket around her, and scooped her up off the front step.

I commissioned the one, the only, @panda-capuccino for these four amazing pieces! A huge thank you for this wonderful work!

These are in dedication to this awesome Reylo AU, “Reductio ad Absurdum” by @coupdefoudrey! Age-swap Professor Rey and student Kylo are a complete mess for each other and you should totally check out this fic if you haven’t already!~

Whipped…boyfriend!!! (PT4)




Y/N likes to think everything had gone back to normal after that dreadful morning. Harry hasn’t touched the subject, and he seems to be doing fine. She likes to think everything is okay, maybe he was just having an unpleasant day and there’s no point at even asking about it and upsetting him all over again. But she can’t erase the image of his body racking with sobs, eyes pleading and repentant. 

She wants to be able to get past it, but her mind keeps going back to how she’d cried silently while he was in the shower. How every minute that passed, sat alone on his couch, all she could think about was that there was a possibility that when Harry came out, he would tell her that he couldn’t anymore. He’d break her heart with words of ‘still wanna be your friend. We can still be best friends, like we were b'fo’.’ But it wouldn’t be like before.

She wants her mind to forget his gasps of ’m'sorry, love. M'so so sorry.’ But it’s like they’re forever etched into her brain. And every time she looks at his sleeping body next to her in the morning, it’s all she hears, those words.

So no, everything is back to normal in terms of appearances, but she’s been having an inner battle with herself that hasn’t let her sleep at night.

It’s been about two months or so since Harry’s breakdown. They’ve kept to their daily routine; breakfast, work, the occasional surprise lunches, and dinner among other things; but they don’t talk about it. And it’s like when she tries, Harry diverts the conversation to how thrilled he is to start Dunkirk promo, and of course Y/N can’t press the subject when Harry’s got a wide smile on his face, happy to recount and retell moments on set.

And though she still couldn’t forget about it, she’d enjoyed breaking routine, especially for the beautiful scenery that was a wedding in Hawaii. Harry had been a ray of sunshine. He had introduced Y/N to the few amounts of people that hadn’t met her yet. Some of them were interested enough to ask how Harry, a lad who didn’t often engage in proper relationships, had managed to pull such a beautiful lass. Y/N admits she’d gone a light shade of red at the comment, never one to confidently accept compliments, and Harry just wouldn’t shut up about her after that. Not until Y/N playfully slapped his arm after he’d brought up how she’d made him think she was going out with some other bloke, blatantly lying to him to his face.

He’d played about with a sweet little girl who’d taken a liking to him, boop'ing her nose and faking having tripped over something when she was chasing him, letting her tag him only for her to end up trapped in his arms. And she loved seeing him so content.

She loved the short stories everyone had to tell about a too drunk Harry who cuddled anyone from a friend, to a plant he thought was a friend. 

She can’t deny that she’d loved that he was showing her off too. Especially when his friends would make a comment about how whipped he was, which only made him smile wider as he kissed her hand (and she’d squirmed and giggled because his stubble did tickle some). 

It’s safe to say that by the end of that trip, everyone and anyone who’d watched Harry mindlessly kiss Y/N’s temple, arm slung around her shoulder whilst talking with his friends, were convinced they were it for each other. 

She had never really attended a wedding with him before either. And she realised that there was something about getting to see him in that setting that had her wanting exactly that for them one day.

So one can only imagine Y/N’s excitement when Pixie’s invitation arrived. She’d jumped at the idea of going to Spain, and being Y/N, Harry couldn’t deny her that. 

And now here they are. Watching the sun set over beautiful waters; rays of orange and yellow and blue adorning the sky. 

It doesn’t take much to convince Harry for a picture. All she really had to is smile at him and he was putty in her hands.

“Say cheese.”

“Wanna look sexy." 

"Harry! Just, show me those pearly whites." 

"Jus’ take the picture, love.” He’s adamant. 

“Harry.” Her tone monotonous, a hand at her hip like it as she glared at him, a smile playing at her lips.

“Wanna look cool, babe.” He chuckles.

She rolls her eyes, huffing jokingly and holding the phone up horizontally.

And though he’s not exactly smiling, Y/N can’t think of a better way it could’ve come out. 

***

Today is nothing short of a fairy tale for Y/N. Her arms around Harry’s necks. And Harry’s hands on her waist, swaying to none other than “Song Bird.” He takes to whispering the lyrics to her ear, and he can feel Y/N’s smile widen when she buries her head in his neck. 

Harry likes to think he’s a good dancer, even though he tries to abstain from any. But with Y/N, it’s different. He’d only halfheartedly tugged his hand back from hers when she’d tried to pull him up and off his seat, smile much too sweet to actually deny her of a slow dance. And although usually he has to have some amount of alcohol in his system to confidently show any of his moves off on the dance floor, Y/N has him spinning her around gracefully.

When the song nears the end, Harry gives her waist a squeeze before pulling away and taking her face in his hands, firmly pressing his lips to hers in hopes he could convey and express every ounce of love he was for her in that small gesture.

“Ye’ look beautiful, pet,” he whispers, lips grazing hers, pouting just the slightest for them to meet in a chaste kiss, “always look beautiful.”

“You’re too much,” she giggles, fingers wrapped around his wrists.

Harry can only press another kiss to her mouth, too drunk on love to care about anyone watching. 

***

Harry and Y/N are sat back at their table now. He’d groped at her hip and plopped her on his lap after the ninth song when Y/N began to complain about her feet hurting from walking around all day in heels. He’d moved her hair to fall over her shoulder and kissed across her back and at the exposed flesh of her neck. They stay like that for a while until he pats the side of her thigh, at which point she moves to her own seat. Silently, he gestures for her to lift her legs, and then grabs her ankles and brings her feet to lay on top of his lap. One by one he unstraps and slips off her heals and proceeds to dig his thumbs into the dip of her foot, alternating between the two. And Y/N can’t help but look at how her boyfriend’s brows furrow in concentration, the tip of his tongue peeking out from the corner of his lips as he works to ease the tension in the muscles. She hums at the touch, Harry smiling in accomplishment, and squeals when he starts tickling. 

“Went from a whipped friend to a whipped boyfriend! S'a step up Harold!” Grimmy pats his friend’s back, a lopsided smirk with a clear intent to insult plastered in his face.

And it’s certainly not helping that he’s helping her strap her heels back on. But again, he doesn’t mind being whipped.

It wasn’t the first time tonite that he’d made the remark either. He’d made it a game actually. The first was while they were conversing with Lou. Grimmy had cheekily strolled past them with a smirk and whisper of ‘whipped’. The second, Y/N was at the fruit bar helping herself to a plate, and Harry kept feeding bits into her mouth as she went about picking what she wanted. He’d offered to take her plate back to the table while she reached for the cutlery, and though Grimmy might have not meant for her to hear it, she still caught the faint ‘whipped’ directed at Harry. The third had been the most embarrassing, at least for her. They had been chatting to an elderly couple, the husband retelling of a vacation he’d surprised his wife with only to find out that cruises weren’t her cup of tea when she wouldn’t come out of their suite bathroom because even though it was smooth sailing, her tummy just couldn’t handle it. At one point Harry had perfunctorily brought up their intertwined hands and pecked at Y/N’s knuckles. Grimmy had, yet again, silently walked up behind them and sing-songed ‘whi-hipped’, at which point Y/N swung her arm around, overestimating her aim, and socked him where she thought would have been his shoulder but was really his neck. Harry had doubled over in laughter at that. Even the wife whose eyes had gone wide couldn’t hold back. After that, Grimmy didn’t bother him any, only playfully shot her a glare when their eyes met.

“Nice t’ see ye’ too, ass.”

Despite his comment, Grimmy leans down to press a kiss to Y/N’s cheek. “I’ll take tha’ as an invitation t'sit down with m'favourite couple." 

"Grimmy’s just jealous he’s got no one to rub their feet." Was it childish that Y/N stuck her tongue out at him? Maybe so, but that’s how their friendship works.

"Oh no sweets. Even if I did m'not touching anyone’s stinky feet.” Dry humour’s always been Grimmy’s specialty.

“Ye’ really are a catch mate,” Harry jabs, taking a swig from his water bottle. 

Grimmy narrows his eyes, “s'tha’ the same outfit ye’ were wearing not even two weeks ago, 'arry?”

“Heyyyy!” Y/N chimes, scolding Grimmy with the sternest face she could pull, “s'my favourite suit of his.”

“Yeh, s'her favourite suit of mine,” Harry mocks. And they all laugh.

After that, any intention Y/N had of staying sober went out the window the second Grimmy came up with the brilliant idea of a game where they’d have to take a shot every time George kissed Pixie. 

You’d think she’d turn it down after the last time she’d gotten sloshed and the fact she’d vowed to take it easy when she did decide to drink. But Grimmy had called her a ninny because ‘s’okay if ye’ can’t handle ye’ liquor, babe.’ And even if she couldn’t, which she thinks they both know he’ll probably end up the winner, she’s certainly not gonna give him the satisfaction of not even trying.

But now, looking back at it, 6 shots in and already feeling it, Y/N really should’ve known better, should’ve thought before hastily agreeing. Of course the bride and the groom are expected to share kisses various times throughout the night at their wedding party. And it was so like Grimmy to demand they kiss every ten minutes, Harry laughing and nodding his head in amusement, or disapproval, Y/N’s not entirely sure at this point.

But she does have to admit she’s having a grand time dancing to “The Time of My Life.” Harry dancing circles around her with his arms up, mouthing along and shoulder shrugging to the beat, an immense smile on his perfect face. She throws her head back in amusement, laughing lively. 

She secretly thanks the heavens that Harry isn’t partaking in any drinking, choosing to stick to water, allowing her to use him as leverage whenever she begins to stumble. 

“Okay, think she’s had enough, Grim,” the comment comes when Grimmy tries to hand Y/N another drink, only for Harry to take it himself and set it at the edge of the round table, away from Y/N who’s got her head on his shoulder and is beginning to fully lean into him from exhaustion. 

“Oh, poo, you’re no fun.” He sticks his tongue out at his sober friend before excusing himself when it’s announced that it’s time for cake.

“Feeling a'right, pet?” His thumb rubs circles on her palm where their hands clasp atop his thigh. 

“Hmm.” Her hooded eyes open a tad slighter when she feels his lips press a kiss to her head before pressing his cheek against her hair. "Yeah. Need to use the bathroom though." 

"C'mon, then.” He takes her hand into his, careful in helping her up, his free hand at the small of her back to steady her.

“M'fine, babe.” She smoothes out the wrinkles on the skirt of her dress and grabs her purse from the table. 

“Ye’ sure? Don’ mind going with ye’." 

"I’ll be fine.” And the giggle emitting from her mouth when she pecks at his exposed chest can’t be any more endearing. He watches her walk past tables of guests, a breath of relief to see she’s good on her feet despite the amount of alcohol she’s consumed.

He sits back down, singlehandedly undoing another button on his shirt as he brings his arm to rest on the back of the chair Y/N was just sitting on. 

And then…

Harry never thought he’d be seeing her face again. It took him a while to control his paranoia, his hyperactive mind conjuring up what he thought to be every possible scenario in which Y/N finds out about what he did. But not this one. 

It catches him completely off guard, his body stiffening at the sight. What throws him off even more is when she spots him and begins making her way to him.

The closer she gets, the farther he wants to get away. 

“Didn’t think I’d be seeing you again.” Her voice sends shivers down his spine. She’s looking at him with…desire? It’s all unappealing if he’s being honest. It feels like she’s trying to lure him in, the way her eyebrow is raised, eyes a bit squinty as she struts closer. He’s making it clear he’s uncomfortable, and if she realizes this, she doesn’t show it, and it doesn’t halt her either.

How was he to know she was a childhood friend of the groom? He’d never seen her at gatherings before that unfaithful night, but in retrospect, he too is guilty of going an endless amount of time without talking to his childhood friends. Harry thinks this is the universe’s way of punishing him for not coming clean. 

His brows furrow in concern. Y/N will be back any second and he’s sure she’ll ask who this woman standing before him is. And it could go one of two ways. 

Harry can introduce her as a friend, but that’d be betraying Y/N on a whole other level. Introducing the woman he slept with to his girlfriend. But he can’t do that. He won’t.

Or. Or what if this woman has the audacity to bring it up. What if Y/N finds out in the worst way possible. 

His hands are sweating in his pockets, body tense. 

“Left so early that morning. Didn’t even stay for breakfast.” The smug look on her face has Harry’s tummy twisting, and he really wants to slap her hand away the second her fingers make contact with the fabric of his suit, fingers running over at the lapel.

And he should stop her right there, but his throat is dry and he’s afraid the second he opens it to add how much of a mistake it was and that he has a girlfriend, is the moment Y/N over hears the conversation.

“You’re a good fuck, you know. Best I’ve ever had." 

He knows she’s trying to get a response out of him, anything that might assure her that he’d had a good time too. 

But he’s not able to get anything out when he notices her stare trail behind him.

"Harry.” Her voice just above a whisper, the sound of heels clicking against the ground growing closer.

No. No no no no. 

Ho Bath Routine Tips

Once A Week
- Take an apple cider vinegar bath. Mix two cups apple cider vinegar with a tub of warm water and take a 20 minute bath. This helps restore natural vaginal flora and balance vaginal PH. This is especially helpful if you have multiple partners. **If you feel like your vagina has an odd smell/itches/unusual discharge do this every other day. Unless you have pain associated with your symptoms. At that point just see a doctor.**
One-Three Times A Week
- Exfoliate your face. Exfoliating the face unclogs pores, prevents blackheads, and removes dead skin cells. However, over exfoliating can cause irritation, inflammation, and worsen acne. If you have sensitive skin, once a week may be the best option for you. If you live in a warm climate and have naturally oily skin, three times a week may be best. 
Two-Four Times A Week
- Exfoliate your body. Exfoliating your body helps smooth the skin, prevent break puts, minimize brown spots and pores, moisturize, and remove dead skin cells. Over exfoliating can cause dryness, redness, and skin sensitivity. Again, if you have sensitive skin twice a week may work better for you. And if you live in a warm climate and have oily skin four times may be best. **If you tan: ALWAYS exfoliate the day before and make sure to get your hands, neck, armpits, and the skin opposite your knees. This will help your tan stick and give an overall more natural and even look.**
Every Day
- Always moisturize after your shower/bathe. Your pores are the most open at this time which allows moisturizer to penetrate deeper.
- For dry/cracked feet, rub coco butter or vaseline (or vaseline with coco butter) on feet and put on socks before bed.
- Moisturize lips. Morning, noon, and night, as well as in between. No one wants to be kissing dry cracked lips. I use hurts bees plus spf during the day and coco butter vaseline at night.
Shaving
- For legs I’ve seen people recommend coconut oil and Johnson’s baby oil. Personally, I’ve tried both and prefer Venus With a Touch of Olay Sugarberry Bliss. But I’ve seen a lot of girls swear by these other two so whatever works best for you is what matters.
- For vagina, NEVER use coconut oil. It can clog your pores and the consistency isn’t the best fit for vaginal shaving. Again, I like the Sugarberry Bliss but I’ve seen girls swear by Johnson’s baby oil.
- Use a mens razor for shaving your vagina. They’re cheaper, last longer, and give you a closer shave than women’s razors. 
- I hate showering in cold water, but cooler water actually helps prevent razor burn. Post shower, you can pat vagina with a cold damp towel to help calm redness and irritation.
- Pat dry your vagina, pat on unscented deodorant to soothe razor burn, and never wear cotton underwear after shaving. 
Yoni Oil
- I have personally never tried this, but I am seriously going to soon. I’ve seen so many girls talking about this. I’ve seen claims that it gives you the smoothest vaginal shave, balances PH, that it’s an antimicrobial, strengthens vaginal muscles, prevents excess bacteria, clears infections, regulates menstrual cycle, and increases natural lubrication. I’ve also seen that it smells, and even tastes, delicious. One bottle costs 20 dollars so why not?

the signs as summer
  • Aries: Heat waves and dried out fields filled with crickets and dragonflies. Trees whisper in the wind, gray clouds roll over, and birds fly over silently. There's enough static electricity in the air to feel it.
  • Taurus: The smell of flowers is heavy in the air and lightning bugs blink in the sky as it fades from orange and pink to purple to blue and finally black. The grass is cool and you sleep with the window open.
  • Gemini: Golden hour turns your surroundings to solid gold. Your eyes sparkle and you friend's hair glows in the setting sun. Hands still sticky with ice cream you can't help but to smile and laugh.
  • Cancer: Peaches, plums, and blueberries, bees buzz around you, but they mean no harm. Life seems just as sweet laying on a picnic blanket with your best friend staring at the clouds.
  • Leo: The smell of sunscreen and sun bleached hair, the salt spray from the ocean stings your eyes and the lull of ocean waves calms you. The sun rises from it's bed of clouds and embraces the earth for yet another day.
  • Virgo: Eyes squinting in the sun as it slowly sets and skin turned the slightest hint of red. The hollow sound of a wooden boardwalk and a sundress blown about in the breeze. The smell of good food and sounds of laughter fill the air.
  • Libra: Driving around town with the windows open; hair wind blown, cheeks flushed, music playing loud, and a smile to make your face hurt. The smell of fresh air and taste of ripe fruit, you hope you never reach your destination.
  • Scorpio: The view of a city from the hills above, the lights glow and motorcycle engines blare on unseen highways. The stars poke their holes in the fabric of the night sky and the earth beneath your feet is dry, you know things no one else does.
  • Sagittarius: The sky is forever twilight as a fire burns on the shore of a lake known only to you and your friends. You take turns jumping and pushing each other into the water. Laughing, screaming, yelling you hope the night never ends.
  • Capricorn: Empty soccer fields and deserted shopping centers. The world feels devoid of people under the lamps of parking lots and broken scoreboards. You drown yourself in the fluorescent lighting of the also empty grocery store.
  • Aquarius: Late night walks in quiet neighborhoods, the few illuminated houses give you glimpses into lives other than your own. Animals rustle in the bushes and you go home to stare at your ceiling fan and play music to fill your mind.
  • Pisces: Warm days still spent inside, you rest your head in your arms in the sill of an open window. You simply watch the earth as it moves in every way imaginable. Someone you love is laying in your bed, their breath barely audible as they sleep. You wouldn't dare disturb them and your heart aches for them.
Southwestern Gothic

- you’re on a lonely stretch of the freeway and running out of gas. you come up on a small town and exit. you spend an hour looking for a gas station. there are homes, a grocery store, a dentist, but no gas station.

- you’re ten miles out of a sizable town. you drive around a bend in the mountain and come upon a row of stalls. you walk up to one. behind a table covered in intricate beaded jewelry and beautiful stones sits a smiling Navajo woman. you comment on her work. she nods but doesn’t speak.

- you’re hiking. the sun is baking the back of your neck, and the ground beneath your feet slowly changes from brown to yellow to red and back again. you feel thirsty constantly, and every thirty or so feet a tower of perfectly stacked sandstone rocks tells you you’re going in the right direction.

- it’s night, and you’ve been dragged by your friends to a place the locals call “the narrows”, a slit in a canyon barely wide enough to walk through, horizontally. there’s a rock wall pressed to your back, sandstone beneath your cheek, and air leaving your lungs.
you look up at the sliver of black speckled sky and breath.

- you’ve been driving for three hours and have three to go. you don’t expect to see anything for miles, but you come up over a hill and out of nowhere a town appears. you pass old rusty trucks, a church with a crumbling marque, stores with broken windows, and houses with doors that move with the wind. a ghost town is being born.

- the air is hot, the skies are a stormy gray, and rain would feel cleansing to the dry ground beneath your feet. but it’s not going to rain. you know it’s not. To your west the mountain flickers red and orange, clouds rising from the wreckage into the swirling sky.

- you’re standing just in the shadow of a cliff, eyes glued to the structure in front of you. it’s a building, moulded like pottery from clay clinging to the cliff face. they’ve been her for centuries, weathering the desert, abandoned, and they still don’t know why.

- someone needs to pee. you all pile out of the car, and move the the edge of the road. you stare nervously at the sparse but paradoxically thick grass. Anything could be in there. gophers, lizards, crickets, rattlesnakes… you watch your friend anxiously as they step into the brush, then glance at your feet, praying you don’t learn what’s out there.

- it’s late, you’ve got fast food wrappers in your lap and the air outside is finally cooling. you’re driving out of the city, prepared for the next leg of your journey. you see a motel, the vacancy sign flickering, the song hotel california playing on the radio. you speed away.

- the air is different. you can feel the change in pressure. you watch the skies anxious, ready to smell the rain, and the desert when it rains. clouds roll in. the sky is black. but something is wrong. the air is too tense, charged, not rain you realize. lightning crashes on the mountains, thunder seconds behind, and the around you crackles.

- they call it goblin valley. hundreds of “hoodoos” cover the valley floor in different shapes and sizes. during the day it’s like a playground. but you came at night. it has one of the darkest night skies in the world. you stare up at hundreds of thousands of stars, but it always feels like there is someone watching you.

No More Hiding // Mark Tuan

Originally posted by younggjaebum

Pairing: Mark x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary//Request: After breaking up with Mark a few months ago, you hide yourself away from him to try and forget about him. But after becoming stranded in the city due to a snowstorm, you find yourself in his apartment with all of the emotions and feelings still present in both your hearts.

Please note that this scenario mentions feelings of heavy relationship insecurities and feelings of not being good enough for someone.

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overprotective [brother!markiplier x sister!reader]

warnings; none!

words; 1,020

prompt; could you do an ethan nestor (crankgameplays) one shot where the reader is marks younger sister and it’s a secret because she’s 18 and legal but she’s still his baby sister so he gets over protective and he sees hickeys on her and amy let’s it slip the reader is with ethan and mark flips out and is like ‘nooo baby sister no boys’ and he gets overprotective but the reader tells him off and says he can’t keep her away from ethan + sibling fluff at the end?? thanks so much sorry it’s so long (  fuckkoffcourtney)

MASTERLIST KO-FI. WRITING CHALLENGE!

Mark is a good brother. Since the two of you grew up without a father it was only natural that big brother Markiplier would take on that responsibility and take immense care of you, help out mom more, drive you from party to party or from Walmart to Target at two am. That being said, he isn’t a great brother. Whilst yes, you have a feeling that he loves you more than anything else in this world (maybe besides Chica. You can’t compete with Chica), with that brotherly love comes one major flaw…He’s way too overprotective.

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When he was a little boy, Sam Vimes had thought that the very rich ate off gold plates and lived in marble houses.
  
He’d learned something new: the very very rich could afford to be poor. Sybil Ramkin lived in the kind of poverty that was only available to the very rich, a poverty approached from the other side. Women who were merely well-off saved up and bought dresses made of silk edged with lace and pearls, but Lady Ramkin was so rich she could afford to stomp around the place in rubber boots and a tweed skirt that had belonged to her mother. She was so rich she could afford to live on biscuits and cheese sandwiches. She was so rich she lived in three rooms in a thirty-four-roomed mansion; the rest of them were full of very expensive and very old furniture, covered in dust sheets.
  
The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.
    
Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles.
   
But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while a poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet.
   
This was the Captain Samuel Vimes “Boots” theory of socioeconomic unfairness.
—  Men at Arms by Terry Pratchett
Bird Taxidermy Tutorial

I made a little tutorial for some basic bird taxidermy. Just a warning: this is image heavy and graphic. I had to shorten it a lot to get everything in, so if you’re having trouble feel free to drop me a message!

Basic tools: wire cutter, scalpel, cotton, zip ties, superglue, hot glue, wire, bird form/head/eyes, drill, blowdrier, degreasing soap, fat scraping tool of your choice, borax, clay, tpins.

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“Go back to bed.” “Put me Down.” - Peter Parker

Requested: “Go back to bed.” “Put me down.”

heyy guys its been a minute since ive wrote but im so happy with this one because lordy peter parker is the cutest thing on this planet and ufhowjndksmzl

Your head felt extremely heavy in your hand as your elbow pressed against the wood of your kitchen table. Peter had gone to take a shower after you promised him that you would be finished studying when he was done. He had been an amazing help with getting you to understand the difficult topics because he was such a genius.

Your eyes slowly started to droop and the words on the pages became blurry. Pieces of your hair were floating around your face that fell from the messy knot on the top of your head and your lips felt dry. The sound of feet hopping down the stairs jolted your senses back to normal as your smushed your face against your hand again.

You heard him sigh as he walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your neck and placed his head on yours.

“Baby, you need to go to bed.” he sighed, closing the books that were sprawled out in unorganized piles.

“I had 2 more pages left.” you whined, sleepiness dragging your voice low.

“No no no no no no, we are going to bed.” he said and lifted your arm over his shoulder.

Your eyes were halfway closed and you were struggling to keep the open. Your body was shaking and fighting to keep you on your feet before you collapsed onto Peter. Giving him a sheepish smile, you yawned and felt your legs being hauled by one of his surprisingly strong arms.

Pressing your cheek flat against his chest, you felt sleep started to take over you. The plush fabric of your bed lulled you deeper into sleep before your remembered that you needed to brush your teeth. Groaning and frowning after Peter pulled the duvet over your body you pushed yourself off of your mattress and started to walk towards the bathroom.

Peter didn’t seem to notice because of the dark room but when he reached his hand out to pull you closer all he touched were the sheets. He frowned and walked to where the only light in the house was illuminating the hallway. Seeing your eyes closed and a toothbrush pushed lazily in your mouth, your hand pressed against the basin to keep you stable he couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with the feeling of adoration for you.

He grabbed your arm and forced you to pull the toothbrush, which didn’t have any toothpaste on it, out of your mouth and into the cup that held it. you groaned and pushed your face into his chest.l

“Come on, lets go back to bed.” he said and you would’ve walked there yourself if it wasn’t for Peter picking you up again.

Put me down Parker, I have legs for a reason.” But he didn’t let you go until he set you down on your mattress again.

With all of the lights off in your house, the only light illuminating your room was the moonlight. You sighed in content when you felt the rough pads of fingertips graze over the skin on your tricep to turn your body towards his. Wrapping an arm around your waist he whispered into your hair, “Goodnight my love.”

All you could do was press your lips to his collar bone and close your eyes to fall asleep.

Originally posted by yourneighborhoodmess

Ok so Midoriya’s shoes right?

Let me tell you this, I’m not a shoe person. I’m completely ok with my shoes being stained or damaged, as long as I can walk and keep my feet dry and safe. But, then I watched/read Boku No Hero Acadamia. So I’m like, damn, dis superhero show is LIT. But then I see Izuku’s shoe game. 

This is the first time I thought shoes were A-FUKIN-DORABLE. I mean, PLZ TAKE TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO LOOK CLOSELY AT EVERY DETAIL.

I can’t explain how these are adorable shoes. I’m conflicted. All my mind is telling me is to protect with my life. I’m probably alone on this. But I guess that’s fine too.

white shirts ♡ grayson

requested: yes

anon: your their best friend and you end up giving them a boner by accident?

anon: okay I saw someone else do this, but I think you could do it better 😂 can you do an imagine (Maybe both boys? just seperate posts) where you’re like their best friend and you accidentally give them a boner

(a/n – so big news is coming up, it’s really exciting haha!!! hope you gray girls enjoy this one hahahah!) 



“Gray!” You yell, entering your best friends house, “Your very favorite person has arrived!” You say in a sing-song voice.

“In the backyard, Y/N!” You hear him yell as you closed the door, putting your bags down and taking your shoes off.

It was really hot outside when you reached his backyard. He was laying on the couch outside, scrolling through twitter on his phone.

“Gray! You’re so boring!” You whine and he rolls his eyes, placing his phone on his chest and looking up at you.

“Me? Boring? Impossible.” He says and you stick your tongue out.

Suddenly you jump up, running towards the shade, “The floor is so hot!” You yell and he laughs,

“Where are your shoes?” He asks and you narrow your eyes at him and give him that, where-the-hell-do-you-think look, making him laugh even harder.

“God it’s hot.” You groan, fanning yourself making Grayson’s eyes light up for an unknown reason.

“You think it’s hot, huh?” He asks, inching toward you making you a little bit confused.

“Um, Yes, it is very hot. You think it’s cold, or something?” You laugh but when he just smirks you know something’s up. He quickly scooped you up in his arms and in one swift motion, before you knew what was going on, he ran to the deep side of the pool and threw you in, a loud scream coming from your mouth before you went under completely.

“Grayson! I’m going to kill you!” You yell as soon as your head pops out of the water, but he was only laughing hysterically.

“Your face-and-and your scream! Oh my gosh-” He gasps for air, laughing way harder than he should have.

“Gray!” You pout, swimming to the side where he was and lifting up your arms for him to grab you out of the water. You were much too lazy to swim all the way across the pool.

He laughs a little bit more before bending down and grabbing your waist, pulling you out of the water with ease.

“Now i’m all wet!” He pushes you away and you almost fall back in the pool.

“Seriously?” You raise your eyebrows and then run towards him, wrapping your arms around him tightly and pressing your whole body to his causing him to get really wet.

“Y/N!” He yells and tries to pry you off but you wouldn’t budge,

Then you realized the pool water on your feet was drying off, and your feet were burning hot. You jump onto Grayson quickly, wrapping your legs around him tightly.

“God that is so hot!” You say, your arms around his neck as you look at the ground.

You turn your head a little to be met with Grayson’s eyes staring at you. You felt heat rush to your face as you quickly look away,

“Sorry! The floor-uh, it’s really hot.” You stammer. You weren’t sure why Grayson was looking at you with such interest when you were put back down in the shade.

Your eyes trail down to your feet when you noticed something. Grayson had a boner.

Your eyes visibly widen and you let out a very quiet gasp. Then you look at yourself and see why.

You were wearing a white t-shirt, and when Grayson threw you in the pool, everything became visible. Everything.

“I’m so sorry. I have to go ta-” He sighs and almost runs out of the backyard to take care of his situation. But what came out of your mouth next was highly unexpected,

“Maybe I could do it for you.” You say and automatically slap your hand over your mouth, surprised at yourself, “Oh my god.” You whisper and mentally slap yourself.

Then he does the last thing you expected him to do. He smirks and replies, “Follow me and you can do a lot more than just take care of my situation.”

a/n – well then. ANYWAY so i have taken into consideration and I will be doing Tuesdays and Fridays but instead of 4 posts only on Tuesdays there will be 2 on Tuesdays and 2 on Fridays (: 

With bloody palms and a scraped heart,
I crawl back to you,
never knowing when
to get up off these blood soaked knees.

You used me as a stepping stone;
Kept your feet dry
in the flood of grief you’ve brought.


Little spider boy,
I am
Always pulled back into your web,
criss-crossing too much love, too much hope;
too much of myself


I have never given myself halfway


A coin has two sides,
a queen, and the country she protects,
I throw myself into the fountain,
too quickly
to wish for something better than this,
and sink into you once more

—  a spider meets his mate || O.L.&E.W.