the signs as fictional bears
  • Aries:yogi
  • Taurus:all of the berenstain bears
  • Gemini:those weird soviet bears that looked like they could talk because they were wearing uniforms do you know what i'm talking about?
  • Cancer:fozzie bear (waka waka)
  • Leo:ursa minor
  • Virgo:corduroy
  • Libra:the sad care bear. wait no. the angry one. was there an angry one?
  • Scorpio:the panda in kung fu panda
  • Sagittarius:the bear on the box of sugar crisps
  • Capricorn:little bear
  • Aquarius:the coca cola bear
  • Pisces:papa bear
the signs arguing whether that color is green or blue
  • Aries:blue as fuck bro
  • Taurus:yah that's p blue
  • Gemini:totally green. totally fucking green. what's wrong with you?
  • Cancer:I mean. I guess it could be either
  • Leo:nah that's 100% green
  • Virgo:green
  • Libra:blue but like a greenish blue
  • Scorpio:what ever color it is, it's pretty. PRETTY SHITTY
  • Sagittarius:ohhhh SHIT. n*ce.
  • Capricorn:I don't care. I don't even fucking care omg.
  • Aquarius:guys, that's blue for sure
  • Pisces:what are we looking at?

sometimes I forget my age, it happens like when I’m in the bed eating cereal and watching cartoons and I stop and ask to myself “am I 12 or 21 years old?”, but then I realize that there’s vodka in my cup and that I need to shave my beard…

walkinghome AnD I am toooor well i feel too Drunk to carrry what I considEr to be a proper conversation because everything is spinning and i hyave forgotten when to hit the rfucking shift key because it is just twitching out of reach but

it is 5 degrees where i am and i live a mile from home. ell i drink a mile from home mile walk semantics

and on my way home there are brif gusts of wind but mostly just the faintest of snows falling

and i stop beneath a light and I watch. 

and watch

because it is…beautiful. In the brie f few minutes I stood motionless I watched more flakes fly by me than people I will hold a proper conversation with. Much less meet in passing.

More little crystaline shapes than people I will love.

More unique instances and moments in time than I will ever understand fully

because I had nothing to capture those instances with.

and if I did most no one would care.

But I like to think that I would

No two snowflakes are the same. Neither are people. So maybe that moment or 109384 standing in the frost is an alegory. Watching all those patterns fly by with no ability or perhaps desire to understan them.

this is a drunken nonsense post but it has dug at me for a bit now and I’d rathre put it on the internet to never forget or forgive than to let it be gone by morning and coherent thought

Perhaps thesem oments mean nothing.

hopefully they do because if they meant anything proper than we sould miss countless ones perday

Just going about our business we would be oblivious to unique, one of a kind moment in nature that would never be properly recreated ever.

And even if someone would try it would be artificial, fake, and shallow because of it.

So………I am glad to live in a world where most of the time, we are oblvious to such things. Because if we as a species cared about tese miracles of nature. These infitismile ocurances…..

They would break us.

We would not care about warring against one another. We would not pay any mind to expanding our energy reserves. We would not focus on how minute differences between our genomes separated us. We would be too focused on trying to capture these natural miracles.

And who knows what would happen to us if we focused on antyhing but uss for even a few years.

If you told me 5 years ago that I’d be headlining a show in LONDON and packing the place out on a Wednesday with people who knew the words to my songs, I’d call you a liar. I made these songs in my bedroom as a teacher, and now I sing them all over the world as a freaking full time rapper. What!? This might be a drunk post, I’m 5 jägerbombs in but I’m fully coherent strangely. If you’ve ever bought a cd, told a friend or streamed my music in any way, THANK YOU. wow. #livingthedream #emeraldknightstour #london #drunkpost

the signs as reasons why pisces got left blank in the signs as times you thought your house might be haunted
  • Aries:dead. 100% got ghost killed
  • Taurus:yikes
  • Gemini:i'm a clever little coconut
  • Cancer:he was the killer all along
  • Leo:ghosts aren't real (leo dies first in every horror movie)
  • Virgo:got drunk and forgot
  • Libra:sorry
  • Scorpio:couldn't think of anything
  • Sagittarius:artistic freedom.
  • Capricorn:do you think it'll happen again
  • Aquarius:nah they'd never use the same joke twice
  • Pisces:

I am pickled like tequila worm.

Or at least pickled enough to find my own jokes hilarious and make this thing sound like a good/funny idea.