drunken texting

If I Had A Star (Lin x Reader)

Word Count: 9,636 (YIKES)

Warnings: swears, little nsfw


Summary: a series of short stories to your forever. 

(each bolded word starts a new short story, the horizontal lines also divide each story.)

Dedicated to:

@hamilton-noodles Jo is a blessing to this earth. THE MOST eloquent person I have ever come across. I personally give this story to her, and all the stars in the sky. I want to publicly thank her for being one of the best people I have ever met (PERIOD) I love her so much and she is my bestest of the best friends. 

@adolescenthowell RACHAEL was my first friend on this blog and I want to thank her for reading my shit, facetiming me when I need motivation to write, and most importantly sticking by me. She is so talented and I love her. 

@fanfrickinhamiltasticimagines Sophie is the kindest human being alive. I want to give her all my thanks for proof reading for me. She is an amazing human being and so so out of this world talented. Love ya girl!

@whatdimissmotherfuckers Ruby for being such an adorable little bean. She’s the most giving yet still sassy person ever and I admire her self confidence. I hope you keep doing you babe. Her art and writing is the BESTEST. AND I ALSO LOVE HER DEARLY.

Not requested


If life had worked out perfectly; you would have never met him. You took the wrong train going downtown. Stupid, you knew, but being a first time New Yorker was hard. You wandered the streets aimlessly until you found a subway station late at night, hoping and praying you’d be able to find your way back home, your phone having died hours ago. You sat on a bench tapping your foot anxiously waiting for your train going up when a subway car rattled its way to your station. You were passing the doors when you saw a man runselfning down the length of the aisles in the subway car, singing loudly with a pair of headphones on. He didn’t notice you immediately, but when his eyes finally fell on you he practically tore off his headphones and stopped dead in his tracks. You gave him an awkward smile before he blushed red and returned one.

“Can you help me with directions?”

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I don’t normally offer advice, dating or otherwise, at least not prompted or without a whole bunch of qualifiers. I’ll start by saying I have no credentials beyond that I used to not believe in healthy human relationships, but 20 years into actual Happily Ever After have given me hope.  

So here you go:


Talk your little heads off. Talk about everything. How you feel about sports, kids, trees, bees, pollution, politics, religion. Say stupid things. Say the things you think about worry about wonder about. Say the things you fear will chase someone off. Say the things you hope one day to share with someone who finds you charming, hilarious, valuable, valid. Say the things. Say all the things. None of this third date, fifth date, middle of the night drunken text stuff after one month or two or six or some arbitrarily set milestone.

Because yes, absolutely, someone will leave you. 

Someone will find you not to their liking. And you’ll find folks not to yours. And wouldn’t you rather find that out now? Wouldn’t you rather know early enough that you can cut your losses and go? Rather than spend decades in a relationship with a stranger, rather than spend a lifetime with someone you feel is judging you, laughing at you, disapproving of you?

Because someone else is going to love you.

Someone else is going to laugh at your stupidest jokes if for no reason other than that you said them, eyes crinkling at the corners, lips stretching wide over your own audacity. They’re going to want to know about your dullest day at work and how you got toner on your favorite slacks. They’re going love your quoting song lyrics or movies. Or misremembering the lines of your favorites children’s book. They’re going to love your sleepy wonderings and your pre-coffee grumblings and your ramblings. My goodness they’re going to love your ramblings. They’re going to text/email/call you in the middle of the day just to see how your morning’s gone, even if it’s just like every other morning, and they’re going to tell you they love you because you should know. You’re going to go to bed like every night is a sleepover still talking and laughing about the same ridiculous thing you did last year or the year before. 

Because you’re going to love all of that about them too. 

One of the most wonderful things about loving someone is wanting to share the world with them and wanting to see the world through their eyes. 


Talk on those first dates, those first texts or whatever you kids are using for first contacts these days. Be yourself. Make real connections or don’t. Cut your losses. Keep looking. Because the last thing you want is an UnHappily Ever After with a stranger who doesn’t care what’s going on between your ears. The last thing any of us should want is an UnHappily Ever After with someone whose mind we don’t know and love.

ok so i really wanna play older fcs so gimme the newly divorced couple who still run w the same ~crowd~ so they have to see each other a lot? and they deal with new bfs/gfs, thinking they might still love each other, trying to Fake it Til they Make It, drunken texts @ 2am, maybe they have kids together and have 2 deal with that, maybe they?? kiss again im just Shook someone please

Sometimes…I wish I could write a fic…but at this point, I am too afraid to even attempt it. Hell I’ll probably get lost into my own story and ask myself dafuq I just write and where the hell am I… xD

Drunk Masterlist (2)

It’s just a late night out by come-on-eileen-snowbaz

The minute after I’ve finally told her ‘I love you’ officially starts here and now.

in which simon snow gets drunk by ismill   

annoyed baz and drunk snow

I’m Not As Think As You Drunk I Am by ebbthegoatgirl 

I stared at the little hole in our sofa, approximately three inches to the left of Simon’s head.

Drunk by askcookpritchard 

“Come on, it’ll be fun” he says dragging me into the line outside the night club, Baz is insisting that we go clubbing as I have never been before.

behind bars by crashing-into-the-sun

Simon and Baz are young and dumb. They get arrested and wind up in the same jail cell. Romance ensues

Gin is a Sedative, Kisses are Caffeine by thenwhosflyingtheplane 

One step through the door, the floorboards started creaking. Simon stayed where he was, stomach down on his bed and not quite deep, but not yet shallow breaths. He peered through the window and saw the beginnings of orange and yellow seeping into the inky horizon. Dawn, probably. Fucking perfect.

With Any Luck by bazsnowsimonpitch 

Baz was better at being discreet when he’s staring across a bar. Simon isnt.

i’ll pay you back by theinsidioushumdrumming

Baz is drunk and meets Simon at the bookstore after causing a huge scene

snowbaz drunk fic by isabella1159

Simon was worried, again.

Surprise! by jamesxlilyxpotter

  It’s Simon’s 19th birthday and Penelope wants to throw him a surprise party. She decides to have Baz take him out for a few drinks to get them out of the way. A truce for one night just before summer, Snow and Baz get to finally know each other after living together for almost a year.

drunken texts by carryonsnowflakes 

It was sent by accident. Something that was never supposed to be seen, except by the eyes of the author. It was simple enough, a small happy birthday text addressed to one Simon Snow. It sat unsent for quite awhile, destined to be a draft in his phone for the rest of eternity.

simple by cosmeticaphelion 

baz and simon are the best of friends. no-watford. baz broods over impossibilities. alcohol is involved. 

Size Isn’t Everything - 4/4

Summary: Kurt’s got a bit of a size-kink. Based on this prompt from the @prompt-a-klainefic blog.
Chapter: 4/4  Read Chapter 1 here, Chapter 2 here, Chapter 3 here
Words: ~4550 (this chapter)
Warnings:  I guess? PWP, Size kink,


Many thousand apologies (again) for the long delay in between chapters. Blink and weeks disappear. The final chapter should be up before the end of the week, and thanks for still reading!

forever thanks to @mshoneysucklepink for the beta!

Blaine woke the next morning with a serious case of dry-mouth and little recollection of what had happened the night before. He remembered playing the gig, and that it went well. He remembered applause and a decent sized crowd. Despite that, he knew he still didn’t want to join the band full time, no matter how many times Sam asked. (Okay good he remembered Sam asking again last night.) He remembered drinking a lot (too much), and his friends putting him into an Uber. He didn’t get sick in the car (but wasn’t so lucky once he got home).

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Take Me To Church [12/?]

AN: Hey, look - I’m alive!!! This chapter took longer than I expected to write between a finicky muse and social obligations cutting into my writing days, but it’s here! Huge thank you to my most awesome beta, @ive-always-been-a-pirate who let me vent when this chapter was giving me trouble and for always lending me your ear when I needed to talk a plot point out. You are the best! 

Emma Swan returned to her southern hometown of Storybrooke to pick up the pieces of her last shattered relationship, determined to rebuild her life in the one place she swore she’d never return to. What she didn’t expect was the new priest and the journey of passion, love, and redemption he would take her on. [Priest!Killian Modern AU]

Ch 1 - Ch 2 - Ch 3 - Ch 4 - Ch 5 - Ch 6 - Ch 7 - Ch 8 - Ch 9 - Ch 10 - Ch 11

Rated: M

Chapter 12: The Highs and Lows of Giving In

Emma awoke to a low and persistent buzzing noise, her sleep filled mind taking a moment to realize it was her phone vibrating on the night stand next to her. Groaning at whoever had the audacity to text her at this time of the morning - the sun wasn’t even up for God’s sake - she fumbled for the offending piece of technology and cursed harshly as the bright artificial light momentarily blinded her. Squinting at the screen, she saw the notification of a new text from Elsa.

Elsa: Had to get up to take a business call about the shop and wanted to check on you. If I haven’t heard from you by ten I’m going to assume Graham is a serial killer in disguise and I’m calling your father. I promise to delete your internet history per our agreement if you’re dead.

Despite the fact her phone read 6:30 AM and she couldn’t remember the last time she had been awake at this hour, Emma chuckled. Leave it to Elsa to be a worried mother hen and the friend she could rely on to make sure her family never saw her sordid internet searches. Unlocking her phone, she typed out a quick reply that she was alive and would call her later, making sure to end the text with their designated signal #NotAProgramOnTheIDChannel to let her know she was the one typing the message. Ignoring the combined twenty-three unread messages from Ruby and Tink she hit the power button on her phone and set it back on the night stand, confident that Elsa would let the other girls know she was okay.

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even more fucking text memes!
  • symbols:
  • send ☀ for a good fucking morning text
  • send ✉ for a un fucking sent text
  • send ❤ for an i fucking love you text
  • send ☾ for a good fucking night text
  • send ✔ for yes of course you fucking can text
  • send ✕ for of course fucking not text
  • send ✂ for a fucking lying text
  • send ❝❞ for a long fucking winded text
  • send ♋ for a fucking sext
  • send ► for a fucking wrong person text
  • send ☢ for a fucking drunken text
  • actual texts:
  • txt - "where the fucking hell are you ?"
  • txt - "i'm going to fucking kill you."
  • txt - "you looked so fucking hot today."
  • txt - "why the fuck did you say that?"
  • txt - "you're a fucking asshole."
  • txt - "did you fuck him/her?"
  • txt - "fuck, i did a bad thing."
  • txt - "you fucking infuriate me."
  • txt - "seriously, what the actual fuck?"
  • txt - "did you actually fucking do that?"
  • txt - "are you fucking drunk right now?"
  • txt - "i want to fuck you."
  • txt - "fuck right off."
  • txt - "i'm fucking sorry."
  • txt - "i won't fucking apologise."
  • txt - "this is your fucking fault."
  • txt - "you're fucking beautiful."
  • txt - "you're fucking ugly."
  • txt - "i can't actually believe you fucking did that."
  • txt - "i fucking despise you."
  • txt - "fuck."
  • txt - "i'm in the fucking hospital."
  • txt - "why the fuck did you do that?"
  • txt - "i've been fucking arrested."
  • txt - "i've broken my fucking arm."
  • txt - "just fucking shut up already."
  • txt - "lets have fucking shower sex."
  • txt - "send me fucking pictures."
  • txt - "n0 of cours im nt fvbking drunk!!"
  • txt - "i want you fucking naked."
  • txt - "fuck, that wasnt meant for you."
I keep telling myself I don’t love you, it’s gotten to the point where I can lie and I almost believe it but then I see you and my heart starts pounding and all of a sudden I can’t remember why I don’t want to love you, stupid right? I think so because then I remember why I can’t love you. You’ll break my heart, you’ll make me feel loved, happy, and everything else but just when I start thinking you love me too, you’ll leave. You’ll leave and forget all about the late night calls, the good morning texts, & drunken kisses. You’ll leave me and then I’ll be left to pick up all the pieces. You’ll break me so until it’s true, I’ll keep lying.
—  12:48 AM thoughts
Birthday Masterlist

Birthday Surprise by feverfooted

“Where are you taking me?”

“Just shut up. You’ll find out in a minute.”

drunken texts by carryonsnowflakes

It was sent by accident. Something that was never supposed to be seen, except by the eyes of the author. It was simple enough, a small happy birthday text addressed to one Simon Snow. It sat unsent for quite awhile, destined to be a draft in his phone for the rest of eternity.

everything stays by simonsokay

baz and penelope try to surprise simon at christmas and on his birthday, but simon is the one who ends up surprising them. a story about the slow process of recovery and some thoughts on the nature of hope.

make a wish by eroticgropefest

the five times simon tried to surprise baz on his birthday, and the one time he did

Nineteen Firsts and One Last by arituzz

It’s Simon’s nineteenth birthday. He’s not expecting anything unusual, just some messages from his tumblr friends. But Baz has different plans. 

Surprise! by jamesxlilyxpotter

It’s Simon’s 19th birthday and Penelope wants to throw him a surprise party. She decides to have Baz take him out for a few drinks to get them out of the way. A truce for one night just before summer, Snow and Baz get to finally know each other after living together for almost a year.

Yet Another TFLN Meme

[Text]: it glows. i had to have it.
[Text]: i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren’t you proud of me?
[Text]: you told me your favorite colors were “pink” “no pants” and “Mexican food”
[Text]: I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
[Text]: This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I’m too hungover to ask questions
[Text]: I think my nap took me to another dimension
[Text]: i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
[Text]: I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I’m conflicted.
[Text]: i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
[Text]: He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were “stay away from my princess parts. they’re renovating.”
[Text]: It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
[Text]: If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
[Text]: The real estate’s complaint had the words “loud squealing at 2am” in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
[Text]: Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
[Text]: was it mean of me to chase him screaming “DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!”
[Text]: I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
[Text]: If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
[Text]: Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
[Text]: I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
[Text]: And he probably thinks I’m in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
[Text]: I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
[Text]: i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
[Text]: A true measure of a good friend is how long they respond to their friends drunken illogical texts. You’re a champ.
[Text]: Apparently I’m a “fire hazard”
[Text]: Just did shrooms. Don’t feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing’s happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
[Text]: I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
[Text]: do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it’s really, really cool when u think about it
[Text]: Well I’m about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I’m disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
[Text]: im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper “I’m not wearing underwear” but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
[Text]: Ducking stuck downtown…all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
[Text]: we’re making bets on your personal life
[Text]: Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being…