Worst Case Scenarios
You know: There is power in being a pessimist sometimes.
The week since Hillary Clinton lost the election, to a man whose name I still have trouble saying aloud, has been painful in the extreme for a lot of people. “I’m still coping with this. I feel like I always will be,” a young guy told me on Twitter. I keep seeing women, in particular, write about how they’re crying every day, grieving as if they’ve lost a friend. Some admit they’ve been “drunk for a week.”
It’s not that I don’t feel this. I was the one to announce Trump’s win to my friends at our election party. We’d all started out laughing, and then gotten quieter and quieter. In the end, I just looked up from my phone and said well, CNN is projecting Trump for Wisconsin, so it does appear that he has won. My voice was deep and flat, and I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel much at all. We filed out in silence. My mother called me while I was in the cab. This is just how it is for women, huh? This is how it always is, I said. She told me this was a temporary setback. I didn’t believe her, but I also didn’t argue. I got into bed, still wearing the off-white sweater I’d thrown on at the last minute to commemorate the day — there were so many conflicting plans, with the pantsuits, and the suffragette white; the white was more #problematic, but at least I had something lying around the house — and watched the results on Twitter until I fell asleep. When I woke up, I peeled the “I Voted” sticker off my sweater.
Taking the sticker off. That was when I cried.
So I let myself cry a bit. I took a day to feel hopeless and petty. Maybe, next time, I just won’t vote unless there’s a woman on the ticket! Maybe, for the rest of my life, I’ll only vote for women! How’s that, huh? But that lasted for about five minutes. You don’t vote for yourself; you vote for your fellow citizens, especially those who are worse off. You can’t throw the entire country under a bus just because you got your feelings hurt. That was why I hated the fucking Berners so much, because they didn’t get that. I couldn’t repeat their mistake.
I’m actually pretty good in a worst-case scenario, believe it or not.