drunk deer

“When I was little, every fourth of July, I would stay up pass twelve until everyone is done setting off their fireworks because I was always scared that the someone’s illegal firework will burn down the house, so if it did happen I would be able to wake up my family and get us all out before any tragedies happen.” 

Sirius and James setting up you and Harry (Part One)

Sorry it took a while, but this is for the Anon who wanted Sirius’s Daughter fluff. It’ll be in two parts, so i hope you enjoy it:)

Part 2


“(Y/N)? (Y/N), where are you?” Your dads’ voice rang through the house, and you groaned, placing down the book you’d been reading as he approached your room.

He knocked on the door. “(Y/N) are you in there?”

“What is it now?” you called, grumpily.

You could hear his chuckle through the door- he’d always found your mood swings funny. Uncle Remus sometimes said it was because he had been the moodiest of them all when they were at school. “Come downstairs- your Aunt and Uncle are gonna be here any second.”

“They are?” Excitement shot through your veins, and you jumped out of bed. ‘Why didn’t you say?”

He laughed as you flung open the door, one eyebrow arched. He was leaning on the banister, looking laid-back and relaxed, and you knew the sight would make the girls from school swoon; they constantly teased you for having a good-looking father.

“Why don’t I get that kind of excited response?” he asked sulkily, but you could see the twinkle in his eye that always appeared when the Potters came round- it was at times like this that your fathers younger self shone through- the laughing, light-hearted boy in the photographs you’d seen.

You rolled your eyes and reached up to ruffle his hair- something you’d done for as long as you could remember. “Love you really Dad.”

You could sense him grinning as you scarpered downstairs to the fireplace.

As it turned out, they had just arrived as you entered the living room- all coughing and wiping off the ash on their clothes.

“I forget how much I hate flooing.” James grumbled, not noticing you standing in the doorway.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Oh, enough of this.” she said, pulling out her wand. “Scourify!” All three of their robes were immediately clean, and James leant down to kiss her forehead, grinning.

“And that is why I married you.”

Seeing Harry’s disgusted expression, you swooped in quickly to break up the PDA.

Keep reading

Tagged by @rotten-piranha

Relationship status: I took a stoopid boy and call him my boyfriend.

Favorite color: Orange, green and pink/salmon

Last song i listened to: An unamed song by a friend

Last Movie i watched:  God damn *“ALIEN” covenant* AND I HATED IT

Top 3 characters: In no particular order

1. Kirby

2. Sadaharu Inui (my weeb is showing)

3. Stanley Pines
(Deer drunk french sea old man Haddock couldn’t make it in the list)

Top 3 Ships: I dont ship much but I’ll heckin’ try

1. Pearlmathist

2.  Lapidot

3. EEEEH????  Rick and Stan??? yeah that sounds about right.
And is not something in SU

Books i’m currently reading: Cosmos (again)

Fun fact: I’m an Ace bean (mentioning since we still in pride month yo).
I won a taekwondo tournament once. 

Tag, do if YO want: @nathasdoodles @flowerpuppy and you if Yo want, Go ahead I tag you. 


When the Soviets ate Bambi

During the Cold War Disney films were banned east off the Iron Curtain, Soviet officials didn’t want to taint the Russian people with capitalist pig dog fairytales.  Seeing an opportunity in the absence of Disney, in 1985 some Soviet filmmakers decided to create their own version of Bambi.  Called “Detstvo Bambi” (Bambi’s Childhood).  The film was a combination of both live action animation and real animals.  Unfortunately production of the movie was halted when one day three of the four fawns used to film the movie suddenly disappeared.

The day before was the birthday of a man named O. Ivannikov, who spent the day celebrating his birthday by hosting a 24 hour vodka binge with his friend A. Marinovsky.   After drinking themselves to near oblivion, the two men began to get hungry, and with few vittles around decided to steal themselves a meal worthy of a king.  They broke into the pens holding the fawns and made off into the woods with three of them in tow.  Then they slaughtered the small deer and roasted them over an open fire.  The next morning, the two hung over men were found passed out, lying amidst a pile of bones and vodka bottles.

News of the men who ate Bambi traveled across the globe, devastating the hearts of children all over the world. For their crimes, Ivannikov and Marinovsky were both sentenced to the labor camps in Siberia.  Detstvo Bambi is rated 5.6 out of 10 by IMBD and is not rated by Rotten Tomatoes. 

The Wolf and the Butler
Angus Stone
The Wolf and the Butler

Mr. Wolf, the guest has seemed to arrive. 
The deer is drunk and dancing with your wife.
He stumbles down the stairs, all the creatures stand up and cheer.
He raises up his glass to make a toast, he says,
“This one goes out to the one I love the most.”

Make her smile, boy.
Don’t ever look away.
Cos she’ll be the ocean on the darkest of days.
Make her smile, boy, in every which damn way.

Don’t be like your old man,
who gets stuck in your ways.
Make her smile.

anonymous asked:

Will you please do "I threw a croissant at my dick of a best friend and it accidentally hit you I'm sorry?" with wolfstar

Believe it or not, taking three days to write a request is actually a new record for me. I normally take a couple months at the very least. 

  • Sirius managed to stay still and quiet for about thirty seconds before giving in and asking James, “What’s he doing now?”
  • James sighed, placing his cup of coffee back on the table as he tolled his eyes in exasperation. “The same thing he was doing a minute ago; attending to customers.” 
  • “Yeah, but is he like, sneaking glances at us and blushing?” Sirius asked eagerly, ignoring his croissant and tea. 
  • “Sirius, why are we here again?” James asked in a tired voice.  
  • “You know why,” Sirius answered, frowning. “I’m trying to woo Remus.”
  • “I’m pretty sure Remus doesn’t even know you’re wooing him! To him, you’re probably just another person that loves making small talk and stuffing croissants in his gob!” James replied, voice rising in annoyance. 
  • “B-but I also tip him extremely generously every day!” Sirius said petulantly. “Other small talkers don’t do that! And I constantly compliment him.” 
  • “Telling him the way he rolls his sleeves is fantastic is not complimenting him,” James said, eyes flickering behind Sirius’ shoulders for a second before settling back on his best friend, lip curling slightly in a smirk. “Neither is telling him that he has beautiful, childbearing hips! That’s fucking weird! You’re going to get us thrown out one day.” 
  • “I got nervous, okay? He’s just so beautiful, I get nervous and start blabbering,” Sirius said hopelessly. 
  • “His beauty still isn’t enough reason for you to drag me here everyday,” James complained. “You don’t even like tea!” 
  • “Are you shitting me right now, James? Who cares about fucking tea! Have you seen his face? His hair?” Sirius said earnestly, leaning forward on the table in his excitement to talk about the beauty that was Remus, Saint Curly Hair. “And his eyes, Jesus Christ! You could literally, actually, really drown in those beautiful, brown eyes. I could write sonnets about his stupid smile. I could write essays about the lame jokes he makes an-”
  • Sirius sputtered to a halt, eyes going impossibly wide when a tomato red Remus walked by their table to go clean the one next to theirs. 
  • Floundering and breathing hard, Sirius looked to James for sympathy and suggestion when he noticed how smug his fucking ex-best friend looked. 
  • “You knew!” he hissed, pointing an accusatory finger at a cackling James. “You fucking douchenozzle! You’re meant to be my best friend!” 
  • Wanting to hurt him somehow and not knowing what to do, Sirius picked up his untouched croissant and lobbed it at a still laughing James. Only, he had the hand-eye coordination of a drunk baby deer trying to ice skate and ended up rocketing the croissant straight at Remus’ flushed face. 
  • “Oh. My. God,” he whispered, his heart beating at an alarming rate as James fell of his chair in his fit of laughter. 
  • Remus froze for a second, staring at the croissant on the floor in shock before clearing his throat noisily and picking it up. “Um, I’ll, um, get you another one,” he told Sirius, looking at his nose instead of meeting his eye. 
  • “Fuck, fuck, I hate you, I fucking hate you so much,” Sirius chanted, planting his face firmly on the cold surface of the table. “Why does this always happen to me?” he whined, just as he heard a plate being placed in front of him. 
  • Remus stood there awkwardly for a second, wringing his hands in nervousness. “It’s fine, you don’t have to be embarrassed,” he said in a rushed tone before pacing away from them. 
  • Sirius glared at James who seemed to be getting a cardiac attack from laughing too hard before noticing a piece of paper beneath his croissant. 
  • He stopped breathing completely as he snatched the paper in his excitement, finding a loopy, messy handwriting scrawled upon it with a number at the bottom. 
  • Call me if you’re interested still. I’ll teach you how I roll my sleeves :) -Remus xx
  • Sirius grinned, showing the paper to James and pulling out his phone already. 
  • “I’m still burning your friendship bracelet later,” Sirius informed him as he typed a message to Remus. 

Hope you liked it! :) 

When they are drunk [EXO]

Xiumin : Naughty and cocky AF drunk. There’s no other way. He makes out with anything and get anything he wants. He would be such a tease. (pls help me)

Luhan : Invicible drunk. This little deer is naturally cute and reserved but when he’s drunk he can do anything. I’m pretty sure that if you dare him to go flirt with a cactus he’ll go to it and doesn’t come back without its number. I SWEAR.

Kris : The “another drink” drunk. When he begin to drink he can’t stop himself. The other members have to drag him out off the club.

Suho : Sleepy drunk. I don’t know, I think he will be next to kris, talking to him and then passes out and smack his head on the bar, snoring while kris just keep on drinking kris doesn’t give a fuck

Lay : Nothing will change. He’s naturally high.

Baekhyun : Friendly drunk, he is all happy and nice with everybody. He introduces himself to anybody and just try to make friends.

Chen : Dancing drunk. He’ll go on the dance floor and stay on it all night making weird dance moves with too much energy.

Chanyeol : Overreacting and loud drunk. You know he’s loud and stuff. But drunk, you can’t stop him. He laughs for nothing and shouts instead of talking.
He would also go dance with Chen, grinding on as many strangers as he can.

Tao : Sad drunk. He’s so fragile, 2 shots and he begin to wipe and talks about his problems and feelings to the first person he sees, hugging him/her while crying like a baby.

D.O : Fight anything drunk. You know this kid can be terrifying. But when he’s drunk he hits anyone that looks at him in a way he doesn’t like.

Kai : I think he would be the one who cheers kyungsoo when he’s beating another guy ass. He would also be dumb AF…. Or naughty… Idk

Sehun : Sassy drunk. The type who judges anybody.
This girl can’t do booty shake ? Sehun would sigh while rolling his eyes and get up to show her he can do better. but fails miserably by tripping on his own feet


@jillianmichaels has posted this fun challenge just two hours ago on her Instagram so I had to give it a try. It looks easier than it is 😂 I felt like a drunk new born deer.
#ChallengeMoveMonday #zuzkalight #exercise #fun #fitness

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