Why I Do, What I Do
Let me level with you all, if you went back in time and talked to a younger version of me at any point in time and asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” you’d probably hear the same answer no matter what age I was.
“I want to make people laugh.”
My reasons for why haven’t changed much either.
But there have been days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years where my motivation had temporarily gone away. And I’ll be honest, there are still times like that.
You can fight hard, you can push yourself to your limits, do everything in your power and more, and still end up nowhere.
Now I’m hardly at “nowhere”, but you can believe me when I say more often than not it does feel like I am.
When your goal has no ceiling every step you take up can feel as if you’re not moving forward at all.
I’m extremely lucky to, finally, have the full support of someone in my life. And words cannot express how much I appreciate @cinnieminni and all they do for me, without them it would be safe to say I probably would have finally given up on any and every dream I ever had.
Over two years ago I began fighting again, pushing myself harder than ever before, and in doing so I had to give up a lot of what I had already done for myself.
Finally, now, I’m beginning to rebuild myself all over again. But looking back over the last 2+ years, I felt like only now am I actually taking steps forward, and even so, the “goal having no cieling” still rings true.
As fast as I climb, I’m surrounded by those who climb faster, get higher, don’t encounter the same issues or troubles I have, and seem to go through these things with little or no issues.
It’s heart breaking and always a motivation killer.
I’ll never stop trying, not after Val gave me that boost I needed when I was at my lowest.
Though right now, I’m feeling low. But hey, I’m going to keep doing what I do, pushing myself, and hoping to make people laugh.
And not through anyone else’s voice, but with my own, with who I am, and with what I do.
If you keep laughing, no matter how hard it is, I’ll keep trying.