Ryan Lochte caught in Olympic scandal because he didn’t want to tell his mother what he did on Saturday night

It’s a tale as old as time. Boy goes out, boy comes home, mom asks what boy did, boy lies about being mugged to cover up drunk and disorderly behavior, mom tells the news because boy is an Olympic athlete, news investigates, boy gets caught.

Awkward.

TEXT MESSAGE STARTERS !

Send one of the prompts below to get a response from my muse.

drunk texts:

  • ( ✉ → sms ) plea se eh elep me im drunk and i dotn know whe re i am
  • ( ✉ → sms ) i fukcing miss yo u
  • ( ✉ → sms ) i look so fuckigjn GOOD
  • ( ✉ → sms ) i csnst stop throwiging up
  • ( ✉ → sms ) fu ck you  for hurting me
  • ( ✉ → sms ) why dotn you ever call me anymore huh
  • ( ✉ → sms ) stop being so fuckigjn borign and coekm to my party
  • ( ✉ → sms ) i dropped my pzziza o nt eh floror im fuckgin pissed
  • ( ✉ → sms ) i j sut left you a 3 mintue long voicemail singing. sorry
  • ( ✉ → sms ) even when i’m durnk ic ant sotp thinking about oyu

hateful texts:

  • ( ✉ → sms ) you’re pathetic
  • ( ✉ → sms ) you make me miserable
  • ( ✉ → sms ) fuck you. delete my number.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) you never meant anything to me, anyway.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) fuck your apologies, you can keep them.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) congrats on always ruining everything
  • ( ✉ → sms ) my life would be so much easier without you.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) and next time you feel like calling me… don’t.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) i don’t want anything to do with you anymore.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) if your goal was to make me hate you, then congratulations. mission accomplished.

misc/random texts:

  • ( ✉ → sms ) i think my neighbor is an alien.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) help me think of a name for my new dog
  • ( ✉ → sms ) sooooo… what was your first impression of me
  • ( ✉ → sms ) should i get pizza or chicken wings for dinner?
  • ( ✉ → sms ) no one’s ever made me feel the way you do.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) i borrowed your weed. hope you don’t mind.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) why do they say drugs are bad when they make you feel so good
  • ( ✉ → sms ) today is the oldest you’ve ever been, but the youngest you’ll ever be again…
  • ( ✉ → sms ) [ File Attached: 001329.jpg ] of all the drunk pictures i have of you, this one is my favorite.
  • ( ✉ → sms ) i used your pics to catfish someone, and since they bought me a laptop… you have a date with them tomorrow.