drum major

my band in choice quotes
  • tubas: "lol look at what i can fit in my tuba"
  • euphonium: "why didn't you just play a tuba, they're -" "DON'T YOU DARE COMPARE ME TO A *TUBA*"
  • trumpet: "we are awesome"
  • trombone: "i broke my trombone again"
  • baritone: "why am i surrounded by these people"
  • flute: "i would murder you for first chair, no offense"
  • clarinet: "its harder than it looks ok"
  • saxophone: "if you shorten my instrument's name it's one letter away from sex. speaking of which..."
  • drums: "let's continue to play whenever there's a silence" "sounds like a good idea bro"
  • band director: if you don't play this correctly i will *mutters curses under breath*
  • < my high school band is small as balls so feel free to add on guys >
A Year of Progress Challenge


I present to you the Year of Progress Music Challenge

The rules are simple:

  • If you play an instrument
    • Find a song and sight read it
    • Record your self
    • Remember the day you played it
    • Then, every month on that day play it again and record it (you can practice it prior to the recording)
    • After you do that for a whole year (12 videos/recordings) Post it to the internet with the tag #ayearofprogressmusicchallenge
    • Watch/Listen to it and be amazed with how much you’ve improved
  • If you write music
    • Create a piece’
    • Call it “A Year of Progress” or anything you want
    • Divide it into 12 movements
    • Write one movement each month
    • After you write all 12 movements post it online with the tag  #ayearofprogressmusicchallenge
      • (I use Musescore to post music)
    • Listen to it and be amazed with how much you’ve improved



One of our drum majors looks like Gordon Ramsay, so it’s been a running joke in my section to always say “Yes, Chef!” whenever they instruct us to do something. One time we were practicing our formations and my section has to go from a straight line to a spiral. It was sloppy and the drum major yelled out “I can make a better spiral than that in my sleep, this is pathetic!” in a replica of Gordon Ramsay’s accent. Everyone laughed for over a minute, even the band directors laughed. I freaking love our drum majors.
—  anonymous
The instruments the day before band camp
  • Flute: gathering all their supplies and practicing the fight song
  • Clarinet: texting everyone in band "ARE YOU EXCITED FOR BAND CAMP?!?!"
  • Saxophone: asleep
  • Trumpet: polishing their trumpet
  • Mellophone: practicing roll steps in the backyard
  • Trombone: at school. they thought band camp started today whoops
  • Euphonium: digs instrument out from under a pile of stuff where it's sat all summer
  • Tuba: listening to old marching band shows
  • Percussion: texting memes to the incoming freshmen
  • Drum Major: conducting along to the radio
The Marching Instruments as Awkward Senior Portraits

piccolo:  the shell-shocked (couldn’t hear the photographer count down over ringing in their ears)

flutes:  the i’m-trying-too-hard

clarinets:  the pikachu

bass clarinets:  the “maybe now you’ll remember i exist, fuckers”

any of the saxophones: the sex god

trumpets:  the “hot shit”

mellophones:  the cat photo

trombones:  the i-forgot-about-senior-portraits-until-the-day-they-were-due-to-the-yearbook-so-i-had-my-friend-take-this-outside-five-minutes-ago

euphoniums/baritones/tubas:  the what-the-fuck

pit percussion:  the my-instrument-is-my-child pose

drum line:  the casually-holding-a -deadly-weapon

color guard:  the dance costume

drum major: the ruler of all things music

Things that have actually happened in band

A drummer climbed into the ceiling in the band hall and then fell through it

A flute player left their flute at home when we were at a FAR away game, so they had to march and pretend to play a ‘flute’ that was actually a drumstick

We played Seven Nation Army as a warm up before a concert contest and then got three points added for creative warm up

Our band director duct taped our drumline captain’s legs together for yelling cuss words

A saxophone player slept in the storage area inside the bus on the way to a football game

Our entire drumline fell in a domino-like way due to a passing cat at the front of the line

When the band came to attention at a marching competition, a slide from a trombone went flying across the field because it wasn’t locked

the instrument's inner monologue: practice room edition
  • tuba: goddamn there's a lotta spit
  • flute: i'll never be good enough. *cries*
  • saxophone: *awesome jazz solo*
  • trumpet: i can hear the flute. time to try and outplay them!
  • baritone: *assorted farting noises*
  • clarinet: *loud squeak* iT WAS THE REED
  • trombone: all these people are scrubs
  • percussion: they don't practice. good joke
  • piccolo: *ethereal notes sometimes* *angry cursing sometimes*
  • euphonium: today is the day. i will show up the tubas. i can do this. *assuredly pats instrument*
Instruments as Things overheard in my Band

Flutes: “If I go to all-state, do you think I can get a wider audience for my impromptu solos?”


Trombones: *taking our band photo* “QUICK! Somebody hold my leg!”

Saxophones: “D as in not bumble bee…”

Trumpets: *(when questioned by a section leader about locking himself in a practice room)*: “I was sick of your face, how is that MY fault?”

Tubas: “AP chem should count as self harm”

Drumline: “Which is bigger, Alpha or Beta?” “MY DICK”

Horns: “That band is good, look at their pit- I bet their chimes aren’t held together with zip-ties and tears, unlike some chimes I know.” *glares at percussion*


“Band, ready, set”
You’ve been called to attention. It’s 102 degrees outside, you haven’t had a water break in what seems like hours, and you’re sweating buckets. You know you’re not allowed to move or else you’ll have to run a lap. What… what’s that feeling… it’s… your glasses…. they’re sliding down your nose… either you fix them and run a lap (and die of heat exhaustion) or you let them fall to their death… those are your only two options… right?

“Well Gee wiz what other choice do I have?”

I’ll tell ya. There’s this stuff called Nerd Wax. It’s made out of beeswax and it’s the bomb diggity. Just smear a little of the stuff on the inside of the bridge of your glasses, put your glasses on and voila! They don’t fall! It’s sweat resistant, so it would keep your glasses in place even if you were marching through the hottest pits of hell.

“But I don’t want beeswax all over my fingers because then it’d get on my instrument.”
Well I’m glad you don’t want that because you’re not gonna get that. It comes in a little tube just like cork grease or chap stick. It’s small so you can carry it with you in your pocket, in your dot book, even in your cleavage if you want.

“Ugh. I want it but I bet it’s super expensive”
Nope nope nope. It’s only $10 for one tube that will honestly last the entire marching season.

“It won’t last the whole season. I might lose it”
Well, if you do, just buy two! When you buy two you get another one for the low low price of FREE. And it’s shipped right from the factory to your front doorstep for not one dollar, not two dollars, but zero dollars. Yes friends, buy two Nerd Wax, get another one free and get it all shipped absolutely free!

“Sweet! I want it! But where do I get it?”
Well, you open up your Internet and in the address bar you just type nerdwax.com

That’s all there is to it!

The sections as quotes from marching season

Director: “I will not hesitate to come down off of this tower and personally out march every single one of you”

Drum Major: “I can tell it’s a good performance when I almost fall off the podium”

Piccolo/Flute: “Put your phone away” *pulls out phone*

Clarinet: “Another one? That’s the third reed I’ve broken this week!”

Low reeds: “If you miss your set just give ‘em the old razzle dazzle”

Saxophone: “Get your feet on the beat or I’ll break your legs”

Mellophone: *2 hours into rehearsal* “I just realized that I left my mouth piece in my case”

Trumpet: “let’s take everything up an octave and see how long it takes the director to notice” *cracks every note*

Trombone: “Is this your first time playing trombone? You know more positions in bed than on your horn”

Baritone: “JUST DO IT”


Drumline: “I don’t know why it’s so hard to get your feet on the beat when you’re playing QUARTER NOTES”

Pit/Front Ensemble: “You don’t even have to march WHY ARE YOU RUSHING?”

Color Guard: “No, sir. We can’t practice today it’s kinda windy.”

Seasons (Interpreted by a High School Band Kid)
  • *Summer*
  • Me: *Drools over Drum Corps* WHEN DOES BAND START? WOOO BAND CAMP
  • *Fall*
  • Everyone else: Omg. Hoodie weather, cuddle weather, football season c:
  • Me: MARCHING SEASON IS GONNA KICK BRASS. Finally get to wear my band hoodie! Frick yeah. Long bus rides and pep band! Let's eat all the marching tacos and cup of noodles at competitions
  • *Winter*
  • Everyone else: Why tf is it so cold? Guess we'll watch a basketball game or two. I hate the snow.
  • Me: INDOOR SEASON. WGI HERE I COME. *cries bc of all the beautiful shows*
  • *Spring*
  • Everyone else: Well, it's one season closer to summer again.
  • Me: Let's goooooo pre-season! I can't wait to find out what the show theme is! Ahhhh leadership auditions *cries* BAND CAMP CAN'T COME SOONER.
The Instruments as Pokémon Go Players
  • piccolo: wants everyone to look at their pokémon's witty names, doesn't wear the right shoes for walking, lurks in public spaces
  • flute: spends so much time researching tips they haven't played the game yet, wants to win, angry they can't
  • clarinet: hasn't slept since the app came out, sunburned, crazed look overall
  • saxophone: threatens to physically beat up member of another team, drives instead of walking, intense af
  • trumpet: spends more time talking to other players than playing, won't stop mentioning their powerful teams in the ds games, wearing ash ketchum's baseball cap
  • mello: yells at people not wearing shorts, wades into bodies of water for a good catch, very devoted
  • trombone: takes too many photos of themselves with pokémon using virtual reality, has sound effects on full blast in public spaces, generally living it up
  • tuba: brings food with them just in case, runs out of phone battery four miles away from their house, camps out until someone comes looking for them
  • pit percussion: that person who threw their actual phone to try and catch a charmander, afraid of finding a dead body, confused but excited about this
  • drum line: owns every gym in town, moves as a pack, dangerous
  • drum major: trying valiantly, their mother has already caught more pokémon than them, frustrated