Things that have actually happened in band

A drummer climbed into the ceiling in the band hall and then fell through it

A flute player left their flute at home when we were at a FAR away game, so they had to march and pretend to play a ‘flute’ that was actually a drumstick

We played Seven Nation Army as a warm up before a concert contest and then got three points added for creative warm up

Our band director duct taped our drumline captain’s legs together for yelling cuss words

A saxophone player slept in the storage area inside the bus on the way to a football game

Our entire drumline fell in a domino-like way due to a passing cat at the front of the line

When the band came to attention at a marching competition, a slide from a trombone went flying across the field because it wasn’t locked

The Marching Instruments as Awkward Senior Portraits

piccolo:  the shell-shocked (couldn’t hear the photographer count down over ringing in their ears)

flutes:  the i’m-trying-too-hard

clarinets:  the pikachu

bass clarinets:  the “maybe now you’ll remember i exist, fuckers”

any of the saxophones: the sex god

trumpets:  the “hot shit”

mellophones:  the cat photo

trombones:  the i-forgot-about-senior-portraits-until-the-day-they-were-due-to-the-yearbook-so-i-had-my-friend-take-this-outside-five-minutes-ago

euphoniums/baritones/tubas:  the what-the-fuck

pit percussion:  the my-instrument-is-my-child pose

drum line:  the casually-holding-a -deadly-weapon

color guard:  the dance costume

drum major: the ruler of all things music

ATTENTION MARCHING BAND KIDS WITH GLASSES

“Band, ready, set”
You’ve been called to attention. It’s 102 degrees outside, you haven’t had a water break in what seems like hours, and you’re sweating buckets. You know you’re not allowed to move or else you’ll have to run a lap. What… what’s that feeling… it’s… your glasses…. they’re sliding down your nose… either you fix them and run a lap (and die of heat exhaustion) or you let them fall to their death… those are your only two options… right?
Wrong.

“Well Gee wiz what other choice do I have?”

I’ll tell ya. There’s this stuff called Nerd Wax. It’s made out of beeswax and it’s the bomb diggity. Just smear a little of the stuff on the inside of the bridge of your glasses, put your glasses on and voila! They don’t fall! It’s sweat resistant, so it would keep your glasses in place even if you were marching through the hottest pits of hell.

“But I don’t want beeswax all over my fingers because then it’d get on my instrument.”
Well I’m glad you don’t want that because you’re not gonna get that. It comes in a little tube just like cork grease or chap stick. It’s small so you can carry it with you in your pocket, in your dot book, even in your cleavage if you want.

“Ugh. I want it but I bet it’s super expensive”
Nope nope nope. It’s only $10 for one tube that will honestly last the entire marching season.

“It won’t last the whole season. I might lose it”
Well, if you do, just buy two! When you buy two you get another one for the low low price of FREE. And it’s shipped right from the factory to your front doorstep for not one dollar, not two dollars, but zero dollars. Yes friends, buy two Nerd Wax, get another one free and get it all shipped absolutely free!

“Sweet! I want it! But where do I get it?”
Well, you open up your Internet and in the address bar you just type nerdwax.com

That’s all there is to it!

the instrument's inner monologue: practice room edition
  • tuba:goddamn there's a lotta spit
  • flute:i'll never be good enough. *cries*
  • saxophone:*awesome jazz solo*
  • trumpet:i can hear the flute. time to try and outplay them!
  • baritone:*assorted farting noises*
  • clarinet:*loud squeak* iT WAS THE REED
  • trombone:all these people are scrubs
  • percussion:they don't practice. good joke
  • piccolo:*ethereal notes sometimes* *angry cursing sometimes*
  • euphonium:today is the day. i will show up the tubas. i can do this. *assuredly pats instrument*

So, tomorrow is Harry Potter day for band camp and I’m so pumped. I’m so pumped that I sorted each section into the different houses and I’m going to award them house points for every good thing they do tomorrow.

Aren’t I the best drum major?

yessssssss

A Year of Progress Challenge

ATTENTION ALL MUSIC LOVERS:

I present to you the Year of Progress Music Challenge

The rules are simple:

  • If you play an instrument
    • Find a song and sight read it
    • Record your self
    • Remember the day you played it
    • Then, every month on that day play it again and record it (you can practice it prior to the recording)
    • After you do that for a whole year (12 videos/recordings) Post it to the internet with the tag #ayearofprogressmusicchallenge
    • Watch/Listen to it and be amazed with how much you’ve improved
  • If you write music
    • Create a piece’
    • Call it “A Year of Progress” or anything you want
    • Divide it into 12 movements
    • Write one movement each month
    • NO EDITING PAST MONTHS MOVEMENTS
    • After you write all 12 movements post it online with the tag  #ayearofprogressmusicchallenge
      • (I use Musescore to post music)
    • Listen to it and be amazed with how much you’ve improved

THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU’VE IMPROVED!

I DARE ALL MY FOLLOWERS TO DO THIS

Seasons (Interpreted by a High School Band Kid)
  • *Summer*
  • Everyone else:HELL YEAH! NO SCHOOL! TIME TO TURN UP AND GO TO THE BEACH
  • Me:*Drools over Drum Corps* WHEN DOES BAND START? WOOO BAND CAMP
  • *Fall*
  • Everyone else:Omg. Hoodie weather, cuddle weather, football season c:
  • Me:MARCHING SEASON IS GONNA KICK BRASS. Finally get to wear my band hoodie! Frick yeah. Long bus rides and pep band! Let's eat all the marching tacos and cup of noodles at competitions
  • *Winter*
  • Everyone else:Why tf is it so cold? Guess we'll watch a basketball game or two. I hate the snow.
  • Me:INDOOR SEASON. WGI HERE I COME. *cries bc of all the beautiful shows*
  • *Spring*
  • Everyone else:Well, it's one season closer to summer again.
  • Me:Let's goooooo pre-season! I can't wait to find out what the show theme is! Ahhhh leadership auditions *cries* BAND CAMP CAN'T COME SOONER.
The sections as things I've heard their section leaders say:

Drum Major: “I feel so powerful conducting the opener, like yassss!”

Clarinets: *band director gives instructions* “I don’t wanna!”

Flutes: “I don’t even know how to help them anymore.”

Saxophones: “That’s where I’m supposed to be?”

Mellophones: “Smell that? I farted.”

Trumpets: “Left, left, LEFT!!! HOW ARE YOU THIS OFF BEAT?!?!?

Trombones: “Uhh, where is my section?”

Baritones: “How does he always forget to give us our music?”

Tubas: “We slow down because we want to, no other reason.”

Colorguard: “She’s not even jazz running! Can you believe her?”

Drumline: “Why did no one tell me there was a bench in my way?”

Pit: “Oooh, so that’s where I come in!”