One of our drum majors looks like Gordon Ramsay, so it’s been a running joke in my section to always say “Yes, Chef!” whenever they instruct us to do something. One time we were practicing our formations and my section has to go from a straight line to a spiral. It was sloppy and the drum major yelled out “I can make a better spiral than that in my sleep, this is pathetic!” in a replica of Gordon Ramsay’s accent. Everyone laughed for over a minute, even the band directors laughed. I freaking love our drum majors.
“Band, ready, set”
You’ve been called to attention. It’s 102 degrees outside, you haven’t had a water break in what seems like hours, and you’re sweating buckets. You know you’re not allowed to move or else you’ll have to run a lap. What… what’s that feeling… it’s… your glasses…. they’re sliding down your nose… either you fix them and run a lap (and die of heat exhaustion) or you let them fall to their death… those are your only two options… right?
“Well Gee wiz what other choice do I have?”
I’ll tell ya. There’s this stuff called Nerd Wax. It’s made out of beeswax and it’s the bomb diggity. Just smear a little of the stuff on the inside of the bridge of your glasses, put your glasses on and voila! They don’t fall! It’s sweat resistant, so it would keep your glasses in place even if you were marching through the hottest pits of hell.
“But I don’t want beeswax all over my fingers because then it’d get on my instrument.”
Well I’m glad you don’t want that because you’re not gonna get that. It comes in a little tube just like cork grease or chap stick. It’s small so you can carry it with you in your pocket, in your dot book, even in your cleavage if you want.
“Ugh. I want it but I bet it’s super expensive”
Nope nope nope. It’s only $10 for one tube that will honestly last the entire marching season.
“It won’t last the whole season. I might lose it”
Well, if you do, just buy two! When you buy two you get another one for the low low price of FREE. And it’s shipped right from the factory to your front doorstep for not one dollar, not two dollars, but zero dollars. Yes friends, buy two Nerd Wax, get another one free and get it all shipped absolutely free!
“Sweet! I want it! But where do I get it?”
Well, you open up your Internet and in the address bar you just type nerdwax.com