drum humor

The sections as things they've said or done in my band
  • Piccolo: Just because you can hear me doesn't mean I know what I'm doing
  • Flutes: *throws tuner across the room*
  • Clarinets: I just didn't realize I'd actually have to do work
  • Alto Sax: Endless sexual innuendo jokes lol
  • Tenor Sax: *comes in late* *salutes behind band directors back*
  • Bari Sax: *comes to every rehearsal stoned*
  • French Horns: *deep throats leadpipe*
  • Trumpets: Let's trip on acid before we perform
  • Trombones/Euphs: I only talk to freshman if they have a watch because that's all that matters
  • Tubas: *gets boner right before a field show*
  • Percussionists: *throws drumsticks into the ceiling*
  • Drum Majors: I just got hit in the boob with a flag, but it's okay
  • Band Director: Pretend your mellophone is a water gun, and squirt me with your sound
Alternate Instrument Names:

Oboe: obi won
Clarinet: squidward
Flute: metal recorder
Piccolo: ear knife
Saxaphone: fuck phone
Barri sax: BIG low fuck phone
Bass clarinet: big squidward
Trumpet: yikes
French horn: bendy straw horn
Trombone: one loud motherfucker
Tuba: band dad
Baritone: smol tuba Bassoon: needy and wants to be included?? Percussion: miles teller

I think my favorite thing about non-band kids is when they actually go into the band room. They look lost. Terrified.. Extra points if they’re looking for the director, and they just kind of shuffle around for a bit until we ask them what they need.

In high school, I stole a six-foot submarine sandwich from a banquet room in front of several hundred people. I did it because I was in marching band, and we were promised food if we played, and they broke their promise. It was my first and only heist, motivated by justice and hunger.
—  Greg van Eekhout
The Instruments as “Band Geeks” Quotes

Clarinets: “Well, you did it. You took my one chance in happiness and crushed it”

Flutes: “Do instruments of torture count?“ 

Color Guard: “Flag twirlers let’s move!!! C'mon, move!!!”

Saxophones: “A 1, a 2, a skiddleliddledoo”

Trumpets: ”Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you”

Mellophones: ”Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us” 

Trombones: “So, if we play loud, people might think we’re good”

Tubas: “When do we get the free food?”

Drumline: “Drum…haha…band humor”

Pit: “What kind of monsters are we?”

Drum Major: “ Let’s get this over with. 1, 2, 3, 4…”