druids and shit

"I wanna be a warforged bee Druid"

Me: Okay.  Where are you gonna keep your bees?

Rogue: KEEP THEM IN YOUR HOO-HA

Druid: Inside of me.

Me: …That might cause you some problems.

Druid: No no, see, that’s the cool part–I’m gonna be like Iron Man.  "Every second, a cluster of bee shrapnel tries to work its way closer and closer to my heart"

Me: Bee…bee shrapnel.

Cleric: Brapnel. Shrap-bees.

Rogue: *whispers* Beepnel.

And that was when I lost control of the session.

3

thanks to a certain garage sale I have a printer/scanner so now I can upload more wips :> I like going from traditional to digital.


Here are Amaranthys and her sister Vexwynne, my WoW charas. they got a lot goin on.

Edit: Added a couple more progress shots! o v o/

How to Conduct Interrogations

Context: The city that my players are in was raided by pirates the session before this one, and they captured several pirates during the main battle (with the Warlock transformed into a giant ape the entire fight) although the boss teleported away. During the first interrogation, one of the pirate’s fingers was cut off by the Warlock. The Fighter and the Warlock are now off investigating another section of the city while the Druid and Barbarian are interrogating the captured pirates a second time. The Cleric has yet to be introduced in-game, as a new player. As a side note, the pirates are cooperative due to a previous high Intimidation check and aforementioned amputation.

Barbarian: Okay, you ask some questions, I’ll stand here and flex.

Druid: (to one of the pirates) Why are you here!?

Barbarian: (OOC) I flex. (flexes)

Druid: One of you answer me right now! Or else.

Pirate: We’re pirates. We’re here to pillage and murder.

Druid: Oh. Um, uh. Well. Is that it?

Pirate: What do you think we’re here for?

Barbarian: (to the Druid) Ask a better question.

Druid: Tell us… Where is your leader!?

Pirate: I think last I saw him, this fuckin’ giant ape had him, so I don’t fuckin’ know.

Druid: Where did he go!?

Pirate: I just fucking told you, I don’t know where he is! Last I saw him, he was grabbed by a giant fucking ape. Do you not understand Common?

Druid: Who’s…who’s…who’s second in charge here!?

Pirate: Oh, the boss? Sorry, the lieutenant? I don’t fucking know. Everyone’s all over the place.

Druid: Where’s the lieutenant?

Pirate: …I literally just said I don’t fucking know. Are you - are you okay?

Druid:

Pirate: This is… This is like the worst interrogation I’ve ever been through. Jeez.

Druid: You either answer or I stab your leg!

Barbarian: (to the Druid) You’re making us look bad!

Pirate: Look, we already answered your friend, who cut off my friend’s finger, jeez. What more do you want?

Druid: No, I don’t believe you! I believe you have an idea of what you’re doing!

Pirate: …what?

Druid: (OOC) Shoot, I have to be right back. (in character, walks away frustrated)

Warlock: (OOC) This is the best interrogation. I bet the guy who had his finger chopped off is like, “You get this and I got my finger chopped off!?”

Pirate: (to the Barbarian) Can you at least provide better questions than your friend over there? I’m so confused with her. … Look, we already agreed to cooperate. Again, that… what is he, spellcaster or whatever, he already cut off my friend’s finger, so… We agreed to cooperate - ask your fucking questions.

Barbarian: Aight. Uh… If I, uh… If I do some push-ups for you, can you critique my form?

Pirate:

Warlock: (OOC) I’m dead.

Fighter: (OOC) …why?

Pirate: …I mean, sure? I thought this was an interrogation, but…

Barbarian: Aight, cool. I’m gonna do it from a couple different angles so that you can really, like, get the full effect, you know?

Pirate: Oh…alright?

Barbarian: (OOC) I start doing push-ups. (Rolls a 27 for Athletics to show off)

Cleric: (OOC) They are now seduced.

Barbarian: (OOC) That was not the intention.

Pirate: This has been the weirdest interrogation I’ve ever had… and I also have the strangest boner right now.

Cleric: (OOC) Called it!

Barbarian: We sorted it out, you know? I’m the brawn, she’s the brains, so… All I can do is brawn, you know?

Pirate: That’s for goddamn sure.

Fighter: (OOC) Get fucked. You’re literally flirting with the enemy!

Barbarian: (OOC) Wha–how am I even flirting with him? I’m GAY! I just like to show off my muscles!

Cleric: (OOC) Leading him on; this is first rule of interrogation I guess!

Warlock: (OOC) Good cop, eh-heh-heh cop~

Barbarian: (OOC) I was supposed to be bad cop!

In the end, they gave the pirate a pillow to cover himself up as they took him to the City Watch barracks

The Joys of Having a True Neutral Druid in the Party, Pt. 2

Druid (upon encountering a nobleman abusing his horses): I turn into a bear and attack the nobleman.
DM: You do that. It’s a crit! He’s dying.
The rest of the party (most of us are Neutral Good): Can we stabilize him? We don’t want to kill him, but we don’t really want him conscious either…
Druid: I’m going for his throat.
Fighter: Wait…are you about to eat this guy?!
Druid: *matter-of-factly* Yeah.
The rest of the party: WOW! Look at this super interesting thing over here! Did you see this weird blade of grass over here?! Golly gee! Look at that sky!
DM: It appears the rest of your team has decided to neither help nor hinder you in murdering the abusive nobleman.
Druid: Cool. I eat him.

  • Magus: There's gotta be a food court in this city, right?
  • DM: Yes, there's a group of restaurants you could call a food court.
  • Magus: Great. Where do you guys wanna eat? Wait, fuck, is there a Panda Express? In this medieval flying fantasy city is there a Panda Express??"
  • DM: *long sigh* There's a food cart selling rice and noodles. It's called "Eastern-Bear Carriage."
  • Druid: Are you shitting me
  • Magus: Does this "Eastern-Bear Carriage" have orange chicken?
  • DM: Sure.
  • Gunslinger: I hate all of you