Everything I Learned In Life, I Learned From CLAMP
1. If you’re not angsty, you should be 2. There is no such thing as coincidence. 3. Evil takes the form of four Japanese mangaka. 4. Everything’s better in alternate universes. 5. If you’re precious to your brother, you’re probably doomed. 6. Actually, if you’re precious to anyone, you’re doomed. 7. In fact, you’re probably just doomed anyways. 8. Treasure your eyes. You never know when they’ll be taken away. 9. Subtext really does equal buttsex. 10. Everything has a price. 11. The most powerful people are alcoholics. 12. Never trust the bunny/pork bun. 13. True love always prevails. Usually. 14. Love comes in all forms. 15. At least you’re not Subaru. 16. Nothing says love like agreeing to be somebody’s primary food source. 17. If someone comments on your eyes being pretty, you will probably lose them several chapters later. 18. Even if you and your beloved are a canon couple, by the end, you still won’t have kissed. 19. Even in other series, you still will not kiss. 20. If your grandparents are constantly on vacation, they most likely don’t exist. 21. Never carry your most treasured item around with you. 22. Everybody has an evil twin. 23. Tokyo Tower is, more than likely, the source of all evil. 24. If you’re good-looking, you’re doomed or angsty. Probably both. 25. Don’t expect to live a happy life. You’ll only be disappointed. 26. The more they smile, the harder they fall. 27. Your fan base is directly proportional to how angsty you are. 28. Everyone is pretty, even when bleeding or in agony. 29. Torture and mind games are just another way of showing you care. 30. Your boss is bad for you. 31. The world is split into three genders: male, female and androgynous. 32. Blood is aesthetic. 33. It’s not real magic unless you can conjure a two-meter-wide magic circle. 34. Flat strips of paper can reach the same speed as an F1 race car. 35. Fire doesn’t burn unless the plot requires it to. 36. No matter how ripped your shirt gets, it’s not coming off. 37. Men with black hair and glasses (including sunglasses) cannot be trusted. 38. Anyone who says having magic powers is cool could not have been more wrong. 39. It’s possible to store two swords and enough clothing for four people inside the mouth of a bunny/pork bun. 40. Who wears short shorts? Little boy detectives wear short shorts! 41. Four leaf clovers aren’t as lucky as they’re made out to be. 42. If you’re a fan favourite you’re doomed. 43. Hell, you’re in a CLAMP anime. You’re doomed. 44. Remember your dreams- they’re the key to the plot. 45. If you can’t whistle, “hyuu” instead. 46. If you feel someone’s watching you, they probably are. 47. If he’s tall, dark and handsome, he’s taken- by the outrageously cute boy standing next to him. 48. Feathers have the ultimate power. Buy a chicken. 49. If your series is happy sugar-coated fairies and gay, you will most likely all die a horrible death at the hand of a psychotic clone. 50. Everything will be alright. 51. Just because you return from a journey, doesn’t mean you’ll return in one piece. 52. Everything happens in Tokyo. 53. Cute stuffed animals make the best magical servants. 54. Swords longer than your height are easy to manage. 55. Attack names/chants are more important than actual skill or experience. 56. Cherry blossoms are a sign of good luck. 57. Cherry blossoms are a sign of bad luck. 58. Cherry blossoms are- sod that, if you see cherry blossoms, run. 59. Even after your heart is pierced by someone’s hand, you will still have plenty of time to divulge deep dark secrets/words of wisdom/angst/last words before you actually die. 60. Show your true love not by exchanging rings, but eyes. 61. No one is really happy. They’re just hiding some dark secret. 62. Dressing someone up in cute but outlandish outfits is a sign of great love and affection. 63. The easiest way to solve a love triangle is to kill somebody. 64. Inanimate objects have feelings. 65. Eyes, especially magic ones, are in high demand. 66. Cosplay is completely normal in Tokyo. 67. Love your parents while you can. 68. The general public is oblivious to strange/supernatural/inexplicable/mysterious events/people/objects. 69. Don’t give your name to strangers. 70. Wherever you are, there is a Miyuki somewhere in the background. 71. Apparently, magic allows you to eat other people’s eyes like candy. 72. Walking between a fence and a lamp-post will send you to another time/dimension. 73. Never trust shop owners. 74. If you have a twin/clone/someone who looks like you, most likely one of you will die before the series is over. 75. It’s all fun and games till someone loses an eye- then it’s a pairing.
Credit: If you know who wrote these all up I’d love to know! I’ve just seen it around FF.net.