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this delightful comedy of errors is my favorite playthrough GG has done in a while. so far special agent hanson, the most inept spy on planet fucking earth™, has:

  • accidentally lit a bomb on fire with a lighter while trying to disarm it
  • made a desperate attempt to save himself from poising by spraying window cleaner on his face
  • tried to break a window with a coffee cup after accidentally dropping his gun off the side of a building
  • caused at least four or five different virus outbreaks, because he unfortunately repeatedly forgot how to use his arms
A Tribute to Scanlan Shorthalt

With the parting of ways that took place in Episode 85, we look back at some of our personal favorite moments of the gnome bard from the first 84 episodes of Critical Role.

Thanks to eponymous-rose for editing this video together, and thank you to Geek & Sundry and Critical Role for use of these clips! All content used with permission. Full list with in-show timestamps below the break.

Have you heard of Scanlan the sad?
Couldn’t ask for a better comrade.
He walked off with Kaylie
To learn on the daily
How to be the best Shorthalt dad.

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Inexorable (3-FINAL)

Plot: How does is feel to be arranged to be married to a cocky, arrogant Mafia leader? Once you look at his face, you think you’re lucky, but then he opens his mouth.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Mafia au!

Warnings: dom!Jungkook, steamy hot tub sex yes

Notes: Last part, ya’ll. I hope you like it. I changed the gif because tumblr is being a meanie and it’s not letting me put in my own shit. This brings us to the end of this mini-series! I hope you enjoyed it. 3,430 Words

Part 2 | Part 3 (FINAL) | masterlist

Originally posted by minyoongislaysme

It was safe to say that there wasn’t as much tension between you and your husband anymore. Everything seemed so much more calm than before. Maybe it was because you guys barely talked; or maybe it was because he locked himself in his office all day, working.

An empty cabin was always nice, but you wanted to talk to him. You actually liked arguing with him; teasing him, and he would tease you back. His touch – it was gentle, even though he was being cocky. You hated to admit it, but you were slowly getting used to him.

Now it seemed like the both of you were more like frenemies rather than complete enemies. There was a sort of understanding, considering you were now aware that you were both forced into this marriage when you would rather stay single, and he would rather marry someone else.

“Princess,” Jungkook called you from behind the black kitchen island, his whiskey glass in his hand as he leaned against the countertop – you had no idea when he started calling you that, but it stuck. “I need some beer and and ice.”

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Worse than a stormtroopers...

I started playing Werewolves: The Apocalypse with some friends online, it is me (a kitsune medical assassin) and Regal(a giant simba bastet)and we are infiltrating a pentex facility for video proof to stop a gang war between the local glasswalkers and vampires. We are caught as we find the video by 4 black spiral dancer Guards, one in Crinos(Goltragg) and the other 3 Guards wielding m16s with silver bullets, during the battle, this happens

DM: Okay, Goltragg(big Boss for encounter) is prone and injured on his back after being thrown to the ground and being stabbed in the chest, now its the first Guards turn to attack. His gun is pointed at you Ren(Me) since you are the one driving said knife into him. *Rolls to hit, -3 Successes* Oh my

Me OOC: Oh shit

Dm: Okay… The guard fires his gun, the shot misses and hits the ceiling, but he also drops his gun, being startled by the gun fire. The gun hits the floor on the butt and the fires upwards, all 3 bullets fired hit the guard in head and instantly kill him, despite how heavily armor he is.

Me In:…

Regal:…

Goltragg:…

Guards:…

Everyone OOC: *laughing uncontrollably *

Me: He’s worse than the stormtrooper from the holiday special!

My Reaper friend likes to shadow step behind me. Or above me and jump down, or drop guns on me.

One time they jumped down right in front of me mid ult, and I flinched very dramatically. Then I got  POTG feturing the exact moment so everyone could see what a chicken shit I am lol.

3

    You hadn’t meant to do it. Certainly not when Dean was within earshot. But it was right there, eight-legged and on your damn desk, and it had to go. Even if you already knew you’d never hear the end of it as you heard Dean’s boots thundering down the hallway.

     “Y/N?!” Dean called, bursting through your door with his gun raised. The eldest Winchester gave the room a quick once-over and then settled his gaze on you, assessing for damage with frantic eyes. He lowered his gun just the slightest bit. “Y/N? What happened? … Are you okay?”

     You smiled sheepishly at Dean and walked forward, pulling the gun from his calloused fingers with a gentle tug. “I’m okay, it’s just – uh …”

     “What? What’s wrong?”

      There was no apparent danger and you’d already dropped the gun on the bed, but Dean’s voice was still edged with concern. So you stepped aside and wordlessly pointed at the desk.

     The look Dean shot back would make Lucifer himself quiver in his boots.

     “A spider?” he said calmly. “You screamed because of a spider?”

     “It’s a big spider.”

     “It’s the size of my pinky nail!”

     “Yeah, well, you have fat fingernails …”

     Dean just rolled his eyes and reached for your desk with his bare hand, intending to solve your bug problem, but you caught his wrist mid-swing and stopped him from crushing the eight-legged pest.

     “Wait, you need to use a tissue!” you cried.

     His eyebrows knit together. “Why?”

     “Because you’ll get spider guts on you!”

      “So?” Dean just stared at you blank-faced. “Y/N, you do realize you’re a hunter, right? You’ve been covered in monster bits more times than I can count. How is this any different?”

     “Because this is spider guts, Dean! Spider guts.”

     “… And?”

     “Spiders are the spawn of Satan!”

     “Okay, we’ve met Satan and I don’t think -”

     “Satan, I tell you! Satan!”

     You ran across the room and quickly pulled a Kleenex from the box on your nightstand, passing it to Dean and backing up a step in case he missed his target. A motion he noted, if his raised eyebrows were any indication, which only served to make him look even less impressed.

     “Okay. I’m killing the spider,” Dean said, holding up the Kleenex for you see, “with a tissue.” You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off before you could, already knowing exactly what you were going to say. “And I won’t miss.”

     And he didn’t.

     The spider was gone in a matter of seconds and Dean was tossing the crumpled up Kleenex into the trash on his way out the door, looking over his shoulder before leaving and flashing a quick smile. “You’re lucky I love you.”


A/N: Okay, I don’t usually put Author’s Notes on imagines because they’re so short but in this case I felt like I should because I really don’t think this is my best work. I decided to post it anyway because I agonized over this fic for too long to not put it up ( @skymoonandstardust knows what I’m talking about and thank you for putting up with me, girl!) but I just wanted you guys to know that I’m fully aware it’s not that good. Apologies, friends.

*These gifs are not mine, both the gifs are from Google Images*

Masterlist

If you would like to be removed or added to any of my tag lists please send me an Ask or add yourself to This List!

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bear with me…

  • neils got blisters so many blisters along the heels and balls of his feet and he usually has one or two toes bandaged bc they were bleeding from how much he runs and practices 
  • hes got dry ankles and banged up and bruised and cut knees almost all season 
  • he has that light ginger almost blond body hair covering his arms and legs and body thats so light that in the right light it looks like hes completely shaven 
  • his calves and thighs are probably the thinnest but most defined of the whole team even allison cant compete with the definition of neils upper thighs bc of how much and how fast this kid can run 
  • hes got freckles along his legs and up his back they arent in any sort of pattern theres probably not even that many theyre just spread randomly on him 
  • hes got this birthmark that looks like a bruise on his right outer thigh that he pokes and prods waiting for it to heal but never realizes that its permanent he just thinks he keeps bruising that particular place over and over again 
  • neils got a rather defined stomach as well perhaps not as much as say kevin or matt or even dan but he has a v clear 4 pack that could be a 6 pack if kevin had his way with neils diet 
  • hes got scars 
  • old and new that have just become a part of him as much as every freckle 
  • theres a gunshot wound from when he was 14 on his lower left flank other scars from where gunshots scraped past him 
  • other times when shrapnel pierced his skin
  • and multiple knife wounds, stabbings and deep cuts, each once had a story that not even andrew knew yet 
  • some had stories that neil would rather not remember himself 
  • he doesnt have a v broad chest but its still p defined as well 
  • hairless which hes not sure how he feels about esp when andrews not 
  • his arms are nice but more lean and less defined and muscular for the sake of muscles 
  • he has long arms that were a problem when he was younger and they got in the way while he was growing they still look a little out of place considering hes not v tall still but he has arms that rival nickys in length
  • he has a scar right by his collar bone where hed been stabbed and another along his neck that you couldnt see unless neil was looking directly up in good lighting 
  • from when he had had a man start to slice his throat when his mother hadnt dropped her gun fast enough even when her sons life had been on the line and deeper still even after she had dropped it 
  • he has small ears 
  • rather ears that dont stand out too much esp when he lets his curls grow out, he eventually gets quite a few piercings along his left ear leaving the other alone 
  • he has a very chiseled face his jawline very defined his cheekbones hidden behind a couple of bad scars 
  • his eyelashes and eyebrows a shade or two darker than the hair on his head and his eyes the color of an iceberg framed by long lashes and and crows feet that he gets from his mom 
  • Andrew has small feet…not necessarily small, but smaller than Neil’s 
  • He’s got light brown/dirty blond body hair and this boy is hai ry 
  • hairy lil baby 
  • i digress 
  • hes got calves that should scare you, not necessarily v huge and strong like Neil’s, but so ridiculously defined even the football players are jealous 
  • his knees are soft but still scratched up and scarred just like the rest of the foxes 
  • his thighs are a little chubby bc that sugars gotta go somewhere
  • that somewhere being his chubby thighs and chubby butt and slightly squishy abs that shouldnt be abs but ARE bc my son exercises 
  • this boiiii
  • i love him so much idk what to do with myself 
  •  anyway 
  • hes hairy like i mentioned so i mean im not, no, no im totally saying happy trail
  • also can we talk about these idiots and the v defined V’s they both sport 
  • like 
  • stop it you two 
  • but also never stop i support and love - i digress 
  • where tf was i 
  • oh
  • the..scars 
  • Andrew’s got scars along the tops and sides of his thighs, those were all him 
  • he’s got barbed wire scars from a stint gone right and only those scars to prove it, all along his right hip and onto his stomach and the top side of his right thigh 
  • he’s got freckles, a lot of them, along the small of his back, along the back of his thighs, and down his spine, some bunched up at the back of his neck
  • hes got small hands, but pianist fingers, long and thin and knobby 
  • he’s got scars on scars on scars on his knuckles from various fights with people and the couple times he smashed a mirror with his fists
  • he wears his armbands at all times, im just…wait. a hijab. I wear a hijab at all times except when I’m home and/or around people I can take it off with, and that has nothing to do with this, but really…parallels well with the armbands 
  • wow i derailed im sorry 
  • anyway his armbands hide the worst scars
  • the ones around both his wrists, the ones that have since scabbed over but still sometimes itch that he tries his best to ignore 
  • hes got sharp, banged up elbows and 
  • broad shoulders and chest to match 
  • he probably does one handed push ups to one up Kevin bc he knows how much it pisses him off
  • he’s got a long neck, and a sharp collarbone that Neil adores
  • a necklace of hickies as proof 
  • his hair usually stay up and out of his face most of the time, but sometimes if he brushes it down it covers his eyes and he does that head jerk thing short haired people do to get it out of the way and he has soft hair and Neil loves pulling on it and running his fingers through it 
  • anyway this got way too longjust take it
The 4th Episode: A Complete Johnlock Fix-It

The screen is black.  A woman’s voice cuts through.  It’s Molly’s voice.

“Forward? Or Backward?”

A blinding white light floods the darkness.  A pulsating heartbeat. 

“Backward,” sighs Sherlock.

White noise stings as scenes are replayed backward. Sherlock and John running backward.  John’s fist recoiling from Sherlock in the morgue.  The christening, backward. The birth, backward.  The plane glides into the air, tail first. Magnussen’s limp body jolts into standing position, Sherlock puts the gun back in John’s pocket. The flashdrive jumps from the fire, into John’s hand.  The gun drops, the coin falls back into Mary’s fingers. Sherlock raises from Magnussen’s floor, the blood-stained shirt turns freshly white. Mary stands across from Sherlock, gun drawn.

Roll Title Credits.

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Never forget how Disney ruined Doug by slapping on a bunch of arbitrary bullshit changes:

• The Beets broke up
• Honker Burger closed
• Roger got rich
• Connie got a more “normal” body type
• Doug became Porkchop’s pet
• Skeeter’s safeword changed from “honk honk” to “eebeedeebee”
• The town was named Doug
• “Patti Mayonnaise Memorial Swimming Pool” WTF!
• Mayor White became part of Doug’s circle of friends
• Sex moans in the theme song
• Everyone could see Doug’s imagination sequences happen in reality
• 9/11 predictions got a lot less subtle
• Mr. Dink calmed down
• Judy Funnie became a baby
• Mr. Bone lived in Doug’s walls
• Doug’s voice actor was replaced by Sir Michael Caine
• Every episode was 4 hours long
• Every character was nude with grotesquely long, muscular torsos
• Roger always dropped a gun on the floor in every scene
• Doug turned twelve 
• Every episode ended with Doug’s parents dying

anonymous asked:

prompt: yakov/victuuri/yuri's grandfather reacting to welcome to the madness. bonus points if christophe says something about yuri being too innocent for this!

“What the hell is he doing?” Yakov growled from the edge of the rink. Victor and Yuuri were standing next to him, mouths agape in twin shock as they watched Yuri strip, throwing his jacket towards the crowd.

“I…think he’s found his eros,” Yuuri said quietly, gaping at how sensually their young friend was skating, “Victor, this isn’t at all how he practiced it the other night!”

Victor was following Yuri’s routine with his eyes, noticing a dark figure skating onto the ice to join Yuri. They watched as the figure raised an arm, pretending to shoot Yuri with a finger gun. Yuri dropped into a graceful slide, his shirt rising up to bare his entire chest, pants riding low, mimicking taking a bullet from the invisible gun.

“What the hell is he doing?” Yakov hissed again, looking distressed at his student’s actions, “I told him no wild clothing, no stage makeup. Yurachka, you are in for it when you got off of the ice!”

Victor coughed a little, like he was trying to hide a smile. “This is…definitely an impressive routine. Adding Otabek in at the last second was a risky choice. This must’ve been what they were getting up to the other night when they wouldn’t come out to dinner with us.”

They watched as Otabek joined Yuri on the ice now, the routine fierce and, well, maddening. The audience was losing it, Yuri’s fangirls screeching from every corner of the stadium. It was hard to pair in their minds the graceful, ethereal Yuri who had just won gold in the Grand Prix Finals with the wild, reckless skater they were seeing now.

“Johnny Weir would be proud,” Victor affirmed, watching Yuri and Otabek leap and twist across the ice, “But this is going to give Yurio’s grandfather a heart attack.”

Christophe padded up next to them, his mouth hanging open as well, watching the wild teenage display of reckless abandon and carelessness for rules. “Wow, is this how he skates when he doesn’t have medals to win?” Christophe asked, “I thought he was too innocent for something like this, especially after his short program.”

Yuuri was ignoring the conversation, watching as Otabek lifted Yuri and threw him into a jump. Yakov spluttered and groaned at the danger of the move, but Yuri landed perfectly, continuing the routing. Yuuri watched as Yuri nailed a quadruple flip, something he secretly had been working on with him in practice.

“GO YURIO AND OTABEK!” Yuuri screamed suddenly, “DAVAI!”

Victor looked at his fiance cheering excitedly for the wild pair and he laughed, joining in with whoops and hollers each time Otabek and Yuri did something on the ice. Yakov’s face drained of color as he watched Otabek drop Yuri into a spin. He sat down on the bench, mumbling Russian curses into his hands.

Yuri and Otabek went through one final step sequence before ending with Otabek lifting Yuri above his head into a final hold. After the final chord of the music, Yuri slid down Otabek’s chest, far too sensually for his coach’s liking.

“He is only sixteen, what is he thinking?” Yakov groaned, “Oh, the press damage for this is going to be horrible.”

Victor grinned brightly as Yuri and Otabek skated off the ice, hand in hand. “Cheer up, Yakov! At least Yuri has some new motivation.”

The crowd was losing it as some of the more exciting aspects of the program were replayed on the big screens above the rink. Victor and Yuuri looked proudly in Yuri’s direction, watching as he chatted excitedly with Otabek.

“This is going to make next season very interesting,” Victor observed brightly, “Now, who wants to call Yurio’s grandfather and explain?”

From the bench, Yakov let out an exasperated sigh.

Imagine Sam nearly killing you & Dean

A/N: This takes place S1E10, Asylum.

Before the Series Imagines

Series Imagines Season One

Dean’s age-26

Sam’s age-22

Reader’s age-15

Dean x Sister!Reader     Sam x Sister!Reader

“I told you. I looked everywhere. I didn’t find a hidden room.” Sam told you and Dean in a stern voice as you searched for any signs of the room. Something seemed off about him ever since you came to the basement, you just couldn’t figure out what it was.

“That’s why they call it hidden. Did you hear that?” Dean asked while glancing up and you and Sam.

“Hear what?” Sam replied.

Dean held his hand over part of the wall, “There’s a door here.”

Sam slowly raised his gun and pointed it at Dean. “Dean. Step back from the door.”

Dean slowly stood up, glancing over at you to make sure you were okay. “Put the gun down, Sam.”

“Is that an order?” Sam asked with malice in his voice, this definitely wasn’t Sam.

“It’s more of a friendly request.” Dean replied with a chuckle.

“I’m tired of taking your orders.” Sam told Dean.

“Hey Sammy, calm down okay? Let’s all just, chill?“ You brought yourself into the conversation as you positioned yourself next to Dean. You knew that Sam had issues with Dean so you figured you stood a better chance at snapping him out of it.

“Oh, now you wanna talk to me Y/N? Not interested.” Sam said as he glared at you as he positioned the shotgun to it was pointed towards you.

“I knew it. Ellicott did something to you. What are you gonna do Sam? The gun’s filled with rock salt, it won’t kill us.” Dean cut in with an attitude, hoping that it would take the attention away from you to him.

It didn’t work.

Sam fired a shot which hit you right in the chest, resulting in you falling backwards with such a force that you broke down the door to the hidden room.

“Y/N!” Dean shouted as he scrambled over the shards of splintered wood and into the room towards you.

“No.” Sam said, “But it’ll hurt like hell.”

Dean was checking you over, hovering his hands over your chest while you groaned in pain, “Sam, we gotta burn Ellicott’s bones, then you’ll be back to normal!” Dean shouted at his brother, trying to decide if he should help you or try to fix Sam.

“I am normal. I’m just telling the truth for the first time. Why are we even here? Because you’re following dad’s orders like a good little soldier? Because you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval?” Sam yelled at Dean, the gun pointed at Dean now.

“This isn’t you talking, Sam.” Dean replied in a sad tone.

“That’s the difference between me and you. I have a mind of my own, I’m not pathetic, like you. Like Y/N. I’m sick of doing what you tell me to do! We’re no closer to finding Dad than we were 6 months ago!” Sam shouted.

“Well then here. Let me make it easier for you.” Dean said before grabbing his gun and holding it out for Sam. “Take it.” He growled out as he thrust it into Sam’s hand, causing your eyes to go wide. “Real bullets are gonna work a hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it!” Dean yelled again as Sam took the gun, dropped the shotgun, and pointed Dean’s gun at your oldest brothers face.

“SAM! NO!” You yelled, pushing yourself onto your elbows. You let out a sound of pain as you tried to move yourself forward more so you could get between your brothers but Dean roughly pushed you back down as a response, causing a surge of pain to roll through your chest.

“You hate me that much that you would kill your own brother? Your little sister?” Dean said in a disbelieving tone, “Then go ahead, pull the trigger! Do it!”

The sound of Sam pulling the trigger echoed throughout the room, only no bullet fired. You turned your glance between your brothers, tears filling your eyes, as you watched Sam continued to pull the trigger only it wasn’t loaded.

Dean grabbed the gun and manged to knock Sam out cold. He grabbed the shotgun and handed it to you, “Keep an eye on him, if he doesn’t act like Sam return the favor with some rock salt to the chest. Got it?” He asked.

“Got it.”


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okay so here’s how it goes down

Zarya and Orisa get cut off from the others, defending themselves against an oncoming hoard. Zarya has already been a dick, but Orisa is powering through because Efi told her changing minds isn’t always easy! They start to lose the fight, they’re both pretty banged up and Zarya’s gun is halfway to melting.

A larger than usual mook shows up with a rocket launcher and zarya only barely managed to bubble herself before the first shot makes contact. The second cracks her shield and she has to drop her gun, it’s mostly slag at this point. The mook lines up for another shot and she realises this is probably it until Orisa stands in front of her, sparks flying from her chassis as her fortification circuits fry themselves trying to reactivate.

Zarya scream out. “Leave me!” she says “Find the others!”

But Orisa holds fast, feet locking themselves in place on the ground. “I,” she says, “will protect you.”

Orisa goes down from the rocket blast, but in her fall the miniature tobelstein reactor in her arm is knocked most of the way free. While the mook is reloading, Zarya rips it out and jams it into the practically molten ruins of her gun. The graviton surge, as a weapon, is non-lethal by choice, not nature, and in its badly damaged state her gun has none of its safety measures. No one could recognise what’s left of the mooks as human or omnic. 

Zarya wishes she could fall down in the street and lie there for a week, but she knows time is limited. Badly wounded herself, she manages to drag as much of Orisa as she can carry to the Overwatch dropship, where she knows Efi is waiting.

With nothing but adrenaline in her system, Zarya manages to deadlift exactly 524 kilograms of omnic up onto the work table. 

“Fix this,” she says to Efi. She doesn’t mentioned that Orisa saved her life. Exhausted, she slumps to the floor.

When she comes to, Orisa is barely awake herself. Still running with only half her processors, all she says on seeing Zarya stand up is her name.

“Zaryanova, Aleksandra.”

“Hush now, Omnic, you call me sister from now on.”

Orisa takes a moment to process that, her eyes glowing a bit brighter as they do.

“Confirmed.”

And that is the story of how Zarya calls Orisa “Little Sister” and you will never separate this headcanon from me

A Matter of Time

Originally posted by yourboi-steverogers-imagines

Summary: (Soulmate Timer AU) Steve awoke with a start. A baseball game was playing softly on the radio. He sat up, incredibly disoriented. He looked to his right arm. 3 Years, 84 Days, 2 Hours, 0 Minutes, 5 Seconds. He’d woken up 70 years in the future. 


It was a surprise for Mr. and Mrs. Rogers, when on July 4, 1918, their son Steven was born with ‘95 Years, 14 days, 10 hours, 22 Minutes 35 seconds’ on his forearm. Steven Grant Rogers, sickly boy that he was, wouldn’t even meet his soulmate until well into old age.

Steve did his best to not let it bother him. Ever the optimist, he believed that it just meant that whoever he would meet in 75 years would be so special, they’d wait their whole lives to find one another.

Bucky had a different outlook. As one of the rare few without a timer, James Buchanan Barnes was basically the definition of ‘playboy.’ He saw it as 75 years for Steve to be with whoever the hell he wanted without having to settle down. The two friends weren’t really that alike when it came to matters of the heart.

Both philosophies faded into the background when they entered the war. Steve gave up the theories of finding love in favor of striving to survive. After the serum, Steve had more women (and some men) throwing themselves at him than he’d ever thought would.

The only person he even thought he might have a shot with was Peggy, but after Bucky fell he was far too consumed by his grief to do anything. As his timer slowly ticked downwards, he fought the good fight. His last hopes were winking out as he flew the plane into the ice.

Steve awoke with a start. A baseball game was playing softly on the radio. He sat up, incredibly disoriented. He looked to his right arm.

3 Years, 84 Days, 2 Hours, 0 Minutes, 5 Seconds. He’d woken up 70 years in the future.

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