drop beliefs

When I go NBK, and people say things like, “oh it was so tragic” or “oh he is crazy” or “It was bloody” I think, so the fuck what, you think thats a bad thing? just because your mommy and daddy told you blood and violence is bad, you think its a fucking law of nature? Wrong, only science and math are true, everything, and I mean everyfuckingthing else is man made. My doctor wants to put me on medication to stop thinking about so many things and to stop getting angry. Well, I think that anyone doesnt like me is just bullshitting themselves. Try it sometime if you think you are worthy, which you probly will you little shits, drop all your beliefs and views and ideas that have been burned into your head and try to think about why your here. But I bet most of you fuckers cant even think that deep, so that is why you must die.

Life is magical,
No less than a dream

Drop the beliefs that tell you otherwise,
No matter how accurate they may seem.

You can have what you wish for and more,
You can have tons of fun and become happier than ever before

What should you do to make it happen, you ask?
The answer is simple—an easy task.

Relax, flow with life like a river
And watch the Universe deliver.

~Mariya
5/8/17

The End of All Things (A Preview for the upcoming Antisepticeye X Reader Series)

(( AN: Preview Cause Im Really Nervous 😂

Okay well this takes place way before the story starts and it’s kinda a tester and advice for how I write Anti cause I want it to be decent?

But I guess I can start getting some feedback and my other ones as well since I don’t plan on releasing any until October….

So let me know if you wanna see some NateMare, Gear or Dark previews as well :)

Cause I am way too far ahead in most of these series.

It’s kinda based on what I think these things are. A smol heads up 😬

And soooo this is gonna be nothing like the story… it’s kinda like a little trailer.

And yeah I misspelt things on purpose. Give it more of a child vibe and it’s also supposed to be taken kind of like you’re intruding.

At first, anyhow.    

So yeah! Sorry I am crazy about dramatic details and overuse of extreme detail!!

I would love to get some feedback!!! Both on my writing and the characters!  So lemme know what you think :D

And most importantly  @justwritingscibbles who is first of all, an extremely talented writer but also just a rad human being who agreed to give me feedback! So again, thank you so much!  So go check her blog out!!!

Sorry for the long A/N

And without further ado-))



E N J O Y  T H E  S H O W

Originally posted by lum1natrix


“Happy birthday!”

He chuckled bitterly, swinging himself into the room as he stared at the sleeping figure in darkness, tear stains still remain on her cheeks from the past two hours of sobbing before she fell into her slumber. He even mused how you still sniffled slightly as she turned as he twisted the blade in on his palm, not digging into the flesh but creating a small circle as he pondered his position and options.

So many times he had desired nothing more that slit her throat, deep enough so that you wouldn’t wake back up from the impact of the blade and would die in slumber, blood staining your bedsheet. Or perhaps he would drag it through your arm, cutting out the trace were he once held.

The other half of him, the half she had brought out, screamed at him to just hold you again, feel your flesh, warm and gentle and comfort her. Her to apologize. Beg. Hold him. Comfort. Turn away from your world and back at his with the same wonder you once held.

But he knew better.

It was over.

She didn’t need him.

Keep reading

“I’m sick of seeing people saying that the fact that Michonne loves Rick and doesn’t want to lose him means that the writers have made her weak. In fact, can we please just drop this ridiculous belief that in order for a female character (or any character really) to be considered “strong,” they have to be 100% strong, 100% of the time and never show even the slightest bit of vulnerability? Characters with no weaknesses whatsoever are boring.”

anonymous asked:

Carla at his daughters coorination please? (assuming she didn't dethrone him herself)

Carla: It was a day that he had hoped would reach his little Founder princess. Ever since she was born, Carla was afraid that his daughter would not have long to live, especially with the terrible Endzeit disease spreading around the demon world. But thanks to part of her human genetic makeup, the Founder blood was eliminated from his daughter’s genetics and she turned out to be a vampire demon instead, much like the Sakamaki triplets when Cordelia, his cousin, had given birth to them. Excusing himself from the bedroom he shared with his wife, Carla decided to pay his daughter a visit in her room, wondering if she was already dressed in her formal coronation dress. She had given him the honor of picking it out for her since he would no longer have her under his royal rule.

Knocking meekly on the door, Carla waited until his daughter gave him permission to enter the room. When he pressed down on the silver handle and opened the door to her room, Carla was surprised to see his daughter pacing back and forth, murmuring incoherent words here and there. What happened to his usual calm and collected princess? Did someone doubt her abilities to rule as a Founder Queen and she became aware of it? Worried that she may have a nervous breakdown before the coronation ceremony, Carla quietly approached his daughter and placed his hands firmly on her shoulders, prompting her to snap out of her tentative state.

“What are you doing at this hour? Your hair is not even brushed yet. How will the crown fit upon your head during the ceremony?” Carla briskly asked.

“I know, Father, but I can’t help but be a little nervous. All of the clans will be here to watch me receive the crown and throne, and I’m worried. W-What if I don’t become a great Founder Queen like my mother or grandmother? What if I am dethroned in the future? My fears are slowly eating me alive with all the pressure of becoming a Founder Queen…” his daughter shakily voiced.

Carla quietly led his daughter to her ebony vanity mirror and sat her down on her chair as he reached out for her wooden brush. Her hair was just like his own, silvery and smooth with a deep shade of purple tinging the ends of her long hair. He decided to brush and prepare her hair since none of the maids were around, and he figured that it may be best for him to give her a pep-talk before the grand occasion. 

“No one will dare try to dethrone you. You will rise and become a respected Queen, so do not waste your energy or stress on this matter. I’ve trained and taught you everything that you need to know, so you are not unprepared for this. Take a look at yourself in the mirror, my dear. You were born for this.” Carla declared as he styled her hair into a neat bun with a few strands of her hair framing her face.

“I’ll surely be killed by the Bat clan one day…the Sakamaki family in particular would want me dead, even if I am faintly related to those triplets…” his daughter remarked sadly.

Carla let out a low grunt and pulled his daughter out of her chair, knowing that the ceremony would start soon and their presence was required.

“You are stronger than all of them, so do not worry. I will always be watching you, even when I am not physically at your side. You must rule with an iron fist if you want to survive, my daughter. A Queen must not ever hesitate for anything.”

Realizing the truth behind her father’s words, Carla’s daughter would nod and quietly follow her father out of the room and into the main hall where the coronation ceremony was held. She breathed in and out slowly, and held her chin up when she finally made her entrance to the event. Carla linked arms with her and led her to the front, watching her as she grew confident with every step they took. For years, he had watch her grow into a fine young lady and consistently held her by the hand to lead her to different places, but now he was leading her to her final destiny. It wouldn’t be a lie that Carla was proud of this memorable moment, and he hoped that she would understand her true worth in this world one day. He wanted her to be more confident with her new powers.

As he placed the Founder crown neatly on top of his daughter’s head as a symbol for passing down the royal throne to her, Carla couldn’t help but wonder why there was a sudden gleam in her golden eyes when she looked up and smirked at him after placing the crown on her head. Perhaps it was his imagination, but he was sure that something had sparked in his daughter and replaced the skittish one he knew earlier in her room. 

Little did he know that his precious princess would soon drop her former beliefs of not being good enough for the position and have a field day with her new position as Queen. The empowerment and confidence she felt as she faced her subjects ran hotly through her blood, and she turned and smiled widely at her audience, ready for whatever the future held for her. 

-Admin Yuuzuki

Confessions (Elliot Alderson)

word count: 2, 075

summary: Y/N spends the night at Elliot’s apartment which leads to a confession. 

dedicated to: @pandalandalopalis

a/n: I LOVED WRITING THIS SO MUCH?? ELLIOT DESERVES SO MUCH LOVE??? Also, two updates in one day AND I wrote this one in like three hours. I just loved this idea so much! (Re-named the one-shot because it sounded better and fit the story)

Keep reading

Typed transcripts of Eric's Entire journal: 4-10-98 to 4-3-99

I hate the fucking world, to many god damn fuckers it in. to many thoughts about societies all wrapped up together in this place called AMERICA. everyone has their own god damn opinions on every damn thing and you may be saying “well what makes you so different?”. because I have something only me and V have, SELF AWARENESS, Call it exortenstiolism or whatever the fuck u want. we know what are to this world and what everyone else is. we learn more than what caused the civil war and how to simplify quadratics in school. we have been watching you people. we know what you think and how you act, all talk and no actions. people who are said to be brave or couragous are usually just STUPID then they say later that they did it on purpose cause they are brave when they did on fucking accident. GOD everything is so corrupt and so filled with opinions little and points of view and peoples’ own little agendas and shedules. this isnt a world anymore, its H.O.E. and [no]one knows it. self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know I will die soon, so will you and everyone else. maybe will we be lucky and a comet will smash us back to day 1. people say it is immoral to follow others, they say be a leader. well here is a fuckin news flash for you stupid shits, everyone is a follower! everyone who says they arent a follower and then dresses diff. or acts diff. … They got that from something they saw on TV or in film or in life. no originality, how many JO MAMMA jokes are there and how many do u think are original and not copied. KEINE. Its a fucking filthy place we live in. all these standards and laws and Great Expectations (webb) are making people into robots even though they might “think” they arent and try to deny it. no matter how hard they try to NOT copy someone I still AM! except for this fucking piece of paper right here, and B.T.W spelling is stupid unless I say. I say spell it how it sounds, it’s the fuckin easiest way. hey try this sometime, when someone tells you something, ask “why?” eventually they will be stumped and cant answer anymore. thats because they only know what they need to know in society and school, not real life science. they will end up saying words to this “because! Just shut up!” people that only know stupid facts that arent important should be shot, what fucking use are they. NATURAL SELECTION. KILL all retards, people w/ brain fuck ups, drug adics, people cant figure out to use a fucking lighter. GEEEAWD! people spend millions of dollars on saving the lives of retards, and why. I don’t buy that shit like “oh hes my son though!” so the fuck what, he aint normal, kill him, put him out his misery. he is only a waste of time and money, then people say “But he is worth the time, he is human too” no he isnt, if he was then he would swalow a bullet cause he would realize what a fucking waste and burden he was. – 4/10/98


as I said before, self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know what all you fuckers are thinking and what to do to piss you off and make you feel bad. I always try to be different, but I always end up copying someone else. I try to be a mixture of different things and styles but when I step out of myself I end up looking like others or others THINK I am copying. One big fucking problem Is people telling me what to fuckin do, think, say, act, and everything else. Ill do what you say IF I feel like it. But people (I.E. parents, cops, God, teachers) telling me what to [arrow points to do, think, say, act, and everything else] just makes me not want to fucking do it! thats why my fucking name is REB!!! no one is worthy of shit unless I say they are, I feel like GOD and I wish I was, having everyone being OFFICIALLY lower than me. I already know that I am higher than almost anymore in the fucking welt in terms of universal Intelligence and where we stand in the universe compared to the rest of the UNIV. and if you think I dont know what Im talking about then you can just “ßUCK DICH” and saugen mein Hund! Isnt america supposed to be the land of the free? how come, If im free, I cant deprive a stupid fucking dumbshit from his possessions If he leaves then sitting in the front seat of his fucking van out in plain sight and in the middle fucking nowhere on a Fri fucking day night. NATURAL SELECTION. fucker should be shot. same thing with all those rich snotty toadies at my school. fuckers think they are higher than me and everyone else with all their $ just because they were born into it? Ich denk NEIN. BTW, “sorry” is just a word. it doesnt mean SHIT to me. everyone should be put to a test. an ULTIMATE DOOM test, see who can survive in an environtment using only smarts and military skills. put them in a doom world. no authority, no refuge, no BS copout excuses. If you cant figure out the area of a triangle or what “cation” means, you die! if you cant take down a demon w/ a chainsaw or kill a hell prince w/ a shotgun, you die! fucking snotty rich fuckheads [Censored by J.C.Sheriff Office] who rely on others or on sympathy or $ to get them through life should be put to this challenge. plus it would get rid of all the fat, retarded, crippled, stupid, dumb, ignorant, worthless people of this world. no one is worthy of this planet only me and who ever I choose. there is just no respect for anything higher than your fucking boss or parent. everyone should be shot out into space and only the people I saw should be left behind. 4/12/98


ever wonder why we go to school? besides getting a so called education. its not to obvious to most of you stupid fucks but for these who think a little more and deeper you should realize it. its societies way of turning all the young people into good little robots and factory workers thats why we sit in desks in rows and go by bell schedules, to get prepared for the real world cause “thats what its like”. well god damit no it isnt! one thing that seperates us from other animals is the fact that we can carry on actual thoughts. so why don’t we? people go on day by day. rutine shit. why cant we learn in school how we want to. why cant we sit on desks and on shelves and put our feet up and relax while we learn? cause thats not what the “real world is like” well hey fuckheads, there is no such thing as an actual “real world”. its just another word like justice, sorry, pity, religion, faith, luck and so on. we are humans. if we dont like something we have the fucking ability to change! but we dont, atleast U dont. I would. U just whine/bitch thoughtout life but never do a goddamn thing to change anything. “man can eat, drink, fuck, and hunt and anything else he does is madness” - Based on Lem’s quote. boy oh fuckin boy is that true. when I go NBK, and people say things like, “oh it was so tragic,” or “oh he is crazy!” or “It was bloody!” I think, so the fuck what, you think thats a bad thing? just because your mommy and daddy told you blood and violence is bad, you think its a fucking law of nature? wrong, only science and math are true, everything, and I mean everyfuckingthing else is man made. my doctor wants to put me on medication to stop thinking about so many things and to stop getting angry. well, I think that anyone doesnt like me is just bullshitting themselves. try it sometime if you think you are worthy, which you probly will you little shits, drop all your beliefs and views and ideas that have been burned into your head and try to think about why your here. but I bet most of you fuckers cant even think that deep, so that is why you must die. how dare you think that I and you are part of the same species when we are sooooooo different. you arent human you are a Robot. you dont take advantage of your capabilites given to you at birth. you just drop them and hop onto the boat and headdown the stream of life with all the other fuckers of your type. well god damit I wont be a part of it! I have thought to much, realized to much, found out to much, and I am to self aware to just stop what I am thinking and go back to society because what I do and think isnt “right” or “morally accepted” NO, NO, NO GOD FUCKING DAMIT NO!I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts. but before I leave this worthless place, I will kill who ever I deam unfit for anything at all. especially life. and i fyou pissed me off in the past, you will die if I see you. because you might be able to piss off others and have it eventually all blow over, but not me. I dont forget people who wronged me. like [Censored by J.C. Sheriff Office] he will never get a chance to read this because he will be dead by me before this is discovered – 4/21/98


The human race sucks. human nature is smuthered out by society, jobs, and work and school. instincts are deleted by laws. I see people say things that contradict themselves, or people that dont take any advantage to the gift of human life. they waste their minds on memorizing the stats of every college basketball player or how many words should be an a report when they should be using their brain on more important things. the human race isnt worth fighting for anymore. WWII was the last war worth fighting and was the last time human life and human brains did any good any made us proud. now, with the government having scandals and conspiracies all over the fucking place and lying to everyone all the time and with worthless pointless mindless discraceful TV shows on (scratched out) and with everyone ub-fucking-sessed with hollywood and beauty and fame and glamour and politics and anything famous, people just arent worth saving. Society may not realize what is happening but I have; you go to school, to get used to studying and learning how youre “supposed to” so that drains or filters out a little bit of human nature. but thats after your parents taught you whats right and wrong even though you may think differently, you still must to have more of your human nature blown out of your ass. society trys to make everyone act the same by burying all human nature and instincts. Thats what school, laws, jobs, and parents do If they realize it or not and them, the few who stick to their natural instincts are casted out as psychos or lunatics or strangers or just plain different. crazy, strange, weird, wild, these words are not bad or degrading.. if humans were let to live how we would naturaly it would be chaos and anarchy and the human race wouldnt probably last that long, but hey guess what, thats how its supposed to be!!!!! society and goverments are only created to have order and calmness, which is exactly the opposite of pure human nature. take away all your laws and morals and just see what you can do. if the goverment was one entity it would be thinking “hey, lets make some order here and calm these crazy fucks down so we can be constructive and fight other goverments in our own little so called self created "civilizied world” and get rid of all those damn insticts everyone has" well shit I’m to tired wright anymor tonight, so until next time, fuck you all – 5/6/98


It has been confirmed, after getting my yearboook and watching people like [censored] and [censored] the human race isn’t worth fighting for, only worth killing. give the Earth back to the animals, they deserve it infinitely more than we do. nothing means anything more, most quotes are worthless, especially the rearranged ones like “dont fight your enemies, make your enemies fight” you know, quotes that use the same phrase just rearranged, Dumbfuck shit [illegible] wear. its funny, people say “you shouldn’t be so different.” to me, and 1st I say fuck you dont tell me what I should and shouldn’t be and 2ND mother fuckers different is good, I dont want to be like you or anyone which is almost impossible this day w/ all the little shits trying to be “original-copycats”, I expect shits like you to criticize anyone who isnt one of your social words; “normal” or “civilized” - see tempest and Caliban. allyou degrading worthless shits. all caught up and brainwashed into the 90’s society. “what? you AREN’T going to college, are you are crazy!” holy SHIT that is one fucking BIG Quote that just proves my point. step back and look at yourself fuckers, I dare you, maybe I’ll get lucky and you’ll step back to far like Nick in Elm3. w/ the same concequence. – 5/9/98


wooh, different pen. HA! alright you pathetic fools listen up; I have figured it out. the human race strives for exellence in life and community always wanting to bring more =good= into the comm. and nulify =bad= things. anyone who thinks differently than the majority or the leaders is deamed “unusual” or weird or crazy. people want to be a part of something; a family, a service, a club, a union, a community, whatever. thats what humans want. who cares waht you as an individual thinks, you must do what you are told, whether it is jump of a bridge or drive on the right side of the road. protesters in the past protested because the human race that was dominant (Ghandi and the Brits or the king and the americans) wasnt working out = they had fault = they failed = their ideas didnt work. humans dont change that much, they only get better technology to do their work quicker/easier. people always say we shouldnt be racist. why not? Blacks ARE different, like it or not they are. they started on the bottom so why not keep em there. it took the centuries to convince us that they are equal but they still use their color as an excuse or they just discriminate us because we are white. Fuck you, we should ship yer black asses back to Afri-fucking-ca were you came from. we brought you here and we will take you back. America=White. Gays….well all gays, ALL gays, should be killed. mit keine fragen. lesbians are fun to watch if they are hot but still, its not human. its a fucking disease. you dont see bulls or roosters trying to fuck do you? no, I didn’t think so. women you will always be under men. its been seen throughout nature, males are almost always doing the dangerous shit while the women stay back. its your animal instincts, deal with it or commit suicide, just do it quick. thats all for now. – 5/20/98


If you recall your history the Nazis came up with a “final solution” to the Jewish problem… kill them all. well incase you havent figured it out yet, I say, “K I L L M A N K I N D” no one should survive. we all live in lies. people are saying they want to live in a perfect society, well utopia doesnt exist. It is human to have flaws. you know what, Fuck it. why should I have to explain myself to you survivors when half of the shit I say you shitheads wont understand and if you can then woopie fucking do. that just means you have something to say as my reason for killing. and the majority of the audience wont even understand my motives either! they’ll say “ah, hes crazy, hes insane, oh well, I wonder if the bulls won.” you see! it’s fucking worthless! all you fuckers should die! DIE! what the fuck is the point if onlu some people see what I am saying, there will always be ones who dont, ones that are to dumb or naive or ignorrant or just plain retarded. If I cant pound it into every single persons head then it is pointless. fuck mercy fuck justic fuck morals fuck civilized fuck rules fuck laws… DIE manmade words…people think they apply to everything when they dont/cant. theres no such thing as True Good or True Evil, its all relative to the observer. its just all nature, chemistry, and math. deal with it. but since dealing with it seems impossible for mankind, since we have to slap warning labels on nature, then… you die. burn, melt, evaporate, decay, just go the fuck away!!!! YAAAAAH!!!! - 6/12/98-

KEIN MITLEID

“when in doubt, confuse the hell out the enemy” - Fly 9/2/98

wait mercy doesnt exist….


heres something to chew on….: today I saw a program on the discovery channel about satelites and radar and aircraft and stuff, and at the end of the show the narrator said some things that made me think “damn, we are so advanced, we kick ass, america is awesome, we have so many things in our military, we would kick anyones ass.” for a minute I actually had some pride in our nation…. then I realized, “hey, this only the Good things that I am seeing here. only the Pros, not the cons. maybe thats what people see, only the Pros, and thats why they are under control. but me, I see all… you can only blind me for so long. but alas, I have realized that Yes, the human race is still indeed doomed. It just needs a few kick starts, like me, and hell, maybe even [censored]. If can whipe a few cities off the map, and even the fuckhead Holding the map, then great. hmm, just thinking if I want ALL humans dead or maybe just the quote-unquote "civilized, developed, and known-of” places on Earth. maybe leave little tribes of natives in the rain forest er something. hmm, I’ll think about that. eh. done for tonight -REB- 6/13/98


As part of the human race, and having the great pleasure of being blessed with a brain, I can think. Humans can do whatever they want. There are no laws of nature that prevent humans from making choices. maybe from actually DOING some of those choices, but not from making the choice. If a man choosses to speed while driving home one day, then it is his fault for whatever happens. If he crashes into a school bus full of kidies and they all burn to death, its his fault. Its only a tragedy if you think it is, and then its only a tragedy in your own mind. so you shouldn’t expect others to think that way also. it could also be a miracle for another person. maybe the bus stopped the car from plowing into a little old lady walking on the sidewalk. one could think it was a “miracle” that she wasnt hit. you see, anything and everything that happens in our world is just that, a HAPPENING. anything else is relative to the observer, but yet we try to have a “universal law” or “code” of what is good and bad and that just isnt fucking correct. we shouldn’t be allowed to do that. we arent GODS. just because we are at the top of the food chain with our technology doesnt mean we can be “judges” of nature. sure we can think what we can think what we want, but you can “think” and “believe” you can judge people and nature all you want, but you are still wrong! why should your morals apply to everyone else. “morale” is just another word. and thats it. I think we are all a waste of natural resources and should be killed off, and since humans have the ability to choose… and I’m human… I think I will choose to kill and damage as much as nature allows me to so take that. fuck you, and eat napalm + lead! HA! only Nature can stop me. I know I could get shot by a cop after only killing a single person, but hey guess the fuck WHAT! I chose to kill that one person so get over it! Its MY fault! not my parents, not my brothers, not my friends, not my favorite bands, not computer games, not the media. IT is MINE! go shut the fuck up!
-REB- 7/29/98


someones bound to say “what were they thinking?” when we go NBK or when we were planning it, so this what I am thinking. “I have a goal to destroy as much as possible so I must not be sidetracked by my feelings of sympathy, mercy, or any of that, so I will force myself to believe that everyone is just another monster from Doom like FH or FS or demons, so It’s either me or them. I have to turn off my feelings.” keep this is mind, I want to burn the world, I want to kill everyone except about 5 people, who I will name later, so If you are reading this you are lucky you escaped my rampage because I wanted to kill you. It will be very tricky getting all of our supplies, explosives, weaponry, ammo, and then hiding it all and then actually planting it all so we can achieve our goal. but if we get busted any time, we start killing then and there, just like Wilks from the AlIENS books, I aint going out without a fight.
Once I finally start my killing, keep this in mind, there are probably about 100 people max in the school alone who I dont want to die, the rest, MUST FUCKING DIE! If I didnt like you or if you pissed me off and lived through my attacks, consider yourself one lucky god damn NIGGER. Pity that a lot of the dead will be a waste in someways, like dead hot chicks who were still bitches, they could have been good fucks. oh well, too fucking bad. life isnt fair… not by a long fuckin shot when Im at the wheel, too. God I want to torch and level everything in this whole fucking area but Bombs of that size are hard to make, and plus I would need a fuckin fully loaded A-10 to get every store on wadsworth and all the buildings downtown. heh, Imagine THAT ya fuckers, picture half of denver on fire just from me and Vodka. napalm on sides of skyscrapers and car garages blowing up from exploded gas tanks…. oh man that would be beautiful. – 10/23/98


you know what, I feel like telling about lies. I lie a lot. almost constant. and to everybody, just to keep my own ass out of the water. and by the way (side note) I dont think I am doing this for attention, as some people may think. lets see, what are some big lies I have told; “yeah I stopped smoking,” “for doing it not for getting caught,” “no I’m havent been making more bombs,” “no I wouldn’t do that,” and of course, countless of other ones, and yeah I know that I hate liers and I am one myself, oh fucking well. Its ok If I am a hypocrite, but no one else. because I am higher then you people, no matter what you say if you disagree I would shoot you And I am one racist mother fucker too, fuck the niggers and spics and chinks, unless they are cool, but sometimes they are so fucking retarded they deserve to be ripped on. some people go through life begging to be shot. and white fucks are just the same. if I could nuke the world I would, because so far I hate you all. there are probly around 10 people I wouldnt want to die, but hey, who ever said life is fair should be shot like the others too. - 11/1/98


heh heh heh. I sure had fun this weekend. lets see, what really happened. before going to the Rock n Bowl we stopped by King Soopers and one and [censored] picked up some big ass stoges. we then went to the Rock n Bowl and I had a few cigarettes and one of brand new cigars. we then went back to [censored] house where her mom had previousely bought us all a fuck load of liquor. personally I had asked for Tequilla and Irish cream, Vodka got his vodka, and there was beer, whiskey, schnopps, puckers, scotch and of course, orange juice! so we had some fun there playing cards and making drinks. we eventually made it to bed at about 5AM. got up at 10, went to safeway got some donouts and then I took Vodka home. the bottle of Tequilla is almost full and is in car, right by my spare tire and right by the bottle of irish cream. heh heh. I’ll have to find a spot for those. and by the way, this nazi report is boosting my love of killing even more. like the early Nazi government, my brain is like a sponge, sucking up everything that sounds cool and leaving out all that is worthless, thats how Nazism was formed and thats how I will be too!
11/8/98


Fuck you Brady! all I want is a couple of guns, and thanks to your fucking bill I will probably not get any! come on, I’ll have a clean record and I only want for personal protection. Its not like I’m some person who would go on a shooting spree…. fuckers. Ill probably end up nuking everything and fucking robbing some gun collectors house. Fuck, thatll be be hard. oh well, just as long as I kill a lot of fucking people. Everyone is always making fun of me because of how I look, how fucking weak I am and shit, well I will get you all back: ultimate fucking revenge here. you people could have shown more respect, treated me better, asked for my knowledge or guidence more, treated me more like senior, and maybe I wouldn’t have been as ready to tear your fucking heads off. then again, I have always hated how I looked, I make fun of people who look like me, sometimes without even thinking sometimes just because I want to rip on myself. Thats where a lot of my hate grows from, the fact that I have practically no selfesteem, especially concerning girls and looks and such. therefore people make fun of me… constantly… therefore I get no respect and therefore I get fucking PISSED. as of this date I have enough explosives to kill about 100 people, and then if I get a couple bayonetts, swords, axes, whatever I’ll be able to kill at least 10 more. and that just isnt enough! GUNS! I need guns! Give me some fucking firearms!
11/12/98


HATE! I’m full of hate and I Love it. I HATE PEOPLE and they better fucking fear me if they know whats good for em. yes I hate and I guess I want others to know it, yes I’m racist and I don’t mind. Niggs and spics bring it on themselves, and another thing, I am very racist towards white trash p.o.s.s like [censored] and [censored] they deserve the hatred, otherwise I probly wouldnt hate them. Its a tragedy, the human nature of people will lead to their downfall. Peoples human nature will get them killed. whether by me or Vodka, Its happened before, and not just in school shootings like those pussy dumbasses over in Minnesota who squeeled. throughtout history, Its our fucking nature! I know how people are and why and I cant stand it! I love the nazis too… by the way, I fucking cant get enough of the swastika, the SS, and the iron cross. Hitler and his head boys fucked up a few times and it cost them the war, but I love their beliefs and who they were, what they did, and what they wanted. I know that form of gov couldn’t have lasted long once the human equation was brought in, but damnit it sure looked good. every form of gov leads to downfalls, everything will always fuck up or yeah something. its all DOOMed god damnit. this is beginning to make me get in a corner. I’m showing too much of myself, my views and thoughts, people might start to wonder, smart ones will get nosey and something might happen to fuck me over, I might need to put on one helluva mask here to fool you all some more. fuck fuck fuck it’ll be very fucking hard to hold out until April. If people would give me more compliments all of this might still be avoidable… but probably not. Whatever I do people make fun of me, and sometimes directly to my face. I’ll get revenge soon enough. fuckers shouldn’t have ripped on me so much huh! HA! then again its human nature to do what you did… so I guess I am also attacking the human race. I cant take it, Its not right… true… correct… perfect. I fucking hate the human equation. Nazism would be fucking great if it werent for individualism and our natural instinct to ask questions. you know what maybe I just need to get laid. maybe that’ll just change some shit around. thats another thing, I am a fucking dog. I have fantasies of just taking someone and fucking them hard and strong. someone like [censored] were I just pick her up, take her to my room, tear off her shirt and pants and just eat her out and fuck her hard. I love flesh… weisses fleisch! dein weisses fleisch emegt mich soo… Ich bin dech nur ein gigilo! I want to grab a few different girls in my gym class, take them into a room, pull their pants off and fuck them hard. I love flesh… the smooth legs, the large breasts, the innocent flawless body, the eyes, the hair; jet black, blond, white, brown. ahhh I just want to fuck! call it teenage hormones or call it a crazy fuckin racist rapist… BJ ist mir egal. I just want to be surrounded by the flesh of a woman, someone like [censored] who I wanted to just fuck like hell, she made me practically drool, when she wore those shorts to work.. instant hard on. I couldnt stop staring. and others like [censored] in my gym class, [censored] or whatever in my gym class, and others who I just want to overpower and engulf myself in them. mmmm I can taste the sweet flesh now… the salty sweat, the animalistic movement… Iccchhh… lieeebe…… fleisccchhhh. who can I trick into my room first? I can sweep someone off their feet, tell them what they want to hear, be all nice and sweet, and then “fuck em like an animal, feel them from the inside” as Reznor said. oh… thats something else… that one NIN video I saw, broken or closer or something, the where the guy is kidnapped and tortured like hell… actual hell. I want to do that too. I want to tear a throat out with my own teeth like a pop can. I want to gut someone with my hand, to tear a head off and rip out the heart and lungs from the neck, to stab someone in the gut, shove it up to the heart, and yank the fucking blade out of their rib cage! I want to grab some weak little freshman and just tear them apart like a fucking wolf. show them who is god. strangle them, squish their head, bite their temples into the skull, rip off their jaw. rip off their colar bones, break their arms in half and twist them around, the lovely sounds of bones cracking and flesh ripping, ahh… so much to do and so little chances. – 11/17/98

“weisses
fleisch”
- perfect
- song
- for
- me


Well folks, today was a very important day in the history of R. Today along with Vodka and someone else who I wont name, we went downtown and purchased the following; a double barrel 12ga. shotgun, a pump action 12ga. shotgun, a 9mm carbine, 250 9mm rounds, 15 12ga slugs, 40 shotgun shells, 2 switch blade knives, and total of 4 - 10 round clips for the carbine. we……. have…. GUNS! we fucking got em you sons of bitches! HA! HAHAHA! neener! Booga Booga. heh. its all over now. this capped it off, the point of no return. I have my carbine, shotgun, ammo and knife all in my trunk tonight and theyll there till tomorrow… after school you know its really a shame. I had a lot of fun at that gun show, I would have loved it if you were there dad. we would done some major bonding. would have been great. oh well. but, alas, I fucked up and told [censored] about my “flask”. that really disappoints me. [censored] I know you thought it was good for me… in the long run and all that shit, smart of you to give me a such big raise and then rat me out, you figure it was supposed to cancel each other? god damn flask, that just fucked me over big time. now you all will be on my ass even more than before about being on track. I’ll get around it though, If have to cheat and lie to everyone then thats fine. THIS is what I am motivated for, THIS is my goal. THIS is what I want to do with my life! you know whats weird, I dont feel like a punching through a door because of the flask deal, probly cause I am fucking armed now. I feel more confident, stronger, and more Godlike. I have confidence in my ability to dese(cei)ve people. hopefully Ill make it to April, but that might not happen. Ug, Its been a busy weekend, I need to sleep, I’ll continue tomorrow.
11/22/98


yesterday we fired our first actual firearms ever. 3 rounds from the carbine. taught that ground a thing or 2. I even had the 2 clips in my pocket while talking to vodkas dad about senior ditch day. God it felt great firing off that bad boy, and hopefully I’ll be able to get more than just 4 clips for it. I dubbed my shotgun “Arlene” after Arlene Sanders from the DOOM books. She always did love the shotgun. Vodka’s DB is looking very fucking awesome, all cut down to the proper lengths. this is a bitch trying to keep up on homework while working on my guns, bombs, and lying. by the way, I bought that flask in the mall and I had a friend fill it up w/ scotch whiskey, only had about 3 swigs in the 3 weeks I had it. plus monday I gave my T and IC to Vodka, just in case. I never really did like alcohol, just wasn’t my thing, but It felt good to just have around. that argument on the 22nd was a real bitch, but I think I should have won a fucking oscar. I even quoted a few movies, remember “what the hell am I gonna do now man?! what am I gonna do!?” thats good ole Hudson from aliens. Sounded good too. and hey goddamnit I would have been a fucking great marine, It would have given me a reason to do good. and I would never drink and drive, either. It will be weird when we actually go on the rampage. hopefully we will have plenty of clips and bombs. Im gonna still try and get my calico 9mm. just think, 100 rounds without reloading…. hell yeah!

We actually may have a chance to get some machine pistols thanks to the Brady bill. If we can save up about 200$ real quick and find someone who is 21+ we can go to the next gun show and find a private dealer and buy ourselves some bad-ass AB-10 machine pistols. Clips for those things can get really fucking big too.
12/3/98


Woohoo, I’ll never have to take a final again! feels good to be free. I just love Hobbes and Nietzche. Well tomorrow I’ll be ordering 9 more 10 round clips for my carbine. I’m gonna be so fucking loaded in about a month. the big things we need to figure now is the time bombs for the commons and how we will get them in and leave then there to go off, without any fucking Jews finding them. I wonder if anyone will write a book on me. sure is a ton of symbolism, double meanings, themes, appearance vs reality shit going on here. oh well, it better be fuckin good if it is writtin.
12/17/98


heh, get this. KMFDM’s new album is entitled “Adios” and it’s release date is in April. how fuckin appropriate, a subliminal final “Adios” tribute to Reb and Vodka. thanks KMFDM… I ripped the hell outa the system
12/20/98


jesus christ that was fucking close. fucking shitheads at the gun shop almost dropped the whole project. oh well, thank god I can BS so fucking well. I went and picked up those babies today, so now I got 13 of those niggers. WOOHAH. the stereo is very nice, but having no insurance payments to worry about so I could concentrate of BOMBS would have been better. oh well, I think I’ll have enough. now I just need to get Vodka another gun.
12/29/98


Months have passed. Its the first Friday night in the final month. much shit has happened. Vodka has a Tec 9, we test fired all of our babies, we have 6 time clocks ready, 39 crickets, 24 pipe bombs, and the napalm is under construction. Right now I’m trying to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick. why the fuck cant I get any? I mean, I’m nice and considerate and all that shit, but nooooo. I think I try to hard. but I kinda need to considering NBK is closing in. The amount of dramatic irony and foreshadowing is fucking amazing. Everything I see and I hear I incorporate into NBK somehow. Either bombs, clocks, guns, napalm, killing people, any and everything finds some tie to it. feels like a Goddamn movie sometimes. I wanna try to put some mines and trip bombs around this town too maybe. Get a few extra flags on the scoreboard. I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don’t fucking say, “well thats your fault” because it isnt, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo.
4/3/99

khaleesimaka  asked:

“… Why are you… eating tacos at 3 AM?” “Why not?” for SoMa please ^u^

I hope this is okay!

He finds her on the floor behind the line; she molds a taco from a plate full of leftover shredded cheese and lettuce. Stray, straw-hued wisps of her hair move in the breeze from the creaking, antiquated limbs of the pizza oven. He realizes very suddenly how serious and focused she is on every aspect of life: even eating. Even after four years of knowing her - intimately and then not - it’s the smallest things about her that he loves the most: the darkened edges of her green gaze in the dimmed light of the kitchen, the way her bangs drift, her sun-freckled shoulders revealed from her loose-hanging shirt.

“Why are you eating tacos at 3 am?” he asks as he slides to sit beside her.

She shoots him a dagger-sharp glare. “Why not?”

“Didn’t you have a wedding party? Where’d the tacos come from?” He swipes off his cook’s cap and runs his hand through his hair. Some flour falls away from his grip.

“The wedding party had a taco bar,” she says, and he can see her try to bite back a laugh.

“That’s actually a great idea,” he says with a grin.

“It was until the bride got hammered beyond belief and dropped an entire taco on her dress. Then it was party over. And all the leftovers up for grabs.”

“I mean, she’s never going to wear the dress again.”

“I know,” she assents, “but it is her day.”

“And the groom’s.”

“That’s not usually how the bride takes it.”

He leans his head back and closes his eyes for a breath. “Good point.”

Keep reading

Angelkin as a role being played, as something to be proved

I have noticed that many, many angelkin, consciously or not, see being an angel either as something they have to prove or as a role they have to play. It’s like it’s a -character- they get into. It’s an act they have to put on, an image they have to maintain. They will carefully dress/behave/speak in ways calculated to maintain this image. Please do not judge or shame yourself or anyone else you realize may be caught up in all this. It is a very natural and normal thing to happen.

Having identified this opens the way to talk about dropping the act. The first step to that is getting really, really honest, finding out what the fear driving the behavior is (because it -is- fear in the driver’s seat) and losing it. ‘But if I stop behaving in specific ways, I’m afraid I’ll find out I’m not really an angel after all.’ Do you think non-angels are worth less than angels? ‘But what if I drop the act and people stop thinking I’m an angel?’ That’s their problem.

In fact I would suggest dropping -everything.- Don’t just drop fears and behaviors; drop all beliefs and expectations. Drop everything you know. Drop the word and concept ‘angel’ itself. Let it all go completely, and without words or any kinds of ideas, just relax into the Here and Now direct experience of That energy which is beyond words.

am I supposed to believe that demigods that had been raised by their mortal parents to a religion (that’s not hellenic) would just drop their religion /their beliefs of what they’ve done for their entire life/ and just kneel down and praise the greek gods???? you’re expecting me to believe that???? their entire life beliefs and you’re expecting me to believe that demigods will just stop following their religion,,,, like,,, okay there bud, whatever floats in your boat

6

“My doctor wants to put me on medication to stop thinking about so many things and to stop getting angry. Well, I think that anyone who doesn’t think like me is just bullshitting themselves. Try it sometime if you think you are worthy, which you probably will you little shits, drop all your beliefs and views and ideas that have been burned into your head and try to think about why your here. But I bet most of you fuckers can’t even think that deep, so that is why you must die. How dare you think that I and you are part of the same species when we are sooooooo different. You aren’t human. You are a robot. You don’t take advantage of your capabilities given to you at birth. You just drop them and hop onto the boat and head down the stream of life with all the other fuckers of your time. Well god damn it I won’t be part of it! I have thought to much, realized to much, found out to much, and I am to self aware to just stop what I am thinking and go back to society because what I do and think isn’t “right” or “morally accepted.” NO, NO, NO. God fucking damn it NO! I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts.”
- Eric Harris

I think many of us are harmed by the the idea that having the facts on your side makes it easier to argue for your side. Sometimes I see people go “facts alone are not convincing” or “nobody is convinced by raw data” but I think that doesn’t go deep enough.

I think we need to recognize that being beholden to ‘the facts’ and holding yourself to standards of intellectual and moral honesty makes your job much, much harder when your opponent doesn’t do the same. Why wouldn’t it? Your opponent is free to drop long-held beliefs at their leisure. They do not have to fit the facts into their narrative or fit their narrative into the facts – the two are one and the same for them.

I would argue that this is why, for all the pointing and laughing we may do at how Trump has contradicted nearly every claim he’s made in the past year, he still has over a third of the US population on his side. Trump says he’ll do all these things in his first 100 days. He then does none of them. When I’ve seen this pointed out to Trump supporters, I’ve watched how effortlessly they abandon any previous belief like a worn-out sock. It doesn’t matter if, for months and months and months, you sincerely believed Trump would accomplish all these things in his first 100 days; the next day, you don’t believe it, and what’s more, you never believed it, and someone else saying that you believed it is lying through their teeth and heartlessly attacking you.

If we want to make any progress in debates, we need to recognize that 'the facts’ are weights on our shoulders. We need them, but they make our job that much harder, and we need to be doubly as strong and skilled to still win.

Ever since the Battle of Serenity Valley, Mal doesn’t believe in anything. He completely dropped his belief in God. Now he goes his own way and does what he wants. He values his own freedom over everything else.

Mal is a thief or a smuggler, sometimes both depending on the job. But he has a “Robin Hood” mentality in that he absolutely refuses to steal from the poor. In The Train Job he realizes the medicine he stole was on its way to people who desperately needed it or they would die. He angers Niska, the crime lord that he is doing the job for, by returning the medicine. He would rather have hit men constantly coming after him and be known as unreliable than be responsible for the horrible deaths of innocents. When he returns the medicine he has the following exchange with the sheriff.


Sheriff: You were truthful back in town. These are tough times. If a man can get a job, he might not look too close at what that job is. But a man learns all the details of a situation like ours, well, then he has a choice.
Mal: I don’t believe he does.


Mal may value freedom and still has morality, but it is his crew he loves most and would do anything for. In War Stories Niska captures and tortures Mal and Wash. Mal taunts Wash, saying he slept with Wash’s wife, to keep him from feeling the pain. At one point, he even rescues two crew members he doesn’t even like.


Simon: Captain, why did you come back for us?
Mal: You’re on my crew.
Simon: Yeah, but you don’t even like me. Why’d you come back?
Mal: You’re on my crew. Why are we still talking about this?


professor-hotdad-labs  asked:

"I'd say I admire your penchant for discourse - the fact you have a strongly held belief about how the world should be is admirable, mon ami."

“Gotta be able to debate just as well as I fight with my fists, ya know? Plus the sea doesn’t bend to anyone and nobody can me me drop my beliefs.”

He was a bit still saddened by this professor’s viewpoints. Seeing everything as unable to be saved.

anonymous asked:

Do you know any practices that can help you lose your ego?

The ego is like Santa, we can make it into this real thing with our beliefs, but at the core, if you do some digging; it’s not real. You can’t lose your ego, like you can’t lose Santa, they both just aren’t real. A liberation from the ego is what is sought. A shift away from ego identity is what is sought.

Fear, control and beliefs are at the heart of ego, so a practice of surrender or deeply relaxing can help loosen its hold. Surrendering and relaxing and knowing that the whole universe supports you and cares for you and that everything happens exactly as it should; perfectly. Relaxing and realizing and knowing that you can fully surrender and fully let go and be just fine. Relaxing and knowing that everything has your back, this is the kind of relaxing and surrendering I’m taking about.

Ego also is entrenched in layer upon layer of belief, so questioning and dropping your long held beliefs can help. I suggest using Jed Mckenna’s Spiritual Autolysis, which is writing what you believe to be true and seeing if it is truly true. Start with what is it that you believe to be absolutely true. Like “I’m a man/woman”. Write and see what you are assuming, are there men and woman? Are there? What is truer than, I am a man or woman? Who am I? This type of digging is the type that I’m talking about. Dig and let go and repeat.

If you’re all mind and no heart you can only run in circles. If you’re all heart and no mind you can only dig yourself into a deeper hole. - Jed McKenna

A loss of ego is a loss of self. A loss of all the things you think of as you, so this is a great change and a radical change, a big shift in what you think of as you. I think most people won’t seek liberation or to lose their ego unless they cannot stay with their ego anymore. Unless they reached a point where they can’t go forward with the ego they have accumulated.

This type of digging and questioning can be unsettling and so I don’t recommend it to every one. I don’t think it is safe to say that everyone should just start digging in this way.

I think a good practice to start with is to simply pay attention to the ego. Watch the ego, so to speak. Pay attention to the voice in your head as often as you can as Eckhart Tolle puts it. Just listen to the voice that complains, judges and criticizes. See that it is just a voice. Not you. It is just an aspect of ego and its need to attack and defend a mind made “you”. Try to make this a daily habit. Just go about your day to day life and just try to pay attention to that voice as often as you can. This might be a good way to get your feet wet and to loosens the ego’s control over your life.

I hope some of this makes some sense and I hope it helps.

Fed-Ex-Official Information

People have been asking and/or making assumptions about the person that runs this blog so here is the truth about me.

I am not a Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Anarchist, Communist, Monarchist, Facist or any other classification in my political beliefs. Dropping me in one category simply does not work.

I am not a registered gun owner.

I am a gun owner.

I support every right, not just gun rights. But I also heavily support gun rights because an attack on gun rights is an attack on every right. If you give up a little freedom you give up all of it.

I am an American.

I am male.

I am over 30 years old.

I have worked In logistics many times for various companies.

I do not own a lawn mower, I don’t have a lawn.

I do own scary “Assault Rifles” but they aren’t actually assault rifles or scary.

I have never been a part of Pixar. Stop asking.

Yes I have been to Austin Texas.

I had dreams of becoming a country singer but I realized I can’t sing.

I do have a conceal carry permit and I do carry a pistol on me at all times.

I was a boyscout however I left after realizing I already had more knowledge and training than they did that was provided by my father and grandfather.

I have no associated religion.

I do run other blogs.

I am not UPS-Official and he is not me. Nor am I any other shipping official than Fed-Ex-Official.

I have never been to South Africa so stop asking.

You can tag me all you want for selfies but I won’t be taking one. How could I since I am a big company?

I think Dredd was a very underrated film as well as Iron Sky.

I am a bisexual but not a real bisexual because that’s cruel.

If I had a million dollars I’d buy a van and live out of it.

Nein, Ich nicht sprache deutsch.

I will probably offend you at one point but that’s not on me, its on you since the only way someone can offend you is if you let them.

I was at one point considering politics but I realized I am not that good of a liar.

I was sadly not born on the 4th of July.

Yes I have had sexual experiences with both men and women.

If you think you know who I am I will confirm it if you’re right over PM’s but I will not come right out and tell you.

There is no god save Allah, except for every other god.

That was a joke

I am not a Muslim ether.

Seriously.

Stop thinking that.

Don’t make me come over there.

Feel free to send your nudes to someone else.

I will accept photos of ammunition though.