drinking tales

10

It’s been more than a day and I’m still laughing at how the Squire pact in TOZ-X is now just a friendship bracelet while Mikleo and Sorey apparently have each other on telepathic emergency speed dial LOL.

inb4 bro gaydar jokes

7

tHE NEW CRYSTAL TALE

sorry I was so late for this cause up until now i still don’t know who’d take Navy’s place for the next perilette & paper lazuli ‘episode’ HALP

anonymous asked:

bucky tell us a story about darcy

darcy lewis goes drinking with thor.

that alone should be enough to send your imaginations spinning off to wild places, but that, my friends, is only where our story begins.
it is also something you should know, just in general, in case you happen to encounter darcy lewis.
she’s tazed a god twice, and she goes drinking with thor. on a regular basis.
the first time thor wanted to go drinking after i showed up, lewis was there too. and naturally, if thor was going out so was she. neither of them knew us newbie avengers well yet, but being sociable sort of people, they invited us to tag along. scott immediately agreed, but sam was caught up doing some beta testing in the labs with tony, and said he would catch up when they were done.
so darcy, thor, scott and i went out drinking.
fun fact about thor: it takes him approximately one million alcohols to get drunk, but once he’s there, he likes to sing. preferably epic ballads of victory in battle, but he’s pretty much game for any catchy song that will get a bar excited. that being the case, lewis and thor’s go-to midgardian bar is a karaoke joint.
im sure you begin to see where things are going wrong.
fun fact about darcy lewis? she can also hold her alcohol, but cannot carry at tune. like. at all.
that doesnt stop her from singing, mind you. gotta respect a lady who knows shes terrible but enjoys herself anyway.
scott apparently loves karaoke. i dont know why that surprised me, but it did. even more surprising? hes not actually that bad, although like 90% of his song choices were bruce springsteen. no clue why. anyway, thor was delighted by having a buddy who was not only willing but able to sing with him, and after scott got over his star-struck-ness they had a pretty great time.
it was a good thing that thor and lewis went to that bar on the regular, because im sure any place that hadnt been prepared for them would have kicked all of us out. as it was, they finally booted us out the door after a rousing rendition of ‘wrecking ball’ had most of the bar on their feet. and broke two tables.
(thor apparently settles his tab there in asgardian gold, so no hard feelings from the bartenders.)
the night was young and all of us had enough booze in our systems that we decided to catch a cab back to the tower and see if we could rope anyone else into some shennanigans. thor was buzzed at least, which for thor means his voice is even boomier and his gestures are more expansive–you gotta be ready to duck. scott was drunk, no question about it, and that was probably why theyd wound up singing wrecking ball in the first place. scott’s a cheerful if floppy, “ i love you, i love all of you guys, i love everyone in this bar ” kind of drunk, and was mostly travelling by merit of being wrapped around thors bicep. i was a little buzzed myself, and lewis had had nearly as much as i did. remarkably, she seemed to be chugging along pretty well, some weaving and slurring aside. the lady lives up to her god-tazing reputation.
anyway, we got out of the cab at the tower and started making our way to the doors. scott had partially detached from thors arm and needed extra support, so i was helping keep him from capsizing while lewis trailed a few steps behind the three of us, making color commentary of our three stooges act.
and then out of nowhere, she just…yelled.
all three of us whipped around as quickly as three drunk superpeople can, just in time to see darcy lewis dish out what looked to be a pretty dang textbook perfect roundhouse kick to the chest of some poor guy.
the guy went down. lewis went down too, because the kick had totally overbalanced her. thor and i dropped scott and ran over to help.
which was when sam sat up and said ‘that was a hell of a kick’
because apparently hed finished up his testing and gone out to catch up with us, made it partway down the block to call a cab, then saw us getting out of our taxi. he jogged back–not being particularly stealthy, but we were drunk–and put his hand on lewis’s shoulder to get her attention.
lewis, having pretty poor vision even sober, and worse vision when drunk and without her glasses, just saw some big male figure who’d popped up out of nowhere and grabbed her by the shoulder.
so naturally she kicked him in the chest.
she apologized profusely, but the rest of us thought it was pretty funny. and sam was impressed the next morning when he discovered that she’d left a visible footprint on his chest.
darcy insists she has no idea why she did it. or where she learned to kick like that.
the rest of us have just chalked it up to mysterious darcy lewis powers.

also also, last half-salty, half-amused post I swear BUT

IM STILL LAUGHING AT THE FLYING WATER KAMUI IN THE END because I’d tweeted this nonsense before the finale aired:

Sorey and Mikleo finally fulfilled their birb dreams and ascended to the skies above LMAO ADKJFKHGSKJGGS

anonymous asked:

I like how this blog is becoming "buck-grampa, tell us a story", "aight, lil shorts, there was this cow..." Cuz you're old.

wait what???? im old???? i hadnt noticed, i thought that 100 year birthday party was for a different jackass with a metal arm. 

look, the only reason most of my stories are about the good ole days is because most of the morons i hang out with now have blackmail on me. and i have blackmail on them. we’re all doing the nuclear deterrent thing, it seemed appropriate with the russian-american vibe we’ve got going.

so i cant dish dirt on them without getting dished back. 

and i like you guys just fine, but i would rather murder every one of you than let tony tell anyone the story of the three shrimp plates. 

death before dishonor and all that

kahuna-burger  asked:

Hey, since you have trouble touching people without stabbing them, but like cuddling pets, have you considered trying to hug T'Challa? Or possibly getting Tony to put on cat ears?

you have a serious flaw in your logic. 

tchalla is a cat-man who has repeatedly tried to claw my face off. it was freakin traumatizing. you think a normal cat that doesnt wanna be petted is bad, try getting handsy with tchalla.

not that ive gotten handsy with tchalla. i like my face attached to my person, thank you very much.

tony put on cat ears a few months ago in a fit of confused sleep deprivation. the picture circulated through avengers-related group chats for weeks. nick fury called it, and i quote, ‘fucking adorable.’ tony is sometimes a no-toucher too though, so mostly we let him initiate contract when he wants to. so no, i did not hug tony when he was wearing cat ears. 

steve did have to carry him to bed though. and that picture circulated for months

4

Scott Rohlfs - Four more pieces from his February “Made You Look” show at Distinction Gallery (Escondido, CA).

01. Future Funk (2017).
Acrylic on canvas.
02. Honey Lips (2017).
Acrylic on masonite wood panel.
03. Pour Yourself a Drink (2015).
Mixed media on canvas.
04. Cautionary Tale (2017).
Acrylic on canvas.