How do you quantify weird? Is there a way to measure it, some official scale? If not, I move that the official weirdness scale be calibrated from one to drepanosaur. Seriously. Commonly called “monkey-lizards,” drepanosaurs had the head of a bird, a hunchback, the arms of a mole, and the prehensile tail of a monkey with a grappling hook claw on the end. And they get even stranger the closer you look! These guys showed up in the Triassic period, along with the first dinosaurs, though their place in the ecosystem is … unclear. Scientists are still at a loss for what the heck drepanosaurs were doing. Half designed for digging, half designed for climbing, half designed for ringing the bell at Notre Dame (I know that’s 3 halves, but the monkey-lizards stopped counting long ago), perhaps only eventual time travel will tell how these awesomely absurd creatures lived.
So, like, I was thinking about what the most important piece of advice I’ve ever gotten in my life was for like this suggestion thing and, like scratched my chin with my tail and then I was like “whoaa shit man what the hell I’ve got this hella cool claw thing on my tail! What the fuuuuuck!” and like I showed it to my brother Derreck and he was like “yeah dude we all have those it’s no biggie like shut up nurr nurr nurr I’m a stupid idiot my name’s Derreck and I finished school” or whatever like totally killing my vibe so I just ate a bug and I think I’ve kinda got sidetracked with whatever I was tryna say here so I guess the moral of the story is just like, eat a fuckin bug or something. Peace.
Suggestion: Writhe vigorously in the dirt, like, scronching mad worms and don’t let Mod Archie be a total downer, man. Not cool. Just, like, shirk the chains of vanity and cram those dirt noodles into your mouth, you know. Like, freedom of the mind or whatever.