dreaming of bag end

I’m only a teenager. I’m watching
Blue is the Warmest Color, or
Boys Don’t Cry, or
Brokeback Mountain.
I’m still in the closet, because my father
does not believe in bisexuality, and so
I do not believe in myself.
From the television, I’m learning that people like me
don’t get happy endings, that queer cinema isn’t so much
a genre as it is a fashionable body count. Because
the straight masses only love us when we’re martyrs,
or tragedies, because we’re less sympathetic
when we’re not being punished.
 
Skip to now.
Halfway through June of 2016 and seventeen
lesbian characters have been killed on mainstream television.
Most of them, in brutal, graphic ways and in the wake
of dead lesbian number eighteen, my girlfriend texts me
to ask if we get to be happy.
And I don’t feel safe.
 
I’m struggling to pay rent and another lesbian dies on television.
I get a new job and another lesbian dies on television.
I ask my girlfriend to move in and another lesbian dies on television.
So how much longer can they calls us beautiful tragedies
before they admit we’re a cautionary tale? A warning
that women who love women have no right to their own futures?
A boogieman to keep queer little girls up at night?
 
Queer cinema evolved to be reactionary—
to challenge the prettily packaged clichés of straight romance,
to tell the gritty parts of our stories that straight audiences refused
to look at directly, but my existence is not for straight consumption.
Now, when heartbroken little kids go looking for someone, anyone,
who looks like them, they get to see themselves as
blood in the bathtub,
secondhand smoke,
a teenager in a body bag.
 
We need the dream of the happy ending.
We need the promise of a future.
If I wanted to watch queer people being slaughtered en masse,
I’d turn on the evening news. What I need
is hope.
 
The other day, I finished this book and the ending was so
sugary and unrealistic and horribly cliché, but
more than half the main characters were queer and
it was just so good to exist, even for a moment, in a world
where we were all happy
and no one died.
—  NOT ANOTHER DEAD LESBIAN by Ashe Vernon
My Time To Shine

My whole life I’ve been quiet
Sitting in the side lines
Acting as a shadow in your light
Always there to support you
Always there catch you if you
Fall
But no more
Its my time to shine

I’ve got my own light
I’ve got my own life
I’ve got my own dreams
So why am I waisting time
Hoping he’ll come back
To my side

Too long he’s blocked my light
Pretending I was all he had
Then he met her
And tossed me away
God it hurt so much
I just wanted to die….
But no more
It’s my time to shine

I’ve got my own light
I’ve got my own life
I’ve got my own dream
So why am I waisting time
Hoping he’ll come back
To my side

The stage had always called
Right from when I was young
And hopeful
For what my life could be
I dreamed of a chance
But I had help him
But no more
It’s my time to shine

I’ve got my own light
I’ve got my own life
I’ve got my own dream
So why am I waisting time
Hoping he’ll come back
To my side

I imagined my name in lights
Performing for a screaming crowd
All wanting my life
And I’m standing here with my future in my hands
I was so scared without him
But no more
It’s my time to shine

I’ve got my own light
I’ve got my own life
I’ve got my own dream
So I won’t waist my time
Hoping he’ll come back
To my side

I’m chasing my light
I’m chasing my life
I’m chasing my dream
No I’m not waisting time
Hoping he’ll come back
To my side

It’s my time to shine
—————————————-
First song for my all LGBT musical.
It follows the story of Ally, a young woman that got married to her high school sweet heart Ben. She gave up her dream of performing to pay his way through Mrs school.
Five years later he’s finally done with school and her. When he leaves her for another woman.
Now with no where else to go she uses her little savings and goes to the big city to try and follow her dream.
However she takes the wrong bus and ends up losing her bag.
She is sitting on the sidewalk with no idea what to do when a woman comes up to her to ask if she’s ok.
After Ally explains her situation the woman named Becca offers her a place to stay for the night.
What starts out as one night turns into the two becoming room mates and then best friends.
As things progress Ally begins to develop feelings for Becca but Becca is in love with Harry.
Becca tries to tell Harry how she feels but Harry explains he’s trans and can’t afford to transition and doesn’t want to get into a relationship with her until he is his correct gender.
Becca is heart broken but understands and promises to wait for him.
However as time passes Harry just isn’t able to raise enough money.
Ally not being able to stand seeing the woman she had fallen for so sad or her friend continuing to struggle just to pay his rent, Ally suggests they hijack the old theatre and hold a fundraiser performance.
—————————————-
And that’s all I got so far, let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions

Thorin/Bilbo bonding moments, and relationship/friendship progress under The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

  • Thorin now trusts Bilbo enough to let him do significant lookouts, and in doing so, now shows he completely trusts his judgment.
  • Bilbo is sleeping second closest to Thorin, after only Kili(seemingly)
  • When Bilbo wakes up at Beorn’s house and walks up to the table, we switch to a shot of Thorin looking Bilbo’s way and then suddenly glancing in a different direction.*
  • When Bofur points out Bilbo’s disappearance, Thorin looks devastated.
  • Thorin apparently refuses to believe Bilbo is dead, and is now confident in Bilbo’s ability as a burglar. Here he shows he trusts Bilbo with his life, whereas in the first movie, he’d have assumed Bilbo had betrayed them.
  • Thorin’s look as he says “not our only hope”. He has placed his faith in Bilbo’s hands, and the way he looks up is filled with beautiful feelings.*
  • Bilbo approaches and opens Thorin’s cage first.
  • While Thorin would obviously be overjoyed anybody saved him at this point, but honestly; the way he looked at Bilbo is the film definition of “He looked as though he could’ve kissed him” or “he looked at her as if he’d never seen her before”. There’s just so much raw emotion there, all for Bilbo to see. I think it’s amazing. It’s as if Bilbo was an angel shining through Thorin’s darkness and misery.
  • Bilbo holds eye contact with Thorin just the bit longer than necessary when opening his door- with the other dwarrows, he barely even glances at them.
  • The way Thorin looks at Bilbo in awe after being freed is so admiring… he looks so overwhelmed.
  • Bilbo sighs and looks pleadingly at Thorin-he now has enough confidence with Thorin he’s able to ask him to do things.
  • Nobody trusts Bilbo’s judgment except Thorin.
  • I will never get over the fact that Bilbo making pleading doe-eyes at Thorin is enough for the dwarf to start ordering the others. It’s just so funny to me.
  • They share a look and a reassuring little head bow.
  • Thorin held back the barrels waiting for Bilbo. As much as he preaches about not risking the fate of the quest, it is exactly what he was doing at that moment.
  • Thorin praises Bilbo good humouredly, with a smile evident in his voice.
  • He grabs Bilbo during one river sequence. For further evidence about this, see x.
  • After the shot of Bilbo slaying the orc, we see a shot of Thorin, looking at Bilbo slaying the orc with subtle marvel.
  • Thorin standing very close to Bilbo during Bard’s attack (?). Bilbo almost seems to be backing up against him.
  • After Bilbo reveals he asked for Bard’s name, Thorin moves position and looks significantly grumpier.
  • Bilbo looks up at Thorin as if expecting he will solve the financial problem.
  • Thorin and Bilbo seem to have developed a system of non-verbal communication; having just exited the barrels, Thorin and Bilbo give each other a little nod before Thorin allows Bilbo to walk before him.
  • Bilbo walks to a brooding Thorin and initiates small talk- this, in the first movie, would’ve been unthinkable.
  • Thorin sends in his two most trusted thieves-Nori and Bilbo- first into the weaponry, thus acknowledging Bilbo’s skills in burglary.
  • When they are presented to the Master, Thorin yet again stands closest to Bilbo.
  • On the boat, Bilbo is seated just behind Thorin’s back, as the Queen would.
  • Bilbo and Thorin once again display a relationship of trust where Bilbo can question Thorin without him being mad about it.
  • “You have keen eyes Master Baggins”, he says standing very close to him.
  • Bilbo is walking just before Thorin up to Erebor, meaning they’d have to assist each other up the stairs. Not to mention, Thorin prioritizes Bilbo’s safety before getting the first gaze upon the door to Erebor.
  • Bilbo pleading Thorin not to give up his dream.
  • Thorin’s hand lingering too long on Bilbo’s chest as he gives him the map.
  • Bilbo desperately trying to help Thorin and the dwarrows to find their home, showing he puts the Dwarrows’ dream before coming home to Bag End.
  • Thorin/Bilbo PG-18 eyesex.
  • Thorin/Bilbo eye contact continues until it is physically impossible for Thorin to pick up the key without breaking contact.
  • Thorin looks wrecked. Of course, he just set loose a dragon and has obvious case for concern, but don’t try to tell me that expression doesn’t also mean he’s super worried for Bilbo.
  • Balin pleading Thorin to save Bilbo, saying that the Thorin he knew wouldn’t hesitate to save Bilbo. Balin knows Thorin really cares for Bilbo, and tries to plead to the side of Thorin to which Bilbo is important.
  • Even as he dismisses the idea of saving Bilbo, Thorin’s voice is thick and shaky. He even seems to have a hard time pronouncing “Burglar”- His two halves are battling intensely.
  • Smaug using “Oakenshield” rather than “The dwarves” when trying to lure Bilbo out.
  • Bilbo desperately trying to tell both Smaug and himself that Thorin does not use him.
  • Bilbo deeply troubled by the madness that is about to corrupt Thorin’s heart.
  • Thorin actually came for Bilbo in the end. Yet again, he risked the fate of the Quest.
  • Thorin breathing “you’re alive” in complete relief, instead of  just a nod which Bilbo would have received in the first movie.
  • Bilbo definitely notices something is off with Thorin, he sees that something is wrong, and that Thorin wouldn’t threaten him under normal circumstances, thus tries to plead “Thorin” to the Thorin that is sane.
  • Thorin stands before Bilbo with his sword drawn to defend him from the dragon.
  • Bilbo and Thorin yet again run just along each other.
  • Thorin rather risking his life than put Bilbo in danger.
  • Bilbo reluctant to leave Thorin, and Balin having to drag him away.
  • Thorin calls Bilbo “Bilbo” instead of “Burglar” as a rectification. Balin told him his name was Bilbo, and Thorin remembers this, and uses Bilbo’s name as a form of apology- he’s not “Burglar”, he’s “Bilbo”- a dear member of the company, and a friend to Thorin.
  • Thorin gently touches Bilbo’s back as he orders him(when ordering Bombur, he simply yells at him, even though they were at the same distance as he and Bilbo.)
  • It could definitely be argued that Thorin leads Smaug away from Bilbo to help him get off the platform with the lever.*
  • “Keep going Bilbo”, yet again, a use of Bilbo’s name. Not only this, but also a sort of “I trust you Bilbo, you can do it!

These are just things I noticed re-watching it the seventh time with slash goggles. Feel free to point out flaws or further moments I missed.

*edited post, i added moments which i had not noticed, but were pointed out to me by a very kind and sharp-eyed tumblr user, Shadow-rue

Request: I Ain't Ever Coming Home

Request: Based off of ‘Nina’ by Ed Sheeran: Reader doesn’t known Dean’s a hunter. All she knows is that he goes away for a few days and is often covered in marks when he returns. So it’s set in season three, when he’s going to hell so he pretty much stops hunting (unless it’s a big job where Sammy really needs him) in order to spend time with the reader. It’ll be cute like the verses of the song but one day can he and Sam have to go deal with something so that they’re gone for a week (fitting with “I disappear, you call me selfish, I understand but I can’t help it”)and she gets all mad then upset but he comes back when they’re done and its all cute until the week before he goes to hell. He starts acting all jumpy and is scared and won’t go near dogs. Then he has to break up with her. No happy ending. No fluff. Full on tears, tantrums, screaming, angry Dean, angry reader.. The full Monty. If you could alternate this between perspectives it would be great and obviously no rush (sorry I just had to request it)

Word Count: 2,707

Here it is, I hope you like it! Thanks!:) If you guys would want a sequel, please let me know!:D

SONG HERE

The knock on your door comes in the late morning on a Sunday. You haven’t so much as bothered to change out of your pyjamas, and it comes as a surprise. You place the mug of warm coffee on the side table and make for the door.

When you open it, Dean offers you a tentative smile.

When he visits, he’s often covered in mysterious marks and blemishes, as if he’s been fighting or has been attacked. Hell, once or twice it’s looked like he’s been shot. But every time, he says the exact same thing, in that exact same pleading tone, with the exact same look in his eyes.

“Please, don’t ask.” He whispers, begging you. You nod as you do every single time and he smiles, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. Your loop your arms around his neck and you hold onto each other in the doorway, pyjamas and injuries and all, for what feels like forever.

You met years ago, when you were both teenagers. He joined your high school, where you were both in your final year. He was only there for three weeks, but you managed to cement this bond and you’d never lost touch, always having each other’s numbers and being in contact once a week. Then, about four years ago, he’d rolled into your town and tracked you down. Since then, you’ve been together- he disappears for days at a time and never tells you why, he comes back covered in wounds, never telling you what’s going on. When you’re together, he wakes up yelling, grabbing you, holding you close until the memories of the nightmare fade.

Of all the stupid things, you don’t even mind. You’ve gathered that it’s hard for him to talk about and you don’t try to make him, you don’t pry, you just help him where you can.

It’s all you can do, really.

“I’ve missed you.” He whispers into your ear before burying his face in the crook of your neck. You smile, twining your fingers in his short hair.

“I’ve missed you, too.” You tell him softly. “Feel like a coffee? Or would whiskey be better suited this morning?”

He chuckles, “That’s it, that’s why I love you. Coffee’s fine.”

“You sure?” You laugh, pressing a kiss to his temple. You take his hand in yours and lead him through to the kitchen, pressing the button on the coffee machine.

The more you look at him, the more you see how utterly broken he looks today. Eyes slightly red-rimmed, glazed over, shoulders slouched. As you place the coffee in front of him, you place an affectionate, supportive hand on his shoulder. He smiles, tilting his head up to look at you. In response, you press your lips to his forehead.

You retrieve your own coffee from the sitting room and take a seat across from him. He smiles as your eyes meet his.

“I’ve missed seeing you,” He says softly, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been okay.” You shrug.

“Okay? That’s all you’re giving me?” He raises an eyebrow, and you laugh.

“That’s pretty much all there is to tell.” You say, grinning, “I mean… yeah. Work’s okay, my sister’s okay… it’s been uneventful.”

He chuckles, sipping the warm drink appreciatively, “Could be worse.”

“Sure could.” You agree, smiling. No matter how weird this whole thing may be, there’s just something about him being there that makes you feel content and safe. “How about you?”

He shrugs, “Hasn’t been easy, but I’ll,” He clears his throat. “I’ll be okay.”

You nod understandingly, “What about your brother?” You’ve heard so much about Dean’s younger brother who he takes so much pride in, has so much love for. Instead of talking about him as usual, however, he just shrugs.

“He’s okay.” He tells you simply, his voice toneless. You nod, reaching over the table and taking his hand in yours.

Dean POV

I hate lying to her, but nor am I willing to tell her what I do- or what I’ve agreed to.

She’s understanding, she never asks more than she needs to know- hell, once or twice I’ve found my way here still bleeding and she never asks what happened to inflict the wounds, she just silently, carefully, dresses them. She cares, though, good lord, does she care. More than any girl I’ve ever met. She has to be curious, who wouldn’t be? Yet she just keeps her inquisitiveness to herself and lets me pretend.

Pretend to be normal, pretend that there’s nothing weird going on, pretend that I can give her the life that she deserves.

She doesn’t deserve it, I sure as hell know that, but I need her. Y/N is like an anchor, she keeps me on my feet. No matter where I am, the road to home leads me straight to her door.

I’m done. I’m not going back out there. I have a year, and I’ll be damned, no pun intended, if I spend it doing anything but being with her. She deserves at least that.

***

Your POV

You spend the rest of the day catching up like old times, just talking and laughing and slowly but surely, you watch the weight lift from his shoulders.

Eventually, you head to bed, lost in each other, as if it’s only the two of you in the world. And when you fell asleep, it’s a great big warm tangle of legs and arms and blankets and there’s probably a pillow in there somewhere but you barely notice as he plants a final, sleepy kiss on your forehead.

The next days are a blur of laughter and screwing around. You just spend every minute of every day together. One day, you both go to the local aquarium and laugh as you’re splashed by seals, then the next day you visit a beach a couple miles out.

The best thing? There’s absolutely no talk of Dean leaving. Not once. He’s never stayed more than a week without his phone ringing and you just know it’s his brother, finding something else to drag him away to do.

However, a week passes, and another, and another after that. No disruptions, just the two of you in this blissful little bubble.

***

In fact, it’s three months before there’s so much as a mention of him leaving. You’re just sat on the couch, marathonning some stupid show on Netflix.

“I can’t stay forever.” He says softly. You sigh sadly.

“I know.”

“You’ll be alright?”

“Aren’t I always?”

He laughs quietly, pulling you closer into his chest.

“I love you, you know.”

“I love you, too.” You whisper in return, laying your head on his shoulder. If he can’t be here forever, you’ll keep this memory and treasure it for that long. He chuckles, pressing his lips to your forehead, then your nose, and finally, his lips meet yours gently, softly.

“These past few months,” He whispers, breath whispering against your mouth, “Have been the best few months of my life. You know that?”

“I do now.”

***

Dean POV

I can’t help but stare at her sleeping face- so peaceful, so serene. Her dreams are not poisoned.

I glance at the bag set at the end of the bed, at the note I’ve left on the pillow- the message fleeting but to the point- and then back to Y/N. She doesn’t know that I’m leaving.

I don’t want to. I never want to. But this is a big hunt and Sam just can’t cope on his own. I told myself I’d take this last year to be with her, to let myself feel real love and real happiness.

It’ll be a week at most, I assure myself, Then I’m done. Full stop.

Then, I leave before I change my mind.

***

You wake earlier than you would, when the room is only just being brought into focus by the dawn light. It clicks in your brain instantly that you’re alone in the bed, the sheets cold on the other side. It’s unmade, though, you know it wasn’t just a dream. Then, you see the note.

Y/N,

I’m sorry, my brother needed some help a couple states over. Don’t worry, I’ll be back in a week, tops, okay? I love you, and I’m sorry.

Dean.

You sigh, letting the note drop to the bed. There’s no point staying in bed alone, you decide, and despite the early hour, you go ahead and get up. Pouring coffee for yourself, you can’t help but let your mind drift over the last seven months. You smile to yourself, but it all feels so bittersweet.

Like it was too good to be true after all.

***

Five days pass, and you hear nothing. You try calling him once, but you only get voicemail. You don’t bother leaving a message.

It’s the sixth night that he returns. It’s the early hours of the morning and you’re jolted from your sleep by someone climbing into the bed and wrapping his arms around your waist from behind.

“You’re back.” You remark sleepily. He presses his nose into the back of your neck with a nod.

“Not going anywhere.”

Waking up in the morning, however, is entirely different. You wake, once again, alone in the bed. Stepping out and into the hallway, however, you can hear singing in the kitchen. You take a breath and walk off downstairs to see Dean pouring mugs of coffee.

Upon hearing you, however, he turns around and a smile makes its way onto your face. Only by the light of day do you see the long graze marking his jaw and the bruises patterning his collarbone. You raise an eyebrow, but he tries to brush you off.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He grins widely, “How are you?”

“I’m okay. You?”

“Just peachy.” He smiles, sarcasm not even present in his words.

“Dean?” You say softly, “You can’t just disappear on me like that.”

His eyes widen slightly- this is the first time you’ve ever disputed his disappearances.

“But I-?”

“Yeah, you always do it. But not after seven months together, without warning, and not so much as a text to tell me you’re alive!” You say vehemently, “I know you have your secrets and that’s okay, fine, but you have to keep me out of the loop, then at least make sure I know you’re not lying dead in a ditch somewhere!”

“I’m sorry.” He says sadly. You shrug.

“I don’t know, Dean. I just…” You run a hand through your sleep-tousled hair, “I’m sorry, but it’s selfish. You can’t just disappear on me and expect me to just go with it!”

“I know. I know. Y/N, I’m sorry. I understand, I do, I do, I do. But I just can’t… you have to trust me when I say I can’t help it.”

You sigh, nod, and go into his arms. You get the feeling that no matter what he does, you’ll love him anyway.

***

One Week Before Deadline

You hear a yelp from outside and race out- Dean said he was fixing something with his car but when you get out there, a Labrador is barking at him, off the lead. You recognise it as old Mrs Dawkins’ pup, and immediately go to pull it away from Dean and his car.

“Woah!” You haul the dog away by its collar. It doesn’t take so much doing, but you’re more concerned by Dean’s reaction. He’s never been bothered by dogs before. When the dog runs off, tail between its legs, you turn to him.

“Are you alright?” You ask. He nods silently, and you offer a small smile, patting his shoulder affectionately.

“I’m fine.” He assures you, staring at the place the dog once occupied.

“Okay. Feel like going out for lunch?”

“Sounds like fun.”

You smile, nod, and make for the house. But you can’t shake that worry, that sense that something unusual is going on.

In fact, the same thing happens again when you’re walking along the street, hand in hand. It’s a spaniel, on a lead, but nonetheless Dean pulls you across the street in order to avoid it. Again, you question him.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. It’s just sunnier over here.” It’s a lie, the sky is clouded, a similar shade of grey all the way across.

You shrug it off for the moment and nod, “Okay.”

***

Dean’s POV, One Day Before Deadline

Steeling myself, I walk into the room where she’s curled up on the couch, reading a book she’s already read about fifty times.

No backing out, I mentally berate myself for wanting to curl up beside her. Instead of focusing on how beautiful she is, on how her face changes with the emotions the book instills in her, I focus on where I need to be at midnight.

The answer? Somewhere far away from her.

“Y/N?” Here we go. She looks up and smiles as her gorgeous E/C eyes meet mine.

“Mm?”

“I- we need to talk.” I tell her, sitting on the couch across from her. She raises an eyebrow, placing the book on the side table.

“Go on?”

“I need to go.”

“Where?” She asks. “When?”

“Away. Today. Now. Forever.”

She freezes in her place, and blinks.

“E-Excuse me?” She whispers, eyes widening. I take a breath.

“People grow and change, Y/N. And this… this just isn’t working anymore.” I’m lying through my teeth but the steel mask is shattering.

“This? Us?” She asks softly, “Dean, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m saying that we’ve fallen apart. I have to leave, and I’m not coming back this time.”

She blinks furiously, trying to push away the tears, “No. You can’t do that.”

“I can, I am. I’m sorry, I-“

“You’re sorry.” She hisses, and a single tear streaks down her cheek. “Sorry. I put up with your shit for the best part of five years and you’re sorry?”

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, believe me.”

“Then why the hell are you doing this? I thought we were okay, I thought we were happy!” She whispers, choking back a sob without much success, “Did I do something? Say something? Am I not good enough for you anymore?”

“No. No, Y/N, no. That’s not how it is, I swear. It’s me, it’s all me.”

She stands up, determined to be as close to my height as she can be, “You can’t.” She whispers, breaking apart before my eyes. I can almost see her heart tearing in two, as mine is.

“Y/N…”

“Don’t you dare Y/N me!” She yells, taking a step towards me, “What’s going on, Dean? You’re acting weird, and now this? What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m not doing anything!”

“I’ll tell you what you’re doing! You’re screwing with me, again! I’ve put up with you coming and going, all these years! I’ve never asked, never pried! You just come in here, half-dead, and you beg me not to ask so I don’t but I’m done!”

“I can’t!” I insist, only now raising my voice, “You don’t understand, I can’t tell you these things! It’s to protect you, it’s all about protecting you!”

“If you love me so little, it shouldn’t matter!” She hisses, “If you’re leaving, it doesn’t matter!” Tears fall down her face without abandon and she lets out a miserable sob.

“It matters.” I take her face in my hand, but she slaps it away.

“No, Dean, it doesn’t. I don’t matter. You don’t matter. Nothing freaking matters anymore. I don’t care.” I remain silent, just stood there. “Get out!” She sobs, pushing me away before crumpling to the floor, sobbing into her hands. “Just leave, get out.”

How badly I want to pull her into my arms, how badly I want to kiss her face and tell her it was a sick joke and I can stay but I can’t.

“I’m sorry.” I say, but I don’t know if she hears. Without looking back, I walk out the door. As it shuts, though, I glance back and whisper those three words.

I love you.

And I walk away, knowing I’m not coming back.

Go Gently

“Then Bilbo turned away, and he went by himself, and sat alone wrapped in a blanket, and, whether you believe it or not, he wept until his eyes were red and his voice was hoarse.”

01. The Parting Glass - Ed Sheeran, 02. Underneath the Stars - Kate Rusby, 03. End of All Things - Panic! At the Disco, 04. Heartache Is A Cold Place - A Boy and his Kite, 05. Bottles & Bones (Shade & Sympathy) - Califone, 06. Blackberry Stone - Laura Marling, 07. River (Acoustic) - LIGHTS, 08. Whole Made of Pieces - Jonsi, 09. Falling Into You - Mae, 10. Heysatan - Sigur Ros, 11. The Longer I Run - Peter Bradley Adams, 12. Homesick - Sleeping At Last, 13. That Home - Cinematic Orchestra, 14. Dreaming of Bag End - Howard Shore, 15. Long Time Traveler - The Wallin’ Jennys

{LISTEN}

anonymous asked:

Imagine Bilbo passing away while sailing to the Undying Lands, and his last thoughts were of happiness, for he had a long life and dying meant seeing the company again. But then he finds out that hobbits and dwarrows are not allowed to see each other in the afterlife and he must continue to exist forever separated from Thorin :)

i love that you ended with a smile omg

no buT OKAY OMG HERE’S HOW I WOULD LIKE THIS TO GO DOWN

while on the ship with frodo, gandalf, and the elves, bilbo talks to frodo about how frail he feels but how excited he is and frodo’s like “umm but you could literally die in your sleep how is that exciting????”

and bilbo says “do you remember my story? do you remember thorin? i survived as long as i have because my heart has been sustained by the thought that at the end of it all, i shall see him again”

and gandalf turns to bilbo and he says “…what?”

“thorin, gandalf. whether i sail to immortality or to never-ending sleep, i shall not despair, for i will soon be with he who has long owned my heart”

and gandalf’s face just falls, so he has to, you know, “oh bilbo, my friend, before you say you am seeing this dwarf let me explain u a thing” and he tells him about the halls of mandos and how thorin will be there but bilbo will not even go anywhere NEAR that heaven, it was just not meant to happen

and this makes bilbo so very very very very sad indeed because he had clung to this hope of seeing thorin again after he had said goodbye to him in the funeral, “i’m suddenly very, very tired, i think i might go rest” so he leaves and just lays in his bed

and he doesn’t eat or drink for the rest of the journey and frodo and gandalf and elrond are all very worried but frodo understands why this is happening and thinks they should just leave well enough alone and just watch over him

and one night bilbo actually falls asleep, and he dreams of bag end, he dreams that he is young again and cleaning up in bag end and it’s a sunny day outside, and then there’s a knocking on the door, and when he opens it, there’s thorin, as clean and whole as when they had first met, and he smiles at bilbo, who is confused as fuck

“what are you doing here?”

and thorin reaches out a hand to him, “taking you on an adventure”

“we are both far too old for adventures, dear heart”

“then i am taking you home with me”

so bilbo takes his hand but instead of letting thorin lead him, he urges thorin inside bag end, and then he closes the door, takes both of thorin’s hands in his, smiles up at him and says 

“we already are”

and they spend an entire day together inside bag end, cleaning and cooking and telling stories that they shouldn’t know because they are physically too young, but they have still lived all their years, and as the sun begins to set, thorin takes bilbo into his bedroom and they make love and take their time and by the time they’re both done, the moon is high in the sky and stars pepper the night

“how are you feeling, bilbo?”

“good. blessed. content.”

“happy?”

“…yes, very.”

“the night is almost over. just a few more hours, i think”

and when frodo and gandalf visit bilbo in the morning, they find he has passed but with a soft smile on his face

Normal Life

Summary: You have known the Winchesters ever since you could remember. After your dad died, Dean promised he wouldn’t get you involved in the hunter life. He visits you as much as possible and tries to make you have a normal life.

DeanXreader

Warnings: Swearing, violence, fluff

Word Count: 3,725

A/N: I am making this into a little bit of a series! I’m already working on part 2 and I hope you guys like it!! :))

Part 2  ~  Part 3

Originally posted by yaelstiel

    “How long are you staying?” You asked Dean, laying in the bed in your shared house. Dean had his arm around your waist and you felt him stiffen. He didn’t like talking about leaving when he had just gotten there, but you couldn’t help but wonder how many days you and him had together before he had to leave again.

    Dean ran his hand up and down your arm. “A couple days. We were just stopping by as we head on to the next hunt.” He explained, gently kissing your shoulder. You leaned into him, not wanting the moment to end. “I’ll miss you.” He whispered against your skin.

    “You wouldn’t have to miss me if you let me come with you.” You said and he stiffened again. You turned to face him and looked him in the eyes. “Please. I don’t want to be away from you.” You pleaded, sounding a little bit like a child.

    “(Y/N), you know the answer is going to be no every time.” He told you, squishing you pouting face together. He laughed a bit and so did you. He leaned down and gently kissed you. “I don’t want you mixed up in this. You’re my little slice of normal. Please, for me, just enjoy your normal life.” You could hear how tired he was and decided not to push.

    You gave him and gentle kiss and turned away from him. You closed your eyes and slept, dreaming that this moment would never end.

__________

    Dean loaded his bags into the impala with Sam standing beside you. “Please, take care of yourselves.” You said to the younger brother. Sam gave you a smile and one last hug. You kissed his cheek as he turned around to get into the car.

    “I’ll come see you the first chance I get.” Dean said, walking over to you. He lifted your chin to look up at him. He wiped a tear that escaped from your eyes. “Hey, I’ll be home before you know it. And I’ll call you almost everyday, okay? I promise.” He whispered, kissing your forehead.

    You looked up at him, unable to keep any more tears from falling. You jumped on him, wrapping your arms around him. He held you there for a moment. “I love you.” You told him.

    He held you tighter. “I love you too.” He let you go and gave you one last kiss before getting in the car and driving away. Saying goodbye was always hard, but for some reason, this time felt different.

    You got a feeling in your stomach that you didn’t like. You didn’t know why, but it seemed that goodbye was going to be the last. WIth a shake of your head, you let the feeling pass and headed inside your house.

__________

    “Happy birthday!” Your best friend yelled to you, handing you a shot. You laughed and took it. On the count of three, you and your whole group took the shots at the same time.

    Your friends started dancing and enjoying themselves. Maybe you could have, if you weren’t so focused on Dean. He had been away for months and you had barely had three conversations with him. He hadn’t even called you to wish you a happy birthday.

    “Come on!” Your friends yelled. With a deep breath, you chugged the rest of your drink and went to dance with them. After a couple hours of shots and vodka, you had stumbled outside and began to walk home.

    You were too busy humming the song that was playing when you were leaving that you didn’t see the man walking in front of you. “Whoa.” He said, catching you before you fell. You only laughed as he held you up. “Are you alright?” He asked.

    “Oh, I’m fine!” You slurred a bit. He couldn’t help but smile. “I’m s-sorry. My name is (Y/N) and I am terribly dr-drunk. W-would you mind help-” You hiccuped. “Helping me home?” You finished.

    He laughed a bit. “Not at all. My name is Mike.” He said. You hooked your arm around his and began walking. You guys didn’t talk about much. You could barely think straight to string a sentance together.

    You were grateful when your house came into view. “This is me!” You sang, walking up to your front door. You fumbled with the keys, trying to unlock the door.

    The man appeared beside you and gently touched your hand. “Here.” He said, taking the keys from you. He unlocked the door and opened it for you. You gave him a grateful look as you stepped into the house. He wasn’t going to follow you in, until you tried taking off your shoe and almost fell.

    He caught you once again. “Thank you, kind sir!” You laughed, until you saw familiar green eyes from the corner of your eye.

    “What the hell is going on?” Dean’s voice boomed throughout the house, anger clearly in his voice. He watched as the man helped you up and apologized over and over again, explaining he didn’t know that you were with someone. “Get out.” He told the man. He nodded frantically and dropped the keys, running out of the house.

    Dean slammed the door shut behind him and turned towards you. “What? I thought you wanted me to have a normal life.” You said, sliding to the floor to attempt to take your other shoe off. “Getting drunk with your friends on your birthday is apparently “normal””. You said, doing the quotations with your fingers.

    “I didn’t mean bring men home you don’t even know.” He said, kneeling in front of you and taking your shoe off for you. You crossed your arms and sat there like a child. “You have to be careful. You know what we deal with out there. Anyone could be-”

    “If you want me to have a normal life, I can’t think everyone I meet is going to be a monster!” You yelled. It would have been intimidating if it wasn’t for all the slurring you were doing. “You want to be normal? Fine! Let me worry about normal girl problems. Let’s start with my boyfriend hasn’t spoken to me in months and didn’t even wish me a happy birthday!”

    Dean stood up, grabbing your hands and bringing you up with him. “I did it for your own good.” He told you. He was talking to you as if you were a child, and in that moment you felt like one. “Why do think I’m here? To wish you a happy birthday.” He said. “I’ve been waiting for hours, by the way.”

    “Oh, I’m sorry. Was I supposed stay locked up in my house sulking? Waiting for a boyfriend who I didn’t even think would come and see me?” You asked, trying to make yourself seem taller than you are. Dean towered over you and looked down at you, making you fail at your goal.

    He watched you carefully. “That’s not what I meant.” He said. You moved away from him to walk to the stairs when he grabbed your arm, making you turns towards him. “I’m trying to protect you. That’s all I’ve ever been doing.”

    You scoffed. “Oh really? Not speaking to me for months is protecting me?” You asked, trying to keep your voice from raising.

    “You think I didn’t want to talk to you? You think that this wasn’t hard me either?” He asked, holding you where you were. “Not seeing you kills me.”

    “Then let me come with you.” You said, leaning towards him. He shook his head and let you go, moving away from you. “Why not? And don’t give me the crap about wanting me to have a normal life.”

    Dean took a deep breath. “Your father told me to protect you. He asked me not to let you get into the hunter life. He asked me to keep you away from all of this. He wanted to be normal.” He explained, giving you sad eyes.

    You shook your head. “My life will never be normal!” You yelled. You sat on the stairs and looked up at Dean. “No matter what happens, no matter how hard to try to give me a normal life, I will never be normal!” Tears came to your eyes. “You think I don’t want a normal life? I do. Oh god, do I ever. But I will never be normal. My boyfriend hunts monsters for a living and I have to sit at home pretending like none of that is real. When people ask me what you do, when they ask where you are, I have to lie. I have to lie to the people I care about. That is not normal.” Your tears fell as you looked up at Dean. “They talk about what they did in high school and college. They talk about their proms and school dances that I’ve only dreamt about going to. I’ll never be able to join in those conversations. I feel like a freak, Dean. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be normal. I’ve had the same life as you, the only difference is you were trained to hunt.”

    Dean stood in front of you, looking down at you. He had to fight the urge to wipe your tears. “That’s why you can’t come with us. You’ll slow us down. I can’t worry about you not getting yourself killed and the hunt.” He took a step back, finding it hard not to grab you and comfort you. He was doing this for your own good, he kept telling himself. “If your father knew what you wanted to do, he would be so disappointed.” He knew that was a low blow, but he didn’t care. He wanted you away from him. He knew that if he stayed close to you, you would get hurt.

    You stood up and slapped him. You couldn’t help it. The anger boiled in your veins as you watched him. He didn’t scream. he didn’t yell. He stood there, looking away from you. “Get out. I don’t want you to get out and never come back.” You told him. He just stood there. “Get out!” You screamed.

    “I’m sorry.” He said before he walked out the door. When the door closed, you fell to the floor, crying.

__________

    You awoke to a knocking on the door. With a stretch, you sat up and realized you were on the floor by the stairs. “Wow.” You said, standing up. You walked over to the front door and opened it. The man from the night before stood there. You thought for a moment, trying to remember his name. “Hey, Mich?”

    He laughed a bit. “Mike, actually.” He said. You mentally hit yourself and gave him a smile. You let him inside. “Your scarf got caught in my coat last night. I thought I would bring it back.”

    “Awh man. I didn’t even realize I was wearing one last night.” You said, grabbing the scarf from his hands. “I guess I was really out of it.”

    He gave you a gentle smile. “Yea, you were.” He told you. You laughed a bit and blushed from embarrassment. “I guess I’ll be go-”

    “Nonsense! Come in for a cup of tea or something. It’s the least I could do since you helped my drunk ass home.” You told him. He laughed and stepped further in the house. You closed the door behind him. “You can go wait in the kitchen. I’m just going to run upstairs and get changed.” You explained, pointing him in the direction of the kitchen. He nodded and you ran upstairs.

    When you got to your room, your phone started ringing. You grabbed it and answered it. “Hey, was just checking in on you.” Sam’s voice came through the phone.

    You sighed. “I’m fine.” You said, trying not to go into detail. “Listen, I actually have someone over so I’m just getting changed.” You explained. You turned around to walk out the door when Mike stood there. “Oh, hey. I thought I said-”

    He grabbed you by the throat and lifted you up. He threw you across the room. A sharp pain rang throughout your body and especially in your arm. The phone flew out of your hand and across the floor. Mike stood over you, his eyes turning black. “Oh my god.” You said, catching your breath as best as you could. He approached you, kneeling in front of you. “Sam! Sam you have to help me!” You screamed, backing away from him.

    “Scream for me.” Mike said. He grabbed your leg, dragging you closer to him. “Scream.” He said, digging his nails into your calph.

__________

    Your screams come through the phone and to Sam’s ear. “(Y/N)!” Sam yelled into the phone. Your screaming never stopped. “(Y/N)!” He yelled again. Dean came out of the bathroom in the motel room and shot Sam an alarmed look. The line went dead before Sam could yell for you again. “Something’s wrong.”

    “What happened?” Dean asked, concern clearly in his voice.

    “I think someone attacked her. I don’t know for sure.” Sam explained.

    Dean grabbed the his duffle bag with the weapons in it. “Let’s go.” He said, walking out to the impala. Sam quickly followed and Dean sped to your house. He ran to your door, with a gun in his hands. He stood on one side of the door with Sam on the other. Dean brought his hand to the doorknob and twisted it. The door swung open and the boys went in.

    They walked up the stairs and Dean went straight to your room. Dean stopped in the doorway and dropped his gun. Your room was a disaster. Your dresser was knocked down, you clothes everywhere. Your bedding was ripped off your bed. But the thing that caught his eye was the blood. There was a pool of it on the floor and it was splattered on the blue walls that Dean knew well. He thought he was going to be sick.

    “Dean.” Sam said. Dean took his attention off of the room and towards the window where Sam was. “Sulfur. Dean, it was a demon.” Hearing those words, Dean couldn’t take it.

    He threw his fist into the wall. “Damnit!” He yelled. Tears stung his eyes. “I shouldn’t have left her! I shouldn’t have said the things I said to her.” His tears fell as he looked at his brother. “Sam, we need to find her.” He walked out of your room, wiping his tears and down the hall into the computer room.

    “What are you doing?” Sam asked, following his brother. Dean went to the computer and started typing and clicking stuff. Sam walked over to see Dean pull up four different screens from a security camera. “You put cameras in her house?” Sam asked.

    Dean simply nodded. “Don’t judge. She agreed to it. Plus, it made it a bit easier that I could leave her alone but be able to keep an eye on her.” He explained. Sam only watched as Dean went back to about ten minutes earlier. Dean saw the guy from the night before at your front door and he paused the cameras on his face. “Son of a bitch.”

    “Who is that?” Sam asked moving closer to the computer screen. Dean printed the screen to bring it closer and get a better look.

    Suddenly, the doorbell rang. “Who the hell could that be?” Dean said, walking out of the room and down the stairs. He opened the door to see a brown haired girl standing there. “Look, we don’t want any cookies that you’re selling.” He told her.

    He was about to close to the door, until she spoke. “Um, is (Y/N) home? I’m her friend Tiffany and we were suppose to go shopping.” She said. She looked Dean up and down and her face beamed. “OMG! You’re Dean! (Y/N)’s boyfriend! Oh, she talks about you all the time.”

    “Yea, that’s great. Do you know this man?” Dean asked, showing her the picture he printed.

    She looked at the picture. “Oh! That’s Mike.” She told him. “He moved here about a week ago. I met him at the bar when we went out for drinks. I was trying to flirt but he had a real interest in (Y/N). He couldn’t stop asking about her.” She explained. She looked up at Dean, her mouth turning into an O. “Did she sleep with him? Oh. My. God. Well, I guess you’ll be single now? Maybe we could-”

    “Where does he live?” Dean asked, ignoring anything she was going to say.

    “Just the next street over. House fifty four, I’m pretty sure.” She said.

    He nodded. “Thanks. Sammy, let’s go!” He called to his brother. He pushed past the girl and waited for his brother so he could lock the door.

    Sam nodded at the girl as he and his brother went to the car. “So, does this mean she’s not going shopping?!” She called out to them. They ignored her as the drove away.

    “I think it’s this one.” Dean said, pulling up front of a house. The brother sat in the car, staring at it. It was a house with a white picket fence. It looked like a family home. “Well, looks can be deceiving.” Dean got out of the car and grabbed the weapons from the trunk.

    They walked up to the door and knocked. When there was no answer, Dean kicked down the door. He pointed his gun up. “Come out, you son of a bitch!” Dean yelled.

    Laughing came behind them as the front door slammed shut. The brothers turned around to see the guy from the picture. “Well, that didn’t take long. I should have known you guys would start right away.” He said, circling them. “Oh, (Y/N)! We have guests!” He called.

    Dean’s heart dropped when you came up behind Mike. The thing that caught Dean’s eyes were your black ones. “Hello, Dean, Sam. How are you?” You asked.

    “Get out of her.” Dean’s voice went low and Sam got the knife at the ready. Mike came closer to Dean. “Let her go.” Dean said.

    Before Mike could say anything, Sam dug the knife into his neck. You stood there, shaking your head. “That wasn’t very nice. He was my friend.” You said, stepping closer to them. Sam still had the knife ready, but Dean stood completely still. “You know, she asked for this. She cried. Let’s see if I can copy.” You coughed, preparing your throat. “Dean! Please! Help me! I’m sorry! Help me!” Dean had tears in his eyes from hearing your screams. “Then she stopped. Tears were rushing down her face. She asked why she was so weak. She said she wished she was stronger. All she wanted to do was make her father proud and to make you happy, Dean. I was just doing her a favour and making her stronger.”

    “Do it, Sam.” Dean told his brother. Sam started to say the words to the exorcism. “Say goodbye.”

    You laughed, not fighting it at all. “Oh, Dean. I can still do this.” You took a knife that you kept in the back of your pants and stabbed your arm. You screamed, but it never passed your lips. “And this.” You took the knife and stabbed your thigh. Again, the screams never passed your lips. You crouched on the ground. Dean was watching you in horror as Sam continued the exorcism. “I can still come back once you send me down there. But this time, I’ll come back with more. All of them will try to get information from her about you. She’ll never be safe.”

    Dean clenched his jaw as you started screaming. The exorcism started working. “Go to hell.” Dean said, staring you right in your eyes. The demon kept eye contact for a second before leaving your body. You collapsed to the ground. Dean rushed to you, trying to stop the bloodflow from your wounds. “Cas, where are you?” Dean asked.

    There was the sound of feathers and a man in a trench coat appeared in front of Dean. Cas gently touched your forehead to heal your wounds. “She’ll still be a little tired, Dean. You should get her home.” Cas simply said.

    “There’s one more thing.” Dean said, stopping the angle before he left. Cas turned towards him and Sam watched carefully. “I need you to erase her memory of us and all about the hunting world.” Dean practically had force out the words.

    Sam stepped forward. “Dean, no.” He said. Dean looked up at his brother, tears in his eyes. “This should be her choice, not yours.”

    Dean shook his head, his tears finally falling. “You know what her choice will be, Sammy. I can’t protect her from everything, but I can protect her from the worst. Protect her from all of this.” He said. He looked back at Cas. “Please, Cas. Alter her memory to not remember anything about the hunter world and us.”

    Castiel nodded and place his fingers against your forehead once again. Dean gave him a grateful look. “If it’s true love, Dean, there’s no stopping her finding her way to you again. Keep that in mind.” With that, the angle was gone.

    Dean lifted you up in his arms and took you to the impala. Sam followed, unable to wrap his mind around that you won’t remember them. “I can’t believe you, Dean.” Was the only thing Sam said as he got in the car. Dean followed suit and started the car, driving to your house.

    He gently lifted you out of the car. Sam unlocked the door for him and he carried you upstairs. Once you were laid in bed, Dean started cleaning your room. After the walls were clean of the blood, he walked over to you unconscious body. He placed a kiss on your forehead. “Goodbye, sweetheart.” He said before leaving your room.

    He met Sam in the hall. “All the security footage is erased. I doubt she would even check it.” Sam said. Dean didn’t say a word as he descended the stairs one last time.

   Sam left the house and walked out to the car as Dean stood in the doorway. He looked into the house. “Goodbye.”