last day before food chem! i even had dreams about food lmao (though… i guess it’s not so unusual given my sweet tooth… 🥐) and tbh i kind of like this subject but i’m dreading the other upcoming exams a lot. luckily, come hell or high water, i’ll be done with the second year of uni on the 23rd ~ really i wish i could be brushing up on my japanese skills, you can tell they’ve seen better days from my planner scribbles…
title: i wanna wake up to you pairing: bokuaka rating: g summary: bokuto and akaashi and the moments where they make a home in each other.
for bokuaka day, something light and fluffy for my fave volleyowls~>ao3<
“Ah, it’s already this late,” Akaashi says, glancing out the dark window. He puts his pencil down, blinking across the table at Koutarou. “I should be getting home.”
Koutarou fumbles for his phone. “Uh, I think the last trains just left though…”
Akaashi frowns. “Oh.”
“You can just stay over! My parents won’t mind!” Koutarou fiddles with his little owl-shaped stress ball as Akaashi considers. It’s not the first time Akaashi stayed over, but Koutarou can’t help feeling nervous every time. He likes being able to spend more time with his friend, and he knows Akaashi feels the same, but there’s still a part of Koutarou that shakes and quivers in the pauses that make up Akaashi’s calm nature.
“Let me just let my parents know.”
“Okay! I’ll go get the futon set up!”
Koutarou bounds out of his room down to the hall closet. There’s an excited smile pulling at his lips and something swelling in his chest. They can watch some anime, or maybe more volleyball footage, or maybe play a game! Though they do have school tomorrow, so maybe Akaashi will try to make them go to sleep early. But that’s okay, because Koutarou knows that Akaashi likes talking to him, too.
You are amazing ! How did you lose 78 pounds in such a short time?!
There isn’t some secret pill or diet plan. I don’t know what exactly people are searching for when they ask me this. It’s not as if there’s some magic formula of X amount of calories specifically a day and X amount of exercise a day. The secret to losing weight is torturing yourself, it’s waking up in the middle of the night freaked out because you had a dream about food, it’s constantly thinking about food because you’re starving yourself, binging and then purging and scrutinizing yourself and calculating each and every calorie afterwards, it’s walking up the stairs and almost blacking out, it’s being cold no matter the temperature, it’s cringing when anyone touches you because you feel disgusting, it’s only waking up in the morning so you can see if you lost more weight, it’s looking in the mirror and grabbing at every bit of fat and crying, it’s avoiding social gatherings that involve food, it’s pushing everyone out of your life that tries to help or care, it’s health problems, it’s a heart that beats abnormally and poor circulation and bad skin and hair, it’s feeling so alone and desperate for control that you come to a point that you realize you’d do anything to be thin- even die. If you think I’m going to give some sort of a diet plan to help you achieve those things, I’m not. If you’re looking for that, I’m not the right blog to be following I’m sorry.
I love you and hope you’re doing well.
Today Ohkawa posted this on her twitter. They are three of Fai’s little secrets. I’ve been trying to translate it, but my japanese is pretty limited and google translate isn’t giving me anything :( Anyone who can help?
(NOTE: This story is an AU, set before the events of the recent
Stevenbomb. Also, Tom references @plainolddope‘s OC, Greg’s twin brother. It is
his fault that this story exists in the first place so go blame him ;p )
Could you list some reasons to recover because I could use some right now
- Because you aren’t really living, you are just existing. Feeling alive is worth recovering for. - Because you are worth so much more than calories, weight, scales, sizes and so on. - You can go out for social occasions rather than hiding away feeling too fat to go out. - So that you can concentrate on your education or job and do well. - So you actually have motivation to do things rather than shut yourself away from everyone. - Because having friends is important and not everyone will stick around. - So you can love yourself and feel good. - So you can wear pretty outfits and not worry about your shape or weight! - So your mind will have space to think about worthwhile things rather than numbers and calories all the time. - Because binge food is a waste of money, as are laxatives, diet pills, water pills, scales etc. - So you can feel confident! - So that your life doesn’t have to revolve around food. - So you don’t have a stupid demon in your head feeding you lies constantly and putting you down. - To be able to eat in public and not worry about other people seeing you eat. - To actually have energy to do things and not feel so tired all the time. - To be able to look into a mirror and not focus on your weight, and to not be criticising yourself - To feel comfortable having a photo taken without worrying about how you look in it. - So that you can wear tighter clothes and not wear baggy clothes to hide away your body. - So that you’re not constantly comparing yourself to others and wondering if they’re thinner or not than you. - To not feel guilty in relation to food or exercise! - So you can exercise and play sports for fun and not focus on calorie burning. - Because having your teeth hurt and decay from acid erosion is nasty, and may end up pricey getting them fixed. - Having glowing skin and nice hair is a good thing! - So you don’t suffer from osteoporosis at an early age. - So you have regular periods and don’t become infertile - So you don’t have to spend so much time at the doctors or appointments, or even in hospital. - So your own family and friends can trust you again. - So that you don’t have to always think of excuses to get out of things that involve food, even if you really wanted to go. - So that you don’t suddenly feel as though you’re going to pass out when you’re out, and suddenly have to try not to. - Because knowing the calories of everything isn’t useful in the slightest. - Having your days dictated by a scale isn’t a life. - Having blood tests hurt, and ECG’s are embarrassing and boring. - Because having part of your tooth fall off when you brush your teeth is disgusting. - Because smelling of vomit is horrible. - Watching your hair fall out is upsetting. - So you can spend time with your friends and family without worries about where you may be going or how to avoid food. - So that you can enjoy your birthday and even eat cake! - Easter will be so much more fun with chocolate eggs. - Because pizza. - To be able to walk in a bikini on a beach somewhere without a care in the world. - So you can reach your ambitions. - So that you can have your own family without your illness preventing you. - So you don’t die and end up as another statistic. - So that you can go food shopping, and buy what YOU want, not what your eating disorder wants. - Because negative thoughts are no fun, but happy positive thoughts are! - So you don’t have to make excuses to purge and worry about somebody hearing you. - So you can be a positive role model to your siblings and/or friends. - So the people who care about you can stop worrying and hurting. - So you can take medication and brush your teeth and clean yourself without worrying that you might absorb a few calories! - You can listen to songs and read magazines without getting triggered. - So you can help others in need without feeling like a hypocrite. - So you can go out dancing and not get light-headed or dizzy - It&’;s no fun having to take potassium tablets or get drips because you’ve gotten so ill. - So you don’t have to try on about 5+ outfits before going out because you feel as though you look too “fat”. - So you can drink and eat what the hell you want! - It’s no fun being cold all the time! - Your body going numb is no fun either, nor are leg cramps from lack of electrolytes. - Because your body needs this fuel just to keep going. - So you don’t have to worry about people hearing your stomach growl. - So you can go to the cinema and eat popcorn. - So you don’t spend your birthday or Christmas in hospital - So you can wear shorts and bikini tops and crop tops in summer. - So that people don’t see you as just your eating disorder. - Because acid reflux, chronic stomach pains and regurgitation is horrible as is permanent nausea. - So you can have a boyfriend/girlfriend and not have to worry about your weight and eating disorder affecting the relationship. A healthy relationship is a happy relationship. - Because it’s nice to plan what you’re going to do rather than what you’re going to eat. - So you can actually look at food and see it as food, and not numbers. - Because food tastes good! - So that you can go out for a meal with your friends/family/partner without panicking about the food and calorie content. - So that you don’t have to find out the restaurant a few days beforehand to analyse the menu in-depth to find something safe. - So that you can eat at any restaurant/café/bakery and so on - So people trust you to eat when you say you will. - So you can go clothes shopping without wanting to break down. - So you have hopes for the future. - So people don’t get upset at how ill you are. - So you can get to sleep at night and sleep well without dreaming about food or weight or with your bones digging into the bed. - So you don’t panic about where the nearest toilet is! - Because binging and purging at a buffet isn’t the point, and is no fun at all. - So that you don’t faint or pass out. - Because you deserve better. - So you don’t blame yourself for everything that goes wrong. - So your boyfriend/girlfriend can hug you and tell you that they love their body and you believe them. - Because advent calendars are awesome. - So that you don’t panic about walking past any mirrors or windows because you might see your reflection. - So you don’t have grazed knuckles. - So you can go to the toilet after a meal just to pee. - So when people give you compliments you can accept them and believe them. - So you don’t twist what people say into something negative about you. - So your first thought when your wake up isn’t to weigh yourself. - So you don’t have to punish yourself for eating, or make ways to compensate later. - So you don’t have to convince yourself that it’s okay to eat something and take an hour to do so.
- So that your goals in life aren’t just weight goals which you’ll never be satisfied with.