A/N: This wasn’t requested. I’ve just been having a really stressful weeks and needed to write something that nobody had requested in case I wrote something really shitty. It is long, but I hope you like it xx.
I turn around in bed, trying my best to get comfortable. The room isn’t cold, but my bones are freezing. The bed is huge, but I’m lying on the edge. I have everything I’ll ever need, and yet again I feel helpless. It is always the same; it is the same loneliness that hunts me every time Tom is away… And I’m not sure if it is worth it anymore. There are days when I just want to run away, go back to my home and never look back,; but this is Tom’s dream, and if I love Tom, I need to learn to love his dreams just as much as I do him.
Jack jumps onto the bed and lies against my back, melting part of the ice inside of me. Getting Jack had been Tom’s idea so I wasn’t alone every time he was on a trip with the team, but the Australian Shepherd could not replace Tom. He was a good boy nevertheless.
“Hi, buddy.” I whisper, turning around to pet his fluffy head.
Jack has learnt to sense my mood, because he lifts his head and licks my hand, making me smile for the first time today.
“You are the best boy in Washington DC.” I say to him and he picks up his ears, turning his head and looking overall adorable.
I’m whispering, even though that I’m alone in the apartment and no one would care if I scream, but after spending the whole day quiet I don’t think that I can make myself to speak any louder. I spend another hour turning around and petting Jack until I fall into a tormented sleep where I’m alone and I can’t escape my own demons.
Waking up in an empty bed is just as bad as going to sleep alone, so I roll off of it as soon as I open my eyes. I walk towards to the kitchen, the wooden floor cold against my bare feet, and start making coffee when I hear the front door opening.
“Hello?” Tom’s voice is loud and I wish I could just cover my ears.
“Hey.” I answer him, my voice much calmer than his while I keep working on making coffees for both of us now.
“Hello, beautiful.” His voice is about to burst my eardrums when he walks in the kitchen.
I don’t say anything and I keep working on the coffees, pouring almond milk and hazelnut syrup on mine, and a sugar in his black coffee. I hand him the mug and turn around to face him. He is as handsome as always; his hair is messy and his blue eyes are bright.
“Hi.” I just say, and I try to give him a small smile, but it comes like more of a grimace than a smile.
He doesn’t seem to notice, because he leans in and kisses the corner of my mouth softly. I don’t know why this time is different, but I can’t pretend that I’ve been okay this time, so I just look down and wrap my hands around my cup seeking the warmth of the beverage.
“Where is Jack?” He wonders, looking around for our little rascal.
“He was still sleeping when I woke up.” I explain to him and he huffs. “Jack, dad is home!” I call out for him and seconds later we hear the four paws running through the hall. Jack jumps around Tom, excitement clear in his pretty eyes.
I’ve always thought that Tom chose Jack because their eyes look the same; they go from icy blue to the color of a stormy sky, hitting every color in between. One of my favorite games is to name every color I see on Tom’s eyes; he finds it hilarious when I tell him that his eyes are ‘the color of the sky on a summer day when it is too hot to go out’ or ‘the color of a smurf’s butt”.
“Hello buddy, I’ve missed you.” Tom throws himself to the ground, not caring about the suit he is wearing.
I look at the way they play on the floor, Tom getting on his four and grunting and for a second I feel happy, but the feeling washes away when I remember that this is temporary, he is going to leave again.
“I’m taking a shower.” I say, walking to the bathroom and shutting the door.
I lean on the door, feeling my eyes sting for the first time in months. I stopped crying about this a long time ago, but today is an odd day and I let myself roll with it. I turn on the shower and undress myself, shivering when I step in, the water still a little cold. The more time I spend in the shower, the more my crying becomes sobbing and I end up struggling to breathe while I cry under the shower. I don’t even hear Tom coming in until I feel his hands around my wrists.
“Ey, ey, ey, what’s wrong?” He asks, using his finger to make me raise my head.
“Nothing.” I say, stepping away from him, hitting my back against the wall.
“Baby, you are sobbing.” He says, a hurt expression in his face and his shirt sticking to his body.
“I said that I’m fine.” I yell and I choke on my own screams.
“Then why are you crying?” He sounds mad now and I turn around, facing the wall and not him, resting my head on the tiles.
“Because I goddamn want to.” I fist my hands in frustration, punching the wall slowly.
“You know what, sweetheart, I can’t read your mind.” His voice is harsh now and I shiver. “So, you either tell me what’s wrong or you stop acting like your fish has died.”
“Or what?” I challenge him, turning around to look at him.
We hold each other’s gaze for what seems like centuries, neither of us wanting to give it up to the other, until Tom sighs and lifts his hand to punch the wall, just as I was doing, but with all his strength.
“For fuck sake, (y/n), talk to me.” He screams, but I don’t even flinch at his bloody knuckles or his cursing.
“I don’t want to talk, Tom.” I simply answer, turning off the shower, wrapping myself with a fluffy towel and walking out of the bathroom.
“Too bad, I do want to talk.” He follows me, leaning on the wall and looking at me getting dressed.
I ignore him, picking a pair of clean underwear, a pair of leggings and a cozy sweater from my wardrobe and putting them on. I take a deep breath, my eyes still stinging, and turn around to face him.
“Talk to me, please.” He begs and I break down.
I sit on the bed, burying my head on my hands. I’m crying again, but this time it isn’t sobbing, they are just quiet tears. The bed shifts next to me under Tom’s weight and I want to jerk away when he rubs circles onto my back.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I say in between hiccups. “I can’t pretend that I’m fine.”
“What is ‘this’?” He asks and I sigh, lifting my head up, my eyes red and my face soaked in tears.
“The loneliness.” I try to explain. “I can’t handle the distance. I can’t handle being alone. I stay awake at night, not being able to sleep because the bed is too big and too cold without you. I make two cups of coffee every morning, just to find yours on the counter realizing that you are not going to drink it. I don’t wash your shirts until the day before you are back because they smell like you. I see more of you on TV that actual real life.”
“Baby, you are not alone.” He tries to cut me off.
“Tom, I am alone all the time.” I wave my hands in front of me. “Yeah, I hang out with the girls, I go to work… but at the end of the day I’m alone here.”
“(y/n), I know that me being on the road sucks, but you have to understand that this is my job.” He states his case. “This has been everything I’ve ever wanted. This is my dre…”
“Your dream.” I finish the sentence for him. “And I understand that this is what you want.”
“Then what’s the problem?” He asks and I bury my hands in my hair, pulling from the roots.
“The problem is that I can’t do this anymore.” I whisper and he looks at me like I have just poured a bucket of icy water on his head. “But because I understand it is your dream I don’t want to make it difficult for you.”
“What does that mean?” He gets on his feet. “WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?”
“What I want to say is that I won’t make it hard for you.” I tell him and I can see the rage showing in his face. “I’ll be gone by the time to get back from practice tonight.”
“So you are giving up on us?” His shirt is still wet and his hair is more of a mess while he runs his hands through his hair. “YOU ARE GIVING UP ON US, JUST LIKE THAT. WITHOUT TALKING. WITHOUT FIGHTING. DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME?”
“This isn’t about love. This isn’t about fighting. It is about both of us being happy.” I say. “You are happy playing hockey and I need to find what makes me happy.”
“You know what? Fuck it. Leave. Today. Now.” His voice is pure poison. “Get the fuck out of my house.” He spits, leaving the room and a few seconds later the house, slamming the front door.
The worst thing about the last week is that I don’t feel any worse than I did before. I’m still hurting, but nothing has really changed; Tom and I don’t see each other, and the only difference is that we don’t talk or text.
After Tom left I packed up as much stuff as I could fit in my car and left the apartment, leaving Jack behind. That’s probably what hurts the most; I’m completely on my own now. But it has taken me a couple days to find a nice apartment to move in and start moving on.
My day has been okay so far; that’s the thing, everyday was just okay. I just want to go to bed one day and feel like it hasn’t been a waste of twenty-four hours, so when my coworkers asked if I wanted to go out for drinks I said yes. The night has been fun, and my coworkers made me smile for the first time in what it seems like forever, so the idea of going back to my apartment wasn’t really appealing.
“C’mon girl, you can do this.” I encourage myself. I need to stop wiping and start moving on.
The doors of the elevator open and I take my heels off, stepping on the soft carpet of the hallway. I turn right and walk down the hall to my apartment when I see it, a figure sitting next to my door. This is Washington after all, so I hold my shoes so I can use the heel to defend myself if necessary and I start walking as quietly as I can towards the unknown figure.
“Tom?” I drop my shoes in disbelief, kneeling down so I can shake him awake. “Tom, what are you doing here?”
It takes him a moment to open his eyes, and when he does I wish he hadn’t; his normally bright and blue eyes are now puffy, bloodshot and grey, with no spark on them. My heart breaks in a thousand billion pieces just because how helpless he looks; Tom Wilson, who could punch his way out of every situation, looks helpless. He opens his mouth for a second but closes it as fast as he has opened it, not sure of what to say. I take that time to straight up, picking my shoes up and opening my bag, looking for my keys. If he isn’t going to talk I might as well just get inside and try to forget how grey his eyes are.
“(y/n), wait.” He says when I insert the key in the keyhole and unlock the door.
I lean on the door, trying to figure out if I want to open the door and get inside and leave Tom outside, both from my apartment of my life, or I want to listen what he has to say. Curiosity wins over common sense because, as my mom says to me all the time, common sense is the least common of the senses.
“Want a drink?” I ask, opening the door and pushing it wide open, inviting him in.
He gets on his feet fast, stumble and hitting the door frame with his shoulder and hissing. I shut the door when we are both in and I stand there, trying to figure out what to do next; what do you do when your boyfri… ex-boyfriend shows up on your door?
“I don’t really have that much to drink.” I confess, walking towards the kitchen and looking inside the fridge. “Beer, orange juice, milk and diet cok…”
“I can’t believe you don’t have diet coke.” Our voices overlap and we both chuckle. “Water is fine.”
I nod, taking a cup from the cupboard and filling it up with chilled water, neither cold nor warm, just as he likes it.
“Thank you.” He says, grabbing it from my hands, our fingers touching for a second.
We both walk around the couch and sit as far from the other as possible. The air is heavy, changed with electricity as both of us look everywhere but the other, neither of us wanting to break the silence. Tom drinks from his cup and I play with my own fingers, picking on a small piece of skin.
“Stop doing that.” He scolds me, giving me a warning look before realizing what he’s done and sinking even deeper in the couch. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s okay. You are right.” I say, putting my hands under my thighs so I can’t pick on my fingers anymore.
“So…” He starts and I look at him, seeing him struggle. “How have you been?”
“It’s been a busy week.” I don’t lie, my week has been busy as hell, but I don’t tell him how shitty it has been as well. “You?” I casually ask.
“Definitely busy.” He agrees, grabbing a coaster from the middle of the coffee table and puts it down so he can rest his drink on the table. “It’s a nice place.”
“It is. It was fully furnished, so moving it has been easy.” The conversation is light, just to fill up the empty space between us.
Tom nods, but doesn’t say anything else. He seems deep in thought and I don’t do anything to snap him off of it, so silence is the king of the room once more.
“I get it now.” I hear Tom’s voice from what it seems far away and I realize that I have spaced out as well.
“What do you get?” I ask, confused.
“What you said.” I raise an eyebrow, not understanding what he is saying and he sighs, frustrated. “The loneliness, feeling alone.”
“Oh, that.” I answer, not really knowing what to say. “It wasn’t that big of a de…”
“But it was, and I’m sorry.” It’s the first time that he is actually looking at me. “I’m sorry that I didn’t understand. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice. I’ve spend a week by myself, just a week, and I felt like I was drowning the whole time.”
Words get stuck in my throat and tears are burning in my eyes, so the only thing I can do I look at his cloudy eyes and hope that he keeps talking.
“I know that I was a jerk, and I know that it is unfair of me to even ask, but I would love to have you back, baby.” He says, and he really looks like he’s taken a huge weight out of his shoulders.
I chew my bottom lip, my mind racing at a thousand miles per hour. I’ve missed him, I’d be lying to myself if I said I haven’t, but I’m not sure that love is enough to heal my shattered heart. I can’t go back to the way the things were before.
“I can’t…” My voice comes out as a whisper. “I can’t go back to the way things were before. I can’t go back to your place. I can’t go back to missing you, having everything reminding me of you.”
“But baby, I love you…” He starts, but I cut him off.
“And I love you too, so much it hurts.” I tell him. “That’s why I can’t do it anymore. Love isn’t supposed to hurt. Love is supposed to make my heart flutter, not break every time you aren’t around.”
Tom’s eyes are glossy and he covers his face with his hands to hide it.
“Come with me then. You won’t be alone.” He says, sounding defeated.
“That’s not how it works. We need to be okay when we are apart, and I’m not okay when you are gone.” I explain to him and he looks at me, tears falling down his cheek.
“I don’t know what to do or say to help you, (y/n).” He looks helpless again.
“I can’t miss you and see you everywhere.” I say, my voice breaking in the middle of the sentence. “I see you everywhere in your apartment.”
“Then don’t be in my apartment. Live here or there or wherever makes you happy. Find a way to miss me with your own terms. Take your time to try to figure out how you want to love me.” He sounds both passionate and defeated. “But don’t leave me.”
I look down at my hands and I feel the couch shift besides me, where Tom has moved. He grabs my hands from my lap and brings them to his lips, kissing my knuckles and my palms and my fingertips.
“Don’t leave me.” He repeats and I break down, sobbing onto his shoulder as he picks me up and puts me carefully on his lap, hugging me like I was a glass doll.
“I feel like I’m so selfish.” I say in between breaths.
“You are not selfish, princess.” He whispers, rubbing circles on my lower back. “You were lonely, and that’s my fault and my fault only.”
“Are you okay with me having my own place?” I ask, looking at his eyes so he can’t lie to me. “Not living together during the season… just until I can figure it out. I need a space that it’s just mine, where you aren’t everywhere.”
“I only see one problem…” I look at him, trying to figure out what’s wrong. “Jack.”
“He’ll go where I go.” I tell him, making it clear that I won’t accept no as an answer.
“But…” He starts complaining but stops when he sees my face expression. “Sure thing, baby. But make sure I see him at least once a week.”
“Of course, pretty eyes.” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his neck, looking at his now bright blue eyes. “We wouldn’t want your kid to forget your face.”
Tom runs a finger down my cheek, collecting the leftover tears.
“I love you.” He says, his forehead pressed against mine.
“I love you too.”
“I want you to feel like we are the couple your poetry books talk about.” He whispers, his lips getting closer to mine.
Characters: Ticci Toby, Jeff the Killer, Eyeless Jeff (others mentioned)
Request: Please do a ticci toby one where toby thinks the reader is just a friend and he ends up hurting them by accident but happy ending
Leaning against the bed frame with your nose in your book. You heard a couple of screams from down stairs and guessed that BEN had beaten Jeff at a game again, leaving the psychopath in a rage. Hearing loud footsteps approaching fast, you didn’t even move when Ticci Toby darted into your room, closing the door quietly behind him and leaning against the door, his chest rising and falling heavily.
“Did you piss off Jeff again?” You ask in a bored voice, not even looking up from your book as Toby walked across the room and sat on your bed beside you, nodding. You giggle at little and close your book, marking your chapter.
“What happened?” You turned your body to face him. He twitched his shoulders up and down in an attempted of a shrug.
Toby had been your best friend for many years now and you had slowly found yourself falling in love with him. Both of you lived with Slender in his mansion with all the other pastas and both had rough pasts. You were the same age and, to top it off, you made him waffles any time he wanted.
You found him utterly adorable, especially when he would stutter when you were close to him. But nothing ever became of it.
“They don’t like me.” He muttered, pushing his goggled up so they sat on his forehead.
“Don’t be stupid, Toby. Of course they like you. They are like that to everyone. Don’t you remember when Jeff threw a knife at me during dinner?” You scoot closer to him and wrap your arms around his shoulders, resting your head on his shoulder. You felt him freeze under your touch but he didn’t hug you back, which was weird. He would always return your hugs.
You would sneak into his bed at nights after you had nightmares and he would hug you close, whispering that it was okay and that he would keep you safe. But now he seemed awkward and uncomfortable in your arms, so you pulled back, your cheeks a deep red from embarrassment. Toby didn’t even look at you as you pulled away. You could see pain in his eyes, and hurt, but you didn’t know why. You wondered if Jeff or BEN or anyone else had maybe said something about you to Toby.
“Toby? What did they say?” You whisper, leaning forward again so you could try look into his eyes, which he turned his head. You had your hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating.
“[y/n]? Are we just friends?” The question caught you off guard as he turned to look at your hands, which had rested on his lap. You blinked a couple of times as Toby stayed quiet and gave you time to think. You thought about what he had said earlier about them not liking him so you assumed he wanted some reassurance.
“Of course we are friends.” You smile at him, but he just shakes his head and stands up. You were about to go to him but he walked out the room, practically slamming the door behind him.
You had given Toby space for the rest of the day but as the dark creeped in and your dreams turned into nightmares, you felt a need for him.
You didn’t normally go out too late like Jeff and Eyeless Jack, instead, you had deals with Slenderman to do his day work so he didn’t have to stay up right through the day as well. You knew Toby would be in his room as well, so you sneaked through the mansion and stopped outside his room.
“Toby?” You whispered and opened the door, stepping in and closing the door behind you. You whispered his name again and went over to his bed. He was lying with his back to the door but he was on what was normally your side. He never slept on your side in case you would come through to him in the night, like now.
You went to the end of the bed and climbed up the side Toby normally slept on till Toby sat bolt upright and was glaring at you.
“What do you want?” He snapped, making you freeze, then sit back on your knees, a blush spreading across your cheeks. He had never pulled you up on it before. Nor did he ever talk to you like that.
“I-I had a bad dream.” You avoid his intents gaze as embarrassment flooded your body. He was scolding you like you were a child.
“Go to your own bed, [y/n].” He sighed and lied back down. You were confused beyond belief as you stared at the figure beneath the covers. For a moment, you thought it was a joke so you tried to crawl in beside him again, till his foot connected with your face and forced you to fall off the bed, banging your head off the wall.
You raised your hand to cover your nose as pain flooded through your body from both the emotional and physically rejection.
Tear flooded down your cheek as a sob escaped your throat.
“Just go back to your room. Or better yet, go to Jeffs.” Toby growled at you, not even looking to see if you were okay. You pushed yourself up with the wall as support.
“Maybe I will. At least I know he wouldn’t kick me in the face.” You cry and run out of the room, sobbing.
As you ran along the hall, you tried to stifle your sobs but when you pulled your hand away, you saw blood was gushing from your nose, you shrieked. More because you hated the sight of your own blood as it reminded you of the time before you came here where you nearly drowned in your own blood. You fell to your knees and sobbed harder as you realised what the man you loved had done to you. Just then, you heard a number of doors open and footsteps running.
“[y/n]?” You heard Jeffs voice as arms wrapped around your body and picked you up. Looking up, you saw EJ was carrying you and Jeff was walking backwards, trying to see what was wrong with you.
“What the fuck happened?” He growled, seeing the blood coming from your nose. You shook your head and EJ carried you back to your room with Jeff right beside him. Once in your room, you thanked Jack as he lowered you onto your bed. Both stayed until your nose stopped bleeding (thanks to Jack giving you tissues). You thanked him. He nodded and ruffled your hair. Jack knew that you would probably only tell Jeff what had really happened. You wouldn’t bitch about other pastas. So he nodded at Jeff and left.
“I-I had a bad dre-dream. So I went to Toby b-but he told me to g-get out and wh-when I tried to st-stay, he kicked me in the face!” You cry, cuddling into yourself and sobbed.
“For fuck sake.” Jeff hiss and barged out of your room and ran along to Tobys room. You jumped off your bed and sprinted after him.
You heard yelling so you slowed, stopping outside the room and listening hard.
“Why the fuck would you hurt her. I thought you fucking loved her” Jeff sounded murderous.
“You’re the one who said she would never love me back! I just got fed up of being lead on?” Toby snapped back. You heard something thud against the door, making you jump.
“Shes not leading you on! She fucking loves you back, you twat.” Another thud then silence.
“But- but you said she would never go for me. That I was nothing more than a friend.” Tobys voice start quiet but became more angry and ended with a shout. You flinched, hearing the pain through his voice.
You now understood. Earlier, when he had came into your room to see you, Jeff had been teasing him. He had come to you in the hope that you would say he was more than a friend and when you didn’t, he had felt a mixture of anger and jealousy. No doubt Jeff would have been bragging about how he could sleep with you. Jeff would relentlessly flirt with you, especially in front of Toby. It all made sense. Jeff had been trying to push Toby through jealously to confess to you.
Before Jeff could retaliate, you opened the door and stepped inside.
Both froze and stared at you, but you didn’t take notice of Jeff.
“You are such an idiot, Toby. I have loved you since I first came here. But now.” You raised your hand to your face and let your fingers trace over your nose where you knew there was still a spot of blood. “I just don’t think anything can happen now. Not after you hurt me.” You sighed, allowing a tear to cascade down your cheek, which you wiped away quickly.
“I didn’t mean to!” He waved his arms out, walking towards you but you backed away.
“No! I could accept it was an accident. What I cant accept is that you knew I was hurt, you heard me fall to the floor and my sobbing. But you couldn’t even sit up in bed to see if I was okay! That’s not what you do to someone you apparently love. So I don’t think you do love me.” You start of shouting but then descend into a whisper.
Tobys mouth opened and closed like he was trying to say something then stopped. You shook your head. He wasn’t even going to fight for you, meaning he didn’t really love you.
So you turned and left, closing the door behind you. Jeff was close behind you but didn’t come back with you to your room. He knew you needed space.
———————–time skip ————————————–
You had managed to drift off into a dreamless sleep when you heard your door opening. Assuming it was Jeff or Jack or even Slender to check on you, you didn’t move since you didn’t feel like speaking to anyone. You were facing the wall so it was easy to hid that you weren’t sleeping.
You heard the door close and then felt the covers being pulled back. Before you could turn to see what was going on, there was a set of arms around your waist and you felt Tobys face being buried into your neck. Instantly, you knew he had been crying by the wetness of his face and his whole body was trembling.
“Please, I cant lose you.” He gasped, pulling you tightly against time as his tears wet your neck. You tried to pull away from him as tears run down your cheek and fall onto your pillow.
“Toby. Let. Me. Go.” You growl, keeping your voice dangerously low, but he just shook his head.
“I cant. I don’t care if we never become anything more than friends, I just want you to be in my life. Please can we go back to the way we were?” His tic was worse than ever but you didn’t allow this to break you. You became limp in his arms.
“I don’t think so.” You sigh with a heavy heart. You expected him to either leave or just stay like this for a while, but what he did next shocked you.
You felt him pressing light kisses up and down your neck. You let out a shuddering breath.
“Let me prove it to you.” He mumbles against your skin, both interrupting and silencing you.
“What?” You breath, feeling him pull away and pull on your arm, so you rolled over so you were on your back. He did look terrible. His hair was everywhere, his eyes watery and red and his cheeks were puffy and red.
“Let me prove that I love you.” His eyes dart down to your lips and back up. He then leans down and kisses your lips.
You felt him pouring every ounce of passion and love he could into the kiss. His hot lips pressed against your as your eyes fluttered shut to enjoy the moment. Your hands run up his front, around his neck and into his soft hair, allowing your fingers to run though it. You swipe your tongue across his bottom lip and he, in return playful nips yours. When he pulls back, you were both breathless as Toby anxiously awaits your answer.
“One chance.” You whisper, seeing the smile light up Tobys face as he beams at you.
“Yeah, one chance and if you hurt her again, you’ll have to deal with us.” Both you and Toby just to and see Jeff, EJ, LJ, Sally, Masky, Hoodie and Slender standing at the door, all with their arms crossed. You heard a snarl and assuming Smiley was somewhere behind the crowed but agreed.
Toby nodded in fear and one by one, they left.
He turned back to you, eyes wide with fear. You giggled at his horrified face and he quickly snapped out of it, smiling down at you lovingly.
“One chance is all I need.” He mumbles before leaning back in for another sweet kiss.
Joshaya Week Day 6: The Lens of Unconditional Love
Okay I know this is like crazy late, but I was truly very busy with work
and school. I’m in my final semester for college, and also volunteer at like 3
different places, along with a part-time tutoring job all at the same time, so
this weekend has been so cray-cray and hectic. And that means my joshaya
writing got the short end of the stick unfortunately. Nevertheless, here is
what I came up with for day 6. I know it’s not great, I got writers’ block, but
I hope you guys still enjoy the read. I was all smiles writing out the joshaya
scenes ehe. I can’t help writing cheesy, cliche, fluff stuff. I blame Joshaya
Context: Maya gets sick in Riley’s absence while Riley and Topanga are
visiting her grandparents in Philadelphia over the summer. Cory immediately
takes her in at the Matthews’ house, and Shawn and Josh are also staying the
It was 2 a.m. The moon glimmered in the night sky outside, creating a
peaceful and tranquil sight; but inside a certain Matthews’ apartment in New
York, one boy by the name of Joshua Gabriel Matthews was as restless as ever,
his eyes peering at the white ceiling above him, distraught with the distressed
thoughts of a certain blonde, a gorgeous one at that.
He’d had enough. He couldn’t take it anymore; the anxiety was killing him
inside. He got up out of his bed in the guest room, convincing himself that he
needed to go check up on Maya. Seeing her sick state before being practically
forced by Cory to go to sleep wasn’t going down well with his heart. His mind
said he wanted to sleep, but his heart begged to differ.
His anxiety proved true. When he walked into Riley’s room, he saw her on her
best friend’s bed, shaking slightly, shivering. It was a reason to panic, as it
was summer, and there was no reason that one should shiver in this season
unless you had the flu or a fever. Either state would bring about symptoms
where your internal body temperature would be high, and at the same time, you
would feel like your body was standing in the North Pole. What was more was
that the covers were sprawled over, the multi-patterned quilt not doing a good
job at all of covering her form.
Josh rushed over in a heartbeat, but still quiet enough to not wake anyone
else in the house up. Pulling the covers over her, he put his right hand on her
forehead, feeling it burning up. Knowing what to do, and with past experience
of what his own mother would do when he was sick, he walked out the door
towards the kitchen.
Shawn Hunter stirred in his sleep while he lay on the couch in his living
room. In his subconscious mind, his ears could pick up faint noises of clanks
and soft clutter nearby. Sure enough, he slowly came to into full conscience,
and got up from the couch with a groan. Darkness was around him, as it should
have been. Huh. Must’ve been a hallucination. Seeing as his slumber had
been interrupted, he went to check up on his surrogate daughter. She had
entered his life by storm, and his life had never been the same since.
As he made his way towards Riley’s room, his jaw dropped slightly, and he
rubbed his eyes vigorously with his hands, completely shocked at what he was
seeing. Joshua Matthews was sitting on the edge of Riley’s bed, by Maya,
wringing out a small hand towel after taking it out of a cold bowl of water on
the desk by her bed. Concern and care was in his eyes; he watched as he gently
and delicately placed the towel on her forehead, and the wrinkles and strained
lines on her forehead instantly withered away, her body relaxing.
Sure, he’d expected the sight, but he definitely didn’t picture Josh as part
of it. If it was Riley, it’d be completely believable. They were two peas in a
pod, always co-existent. Riley was always there for Maya in an instant. But
Josh? He didn’t understand. He had never shown an extra ounce of concern for
her apart from the normal, chivalrous, gentleman-like guy he was. And the way
he was taking care of her, panic and concern written all over his face. It
looked as though he was the one hurting from the physical pain and discomfort
Maya was feeling, as if they were connected in some way.
The realization then dawned on him. He cared. He was concerned.
He was here because, perhaps, no there wasn’t another doubt about it –
he harboured the same feelings for his surrogate daughter that Maya had, if not
He had the same look in his eyes that Shawn Hunter had once seen years ago
in Cory’s eyes for Topanga.
At first, it was shock. Then disbelief. He couldn’t believe it – his mind went
through several flashbacks of the past year since he first returned to New York
on that memorable Christmas evening. And indeed – he started to see the signs.
The hints from Josh were extremely subtle, but still existent nonetheless. The
way he was extra delicate and gentle around her, the way his voice went soft
and gentile whenever she talked to him; actually, now that he’d thought about
it – it was clear that what Josh felt for Maya was completely pure, deep, and
After all, he was a Matthews. And when a Matthews boy gets whipped, they get
That didn’t overpower the fact that he still had his inhibitions and second
thoughts of the implications and complications of the bond between them. He
took a step forward, wanting to end it before whatever this was that he could
see developing began. It was too dangerous, and too complicated, at this
current time. And as much as he wanted to trust the boy, there was no denying
that he was, after all, a boy. He had the potential to make mistakes,
and there was no way he would let Maya receive the short end of the stick. And
so, with a more definitive step, he started to approach inside the room, when
he felt a firm hand clamp onto his shoulder.
His best friend of over 20 years. Cory Matthews. A knowing look was on his
partner’s face, telling him that he knew. With a simple gesture towards the
living room, it was clear that Cory wanted to talk to him and avoid the
confrontation that Shawn deemed important with his baby brother.
After Josh was convinced that Maya was completely safe and peacefully
sleeping, he got up from the bed, turning on his heel to leave the room.
He felt his feet stopping himself from moving another step forward, a hand
on his wrist. He looked at it, then slowly trailed his gaze, turning around to
look at the girl who had took hold of his arm so desperately. A slight frown
was on her lips, as if she subconscious knew of his departure.
He gazed at her unconscious form of slumber, while slowly kneeling down to
the ground, his knees on the carpet. Josh took her tiny, fragile and weak hand
in between his own, generating warmth. Raising her hand up slightly, he pressed
his lips to the soft snow-pigmented surface of her hand, muttering words of
comfort and solace while doing so. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere,
A smile found its way on his own lips as he pulled away, admiring the way
she inhaled and exhaled in slumber in a tranquil manner. “Sweet dreams,
Soon enough, sleep caught up with him as well, and before he knew it his
head lowered down onto the soft covers of the bed, dropping near the hand that
was wrapped around hers.
That was the most peaceful sleep he had in his entire life. In fact, for
both of them.
Cory stayed silent.
Shawn looked at him firmly, demanding answers.
He let out a rue-filled sigh. “I’d like to say since he first saw her while
wearing that star wars t-shirt when he was ten, but really he started to really
acknowledge his feelings after Maya crashed a college dorm party to see him.”
Ah yes. Him and Maya had talked of the incident briefly. He knew of
her affection towards the chestnut-haired, blue-eyed boy, but the fact that
those feelings were reciprocated? That took him by storm.
“Shawn, you know me, you know our family. You know that Josh would never do
anything to hurt her in any way – “
“I know. It’s just that these new emotions in me just can’t stand the
thought of any boy for that matter coming close to her, I don’t know I feel so
protective, like I want to protect her from anything that could potentially
cause her harm.”
“I get it. I’m a father too, any boy in our daughters’ lives would be a
villain to us.”
His best friend was right, like always. Joshua Matthews was a one-of-a-kind,
a gem of a person. He was a Matthews after all. Indeed, he had nothing to worry
“But Cory, you know the issue – “
“Yeah. The age difference. I’ve talked to him about this. He’s aware of his
limits, and he knows his boundaries.” At first, he was dead set against the
notion, but his younger brother had convinced him that he wouldn’t do anything
in his right mind that would disappoint his older brother. Josh simply didn’t
want to run anymore; all he wanted was to be by her side, whether it was as a
friend, or more. Cory was convinced with the promise from Josh that nothing
intimate or any other frowned-upon notion would happen until the time was
“Wow.” That was all that escaped Shawn’s lips. He was stunned at the degree
of nobility and maturity that Josh had instilled in him, and had now realized
he couldn’t have asked for a better guy deserving for his surrogate daughter.
He let out a small chuckle at the thought. “Cory, you do realize that Maya
could be your sister-in-law in the near future one day?”
“Don’t remind me.” He replied, with a similar voice of slight disdain,
reflective of his own brown-haired daughter, who was as equally as initially
repulsed at the mere thought of her best friend being her Aunt.
Josh squinted his eyes, feeling a bright light suddenly blotching up his
vision. Slowly, he came to, and peered around his surroundings. It was now
morning – the sun had risen, and its rays shone, penetrating through the glass
of the window behind him. After glancing around, he smiled at the sight of his
hand still wrapped around Maya’s, who was fast asleep, dreaming dreams. He
always enjoyed seeing her asleep – the same innocence on her face as when she
It was her turn to squint her own eyes now. Josh noticed the same, as
well as the discomfort caused by the rays of the sun shining down on her. Not a
second had passed as he moved forward, slightly getting up from his knees on
the ground and extending his legs to move his arm that wasn’t involved in
holding her hand, hovering it over her eyes. His tactic seemed to work, as her
features relaxed again, slipping into deep slumber once again.
There was no doubt about it. Joshua Matthews knew that one day, if the
universe and the omnipotent force willed, Maya Hart was the only girl and the
first face he wished to see when he would wake up every morning.
His older brother was indeed right all those years ago – he had indeed met a
woman as wonderful as Topanga.