dreadful children

i have a fake son.
his name is Tim and he is working on his M.S. in astrophysics at Berkeley.
he is devestatingly handsome and enjoys rock climbing and volunteers as a counselor at the local YMCA there in Berkeley, California.
i am so proud of my fake son. i have raised him up in my own head to be such an outstanding member of society.
“Tim” is only brought up when asked about by one particular woman at work that i only see on occasion. i don’t make a habit or game of lying to people, but with her, it kinda came about as follows:
Faye is one of those people who has been there/done that and will hang herself on the cross while she tells you how much worse the experience was for her. i’ve seen this woman Kanye West an 8-month pregnant girl at said girl’s own baby shower to glorify the gift she gave her as well as go into how horrible her labor was with her own children. Faye also is a braggart. her car/purse/house/ring/shoes/etc. all cost more than whatever yours did and her children are all angels.
i was forced to work with Faye for 2 days about 5 years ago. she called me Emily a few times before i finally told her my name is Amy, not Emily. she gave me a sideways glance and said, “I like Emily better”, and since then, she has always called me Emily. i let this go because to get angry with her and tell her off is to see her become dramatic and begin crying and insist she did not mean anything by it while not issuing anything close to an apology. Faye is always right, too, you know.
anyway, when she shut up long enough about herself and her fabulous offspring on the second day, she asked, “Do you have any children, Emily?”
i replied that i do not. she then launched into her daughter taking fertility drugs so that she could give her mother grandchildren someday.
that was the only question she asked me until i saw her about a year later.
“Oh, HI, Emily! How are you?!”
“Hi, Faye…how are you?”
“Wonderful, wonderful. Stephen just graduated from UT. He’s going to be the best doctor ever! How is your son, uh, Tim?”
it took me a second. Tim? son? what the hell is she talking about?!
it dawned on me what a complete narcissist she truly is. she hadn’t heard me the day she asked if i had children, because she didn’t care. she didn’t care enough to call me by my real name, so it wasn’t much of a surprise.
i couldn’t stop myself. i briefly thought about correcting her, but i decided to just go with it.
“Tim is doing so well. He was just accepted to Berkeley after his amazing thesis on planetary nebuli. We are so proud of him.”
her eyes grew big. “Oh, how nice! But, Berkeley? That’s so far from home. UT is an excellent school; surely he could’ve been accepted there?…”
i gave a small chuckle. “Oh, well, they wanted him for sure, Faye. I mean, all the letters he received, practically BEGGING him to study there. But, well, they just don’t have a sufficient astronomy department. UT is a fine school, but not for the subject that Tim is going into. Astrophysics is not something you can study just anywhere, you know.”
her eyes narrowed. “Medicine is what these young people should be going into. Astrophysics? What is that, anyway? How will it contribute to the world?”
“Gosh, I don’t really know how to explain astrophysics, Faye. It’s so mind blowing for simple minds like mine and yours. But searching for things in space that could potentially help our planet is a pretty big deal, I think.”
Faye promptly excused herself. i knew i had gotten her.
i’ve bumped into her on and off throughout the past 5 years and she always told me how her angels were saving the world, especially Stephen, and then she’d ask about Tim. and i made sure my Tim was one step above her Stephen. her face would turn crimson and she would have to abruptly leave.
i saw her as i was leaving work yesterday and she stopped me to wish me a happy Easter.
“Stephen is coming home this holiday. He’s bringing his fiance. She’s a doctor too, you know. How is Tim? Don’t tell me he’s still not graduated?…”
“Oh, Faye, don’t be silly! Astrophysics takes YEARS to graduate from. It’s not as simple as medicine. But, yes, he is close to graduating.”
“Is he coming home for Easter? I can’t imagine spending holidays without my children; how dreadful! Oh, but he’s all the way in California…it costs so much to fly here, I assume.”
I grinned. “Yes, it does. But he’s such a sweetheart, he’s flying me out there this year! Taking a break from his studies and humanitarian efforts to have his dear ol’ Mom around for Easter. I’m so lucky!”
“…yes, well, have a nice time, Emily. Happy Easter!”
“You too, Kay! Oh, I mean Faye!”
you know, like i said before, i don’t like to lie. it does seem very silly to have let this go on for so long. Tim has been a fabrication in the making for over 5 years now, he almost feels real to me.
when i see Faye, i have images of my fake son, looking so handsome in his lab coat as he’s peering into a microscope looking at dust particles from a comet. i see him jogging with his dog on the beach. i see him hiking and biking and climbing. i see him helping an elderly woman with her groceries.
it’s a true testament that if you lie, or let a lie go on for a while, it becomes a solid thing that you have to keep up with.
oddly enough, i don’t lose sleep on this lie. i don’t see her often enough to fib about this on a daily or consistent level. Faye never cared anything about me or my life until she had something to try to one-up me on. SHE is the one losing sleep on account of her Stephen not succeeding quite like my Tim. it’s amazing how this lie has eaten her alive and made me feel proud of something that doesn’t even exist…
eh well.
i’ll be boarding the fake plane to Berkeley this afternoon, to celebrate Easter with my fake son.
Mama’s soooo proud of you, Timmy!

6

 Eva Green is one of the few talented actresses with a range that can really pull off anything she wants. She’s beautiful, she’s elegant and  It’s hard not to fall in love with her amazingly depicted characters. I made this as a tribute in appreciation of her fine acting. 

These are some of the fav characters of her, I can’t explain why… but I just like them! :D

2

The United States Of Horror Movies

5

📚 ASOUE week 👁️ -  What are you excited for in season 2?

Dear Reader,

If you were looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don’t. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives.

Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and the metric system.

It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and writing the history of these three hapless youngsters, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night’s sleep, in this case, you should probably choose some other book.

With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket

“People feel reassured when they put others in a box, put a label on it and of course I have this label saying ‘femme fatale, Gothic.’ I feel like I’m so not like this and I’ve done other things as well. When I hear the word ‘dark’ I don’t know what it means. For me, I like dense, complex stuff, I want something intense so maybe that is dark but I don’t want to be typecast. That’s quite scary and actually the movie that I just did with Alicia Vikander (Euphoria), I don’t look very sexy in it and there’s no kind playing the femme fatale.” Eva Green

just like. white ppl with dreads, white children of rich parents, 20 somethings who post on facebook about how cops are just doing their jobs, people who have never had a political bone in their body……..are suddenly up in arms about net neutrality and demanding that we call our senators and it’s so transparent it’s because it’s the first time that they will PERSONALLY be affected and that’s so infuriating and revealing of their limited capacity to empathize and the bubble these people live in. like oh wow, suddenly you decided to care now that you might have to pay for snapchat.

w/e i remember when i didn’t “care about politics” either. but also that was a long-ass time ago.

teenaged!Sarada headcanons.
  • Sarada grows a cherry tomato plant on the balcony of the house for her father and makes sure her younger siblings help take care of it.
  • Sarada picks the kids up from school (and since my headcanon has Sakura having a pair of twin boys and another girl at some point); She puts her sister on her shoulders and holds the boys’ hands while walking home.  They often pass Ino’s flower shop and Tenten’s store and find themselves distracted by pretty flowers and cool swords.
  • Sarada does most of the cooking, not only because Sakura is busy with her work, but because Sakura’s cooking still is not the best.
  • When Sasuke is home, she tries to let him have as much time with the kids as possible, so she comes off as being distant towards him.  However, she wakes up early so she can spend a bit of time with him before he leaves for work.
  • Sarada makes it her goal to join the police academy before becoming Hokage and protect the families of Konoha from within after she learns of her family’s connection to Police Force.  Sasuke is secretly very happy about this and tells her stories about Fugaku and his time as an officer like his mom did for him.
  • Sarada has a not-so-secret crush on the Hokage, though it’s innocent really.  Sasuke is mortified.
  • Naruto pats Sarada on the head and says “she’s more beautiful than he ever hoped for.”  Sasuke interjects with a proud “of course she is, idiot.”  Sarada gets flustered as they banter about her openly. 
  • Sasuke glares menacingly at any male who glances in Sarada’s general direction.  Sarada acts angry but is really pleased that he cares so much.
  • Kakashi jokes that “Sarada may be the woman of his dreams that he was waiting for all along.”  Sakura struggles to hold Sasuke back from throwing the nearest object at him. 
  • Boruto and Mitsuki each give Sarada homemade chocolate on White Day.  Sasuke tries to eat it all but gets sick later because he hates sweets.  Sarada joking gives her father chocolate-covered cherry tomatoes.  Sasuke scream internally but eats it anyways for Sarada’s sake.
“What a shame. You’d be a great mum.”

What on earth are you basing that on, kind stranger? Because from over here, I don’t know if my short supply of patience, tremendous reliance on copious alone time, general weariness regarding childlike things and lifelong aversion to mess and noise really make me a likely contender for Parent of the Year.

Why do people throw out these meaningless sentiments? Think of all the truly great mothers who work tirelessly towards the well-being and happiness of their children - how dreadful for them to be tossed in the same bag as me, who believes children are a sort of pestilent vomiting monkey.

Why is this often the only compliment that women receive? Nobody has ever told me I’d be a great firefighter, or a great doctor, or a great explorer.

Let’s say I was talking to a new acquaintance, and told her I wouldn’t really want to be a marine biologist. How weird would it be for her to insist, knowing almost nothing about me, that actually she thinks I would be a marvellous marine biologist? Especially if our previous conversation had involved how I like neither fish, nor boats, nor wearing a wet-suit, and nor do I ever want to learn to like them.

And yet people reassure me of my obvious suitability for motherhood on a regular basis.