• Zerovirus: so, i would like to tell you about something that gives me infinite amusement
  • Benedict: that's a lot of amusement
  • Zerovirus: oh yeah
  • Zerovirus: it's all the amusement ever
  • Zerovirus: anyways, see, you know those creepypastas with little kids drawing horrible creepy things and acting like it's normal cuz they don't know any better?
  • Zerovirus: the local community art center here is called the norman firehouse center
  • Zerovirus: it runs figure drawing classes for adults (which i attend) and silly things for kids
  • Zerovirus: apparently, one of these silly things was 'draw the name of our museum!'
  • Zerovirus: 'i.e., literally 'fire house'!'
  • Zerovirus: so there's this huge wall with kiddy drawings stuck all over it
  • Zerovirus: composed entirely of pictures, over and over, of houses on fire
  • Zerovirus: and kids with happy faces watching the house burn
  • Zerovirus: and occasionally some of the more enterprising kids would write on their drawing things like 'art', 'artistic', 'fun'
  • Zerovirus: so out of context it's an entire bulletin board composed of kid crayon drawings of a house burning down and stick figures appraising the event as highly artistic
  • Zerovirus: i walk by this board every week for figure drawing class and it hasn't gotten any less funny to me
  • Benedict: oh my god that's amazing
  • Benedict: arson crafts
Which MSPAFA person should you fight?

Note: The following isn’t an exhaustive list, because I only know a fraction of the community well enough to joke about them getting beaten up/beating people up AND have useful advice. Others are encouraged to pick up the slack!

  • sleepdepravity / MalkyTop
    I know, it’s a daunting prospect. That fugue state she enters after a late enough hour is intimidating, and you think, damn, she’s ready to break out some serious Drunken Fist shit on you. But, no, she’s just tired, distractible, and easily overpowered. Fight her. Fight Malky during the day, even, she’s not that tough. Fight sleepdepravity.
  • gleeksunstroke /  Dapperpixel
    Reptilian physiology suffers from drawbacks of cold-bloodedness. This fight is temperature-dependent- in the cold, he’s going to be sluggish and incapable of dodging blows, but if there’s sufficient ambient heat, he’s going to be at full power. Tail swipes and resilient scales are going to make this tough, but you might be able to slug it out. MAYBE fight gleeksunstroke, it really depends.
  • diddleydoodley / Doodley
    Oh, christ, don’t fight Doodley. They’ll annihilate you, like, have you SEEN their Peach? SSB4 just came out and they main Wario there so you probably have a better chance with that because they’ve had less time to learn, but good luck trying to outpace their growth. Doodley takes this shit seriously, you’re going to– wait, what? This isn’t- this isn’t about Smash Bros? Ohhhhhh, right. Sorry, I- yeah, I don’t know where that came from. My mistake. But: still don’t fight Doodley, their Double will absolutely mop the floor with you, no joke. Their Big Band’s no slouch either. Don’t do it. Don’t fight diddleydoodley.
  • jovian12 / Jovian
    Holy fuck, don’t do it. Like, okay, she’s not as tall as everyone thinks, you’d think it’s safe, but… unless you’ve been exposed to jazz music and your movements are unpredictable well beyond the limits of human perception, you’re going to get shut down. Have you SEEN her play Project Diva? You’re going to get taken down with frame-perfect precision, no question. And then you’re gonna hear Hatsune Miku going “pelfecto!” over your battered body, and it’s gonna be humiliating. Don’t do it. Don’t fight jovian12.
  • schazardous / Schazer
    It doesn’t matter what I tell you here, you’re probably going to fight Schazer. They’re gonna drop some absolutely heinous pun on you and you’re gonna see red and it’s just not ending pretty, so my advice isn’t gonna help here. It’s not a good idea, because they’ve probably got like four or five venomous insects concealed on their person and you probably haven’t built up an immunity. I mean, don’t do it, don’t fight schazardous, but I KNOW you’re not gonna heed the warning here.
  • transmemesatan / MrGuy
    Are you ready to fight a giant buff demon lady? Like, that actually is the operative conditional here. Are you prepared to do that? It’s easier than you’d think. You just need to assemble the proper blessed equipment- holy water, holy raisins, holy grunklestans, the works. If you’ve got any experience with counteracting the supernatural at all, you’ve probably got this one in the bag, provided you can dodge her hammer/sickle combo attacks. Just don’t get hit. If the stars are aligned, do it. Fight transmemesatan.
  • s͓͈̘̩͇b̧̹̞̤ͅn̶̥̝̭̮̱k͏̫͖͖̟̟̝a͙̫̹̟͝l̗͕̘̯̫͎̞n̶̖̲̠̟͉̙̖y̡͖͓͕͖̘̼
    Holy SHIT do not fight sbnkalny. Not only does she not have a physical form, but she’s been known to eat plutocrats alive, steal guns for sport, bite the hand of her creator, and stand up against corporate mass-produced shitposts. Like… did you forget that she’s literally god, and took over the world? What makes you think that you can take on sbnkalny? Don’t do it! Don’t fight sbnkalny!
  • drazelic / Zerovirus
    Now, I know what you’re thinking, but the guy doesn’t ACTUALLY have any giant robots. That doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous to take this guy on! His ATTEMPTS to acquire giant robots have equipped him with some seriously dangerous techniques. Do NOT fight him on his home turf- you’ll step on a lego and get distracted by the pain at a crucial moment. Try to draw him out of his element first, then you’re probably good. If the location is right, go ahead and fight drazelic, he almost definitely deserves it for BACKSTABBING MY LEADER WITH THAT DRAKE CLASHER I’M STILL MAD
  • eternalfarnham / ???
    An enigma to be sure, but we can deduce a few relevant facts about them. They’re thrown off by warm sunny days, which means they’re probably some subspecies of undead. Further supporting this analysis is their admission to not being a human, but rather some sort of levitating entity. I’m going to go with “wraith” on this one, which means you’re going to be dealing with constitution drain and potential additional wraith spawns if they manage to claim noncombatant victims during the fight. Don’t do it. Don’t fight eternalfarnham.
  • mistytpednaem / Naem
    This one’s kind of a tossup. You’re going to be dealing with someone powered by five hundred liters of pure adrenaline, fear, and desperation. She’s going to be laser-focused on the fight and will be watching your every move, so you’re not going to get away with any funny business. Whether this focus results in her paralysis or in you whiffing your charge and getting shoved off a cliff for your trouble… who can say? Plus, why would you want to fight Naem? Don’t risk it. Don’t fight mistytpednaem.
  • flowercuco / Solaris
    Fight Sol. But be careful about it! There’s a trick you don’t want to fall for. You’re gonna jump right in and throw a solid punch, and they’ll be on the floor crying. So you’ve owned them, right? THAT’S WHERE THEY GET YOU. What you need to remember is that Solaris has been crying nonstop LITERALLY since the moment they were born. It’s not a handicap anymore. They’ll own YOU. Just don’t let up until they’re down for real, and you’ll eventually win out. Fight flowercuco.
  • jacquerel / Jacquerel
    Note: if you fight Solaris, you’re definitely going to draw Jacq’s ire, so be prepared for back-to-back brawls. You can fight Jacquerel, but again there’s things to worry about. Lacking skin and vital organs, he’s resistant to slashing and piercing attacks. What with his prestige class, Jock Nerd, you’ve also got to deal with his considerable athleticism- watch out for skills from such diverse disciplines as basketball, cricket, football, actual football, rugby, and World of Warcraft. Ultimately, however, he’ll be unable to put up much of a fight- he just doesn’t have very much meat on his bones, meaning his attacks will be light and he’ll eventually fall to impact damage. Fight jacquerel.
  • whimbrelwaterbird / Whimbrel
    SURE. GO AHEAD. FIGHT WHIM, THIS IS A GREAT AND SAFE IDEA YOU CAME UP WITH. While you have that fight that you’re totally going to escape unscathed from, I’ll just be standing over here at a safe distance. Fight whimbrelwaterbird, see if I care.
  • thehappinessmachine / Friday
    Look, man, I wouldn’t go for it. I mean… I don’t THINK there’s anything in particular to worry about? As far as I can tell she’s a totally ordinary human girl who just wears a mask of spookiness to psyche you out. But… do you want to risk it? If she IS hiding something up her sleeve, you can be absolutely certain it’s not going to be fun to deal with. The risk of disfigurement or existential instability or psychological meltdown just isn’t worth it. Don’t do it. Don’t fight thehappinessmachine.
  • itsbenedict / Benedict
    Sideburns are merely a threat display. Go ahead and fight Benedict. He’s gonna try to make the first move, striking at vulnerable spots and stunlocking you, but he’s easily dodged and you can incapacitate him pretty quick. He’ll start bargaining for his life as soon as you draw blood, like, gigantic pushover. Do it. Straight up shove itsbenedict in a locker.