3 AM in the Boy's Dormitories
  • Ron: Hey Harry?
  • Harry: What
  • Ron: Do you think Voldemort was a virgin?
  • Harry: Seriously Ron-
  • Ron: I was just wondering-
  • Harry: *sighs* *pauses* In the Chamber of Secrets, the memory had him in 5th year...
  • yeah, he wasn't a virgin
  • Seamus: Imagine being the lass to do the frick-frack with ol' Dark Lord Voldy
  • Dean: The Gryffindor boy's dorm; the place where we can talk about sex with the Dark Lord but not say the word sex.
  • Seamus: *throws pillow at Dean*
  • Neville: *after pause* Doing the Do with You Know Who.
  • Ron: He Who Must Not Be Laid
At the Battle of Hogwarts
  • <b> Voldemort:</b> harry potter is dead
  • <b> Harry:</b> *rolls off Hagrid* lol bitch you thought
  • <b> Narcissa:</b>
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> gasp
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> wow
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> unbelievable
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> a true Christmas miracle
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> what a shocker
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> wow
If The Marauders were Still Alive (headcannons)

(In response to an ask)

-If they were still alive…

•When Harry got his Hogwarts letter James immediately ripped it open without even showing it to Harry because he was just so excited for his son. Without even acknowledging Harry’s presence or Lily’s laughter, he just sits cris-crossed on the floor making little comments about Harry’s school supply list.

“What? You don’t have to read {insert book title}. It was the best! Don’t worry Harry, you can borrow my old copy, though it may have some old doodles in it from Sirius-”

•When Harry is really young he thinks that they have a dog because whenever Sirius is over he turns into his Animagus form and he’s over at the Potters’ so much that it’s kinda hard not to think that.

And James, Lily, Remus and Peter go along with it and one dayJames brings home a bright pink glittery dog collar and asks little Harry to put it on ‘Snuffles’. Harry does it and even though Sirius hates it, he keeps it on because he loves Harry so much (Remus like it too, but for *coughs* other reasons).

•When Harry turns eleven and has to go to Diagon Alley, It’s not just James and Lily that take him shopping, it’s the whole damn Marauders squad. They’re just casually walking through the streets and suddenly someone starts clapping for them, and then more people join in and it turns into just the whole street clapping for the Marauders because most of them remember hearing tales about what the group did, and many parents were friends of theirs.

Needlessly to say James and Sirius take a dramatic bow while Remus and Lily are looking at each other like

“These are the people we chose to marry”

And Peter is just laughing along and buying Harry a chocolate frog off of a street witch while Harry asks him why all those people are clapping for them. Peter just chuckles and goes “We had a bit of a reputation at school”

•When Harry goes into Madam Malkin’s and sees Draco, James immediately steps in front of his son as if to protect him.

“What’s wrong, Dad?”

“There’s a Malfoy there… can’t mistake him. I remember his father-”

But then Lily comes over and whispers in his ear

“Remember Sirius’s parents? They were awful people but look how Sirius turned out?” They look out the shop window to see Sirius with his arm around Remus’s shoulders sitting on a bench in conversation with Peter.

“You’re right”

And James himself introduces Harry to Draco, and the two immediately hit it off.

•Just before Harry is about to leave for Hogwarts, the Marauders get together (without Lily, because she’d definitely disapprove) and tell Harry all the stories they can. Harry just sits there in wonder like

‘How will I ever live up to that’

But at the end of the night, James goes and gets a box out of his room and puts it in Harry’s hands.

“This is yours now. Use it well.”

Harry opens the box and it’s the invisibility cloak. Remus then takes the Marauder’s Map out and shows Harry how to use it, then hands it over (“use it responsibly”)

•When Harry comes home for winter break he talks about how great Gryffindor is and his best friends Ron and Hermione, but also about Draco from Slytherin and how he has “the prettiest hair and his eyes sparkle-” and Remus and Sirius just give each other knowing looks.

And he’s about to say something else after talking about his classes but hesitates; everyone asks him about it, but he denies everything.

•He goes back to school after winter break and some time after his second Quidditch match as the youngest seeker in a century, one morning at breakfast he gets a howler.

He knows fully well what it is because he grew up in a house with the Marauders who liked to send them back and forth for fun-

“WILL YOU PASS THE SALT?”

“I CAN’T THROW PETER THAT FAR!”

But anyway, he gets one and looks at his friends and then at Draco across the hall because he’s absolutely terrified an doesn’t know what he did. Eventually (with much convincing) he opens it.

“HARRY JAMES POTTER! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THAT YOU MADE THE QUIDDITCH TEAM?

YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE SO PROUD OF YOU HOLY SHI-” and then it’s Lily’s voice.

“Harry, sweetie we’re so proud of you! You must’ve gotten some of James’s talent-” (you can hear James going crazy in the background; knocking stuff over and generally screaming like a psychopath) “where James got his, I have no idea”

And then it’s just Remus, Sirius and Peter going crazy (yes, even Moony).

When it finally ends, the great hall just sits stunned for a moment, before Dumbledore starts slow clapping and everyone joins in. All the teachers are just rolling their eyes because they definitely remember the Marauders. About 5 seconds later the Potters’ owl flies in with a new Nimbus 2000 and a note that says ‘Don’t tell your mother’

•Harry bringing Draco home in their 5th year to meet his parents over Christmas break, and when he goes home Harry has to remind his parents and uncles that “No, we aren’t dating! That’s absolutely absurd!” And everyone just looking at each other like ‘yeah, sure kid’

•Harry choosing to be a pro Quidditch player as his profession after admitting to his parents that he snuck out one night with Ron, Hermione and Draco to go try out for Puddlemore United because they had just lost their seeker and he made the team.

And James and Sirius crying with pride because their little Harry is going to be a world famous Quidditch player.

“There won’t be a person alive who doesn’t know his name” James said while ruffling his son’s hair.

•Harry in his 6th year asking Remus when he knew he was gay and coming out to Moony and Padfoot as Bi and both of them going

“Yeah, we know”

And Harry just looking so surprised and then telling them that he and Draco started dating in October and that he wanted to have him for Christmas but didn’t want to tell his dad why, and James (who was under the invisibility cloak)

“Yeah, sure he can come. But no sex after 11 pm.”

And Harry screaming like a girl from surprise and then sputtering like an idiot in response to the sex comment.

•Peter taking Harry to honeydukes before he was allowed to go with his school and Peter just completely spoiling him and buying so much that they can hardly get it home.

They sneak through the house to get to Harry’s room but meet James in the middle, who of course joins them.

They open the door to Harry’s room just to find Remus and Lily sitting on the bed with the most bored expressions on their faces. Harry looks down in shame and drops all the candy on the floor, but Lily just raises an eyebrow and goes

“Well? Aren’t you going to share?” An everyone eating their fill of candy just on Harry’s bed, and Sirius taking all the good stuff and running from the room and everyone chasing him around the house.

•When Harry turns seventeen the Marauder’s teach him to become an Animagus (and get registered). James is incredibly proud when he turns out to have a stag Animagus form as well.

Draco being terrified because he walks into Harry’s room over summer break and there’s a fucking deer casually chilling on his boyfriend’s bed like what

And Ron riding on Harry’s back to make a stupidly grand entrance picking Hermione up from her house in the middle of a muggle neighborhood

•Just the Marauders being alive please and thank you

me at 3am: i should sleep

brain: how about searching for that fanfic again that you liked so much 2 years ago

Harry Potter being raised right, by Sirius Black who just ‘fuck rules, Moony, I’m not letting my Godson live in hell’ because he managed to transform into his animagi form and escape the scene of the crime before he got caught, and took Harry before Dumbledore said anything. Him technically being an Honorary Potter, still gives Harry the protection from Voldemort, while at 12 Grimmauld Place.

Him carrying a baby Harry, who just started speaking, his first words being, ‘Dada’, which makes him start to cry and ‘no, Harry, he’s not here. It’s only Padfoot and Moony now.’ And Harry giggling, because he’s only an infant, and is innocent like that.

Harry being sent to Neville Longbottom’s grandmother’s place during full moons so Padfoot can take care of Moony.

Harry when he’s 2, and can only call them ‘MoonMoon, and Pa'foo’ and laughing when they play Hide And Seek, and Moony just found Padfoot and Harry sleeping on the couch, Padfoot protectively draping his paw around Harry, in his animagi form, and Harry clutching onto the fur happily as he sleeps.

Moony and Padfoot buying a toy broomstick for Harry when he’s 4, and he learns to fly before he can walk, but, 'Its only two feet about the ground, Moony, relax.’

Harry finding the portrait of the Black Family tree, and seeing Padfoot blasted off of it. Harry getting angry, and drawing Padfoot back onto the portrait, with 'Padfoot’, with his crayons, and putting 'Moony’ next to it, and later covering all the other people in his black coloured crayon. 'I’m covering them up.’

Moony and Padfoot telling Harry the truth about his parents when he’s 7, because 'He’s old enough, Padfoot, and he needs to know what really happened. We’d be no better than those Dursleys if we didn’t.’

Harry understanding completely, crying a bit, in the middle of the night, but making sure no one heard him. The next day, Harry asks about his parents, and what they were like.

Harry getting small things that belonged to Lily, that Moony and Padfoot got from the house, and kept for him, including a picture of James and Lily’s first kiss, and many small muggle items she had from when she was small. He also got a sweater that belonged to James, which was from his Quidditch Practicing days.

Moony and Padfoot teaching Harry small jinxes and counter Jinxes when he’s 8, and Harry sneakily using a jinx on Padfoot because it was a prank war, and every prank war means at least one man having pink hair.

Harry when he’s nine, and being prepped on everything to do with Hogwarts, and how to get away from trouble, and which teachers to avoid or go to in the school, if Harry can’t contact Moony or Padfoot.

Harry being 10, and waking up in the middle of the night, to see Moony and Padfoot sleeping together on the couch, Moony putting his head on Padfoot’s lap, while his hand is in Moon’s hair, as he was playing with his hair before he fell asleep. Harry giggling, because 'Moony and Padfoot are in loveeee~’ yet neither of them deny it.

Harry getting his letter to Hogwarts as soon as he turns 11, and Moony and Padfoot’s throw a small party to celebrate, inviting Neville as well.

The three of them going to Diagon Alley, and many people greeting Harry, and Padfoot boasting about it, while Moony laughs.

Harry getting to meet many kids who might meet him at Hogwarts, including Ddaco Malfoy, and Padfoot growling when he sees Lucius, and says 'they’re a bad sort, Harry, keep away from them,’ but he didn’t listen, and being the small outgoing kid he was, he went to say 'Hi! Are you going to Hogwarts too?’ And Draco, actually being surprised and smiling awkwardly because his father was talking to the shopkeeper, at the corner of the room, so he didn’t know what to say, and he nods. Padfoot smiling because Harry looks happy, and Moony thinks that maybe Draco might be different.

Harry promising to send them letters every single day, by owl, while he hugs them goodbye, and runs towards the Hogwarts Express, waving at them until they are no longer visible.

Harry keeping his promise and telling Moony and Padfoot all about Hermione Jean Granger, and Ronald 'Ron’ Weasley, who are his new best friends, and Draco Malfoy 'who is an absolute git sometimes, but can actually be a sweetheart.’ and how Hermione and Ron managed to help him battle a troll in the girls bathroom, as well as meet Fluffy, the three headed dog, and how they played a game of wizard chess, and defeated Lord Voldemort, who was stuck on Professor Quirrell’s head, and how, when he saw the Mirror of Erised, he saw Padfoot, Moony, Lily, and James, (Or mum and dad) standing next to him, while they sat in the house. Oh and 'I’m seeker for the Gryffindors! Just like dad!’

Harry receiving a howler the next day, which was the day before Ron received it, and hearing Moony scream himself raw, 'YOU WERE TAUGHT BETTER THAN TO FIGHT WITH SEVERUS— “Moony, it’s Snivellus, Harry meant no harm, I’m sure of it.” — AND HAD ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO DISOBEY ORDERS. PADFOOT, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? “I’m proud of you, Harry, keep up the good work. Tell Snivellus that if he irritates you any longer, he’s gonna have to speak to me.” PADFOO-’ And the Howler ends, bursting into flames, while Ron is laughing, and Hermione smiles, while Draco hollers a “congrats Potter!” and I AM SORRY FOR TAKING UP YOUR TIME BUT I VERY WELL NEED THIS IN MY LIFE, AND SO DO YOU.

Fears of Hogwarts houses

Hufflepuff:
Being alone. Letting people down and not being able to help when you feel like you need to.

Gryffindor:
Not being able to live up to the expectations that people have of you.

Ravenclaw:
Not suceed in things at work, school or home and not being listened to.

Slytherin:
Letting people in, cause you think they will reject you or see you as weak.