dramatic pauses

I read Hamlet back in high school and to this day my absolute favorite thing about it was when Guildenstern was trying to fool Hamlet into doing something or other and Hamlet’s savvy to it but rather than saying “you’re lying and trying to trick me” instead Hamlet outta nowhere whips out this flute and tells Guildenstern to play it.

And Guildenstern is all “I dont know how to play a flute, my lord”

And Hamlet takes a dramatic pause before he absolutely ruins Guildenstern with, “Well thats funny considering you thought you could play me”

this is a story about a sorcerer and a knight. well, a knight-in-training. they go by KiT, a nickname for their title, but a perfectly good name for anyone. kit’s a good squire, for the most part, but they have a knack for getting into trouble.

this time the trouble is they just fuckin decked another knight in the middle of the tavern.

“keep your hands off my friend,” kit tells the shocked personification of grossness, now sitting on his ass on the ground. kit’s pretty sure the message was already sent though the ass-kicking, but it doesn’t hurt to be thorough.

the man splutters for a minute before finding his tongue. “you— you— you piece of shit, you’ll pay for this. i have powerful friends.”

“bring it on,” kit retorts. they’re feeling pretty confident right now.

they’re feeling significantly less confident as two other men step up behind the first guy.

“outside,” the first growls.

“we’re zit and wedge, and we’re going to kick your ass,” the second one clarifies. 

zit nods. “but we don’t want to make a mess of you on mal’s floor, since it was just scrubbed and all.”

kit glances at mal, who they rather thought was a friend, to find her nodding appreciatively. “brawlers these days are so polite. out you three go.”

kit wilts. “but… there’s just one of me.”

it’s around this time, when the two other guys are starting to crack their knuckles and look like they’re going to drag kit outside whether they like it or not, that someone else pushes their way through the small crowd that’s forming.

“’scuse me, pardon me. hello. what’s going on here?”

she’s got bright blue hair, of the kind that you get from mucking around with magic too much. everyone immediately reassesses the situation, and watches her warily. a sorcerer can quickly change the way a brawl plays out, if they feel like intervening. kit sincerely hopes she does.

“miss,” zit jumps in before kit can get a word in, “this young… person, here, just brutally attacked my poor friend, and me and wedge think we ought to be able to teach them a lesson in manners.”

the sorcerer studies him for a moment, as if considering his statement, and kit grabs their chance.

“pimple here is completely leaving out the fact that their friend wouldn’t leave my friend alone, after she asked him to go away twice!”

zit bristles, and looks to the sorcerer for her judgment.

she considers for while. “can anyone vouch for this knight’s statement?”

“i was the one getting hit on!” tea shouts from behind kit’s shoulder.

the sorcerer digests the witness’s statement. “hm. i’m inclined to see this as a case of self-defense, through the channel of someone who was not the self being hit on. i would suggest that all the parties involved accept the ruling of “he who gets their ass kicked probably deserves it”, and move on.”

“fat chance,” wedge growls. “the pack sticks together. we have to defend our leader.”

werewolves, kit sighs internally. it just figured.

there’s a dramatic pause, then the sorcerer says cooly, “you try it, and you’ll get your asses kicked too.”

zit and wedge eye her warily. kit eyes all three of them, which is hard with only two eyes.

“i reckon we could take a sorcerer,” wedge hypothesizes— an idea that would be quickly proven false in any laboratory experiment.

but this is a tavern, and the sorcerer has a delayed reaction, only raising her hands when zit charges at her. kit flinches back, sure she’s about to be crushed, but the next moment flames explode in the small space between the sorcerer and zit. there’s a yelp, and mad scrambling back from the sorcerer.

“i have nowhere to be until book club at midnight,” the sorcerer informs them calmly, her hands still out, palms up and ready to summon more flame. kit squints at them. “so i have plenty of time to teach you a lesson.”

apparently rescinding their hypothesis, all three werewolves make a mad dash for the door and disappear into the night.

the sorcerer smiles victoriously, and shakes her bright hair out of her face. kit squints at her scalp as she turns to them. “all good?”

“yes, thank you,” tea says, sounding impressed. “wow… a fire summoner. i didn’t know there were any teenagers powerful enough.”

kit has no other specific places to squint, so they just stare hard at the sorcerer’s face. “yeah… thanks. that was really cool.”

she waves their thanks off with one hand, a few strands of smoke issuing from her sleeves. “all in a day’s work. i’ll be off now.”

kit leaves tea with mal, though they frankly no longer trust her so much, and follows the sorcerer out the door. “hey, wait! you, blue hair magic person. what are you?”

“a masked vigilante,” she says, after a pause. “without the mask, because magic.”

kit blinks at that, before realizing she’s perfectly right. besides the definite ideas that she’s female and blue-haired, kit seems to forget what she looks like one moment to the next. kinda neat, honestly, though disconcerting.

they shake their head. “no, i mean… you’re not a sorcerer. i’ve seen people summon fire, and it comes from a loosely closed fist, not an open hand. also, your hair is dyed, not magically changed.”

she doesn’t answer for a moment, then looks stumped, and continues to not answer.

“well?” kit asks.

“fine,” she admits. “i’m a sorcerer in training, but the fake mask is about the most complicated magic i can do. the hair is so people will take me seriously when i do masked vigilante stuff.”

“and the fire?” kit persists.

after a moment, she shakes out her sleeve, sending a tiny purple dragon tumbling into her other hand. “my helper. my fire aid, if you will. you’re the first person to notice, you know?”

“just logic and being awesome,” kit says with a shrug, feeling pleased. neither are skills they get to show off a lot. they kinda feel like they’ve earned something for it. “hey, can i ask you a question?”

after a pause, the sorcerer in training says, “go for it.”

“why do you wait a second before responding to anything?”

their question is punctuated by a pause before she answers.

then the sorcerer motions kit closer, and tucks her hair behind her ears. the knight-in-training leans in, gaping. there’s a green dragon no longer than the length of one finger perched behind her ear, claws holding onto her piercings for balance. it unwedges one tiny wing to wave at them.

“what the fuck,” kit says, unable to find a reason for this from logic or being awesome.

“what the fuck,” the dragon repeats, pushing its snoot practically inside the sorcerer’s ear.

“this is peep,” she says. “my hearing is shit, so it helps me out. i call it my hearing aid.”

the draconian hearing aid preens under the knight-in-training’s stare.

“shit,” kit mumbles, for lack of better words.

“shit!” the dragon crows, gleefully.

Friendly reminder that Matthew Daddario...
  • Thinks cows deserve showers
  • Likes to press buttons
  • Would like to hike with a bike
  • Checks if his eyes colour matches his jumpers
  • Has fun with fish eye effect messing his head proportions
  • Explains that comments going so fast on life isn’t his doing
  • Would like to have a mediocre fantastic pho stand 
  • Assures us Dominic Sherwood is from Texas Kentucky
  • And the same for Will Tudor
  • Has a super secret messenger with “Shadowhunters Kids”
  • ALLOWED US TO TOUCH HIS HAIR IF WE ASK POLITELY
  • Thought people were making fun of him by complementing his moustache 
  • WORE A DIFFERENT GREEN SWEATER LADY
  • Talks with his hands
  • Ruined the scene where Magnus says “Think of me when you shoot your arrows” because he kept bursting in laughter
  • Is great with kids
  • Doesn’t want us to call ourselves trash cause we are lovely
  • Googles things a lot
  • Names the cow at NY zoo
  • Can sing
  • Cannot live without his phone and finds it sad
  • Is the sassiest guy on Twitter
  • Sometimes turns off and turns back on a few minutes later
  • Always does a dramatic pause before saying Malec
  • Overuses the word smooch
  • Likes science fiction books
  • Can play the piano
  • Is an awesome photographer
  • Couldn’t breathe because he was laughing too hard after pranking his girlfriend
  • Is a reallife Snowwhite
  • Knows history and everything but is clueless at life

JUST MATTHEW DADDARIO PEOPLE

Voltron but as things my family and friends have said/done

Shiro walks in and hears a crash from above: “What did you guys break now?” 

Pidge: That was the sound of my crashing hopes and dreams, Shiro! Hopes *Dramatic pause* and dreams…


Lance sitting across from Keith at a lunch table: If I put this butter in your hair, will you be mad at me?

Keith: *Throws applesauce at Lance*


Pidge looking at Coran’s Shoes: Why are you wearing socks with sandals?

Coran: Because it is Winter.


Hunk braiding Allura’s hair: Wow, it’s really soft, how do you do that?

Allura, very seriously: I dip it in the blood of my demons.

*Hunk lets go of the hair.*


*Lance singing along with a song on the computer*

Shiro: Can you quiet down, please?

*Lance puts headphones in his computer but continues to sing at the top of his lungs.*


Coran looking at baby pictures with Allura: Awe, look at you right here!

*Allura taking the picture from his hand and running off with it*: NO ONE SHALL EVER SEE THIS! IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!


Lance walking past Pidge: Whats up, Garbage?

Pidge: Nothing much, Trash.


Lance driving the car: Oh look Keith, cows!

*Keith glances at the cows then notices the cars about to swerve off the road*: LANCE!!!

*Lance straightens the car, avoiding the ditch*: What we were just going to go see the cows! *Laughs*

Keith: WE WERE GOING TO GO SEE JESUS!


Matt from inside the bathroom: Katie, can you come help me?

*Katie cautiously opening the bathroom door*:  What do you need my help with in there?

*Katie sees Matt covered in bubbles in the bathtub as the bubbles grow taller and tower over his head and spill over the tub*: 

Matt: The jets made them grow!! Help!!!

*Katie slowly closing the door*: I guess you could say your ‘Naked and Afraid!


*Acxa see Lotor messing with something by his locker*: Hey, what are you-

*Ezor is squished in the locker and Lotor is laughing uncontrollably*

Ezor: I wanted to see if I’d fit… I think I’m stuck guys!


*Hunk and Pidge out for lunch*

*Pidge drops a hot piece of Pizza on her legs*: Oh Mother F-

*Hunk motions at the Mother and child at the table next to them*

*Pidge under her breath*: Froot loops


*The team playing dodge ball*

*Keith trips and stumbles into Lance*: Sorry, so sorry!

Lance: Awe, you’re blushing!

*Shiro hitting Lance with a dodge ball*: Yes! Good job, Keith! Keep distracting the enemy!


Yeah, I thought it would be fun to put the weird things that the people I care about do, and mix it with my favorite show… *softly* what have I done?

Humans Are Weird

I’m sitting in the mess hall, swirling my spoon through my bowl of frugnarf, when Kap’ka*click*ka (I call him Kap) sits down opposite me.

“Human Monique, greetings.”

“Greetings, Kap. What’s up?” My eyes are still on my bowl.

“I have a most pressing query for you.” He pauses dramatically during which I decide to look up at him. Meeting my gaze sternly, he says, “Are you injured?”

The question throws me. “What?”

“Injured, Human Monique! Are you injured?” The long flabs of skin along his neck flap with his agitation, and I know he’s actually being serious.

“No,” I say firmly. Then, more gently, “Why do you ask?”

Six eyes blink at me before one of his hands reaches to take my right hand, the one not holding the spoon. “You use only one of your fore-appendages. I feared you were concealing an injury,” he explains. “We *click*Ref*click*fer often do this when we wish to deceive others.”

It is in that instant that I understand. Kap’s species is entirely ambidextrous. All seven of their limbs can work apart from the others. The species even has an extra cortex in their brains to allow for this kind of dexterity. (I mean, seven limbs! That also isn’t counting their three legs.)

I smile at him and pull my hand away. “No, Kap. I’m fine. Really. I’m just a Lefty.”

“A what?”

“I’m left-handed. Most humans are either left- or right-hand-dominant. Lefties are less common.”

“You mean to tell me that your entire existence relies solely on one appendage to do everything?”

“Not everything,” I amend, enjoying watching his eyes bulge. “I mean, I type with both hands and I can eat with both hands, but things like writing or firing my rifle, I use my left.”

“You can’t be serious!”

“I’m dead serious! Sure, there are a few humans who are ambidextrous, and you can certainly learn how, but it’s hard work and, frankly, it’s a waste of time.”

“But what happens if your dominant, left hand is cut off by a prif’s pincers? What will you do? We don’t have the technology to replace your dominant, left hand, Human Monique!”

I grin up at him and switch my spoon from my left to my right. “Well, I guess I’ll be a Righty, then,” I say and take a bite.

Supernatural Season 47
  • Dean, leaning heaviliy on his cane: Who the hell was that?!
  • Crowley: Do you have any idea what you got into? That was *dramatic pause* a Marquis of hell
  • Sam: A what???
  • Crowley: A Marquis of hell. The offspring of an Archduke of hell and a Baron of hell. Knights of hell are their second cousins twice removed and they often roam the earth together with their best friends the counts of hell, not to confuse with the viscounts of hell...
  • Sam, adjusting his hearing aids: No, I meant can you repeat that? I can’t hear you when your mumbling like that
10

Bonus:


THIS ISN’T EVEN THE MOST EXTRA THING HE’S EVER DONE.
He turns a regular doll into a talking ‘ventriloquist’ doll to bait the murderer.
#SAVAGE

“Mesdames et messieurs, what am I about to do may surprise you a little. It may occur to you that I am eccentric, perhaps mad. Ah, you may say, “The little Belgian detective is taking leave of his rocker, ” eh? But I can assure you, behind my madness is, as you English say… method.”

*walks on stage*


*coughs*


*taps microphone*


*adjusts glasses*


*realizes I don’t have glasses*


*looks over notes*


*keeps looking over notes*


*changes microphone height*


*looks at audience*


*clears throat*


“Dean Winchester-”


*dramatic pause*


“-is bisexual. 


Thank you.”


*bows*


*walks off stage*

The implications of that past tense are….interesting. 

Dex has known Shitty for two years. What does he call him now?

“Now KPC,” you may say, “he doesn’t really call him anything now because he’s not at Samwell anym–”

“Shhh,” I say, gently laying a finger on your supple lips, “there’s literally a panel last update where Dex and Shitty are seen cheering on the Falcs together.”

“Okay,” you concede, “but where are you going with this?”

“I’m going to the obvious conclusion:” I draw out the words before pausing for dramatic effect. “Dex, through what are probably hilariously mundane circumstances, found out Shitty’s first name.”

“Holy shit,” you whisper, stunned.

“Or rather,” I counter, “holy not Shit.”

Polydads

Also on ao3

Based on a post that @catsforartists made!

—–

When Amanda woke up, she decided to crawl out of bed to get a bowl of cereal. And eat it on the couch, of course.

“Ain’t nothing beat couch cereal.” She declared to the empty room and dug into her delicious and dangerously sugary cereal.

Almost immediately after taking a bite out of her cereal, she heard footsteps coming from her dad’s room, but, when she glanced up, she saw Damien walking by her.

“Good morning, Amanda dear.” Damien greeted.

“Mornin.” Amanda responded. She KNEW it. Her dad and Damien had been getting pretty close, so it wasn’t a completely wild assumption that they would start dating. And, of course, the footsteps she heard must be…

Keep reading

@gameofthronesimagine: Could you do something with Harry Hook and the reader is from Auradon and is lifelong friends with Ben and she’s Tinker Bell’s daughter??


Word Count: 5251

Also, warning. I started out thinking this would be cute and fluffy. It kind of turned a little angsty.


“…What? This is a joke, right?”

You stared at Ben, trying to mask your horror with denial.

Ben – for his part – looked sheepish. “We need to mend ties with the Isle, and compromise is the best way to do that.”

“So, if Uma asked you to release Chernabog from the Isle, you’d be totally for it?”

“No, of course not–”

You rolled your eyes. “No, of course. Just the guy that tried. To. Kill. You.”

“Things are different. Uma and Harry don’t have any power in Auradon, and it’s not like I’m totally defenceless,” Ben pointed out, nodding to his two huge bodyguards stationed at the door to his office.

You briefly glanced at them, before looking back at Ben. “Anyone else. You could have released anyone else. What about that Gil guy? He sounded harmless. Or some of her pirate groupies.”

“She wanted Harry,” Ben said simply, taking a sip of his tea. “She wouldn’t budge on that.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Wow. Great compromising there.”

Keep reading

  • L: *eating, as usual*
  • Matsuda: But Ryuzaki!!! hOW are you going to eVeR catch Kira?!?!
  • Light: *tries not to look like he's eavesdropping*
  • L: Catching Kira will be a...
  • L: *dramatically pausing*
  • L: Piece of cake.
  • Light: *deeply inhales*
  • Light: That's it Ryuk, I don't give a fUCK anymore, give me the shinigami eyes he's dying rIGHT NOW.
You Understand, Right? (Part 3): Bargaining Chip

Characters: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader / Friend!Reader, Sam Winchester x Sister!Reader / Friend!Reader, Bobby Singer

Length: 1154+ words

TW: Suicide. Depression. Abandonment. Character Death.

A/N: There was so much interest in continuing this fic! I am so glad you guys enjoyed it, and I really wasn’t expecting this to become a series! Feedback is encouraged!

SERIES MASTERLIST


Crowley thundered through the halls of his dungeon, a smirk on his face. He heard a little rumour going around in the rack, about a girl associated with the Winchesters- someone who meant an awful lot. He stood in front of the girl, assessing her from head to toe. A surge of power traveled through his bloodstream as he realized that he found the key to getting the Winchester’s to doing his biddings.

Y/N’s head lolled to the side as she became more conscious of her surroundings. It was rare for someone to be unconscious in hell, the demons like to keep the person fully aware of their torture when they’re on the rack.

“Hello, dear,” he greeted, an evil smirk adorning his face.

She didn’t reply just as Crowley expected. He tapped into her memories, watching her life flash by as he confirmed her relationship with the Winchester brothers. He patted her cheek, ignoring her wince as he didn’t even bother to avoid the bruise on the skin. As he walked away from her, he wondered just exactly what he would ask of the brothers. There were so many possibilities, and he could not wait for the time to bring her up.

It was almost ten years later when Crowley finally exhausted all of his resources, and used up all of his other leverages against the boys.

The demon tracked down the Winchesters to their motel room, having just finished a hunt in town, and ready to head back home to their bunker. 

“Hello, boys,” the demon greeted.

Both brothers pulled out their guns.

“What the hell do you want, Crowley?” Dean demanded.

“Oh, Squirrel. Always had the penchant for the dramatics.”

“Shut up.”

“If you could lower your weapons, and we can talk like normal people-” 

“Not until you tell us what you want,” Sam added.

“Well, I came to you because I may have a wee bit of a predicament.”

“And why should we help you?” Dean asked.

The demon smirked. “Because I got something that may be of interest.”

Keep reading