here’s what it’s like sleeping with someone new when you are in love with someone else:
at first, it’s new. it’s exciting.
yes, you think, yes thank you.
there are other people out there besides you.
you can still do this.
but you can’t.
the touches, which seemed exhilarating at first, is now just - unwanted.
you don’t regret it but you wish you weren’t here.
you think his name when you come.
afterwards, you feel lighter, but in the sense that something has been taken out of you.
you check your phone just in case he’s texted, just in case he knows.
you don’t tell anybody about this.
you are very, very tired.
in a couple days or so, you will convince yourself it wasn’t so bad.
it was nice having someone to hold you when you feel unraveled.
maybe it’s just because you are unfamiliar.
practice makes perfect.
you tell yourself you should give people chances.
because you feel like you never got those chances.
but then you will see Him again and it will make you remember how great sex can be.
nothing should ever be this hard.
you will most likely sleep with someone else once or twice.
and then you will realize that sex with someone who you don’t really care about makes you feel sick.
and it is even more sickening because they are usually good people.
they deserve to sleep with people who care about them.
not just - a warm body that laughs and moans at the right moments.
even if all they want is sex.
they should still have it with someone who cares,
instead of someone who spends 70% of the time wishing they were with someone else.
you think this because you hope you are not like this for Him.
finally, you will stop sleeping with other people.
it’s simpler this way but it doesn’t get easier.
letters from drake’s ex; you’ve been waiting for me, i can tell that you been practicing