dragon and the unicorn

Fake Chats #187
  • Taehyung: I want to be a unicorn when I grow up.
  • Jimin: you'd be a very pretty unicorn.
  • Jungkook: I want to be Iron Man when I grow up.
  • Taehyung: let's be a little more realistic, Kookie, okay?
  • Jungkook: realistic?
  • Jimin: wouldn't Tae be a pretty unicorn? He would.
  • Taehyung: thank you.
  • Jungkook: you're supposed to say that I'd be a great Iron Man.
  • Seokjin: as if. You can't iron anything without burning a hole in it.
  • Yoongi: yeah, at least Tae would be a pretty unicorn.
  • Namjoon: I wanna be a dragon. Powerful but wise.
  • Jungkook: I do not burn holes in my clothes!
  • Seokjin: not on purpose, I'm sure. But I'm still not letting you near the iron.
  • Hoseok: can I be a dragon?
  • Yoongi: of course you can.
  • Taehyung: Jimin would be a pretty unicorn too.
  • Jimin: aw!
  • Taehyung: you can be a dragon or a unicorn if you want, Jungkookie!
  • Jungkook: Iron Man.
  • Seokjin: only mythological creatures in this house.
  • Jungkook: I need a new family.

I’m interrupting the casual flow of your dashboard to talk about the childhood troubles that kept me up at night, which obviously means nothing other than Harry Potter in-universe schematics, inspired by this post, which long story short mentions unicorn blood.

So, one thing I always wondered is, what if you drank the blood but hadn’t actually been the one to kill the unicorn? Like what if you didn’t even hire someone to kill the unicorn for you, but like, found the unicorn freshly dead and were gross and quick enough to drink before the maggots arrived, or bought the blood somewhere in Knockturn Alley? I mean, do you live forever casually and the person who killed the unicorn to sell the blood is cursed into a wraith instead? In that case, is the world full of secret wraith dragons or giants or something that were able to kill unicorns and tasted their blood, or is intention the only thing behind the curse? Does the universe not care about them bc it’s only bad if you kill a unicorn to consume the corpse but not when you want to sell or give away its fluids, so the drinker gets cursed anyway even if they didn’t do the slayin’, and the actual killer can keep killing unicorns left and right in peace? Does the blood just stubbornly refuse to work if you didn’t kill the unicorn yourself? Also, do people just pluck hair from bred unicorns’ tails with tweezers to put into wands or do they kill them yet not get cursed because drinking fluids to live forever is evil but using bits of animals that are taken advantage of to make a power rod is coolio? Are wizard wands even considered vegan?

It’s 3am, and these things are still keeping me up at night.

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 5

Great team work, amigos. Here’s is part 5! 

  1. “Why is there a naked Ken Barbie doll tied up in your room?” “Goddammit, ____! I told you not to go in there!”
  2. “No Candice, I am NOT selling you my soul again.”
  3. “why is the fairy holding a gun.”
  4. “Jesus Christ on a boat made of crackers, what are you doing outside of the pod ship again?”
  5. “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT” “He said I couldn’t… and I thought it was a challenge…”
  6. “How the fuck did you dye the ocean ORANGE?!”
  7. “Why are the roses green?”
  8. “Great, you made death angry.”
  9. ”この___だ!”
  10. “That better be a press on tattoo.”
  11. “If you only listened to the nature, you could learn more than humans ever passed to us.”
  12. “So, we’re dead?” “Well, kind of… yeah.”
  13. “Remind me again why you have a centaur tied up in your truck?”
  14. “Can you stop staring into my soul every time we meet? I feel exposed.”
  15. “You do realize that he wasn’t breathing when he spoke to us, right?”
  16. “I liked you better when you where possessed by that demon friend of yours”
  17. “You’re absolutely in love with him and have been for at least 2 years if you don’t go tell him how you feel I swear to god I will”
  18. “There are worse things in life than death.” “Nobody asked you,Lucifer.” “Just saying.”
  19. “Well, it’s wonderful that you’re having a sexuality crisis, but in case you forgot, we’re kind of in the middle of STOPPING THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!”
  20. “Why is there a horse crashing on our couch?” “Oh, that’s Satan.”
  21. “Why would I hang out with you? You’re so incompetent! Your sacrifice to the faeries was so insufficient!”
  22. “Where the hell did the dragon go?! He was right here!”
  23. “Ok, the recipie calls for two cups of lemon and a cup of sugar, but all I see are cough syrup and battery acid…”
  24. “What do you mean today’s not a Tuesday?!”
  25. “So everyone on Earth had the same dream as me?”
  26. “you know what will solve that? Scotch.”
  27. “I didn’t ask for this!” “… you didn’t?”
  28. “How is it that the least likely outcome is always the outcome I receive?!” “You should go buy a lottery ticket.”
  29. “Guys, i know you’re all busy, but if any of you wants the dinner done, i will need my arm back”
  30. “Of COURSE I care about you. That’s why I sold your soul on the black market.”
  31. “JOHN I AM BEGINNING TO QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF YOUR PLAN” “AS AM I ALEX, AS AM I”
  32. “What?”
  33. “I will take the concept of my rage, transform it into a physical weapon, and use it to BEAT YOU TO DEATH!”
  34. “Did you really HAD to slap the shark?!” “I mean… If you want me to kick it-”
  35. “I don’t care, your tamagotchi dying is not an excuse to wake me up before noon!”
  36. “You are telling me that the socks with hearts that I’ve been mocking since the first day you arrived are, in fact, what keep you alive?” “Yes!” “What?”
  37. “So you really want me to believe that you’re actually from the future?”
  38. “Dude. What have you done. Now we HAVE TO save those aliens!”
  39. “Can you just stop?” “God no, why would I do that?”
  40. “Hey at least I get laid doing it”
  41. “While that’s a lovely story, it doesn’t quite explain the fires.”
  42. “Dude, please tell me that you planned to deal with her guardian angel when you killed her.”
  43. “That’s such a stupid idea… let’s do it.”
  44. “What do you MEAN this just HAPPENS?!” “All the time, actually.”
  45. “I swear, one day you’ll kill us both.” “Oh please, I’ve never been that reckless.” “…” “That was ONE TIME!”
  46. “Why did you buy a nuke?!” “Why wouldn’t I? It was on sale”
  47. “I am fueled purely by rage and instant coffee.”
  48. “How are you a million years old, bit you can’t even remember who George Washington is?”
  49. “Because I gave not, a single shit.”
  50. “Is that a marijuana? In my good  Christian suburbs?!”
  51. “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE?? YOU NEVER USE THE DRAGON, YOU IDIOT”
  52. “I don’t care if he’s a unicorn, NO ONE EATS MY MINI EGGS!”
  53. “Jesus Christ Lewis! *Again* with the Snails?” “It’s Thursday! You said Thursday’s were okay!”
  54. “Here’s a story for you. I woke up in Vegas as a makeup guru. I was REALLY drunk.”
  55. “If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you…WAIT, NO IT WAS A JOKE, STOP!”
  56. “You’re kinda like hitchhiking Ghost Busters, aren’t you?”
  57. “For gods sake, ditch the fanny pack”
  58. “Take the tomato!” “No, I don’t want the tomato” “JUST TAKE THE TOMATO”
  59. “‘That’s no moon!’ Everyone  remembered Jimmy’s words that night as he scolded his friends for half-heartedly pulling their pants down.”
  60. “WHY IS THERE A BEAR IN MY BATHROOM”
  61. “Can you believe it?” “Just barely.”  "Man, I never thought he would ACTUALLY throw the chair.“
  62. "What did you THINK girl scout cookies were made of?”
  63. “Really? That’s not what I heard from Mrs. Sanchez across the hall!”   “Mom she’s literally a possessed cow, why do you listen to her?”
  64. “You got the rubber chicken, cheese whiz, and dish soap?” “Yep” “Ok, let’s do this!”
  65. “Are you building a life-sized Godzilla at 3am again?”
  66. “Don’t get pissy at me, YOU’RE the one who didn’t say what kind of tea bags to get for the clown!”
  67. "So YOU’RE the guy the math textbooks warned us about.”
  68. “Where’s our cat?” “I thought you were responsible for it?..”
  69. “What do you mean I’m half demon”
  70. “why are you duct taping a cat to the ceiling?” “aesthetic.”
  71. “Hope is a lie. So is philosophy, morality, language in general, the sky, dogs, and about a third of the population of Michigan.”
  72. “So let me get this straight. You filled a Darth Vader costume… With cats?”
  73. “How did I die this time?” “Well, it was pretty quick. I missed it, but from what I can tell, you convinced an entire school of 4000 people to throw watermelons at you all at the same time.” “…And?” “The impact of the watermelons threw you back a couple hundred kilometers and you landed in the ocean…inside the mouth of a particularly hungry shark.” “Goddamn it I wanted this death to be metal!”
  74. “Yesterday I learned that my childhood friend was a demon.”
  75. “Please tell me you said 'What bothers me most.’ "Yes? What the hell did you think I said?” Well….it kinda sounded like “His father’s meatloaf.’
  76. "Goddammit, why won’t you die?!”  "I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! “
  77. "I’d appreciate it if you fucking stopped, thanks.”
  78. “What the hell is this?” “It’s jello, you eat it”
  79. "You didn’t” “I did and I made them watch”
  80. "Why in the hell did you think this was a good idea?” “Look, YOU try saying 'No’ to not just a primordial deity, but my little sister as well.” “…Ok, you got me there.”
  81. “How do you know that it’s supposed to look like this?”
  82. “Are you making *tea*?!” “Well what else am I supposed to do?” “I don’t know maybe STOP THE MONSTER THATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!”
  83. “Why are you in a dress?” “Lucifer wanted to have a tea party. You don’t say no to Lucifer”
  84. “So you’re telling me that aliens invaded while I was on vacation?”
  85. “I appreciate the gesture but I prefer my horses fried rather than alive.”
  86. *whining* “But Mooommm, I don’t want to save the woooorrld!”
  87. “Now I know not to cry there”
  88. “What if we DIDNT kill the king every Thursday” “Good idea we’ll kill him on Fridays instead.”
  89. “So you’re a zombie now?” “I guess I am” “So what are you gonna do about it?” “*shrug* I don’t know….”
  90. “I guess you weren’t joking when you said that the world is ruled by ants”
  91. “When I die, tell everyone 'I told you so.’”
  92. “You’re not real… You’re only in those silly books!” “Correction, my dear, you’re the fictional one.”
  93. “There was no 'free pie’ you moron! You stole it!”
  94. “Okay, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my pet rock has gained sentience, just like we planned! The bad news is that it turns out he’s evil and is currently building a rock army with the intent of taking over the world. aaaand, he’s trying to get Mt. Everest on his side.”
  95. “Why is our baby on a wanted poster?”
  96. “Zombies are people too, Mom!”
  97. “… I’m gonna go for it. Hold my head for me real quick, and don’t put it on a mannequin like you did last time.”
  98. “Fascinating… I was unaware that was physically plausible.” “I know right.”
  99. “ACHOO!” “Bless you.” “No sorry, that won’t work on me.”
  100. “Bye, Felicia. Take you and your cat ears! GO!”

Prepare yourselves, because starting from tomorrow we will be making ‘100 Prompts That Will Make You Cry’ lists. Hope you enjoy this one. Which prompt do you like the most?

The entire cast and line-up of my rubberhose rapscallions. There are some new faces here so let me introduce you.

Edgar B. Cupid: The angel of love who has been around for a long time. Lately he has been starting to feel like he’s missing something but he isn’t sure what. He has been good friends with Walter the Reaper for a while now and they sometimes go out and get sandwiches and milkshakes to catch up on things.

???: No one…really knows what this is…or what it does they just…try to avoid it.

 Queenie the Beast: Still a work in progress but overall a greedy little thing and a talker to boot. She will talk circles around people before they realized they’ve been ensnared in her trap.

The signs as mythical creatures

ARIES: Dragon, Werewolf, Vampire

TAURUS: Hippogriff, Unicorn, Giant

GEMINI: Vampire, Basilisk, 

CANCER: Yeti, Basilisk, Unicorn

LEO: Dragon, Sphinx, Angel

VIRGO: Hippogriff, Unicorn, Angel

LIBRA: Unicorn, Giant, Angel

SCORPIO: Dragon, Vampire, Basilisk

SAGITTARIUS: Vampire, Centaur, SATAN

CAPRICORN: Vampire, Yeti, Cersei Lannister

AQUARIUS: Unicorn, Fairy, Angel

PISCES: Mermaid, Siren, Basilisk, Sea Serpent

6

The species announced for Project Octavo thus far! From left to right - Dragons, Quetzals, Griffins, Hippogriffs, Unicorns, Kirins.

Three more hybrids are being created at the moment and more to still yet come. But these will be kept secret until the game is ready.. 

I will have some more exciting things to share soon!

There is a small, obscure island in the Arabian Sea that is home to two notable endemic species: the aži, or Persian dragon, and the rabbit-like mi'raj, a somewhat primitive cousin to unicorns. Mainland Persian dragons and another larger, lighter colored subspecies were once found across South Asia, and for a time were thought to be extinct west of Vietnam until a population was rediscovered on Jazirat-al-Tinnen, literally the “dragon’s island”. Unique among eastern dragons for its relatively small, round tail and its eagerness to climb trees, it is still a fairly accomplished swimmer and is known to ambush prey from the water.
According to legend, Alexander the Great visited this island to slay a local dragon that was terrorizing the natives, who accomplished this by poisoning the beast. One of the gifts he received for slaying the dragon was a captured mi'raj, which may arguably have been a more fearsome creature than the dragon, for it is extremely aggressive when it has young to protect and will drive off creatures many times its size with its single, very sharp horn.
It is believed that dragons swam to the island from India no more than a few thousand years ago, for they still bear striking resemblance to their extinct mainland cousins. Animals of the same genus as the mi'raj (cornuceleres), however, have not been seen on earth since the late Miocene.

The Signs As Weird Retail Customers I've Had To Deal With
  • Aries: The guy who went over to me with a knife and held it in front of my face, only to ask if I knew any place in the mall where he could have it sharpened.
  • Taurus: The woman who didn´t want to buy her son any toys and tried to tell him that “the toys are just for decoration; they actually sell shelves”.
  • Gemini: The man who tried to pay for a €10 soft toy with a €500 note and, when I refused to accept it, complained that this was “discrimination against rich people”.
  • Cancer: The guy who rode his bike through the mall.
  • Leo: The two students who each bought a giant teddy bear as “back-up presents” for their girlfriends, in case they forgot an anniversary or a birthday.
  • Virgo: The guy who bought 100 postcards for his sister´s wedding and came by two days later to show us wedding videos and photos on his tablet.
  • Libra: The woman who bought a llama soft toy, believing it was a cat.
  • Scorpio: The big, dangerously looking biker who walked straight up to me and asked for “the biggest and fluffiest bunny” we had.
  • Sagittarius: The man who looked at the giant 4.25-foot (1.20 metres) plush penguin and asked if we had a bigger one- preferably taller than him.
  • Capricorn: The woman who had a whole conversation with me in English, eventually realized that I wasn´t originally from Britain and then started to talk really, really slowly.
  • Aquarius: The woman who didn´t know what a penguin was- or the South Pole for that matter- and asked me to explain.
  • Pisces: The women who looked at the big cat soft toys and asked me why the hell we sold soft toys of animals that were not indigenous to Germany while standing next to a shelf filled with dragons and unicorns.