Dr. Szell, I presume?

Intermittent tooth pain since Wednesday. Went to see my dentist this morning who took an X-ray and said, “Root canal time.” The only time I like to hear the word root is when it’s followed by the two words: beer float.

So, I’m scheduled for a root canal at 4pm today.

This is one of those times my emergency stash of Xanax would come in handy but I can’t take one since I’m driving myself to the appointment. One Xanax and I would be convinced that I was driving Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and would wind up sticking my head out the window while singing the title song of the movie and trying to make the car fly through the air. 

Just shoot me now!


I have a dental appointment today.

If you’re old enough to remember Dustin Hoffman’s The Marathon Man (1976), then you’ll understand the pictures and why I plan to run like hell if the dentist so much as whispers, “Is it safe”.

If you’re not old enough to remember the movie, count yourself lucky. Marathon Man makes you want to hop in a dental chair as much as the movie Jaws makes you want to jump in a shark tank.