I swear to God,

If anyone like Nolan or Miranda turned into a Finn from The Notebook and told B, “It’s over! It’s really over! He’s hurt enough, don’t make it worse!” I’d do freaking kung fu on their arse, B would probably go into an episode and need 3 straight days of intense therapy as if that wasn’t happening already, Charli would shift into a bear and maul everybody’s arse, and I don’t like to think of the threats the F5 would come up with.

Oh my goshers imagine Nolan and Monty in the army.
I can’t–

AND THERE’S DOCTORS. And Dr. McSteamy’s brother, Dr. McDreamy, is a DOCTOR. Hot damn, why is TV doing this to me?

So I just watched the Season 8 Finale of Grey's Anatomy

At first when I saw what had happened I was like

BUT THEN, when they started to find people I was like

And then throughout the episode, I was just

and then of course, THAT THING happened

And of course EVERYONE was like

and then by the end of it all, I was just like c'mon Shonda Rhimes!

but to find out that season 9 isn’t renewed yet?!

Dang, Grey’s knows how to do finales. Betta take note

On Why I Mourn For a Man Made From Ink

For a while now, I have been trying to come to terms with my rather extreme feeling regarding the death of Derek Shepherd, and after re-watching a few of the earlier episodes of Greys I have determined, it is not the actors or writers or even the story itself that I am angry at, nor is it anger at all. I is grief not for a fictional character, but for an idea that the character brought into my life.

I have an infamously bad attention span when it comes to dramatic TV shows that last for more than a few seasons. I do of course, occasionally binge on a show and blow through six or seven seasons in a matter of weeks, but if a show is currently airing, I cannot bring myself to wait week to week without losing interest.

For some reason, Greys Anatomy has always been the singular exception to this rule. From that very first episode, somewhat inappropriate for the 5th grade version of me that attentively watched, I was hooked. Everything about the show was captivating, the drama and pain and romance, but there was always one major element of the drama that I hated, Meredith Grey. I feel like I shouldn’t even have to justify myself here,  she was always so selfish and melodramatic, drawing pain from her messy past, she was impossibly self-destructive and generally irresponsible.

Although many tried to argue with me about her merits, I was always unreasonably angry at her mere existence in the Seattle Grace universe. Slowly but surely, as the show progressed and I grew up with it I realized why.

I was Meredith Grey.

I related to her on a level that I had never before related to a character on. This may seem odd, as I was 10 years old when this connection first began to form, but that may very well be why I felt so linked to her in the end. Her level of immaturity in the earlier seasons allowed me as a child to better understand myself as I was, even though there was a substantial level of denial when it came to understanding the connection. I needed Meredith to succeed, to be happy, and most importantly, to not end up like her mother.

This brings me back to Derek, a shining beacon of light in the dark and twisty world of Meredith Grey. I do not mean to imply that a man is necessary for a woman to be successful or happy, but for Meredith to be happy, she had to be more that what her mother was, to be successful in a way that Ellis could never have been. Derek was a symbol of hope for all those who had none, because Derek showed that Meredith could overcome her past, her mildly suicidal tendencies and bleak outlook on life, to be truly happy. You could almost call Dr. McDreamy a Manic-Pixie Dream Boy.

When he was killed off, it was as if everything that was portrayed up until then was a lie, but then I decided, I was glad that it had happened, and even more so that we saw that in the future, Meredith would be ok, because as she said, she could live without him, she just didn’t want to.

We got to finally see what we all needed to, that he was not the sun, she was.