100 things the Lodgers are no longer allowed to do
‘For the good of science!’ is not an appropriate
response to ‘Why is everything on fire?’
Unrelated to the above, Mr Sinnett and Mr
Luckett are not allowed to combine their work in any way without written
permission from Dr Jekyll.
Related to the above two, Mr Luckett is not
allowed in the Chemistry Lab. Ever.
Mr Hyde is no longer allowed to make comment on or
imply anything about any of the Lodgers’ sex lives.
Including his own.
Especially his own.
Do not taunt the repair kraken, we don’t want
Do not make comment on any Lodgers’ height.
Especially the blonde ones. We aren’t pointing fingers. Honest.
On that note; don’t make comment on any lodgers’
weight, social background, ethnicity, gender or weight. They are passionate,
slightly mad and have easy access to dangerous lab equipment. You have been
Do not mess with Dr Jekyll’s morning cup of tea.
Dr Griffin is not allowed to turn any more mice,
rats or similar rodents invisible.
Nor is he allowed to breed the already invisible
mice, rats or similar rodents to create more. Seriously we have enough problems
with them as is.
Progress Reports SHOULD NOT NEED to start with ‘I
Dr Jekyll is to stop leaving his coat, hat and
other clothing garments littered all over the society. Or said items will be
sold for the good of the society!
If it makes Mr Hyde giggle for longer than 15 seconds,
it’s not allowed.
Rachel is not to wander around the society
covered in blood, wielding a kitchen knife and/or making ominous sounds when
guests are present.
Nobody is to do the above, on that note.
Alcohol is not to be consumed in any of the labs
or whilst working. Drunk science may seem fun but it is a bad idea!
I don’t care if Mr Hyde said it was allowed, it
Lodgers are not allowed to have a contest to see
who can make the biggest “boom”.
Because Mr Luckett will win and the repairs will
come out of your monthly research grant.
The Secret Rogue Scientist Fight Club is hereby
disbanded and banned.
Mr Doodles’ confectionaries are not to be taken
without his permission. Ever. Please, you’ll make him cry!
Please do not laugh manically around members of
the public or the police.
Please do not mention potentially illegal
activities around members of the public or the police.
Nobody is to suggest, imply or outright state
anything pertaining to Scotland being less than great within ear shot of Mr
Hyde and Dr Jekyll.
Lodgers are reminded not to fall asleep in the
middle of conducting experiments.
Wine is not a substitute for breakfast.
Nor is tequila, vodka, whiskey or anything other
than actual breakfast.
The following words and
phrases are never to be uttered within the same topic of conversation in any
combination: “Necrophilia,” “I hate everyone on this society
and I wish they’d die,” “Dr Maijabi’s mystic powers,” “Experimental lubricant,”
“airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow,” “the many uses of cheese,” “it’ll be
fine so long as we don’t tell them,” and any mentions of Mr Mosley being part
Adding more ingredients does not always fix the
Tea parties on Dr Maijabi’s floating furniture
are banned until further notice.
Please respect that no one in the society shares
the same sleeping pattern and keep the noise down at all times.
That means you, Edward.
Unless Rachel has given you permission, the Lodgers
are not allowed to cook their own meals. We don’t need another exploded oven,
Do not make potions in the kitchen. You have
Do not use Mr Sinnett’s pyrotechnics to cook.
Not even if it’s to make s’mores, we still haven’t
cleaned up the mess from last time!
I don’t care what your excuse is, nobody is to
steal or ‘borrow’ anyone else’s equipment or experiments without their owner’s permission.
“Hyde made me do it” is not a valid
excuse for anything, especially when he didn’t.
Likewise, lying that ‘Mr Hyde did it’ when
questioned by Dr Jekyll will not end well for you. He will somehow know that
you are lying and Mr Hyde won’t be happy when he finds out.
If Dr Jekyll asks to see you, please don’t start
the conversation with ‘You can’t prove anything!’
‘It wasn’t me!’ is not a valid alternative to
Nor is ‘I’ll clean it up! I promise!’
Please avoid intentionally or unintentionally
scaring Dr Lanyon. Please, he’s fragile and easily startled.
Dr Jekyll is not to be provoked when he’s doing
All the many betting pools found in the society
are unofficial. Enter them at your own risk.
This should go without saying but please do not
lick any of the lab equipment.
Dr Griffin is banned from the kitchen following
an incident where a large portion of food was turned invisible.
Please do not repeat the above for pranking
Should anyone or anything claim to be from the
future, avoid it at all costs and quickly inform Dr Jekyll. He can take it from
Glitter is banned within the society. End of
No, neither Dr Jekyll nor Mr Hyde are in
violation of the above. They just seem to sparkle naturally. We don’t know how
Do not insult Dr Jekyll. He may not react, or
more worryingly start agreeing with you, but the rest of Lodgers will find out
and will not be happy.
Do not dance on the furniture.
Yes, Hyde does it but he’s screwing the boss.
Do not mention Hyde possibly screwing the boss.
Do not refer to Dr Jekyll as ‘the boss’.
Please remove the above three statements
immediately! – Dr Jekyll
It is impossible to keep anything a secret for
more than a week in the society. You have been warned.
Gossip in the Society travels at a rate that is
just slightly slower than the speed of sound. Again, you have been warned.
If you don’t know what it is or what it does, DO
NOT touch it!
If it’s leaking fluid and it shouldn’t, either
fix it or back away slowly and hope it doesn’t explode.
Zosi did not eat anyone’s lab equipment, monthly
reports or left sock. Stop blaming it on them!
Do not attempt to pick Mr Bird’s plants to make
flower crowns. Half of them are poisonous, the other half will eat you.
Do not take Bryson’s hot air balloon on a joy
Likewise with Dr Helsby’s Bathyscaph.
Do not steal Dr Jekyll’s sparkly carriage for
the same purpose either.
Also do not steal Mr Mosley’s Hollow Earth
Submarine. That man owns a drill and will use it on you.
Please do not mess about with Mr Doodle’s candyfloss
machine. Flooding the upstairs with candyfloss might seem fun at the time but
it’s a pain to clean up. And it took us three hours to get Mr Hyde down off the
ceiling last time.
Clothing must be worn at all time in communal areas
of the society. Invisible clothing does not count.
Dr Griffin is not allowed to flip any more table
unless all the work on them is his own and he pays for the table if he breaks
Dr Jekyll is not to be referred as anyone’s ‘mother’.
The Lodgers must not present any of ‘the wonders
of science’ to children without a RESPONSIBLE adult’s oversight.
Mr Hyde does not count as a responsible adult.
Nor do most of the lodgers either on that note.
Don’t ask why Mr Hyde is sometimes seen wearing
Dr Jekyll’s clothes.
versa. It just happens.
Dr Griffin is not to go to West Sussex ever.
Especially the area near the village of Iping and the town of Bramblehurst.
The lodgers are to note that ‘It is better to
beg forgiveness than ask permission’ no longer applies to them. Dr Jekyll is
more than willing to give permission, but do get permission first!
Please do not release the repair kraken on the streets.
The general public and the Police do not appreciate its presence there.
Any bake sales hosted within the society grounds
are to give at least two thirds of the profits to the society funds.
No lodger is to take the laws of physics as a
personal insult to their work.
Nor are they to take the laws of reality as a
personal insult either.
No unnecessary science in the lobby!
If you see one of Miss. Flower’s butterflies,
carefully catch it and return it to her as soon as possible.
DO NOT EAT IT!!
Do not eat any of the science!
Expect Mr Doodle’s, with his permission. As mentioned
No fire flies near the chemistry labs please.
No, Mr Penniebrygg is not building an automaton
army. Or at least he shouldn’t be!
No lodger is to go within twenty feet of Mr
Tweedy or his equipment when he is working. If you ignore this and are
electrocuted, it’s your own damn fault.
Do not send threatening or angry letters to the
Theatre across the road.
If you must, do not sign them with your’s or the
Making ‘time of the month’ jokes around the
female Lodgers or Mr Kaylock is not appropriate.
Do not try to feed Mr Kaylock dog biscuits.
Do not try to feed Mr Hyde cat food!
Do not feed the leviathan. We still aren’t sure
what it is or if it eats or what it eats. So please don’t.
Midnight dance parties are banned unless Mr Hyde
is invited. All chaos cause by said midnight dance parties must be cleaned up
by the morning.
Do not let any member of the public see this
Hold up your head, enter the arena, and face your enemy. Fight until you can’t fight anymore. Never let go. Never give up. Never run. Never surrender. Fight the good fight. You fight, even when it seems inevitable that you’re about to go down swinging.