dr cranquis

cranquis.tumblr.com
Dr Cranquis' Guide to Surviving (and maybe even thriving) at Med School

Advice for American Med Schools (but includes piles of stuff that would be great for anyone about to plunge into the rather demanding world of Medicine).

Intro

1st Year 

2nd Year

3rd Year (Part A)

3rd Year (Part B)

3rd Year (Part C)

3rd Year (Part D)

4th Year

Special Features: 
1st Year Deleted Scene 
Qualities of an Ideal Doctor 
Prevention of Procrastination

Oh, and if you’re not already following this guy: why not?!

The Night Before Cranqmas
Dr. Cranquis
The Night Before Cranqmas
THE NIGHT BEFORE CRANQMAS, BY DR. CRANQUIS ‘Twas the night before Cranqmas, and all through the Urgent Care Not a creature was stirring: no patients were there! We’d been very busy but now it was Q-word. (That’s “Quiet”, but we don’t dare announce it, ya’ heard?) The staff were slumped over, worn out, in their chairs; While visions of leaving on time danced through the air; And Nurse in her smock, and I in my scrubs, Had just called the pizza place to order some grub, When out in the waiting room there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew, lickety-split, Just in time to see some guy throw up through it. The emesis on the breast of the still-heaving guy Was black and smelled like something had died. I glanced to the parking lot to see how he got here: Just as I thought: he’d ridden a John Deere. He slurred out his name in an accent so thick, I didn’t quite catch it, so I nicknamed him Old Nick.  More rapid than eagles his retches they came, And he wheezed, and he shouted, and he called us bad names: “Now, ****er! You *****er! I’ll *** your ****! Give me some Dilaudid, you **********! Whaddaya mean, "Do I drink alcohol?” I had a fifth of vodka today, maybe 2, that’s all.“ Now quick for an emesis basin my skillful nurse flew, As the barf hit the floor, and Old Nicholas too. And then in a twinkling, the emesis turned bright red – Esophageal rupture: this dude was half dead! As I reached for the phone and called 911, He slumped to the floor – (oh joy, here comes the fun). His eyes were so jaundiced! His breathing so shallow! His cheeks and his nose pale as a marshmallow! He had palmar erythema and a distended belly That shook when he retched, like a bowl full of jelly. Classic alcoholic cirrhosis, with Hep C probably, So I pulled on some gloves to hopefully protect me. A feel of his pulse, which felt thin as a thread, Soon gave me to know I had plenty to dread; He spoke not a word, just continued to hurk, As we placed 2 IV’s and tried to make his heart work, His blood pressure dropped as mine steadily rose, But hark! Ambulance sirens! So glad to hear those! The EMTs snatched him, slick as a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But then I heard him exclaim, as they drove out of sight— “Hey it’s Cranqmas, y'all – can I have a Bud Light?”
Really stupid study tips that can help you study... maybe

Hello Medblr family!!! I’ve been asked a lot about study tips and schedules and I always answer pretty much the same thing: try to make your own.

You can find different study schedules, and maybe you choose one, but it doesn’t apply to your own techniques and study methods. That’s why I always advice to make your own, and do not get frustated if you are not following it exactly as you planned. 

I am, by no means, an authority in the subject, but I wanted to share some tips that I follow when studying, that maybe -MAYBE- can help.

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How to stay awake:

  • Caffeine. Caffeine & chocolate. Want caffeine, but not that much? Go with tea!

  • I don’t drink caffeine, how can I stay awake? The answer is WATER. Trust me, it works. If you are feeling sleepy, but can’t afford to take a nap, drink one big bottle of water. Then, when you feel like going to pee, drink a glass of water before going to the bathroom. This will make you stay awake for another 30-45 minutes! Side effects: you might wake up several times to pee in the middle of the night. Stop drinking water 1-2 hours before going to bed.

  • Don’t eat junk food. Go with FRUITS!
  • DANCE. Choose your favorite tunes, turn that volume up, and dance, dance, dance until you have a big smile in your face and you are no longer sleepy. 

  • PAIN. Tweeze your eyebrows. Tweeze your leg hair. Wax it. Bikini wax. Believe me, this will wake you up!

  • 10’ WORKOUT. Abs workout is the best, because #pain.

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“I’m bored, I don’t want to study anymore”:

  • Go for a WALK.
  • WATCH a 20’ sitcom. Laugh and then go back to study.
  • YOUTUBERS are funny. Check them out!
  • COLORING BOOKS. I’m not an artist, I don’t know how to draw, but I love coloring books. Google “coloring pages for adults”, print one, and start coloring, my friend!  It is soooo relaxing and entertaining! This is mine so far:

  • And of course! MEDBLRS! The first one that I search is the hilarious Dr. cranquis. The Father of the Medblrship Community. I go through his blog like a pro! 
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“OMG! I should stop what I’m doing and become a stripper”:

If you think this will make you happy, leave everything you are doing and go for it.

At some point, we all have second thoughts of our carreer choices. Sometimes I wonder “why I didn’t like something else”. And then I remember that I couldn’t see myself doing anything besides Medcine.

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Stay motivated:

Ok, I personally think this is the hardest part of studying:  to start something and stay motivated. I have the attention spam of a mosquito. I get distracted easily, and I am a very lazy person. And the “what if I’m not good enough” thought, ALWAYS comes back to my mind. So, then, what’s the answer?

  • POSITIVE thoughts bring a positive outcome: so simple, yet so hard, but not imposible. Leave negative thoughts aside.
  • Watch this video, and uderstand the physiology behind it.
  • This Motivational Presentation made by the lovely md-admissions might help!!! 
  • If you feel like crying, CRY for 5 minutes, call your BFF, wash your face, and keep going.
  • Repeat the following: I’M FUCKING AWESOME!!!! Repeat it as many times as you want.

  • Mindy Kaling words of advice:

  • And of course, HARRY fucking POTTER:

(Hogwarts School of Medicine, fuck yeah!)

*Disclaimer* I wrote this post for anyone who needs motivation, and also for myself. To remind me every day, that it doesn’t matter how long it takes, as long as I get there.

Good luck, you guys! And study hard!!!

Love, 

Renata

Behind the Medic: Omnipresent
  • Cranquis (answers phone at work area 2): Ahoy hoy.
  • Front desk secretary: Oh, hi doc, um, I was trying to reach Dr McColleague?
  • Cranquis: Oh yeah, he was sitting here this morning, but he moved down to area 4 after lunch.
  • Secretary: ok, bye.
  • Cranquis: Bye.
  • Cranquis runs down the hall to area 4, shoves Dr. McColleague out of the way and answers the phone: Ahoy hoy.
  • Secretary: Hi Doct-- Wha-? How did-?
  • Cranquis: Please hold for an important call from Dr. McColleague.
  • Cranquis hands phone off and saunters away: (whistling)
Dear Jenny
The Really Good Pot Roast & Dr. Cranquis
Dear Jenny

An anti-anti-vaccine song which started off as a joke – but the more we thought about it, the more we felt it needed to be sung.

Dear Jenny

[Chorus]

Dear Jenny,

By now you must already know–

Vaccines are safe to undergo,

And so it’s time for you to go.

Dear Jenny,

The data isn’t on your side –

Time to admit that you have lied.

Bye, Bye, Baby.

[Verse #1]

“Thimerosal,” you’ll say to me

“It’s toxic and unsafe, you see.”

But data says that’s not a fact,

So your position can’t be backed–

Besides, it’s all but gone away.

(Bye, Bye Baby…)

[Chorus]

[Verse #2]

You say they aren’t natural –

But arsenic is, that’s factual (that stuff will kill ya)!

You give diseases one more chance,

And depending on who you ask,

You’ve caused over 6,000 deaths.

(Bye, Bye Baby…)

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

Bur your kid just wants your loving–

Doesn’t care about the crap you’re shoveling.

Your hysterics give autism a bad name–

Acting as if it’s a curse,

Hunting for someone to blame.

[Chorus]

Two strong posts about the science behind vaccines for further reading, brought to you by the Anti-Anti-Vaccine Queen, aspiringdoctors:

One

Two

Caught up

* I rarely blog about my career, but I’ll make an exception this time.

From enthusiastic freshmen who are excited to enter the hospital, we are reduced to juniors who are simply struggling to survive. Our bright eyes that scream curiosity are now laden with panda-like blackness, without the cuteness.

We loiter around the campus, with our stethoscopes around our necks and ginormous notes in our hands. We sport heavy backpacks that perhaps contain our lives- laptops, tablets, books, notes, and even food for day-long lectures. 

We sit in lectures, but less than 50 percent truly listen. Some have rather nocturnal cycles, while some are cramming medical reports to be passed hours or minutes later. Medical students like us struggle to survive, struggle to make our reports on time, struggle to fit facts in our heads, struggle to pass exams, and struggle to find time to sleep.

We have been seeing patients for the past two years, diagnosing them, talking with them, and thanking them. And yet, we have been so absorbed with the technicalities of our lives where the next exam judges our survival. This tiring process has somehow diluted why we’re here and why are we answering these exams in the first place.

The essence of medicine is not in the books, or topping exams. It’s in the special relationships that we form with people. We have been looking at words for so long that we have failed to take a really good look at our patients’ faces.

My recent and unusual case presentation forced me to stop seeing words and concentrate on a patient. It was only then, for the very first time, that I felt the surreal essence of this profession. 

We study not for the sake of studying. We study not to pass, nor to top. We study to heal, not our minds or our insecurities, but the people in front of us. 

We are so caught up in the moment of academe.

We must get caught by the moment of medicine. 

*I sincerely hope that if med students get to read this, they’ll smile with their panda eyes. Let’s have our moments with our classmates, professors, and patients. Time flies so fast, that even the mundane classroom life will be missed and cherished. May I become an awesome MD like my tumblr idol, Dr. Cranquis! :)

Thank you Dr. Cranquis!!

Thank you times infinity!!!
Dr. Cranquis (http://cranquis.tumblr.com) is a well known popular medical doctor on tumblr. I want to thank him for adding me to his nursing blog list!

THANK YOU!

———————————-

Also, my blog has a new theme now with easy to navigate tabs.
I have a tab/page for nursing, NCLEX questions and answers, and food.
Each of these tabs contain links to previous posts. So basically a page with all the posts related to the topic all in one page!
It took me a while, but I did it :)

I’ll be posting more nursing material and NCLEX questions.
(I post about once a day. Also, I post NCLEX answers the day after I post the questions.)

Strait from The Great Cranquis himself! For those of you that do not know Dr. C, he enjoys blogging and reblogging about “the humanities within medicine, personal experiences, dealing with the intangibles of medical practice, etc.” He has some pretty funny experiences that he shares from working in his own Urgent Care, and some truly inspiring and humbling posts that he shares about other people’s experiences within healthcare and the education that is required to get to various positions. Definitely a great blog to be following! Dr. Cranquis you rock! 

Dr. Cranquis' Home-Made Vaginal Introitus (for practicing speculum exams at home... obviously... sickos!)

So after reblogging that link about speculums yesterday, I went to bed – but I kept recalling how many times young Med student/Resident Cranquis would find himself elbows deep in a pelvic exam, WISHING he had found a good way to really practice with that bizarre contraption (um, the speculum, not the female pelvis) beforehand.

Finally, after replaying all those clumsy memories over and over and ovary, I just had to get out of bed and create a solution – 10 years late and 30 seconds in the making.

And so, #medblr, allow me to proudly (because Mrs. Cranquis hasn’t seen this and burst out in derisive laughter – yet) present: Dr. Cranquis’ Do-It-Yourself Home-Made Vaginal Introitus:

Supplies Needed: Inner cardboard tube from a toilet paper roll, rubber bands, scissors, friend with suitable lips (not pictured).

1: Make a lengthwise cut down ~80% of the tube, leaving one end still intact.

2: Loosely wrap rubber bands around the cut portion of the tube, to help maintain the original shape but allow for expansion as you open the speculum.

3: Have willing friend hold tube up to mouth (applying uncut end to face), forming lips into suitably cervix-like shape.

4: Turn out all the lights.

5: Insert speculum and attempt to speculate your willing friend’s* strangely-cervical lips.

*Yes, those are my strangely-cervical lips – nobody else in the house was awake (nor would have been willing to do this).

*It took 5 tries to get that last picture just right. I felt like an idiot the whole time.

*I am so very, very sorry that you just saw that. Not sorry enough to avoid posting it in the first place, though.

*But hey, just be glad I held back – I considered visually recreating either early cancerous changes (red lipstick dots on a white lipstick background) or chlamydia (bright red background with pickle relish squirting out) – but I was too tired (OBVIOUSLY, CRANQUIS – YOU JUST TURNED YOUR MOUTH INTO A CERVIX), and didn’t feel like brushing my teeth again.

TSK: So, maybe I'm not great with faces... and it's been a busy day...

Cranquis: Hi, I’m Dr. Cranquis, and this coughing little fellow must be Larry?

Mother: Yes.

Cranquis: Well I could hear him coughing down the hallway, and it sounds like he has croup! Has anyone around him had croup recently?

Mother *slowly*: Um… yes… his younger sister. You actually diagnosed her recently.

Cranquis: Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. What day did you bring her in?

Mother *even more slowly*: Today… about 2 hours ago…

Cranquis:

cosmic-groove  asked:

Do you know any other medical blogs I can follow because I want to go into the medical field and I was wondering

Hello! 

There are quite a few awesome blogs out there about medicine! Here are some of my favorites!

—> Medical Gal  

—> Aspiring Doctors 

—> ER Medicine 

—> Clumsy Medic

—> Beyond the Oath 

—> My Med Life 

—> Wayfaring MD  (who also has an amazing list with a ton of Medblrs)

And of course the grandfather of Medblr’s…. Dr. Cranquis

Caring for Refugee Populations: A PMTH Monday Morning Report by TNQD

*Clears throat*

Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Fantastic. Oh by the way, y'all may want to steer clear of those donuts in the back…we just had the local Krispy Kreme manager admitted to the ID ward with a nasty case of mystery gastroenteritis.

As part of PMTH’s commitment to turning you young whippersnappers into worldly and empathetic docs, I recently petitioned Dr. Wayfaring and Dr. Cranquis with a “cultural immersion” educational program, which might have involved kidnapping all the interns and med students whilst they slept in the on call rooms and then air dropping them into the middle of a developing country.

However, our legal department had a few very miniscule qualms with that plan….

So instead we’re just going to have a brief chat this morning on global health and caring for refugee populations!

Most refugees arriving in the U.S. hail from Cuba, the former USSR, Somalia, former Yugoslavia and Burma (according to 2000-2009 data from the Office of Refugee Resettlement) and typically settle in locations where there either already is an established community of refugees with common cultural and/or national background or where refugee ministries and services are located. In the past decade, over 600,000 refugees from over 60 different countries have immigrated to the U.S. (Eckstein 2011). 

So by a show of hands who out there remembers their first few days at PMTH? Were you a bit confused? Did you lose your way in the hallways and end up in the pillowfort? Was it obnoxious to have mounds upon mounds of paperwork to fill out before you were allowed within 500 feet of a patient? (for liability purposes, of course). Now imagine being in a new country, possibly not speaking the language, now having to enter the halls of a hospital like PMTH (sans pillowfort and donuts) with your sick kiddo in tow and trying to find somebody to help you (who probably won’t understand you or may even look at you funny). Sounds kinda scary if you ask me. 

Keep reading

Holiday Medicine: Christmas 2012 edition

I’m so bummed I didn’t get to post this last year. In fact it happened the day after Christmas, but I think it still counts because the injury occurred during the aftermath of Christmas celebrating.

My lovely grandmother, who I guarantee is way cooler than yours (just sayin), was slicing up some left over roast beast for a delicious day-after-Christmas sammich. Unfortunately, her knife was not the sharpest in the drawer. It slipped and sliced her hand instead of the ham.

Thanks to her daily aspirin and the very unfortunate placement of the cut above a very mobile joint, she began to bleed like a stuck pig.

Pressure, super glue, and band-aids were not cutting it, so she bought herself a visit to urgent care to see someone who was very likely the famed Dr. Cranquis himself. Cranquis stitched her expertly and she went about her merry little way.

So a word to the wise: it sounds counter-intuitive, but sharpen your knives before digging into your roast beast today. It’ll keep the knife in the beast and out of your hand…