The new rookie backpack for the Texas Rangers comes with a duffle bag in the shape of a fat horse.  Robbie Ross rode it for a good 50 feet while ‘Happy Trails’ played last night before he realized just how far the bullpen is from our dugout. 

(photo via Louis DeLuca, DMN)


Seeing fans rush the field and get laid out by ballpark security is probably one of my favorite baseball traditions, right behind Take Me Out to the Ballgame and Derek Jeter having genital herpes.

If you missed it, it was in the 9th inning yesterday during Matt Harrison’s CG 5 hit shutout.  Two guys rush the field for no reason whatsoever. This dude got the shit knocked out of him.

(photo via AP)

In the running for my favorite Rangers moment of the season.  The best was Adrian’s epic staredown at Elvis. Like “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, SON?! REALLY?!”

Original via SB Nation (no clue who did the trollgaze2k12 edit):

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But, 2 out of 3 is still a series win. Let’s #dowork against the Mariners now.

Texas Rangers Walkup/Entry Music 2K12

David Murphy: Strong Tower (Kutless); Take My Life (Third Day)

Mitch Moreland: Homeboy (Eric Church)

Mike Napoli: Magic (T.I)

Neftali Feliz: Con Los Pies (Chimbala)

Brandon Snyder: Take it Outside (Brantley Gilbert)

Alexi Ogando: Latinos in Paris (Pitbull)

Michael Young: Heart of the City (Jay Z); Down (311)

Elvis Andrus: Al Se Eu Te Pego (Michel Telo); Lovumba (Daddy Yankee)

Ian Kinsler: Black Betty (Ram Jam); Superstition (Stevie Wonder)

Mark Lowe: Copperhead Road (Steve Earle)

Adrian Beltre: Pa Que Retocen (Tego Calderon)

Craig Gentry: Breakdown (Tantric); Mean To Live (Switchfoot)

Joe Nathan: Stand Up (Steel Dragon)

Josh Hamilton: Trust in Jesus (Third Day); Save Your Life (Newsboys); Blessing and Honor (Phillips, Craig and Dean)

Derek Holland: Paper Cut (Linkin Park)

(via: DMN)
I bolded the best ones.  And of course Derek would have Linkin Park as his entry music just to troll everyone. Just look at him.

On a whim, Shannon and I got tickets to tonight’s game before it completely sold out (protip: use the promo code DRPEPPER for $10 tickets).  It’s the MLB debut of Yu Darvish aka The Big Yunit aka Whirling Darvish aka YuDaMan aka Peanut the Kidnapper.  I already own 2 Darvish shirts.

New goal for this season: Get interviewed by the Japanese media after a Darvish start.

(photo via AP)

Happy partial season ticket day, everyone! I’m in Section 319 Row 9 for my 11 games this season (10 games + opening day).

If you look at the new away bullpen in centerfield, you’ll see why I had to relocate.  My section was the bleachers, which I would describe as a shanty town in the middle of the suburbs.  But, I’m hoping that the 3B line in the first few rows of the upper deck will be just as accommodating and interesting as my previous section.  Also, we got aisle seats!

And because of the deal on upper deck prices, I can squeeze in a few corner box seats for some random games throughout the year.  10 game packages go on sale to non-account holders next Monday.  I suggest you get one.  If you thought it was crowded last year, wait until the Yu Darvish train rolls into town.

Surreal Moments in Bandwagon Fans: Chapter 2

Last year, Shannon and I attended a couples party where we all played card games and did shots before every game.  We played in a couples vs couples format until we crowned a winner in each game.  It was a super fun concept and we even had a list of different shots to make for each game. This was about a month after the World Series. 

I’m still doing pretty bad at this point, but nowhere near the week or so after where getting out of bed was a chore.  I still had nightmares and still had to try not to think about what happened.  Like most days, I wore a Rangers shirt that night.  I only mention this because it is important later.

At this party, we met another couple that the host met through online gaming.  After the first game where he lost, it became clear that the male of the couple was an angry alcoholic.  When he was losing a game, he would drink heavily and refuse to continue.  Shit got awkward real quick.  Upon asking the other couples there who knew him better, I find out that he is always like this.  An embarrassing, angry drunk.

Flash forward to the end of the games and he’s drinking a mostly whiskey filled solo cup while we’re announcing the scores and standings.  Out of nowhere, he decides to start bashing the Rangers in a way I’ve never seen before.  Not from anyone with a casual knowledge about the game. No, this was an angry drunk just trying to get under my skin because I’m wearing a Nelson Cruz shirt (not that he can name anyone besides Josh Hamilton).

“You’re in last place just like the Rangers.”

“You can’t win, just like the Rangers.”

“You’ll never win anything, just like the Rangers.”

This is the closest I’ve felt to when my friends and I would get pushed down the stairs and called f*ggots for liking The X-Men in high school.  Now, I’m amazed that I kept my cool here.  I’m maybe a week into actual therapy for grief because of the World Series, but I didn’t stab him.  I just brushed it off as an angry drunk being angry.  Later in the night, I served him 2 ounces of lemon juice, which I told him was a lemondrop.

Flash forward to the present.  That couple is now married.  I avoid parties that he goes to, knowing that he’s just bad news.  He still hits the bottle harder than Hank Jr.  He still lashes out like a drunk badger.  Shannon and I are still polite in social situations with them, out of respect for our group as a whole. My feelings for him are somewhere between not friending on facebook and hoping to see him on Intervention.  Last night, I get the following message from him on facebook:

“Hey Lee it’s <name>. We have mutual friends with <name>. I’m having a guys night out tomorrow going to the Ranger game.. I have an extra ticket if you would like to join us. I know you love our Rangers  game starts at 7 pm.”

Thankfully, Shannon and I are already going to the game, so I have an excuse. But seriously, what the hell? “Our Rangers?” Go fuck yourself, you bandwagon drunk.  You don’t deserve to call yourself a fan. I hope a foul ball puts you in a coma.

This is the new railing at Rangers ballpark that was raised following the death of Firefighter Shannon Stone.  This view is from DMN writer Evan Grant sitting in a chair in around Section 5 (left field home run porch, aka where Shannon fell).  He’s 5'10", so you can imagine the viewpoint a 5'4" baseball blogger/squirrel fanatic might have. If I sit in the first 3 rows there, I’m missing the entire pitcher and strike zone.  If I go back far enough to see it, I might as well pay $10 less per ticket and head to the second deck.

Another view of the new railing can be seen here.