when i was young i used to think
that the feeling i got when i was swinging on the swingset
or when i was riding down a hill on my bike
was the greatest feeling in the world,
and that’s what I should live for.
i used to think that life
was made up of the hilltop highs
where bliss embraced me as if i were it’s child,
and dreadful lows that kept me from my true mother’s arms.
i used to bounce on trampolines,
dig trenches in the dirt until they became a part of my knees
and regard my friends as fellow adventurers on my quest for eternal moments.
i used to pull my worries over my head every night as blankets
and lay there tying knots in every organ that i had built strings into.
i would lay outside my parents door, knocking on it with the wimpers of my loneliness.
when i was young, life was just a list of emotions like rollercoasters
that i would find myself in line for.
most caused my pulse to race and my hair to stand up straight.
others made me sick and seduced me into believing the world was about to end.
but i always found myself back on solid ground
searching for the next thrill.
i’m older now, and things have drastically changed
trampolines are now death machines
whose targets are my back and knees
dirt is no longer a crafting material,
because its sole purpose is to muck up my pristine arrangement of clothes.
but i still pull my worries over my head as blankets each night
i still let the absence of light convince me
that my last moments will be spent regretting how little eye contact i gave, how little time i spared and how often i forget i’m even living.
and just for a while we can pretend that the world doesn’t feel like a mountain on our backs.
I still think life is made up the blissful highs and dreadful lows
but i’m usually somewhere inbetween,
and sometimes i believe that’s much worse.
but now I spend most of my time
remembering the good ol’ days
of adventures and reckless naivety,
now I’m holding onto the hope that one day
hoping that every day
i can use what i’ve learned about how beautiful life can be
and share it with the hopeless and broken.
lets venture together.
maybe we can share your burdens together
and maybe, just for a moment, you can breath as a child breathes
and full of imagination.
God knows it’s difficult for even me
and you’ll believe that bliss
is a matter of finally stepping into the river
and letting the current
wash away the blanket of worries and anxieties
that so often cover our eyes.
when i was young
i used to think,
that i would never grow old
and now that i’m somewhere in between young
and not young anymore,
and i’m still thinking the same thing